Vera Quotes in

Laura: I'll bet you get your kicks playing with guns.

Vera: I don't PLAY... with guns.

Laura: I think I will take THAT one.

Vera: [Pointing a gun in her face] Hands off bitch! He's mine.

Laura: Tonight only.

Vera: Are you ready to come out, Norm?

Norm: [awkwardly, while wearing a flamboyant costume] I think i just did.

[Bob's attempt to seduce Billie is rudely interrupted by Vera]

Bob Matthews: What can I do for you?

Billie: Anything you like.

Bob Matthews: What if I don't like?

Billie: You will.

Vera: You dirty little dumb broad!

Lt. Lee Hampton: Look, if I bother you, go somewhere else.

Josie: Oh, cut it. Cut it, I said!

Vera: Look, nobody talks to me like that. I'll kill that dame!

Charlie: Hey! I know we're all dead up here, but so's the music. How about heating it up?

Vera: Honey, you know it!

[Upbeat gospel music plays]

Charlie: That's nice. That's nice.

Vera: Things have changed, Charlie, since you've been gone... Life hasn't been no piece of cake.

Chihuahua Gambler: Carface ain't been treating us too good.

Vera: Things are tough, but we carry on...

Gambler Dog: [Charlie wins a game of craps] Could you spare a couple of bones, for old time's sake?

Charlie: Why settle for a couple of bones when you could have the whole bank?

[puts the craps bones in a slot machine and breaks the bank]

Itchy Itchiford: Ya won the jackpot! Charlie, I'm proud of ya.

[discovers her boyfriend making out with Christina in the stable]

Vera: Swell. This is really swell.

Tony: Vera...

Vera: I'm going to tell. Oh, I am, I am going to TELL.

Clerk: Now, come on, what kind of therapist is she?

Vera: I told you, she's a sex therapist. Today they're working on "simultaneous orgasm".

Clerk: What's that?

Vera: Will you stop acting like you're going to your own execution.

Mark O'Brien: I'm not acting.

Vera: YOU shut the fuck up, Bennie! I would tell you to kiss my ass, but knowing you, you probably can't find it, you blind motherfucker!

Sugar Ray: Vera, you know we tally up at 4 o'clock. What is your problem?

Vera: Kiss my ass, Sugar. I've got to watch my girls until the last trick is gone. And I'm not about to ask no customer to roll over so I can punch some goddamn clock. Now, this is your place, but I am in charge of the girls... and you can just kiss my ass.

Sugar Ray: [Sugar Ray makes kisses toward Vera] Oh baby!

Vera: No, stop it,Sugar, stop doing... Don't do that. Stop that!

Quick: So, baby, how'd we do tonight?

Vera: We made about 200.

Quick: 200? Your girls have been back there all night. How'd they only make 200 dollars?

Vera: You kiss my ass, Quick! I don't ever say nothing to you when the crap table and the bar come up short.

Quick: Cause the bar and the crap table never come up short, just the girls.

Sugar Ray: Now, calm down, Vera.

Vera: Kiss my ass, Sugar! I wanna know what it is Quick is trying to say?

Quick: I ain't trying to say shit. You're in charge of the girls, right?

Vera: I am in charge of the girls.

Quick: Are you in charge of the girls?

Vera: I AM in charge of the girls.

Quick: OK, The girls are always coming up short. Alright, let's get this shit out in the open. The girls are always coming up short even when the place is packed the girls come up short. Now, either you or them got a problem with their arithmetic.

Vera: Are you saying I'm stealing?

Bennie Wilson: The man didn't say you was stealing, Vera. Now, come over here and sit down and shut the fuck up!

Vera: You shut the fuck up, Bennie. I would tell you to kiss my ass too, but you probably can't find it you blind motherfucker.

Bennie Wilson: Fuck you, bitch.

Vera: [Vera turning and looking at Quick] Me and you got to step out back.

Sugar Ray: Hey, it was just a misunderstanding.

Vera: [Vera starts taking off her hat] nuh-uh, No it ain't, it ain't no misunderstanding. Quick just accused me of stealing. and if you gonna take up for Quick in here, we can all be some fighting motherfuckers in here this evening. Bring your ass, nigger. Bring it on. Come on. Bring your ass! Come on, get up and come on, motherfucker!

Quick: All right, bitch, you want to fight? We can fight then, you fat motherfucker, l'm tired of your shit!

Vera: Just bring your ass!

Sugar Ray: Ok, the same fella who made the drop last year is gonna do it again. I want somebody on him. Vera, do you have a girl?

Vera: I've got a girl who's pussy is so good, if you threw it up in the air it would turn into sunshine.

Vera: Kiss my ENTIRE ass!

Quick: Vera, put that razor away!

[pulls gun]

Quick: I ain't playin' games no more. You put that fuckin' razor away or I'll blow your goddamn pinky toe off!

Vera: Oh! Now you're gonna shoot me in my pinky toe.

Quick: I'm not playing with you. I will blow that little black, gnarled crusty, dead motherfucker the fuck off your foot! Now put the razor away!

Vera: Benny, you put this orange juice back in here, ain't nothin' left but a swallow!

Bennie Wilson: Then swallow it and shut the fuck up!

Andy: Sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll, hey ladies?

Vera: Aye, but we can do without the drugs and rock 'n' roll!

[in the local shop]

Vera: Sorry, Sand, you're a bit short, love.

Sandra: How much?

Vera: One fifty? What's it to be?

[Sandra wonders what items to put back on the shelf]

Shane: What about them aeroplane things, mam?

Sandra: What?

[Shane points at Sandra's pack of sanitary towels]

Shane: Them things with wings on.

Danny: I'll have you know, that girl blows a flugel like a dream.

Vera: Ohhh, Danny Ormondroyd. At your age.

[Ida laughs as they climb on the bus]

Danny: [looking puzzled] What?

Vera: Wouldn't be too much, would it, if I asked what in the name of God you're doing here in our bed?

Murray French: Sorry. I know it's after office hours.

Vera: It's not so much the time that bothers me as the fact that we're all here in bed together. It's the whole threesome thing I'm not that comfortable with.

Simon: Now, now, now, he doesn't drop by that often.

Vera: Darling, I have looked it up. Comrade Yoschenko is a woman.

Vassili Markovitch, Commisar of Art: That's your opinion.

Vera: Oh Harvey, it's so wrong. He's my husband. You're his lawyer and best friend.

Harvey: From now on just think of me as his lawyer.

Blakey, Stan's Inspector: 'What's the matter with you, can't you drive? eh? Oh my god, look what you've done! Quick, get in that cab, pull away, quick! Hurry up!

Vera: I can't! Theres spiders in my cab!

Blakey, Stan's Inspector: Spiders? I don't care if you've got ants in your pants! You get in that cab and pull away quick!

Vera: [raises her drink] Here's to your wonderfully useless degrees.

Vera: After I hung up, I kicked the pantry door in.

Dora: Aw! I wondered what happened to that door.

Vera: Theodore.

Vera: A poem has to snake its way out of you and become the length it becomes.

Helen: [clears her throat] That sounds uncomfortable.

Vera, Dora: It can be.

Vera: I believe smashing them is less a crime than making them. I am going to break two of your figurines first, and if you can demonstrate your knowledge of the Doctrine of Stoicism by holding back your tears, I'll stop.

[Vera starts to tear up]

Vera: Please don't say such nice things about the kids. I cry too easily. Both in sorrow and in joy.

Vera: If he came in here right now, he'd kill us both.

Dixie: Forget about him.

Vera: Who?

Vera: You've got about as much style as a bowl of turnips.

Vera: I was born looking 18.

Dixie: I can save you.

Vera: No, you can't.

Vera: Mr. Flynn was a bootlegger. That's how they live in this world. Maybe one day you'll wise up, sap!

Vera: I sing, tell a few jokes.

Dixie: Tell me a joke.

Vera: [laughs] Hello, sucker.

Al Roberts: How far you goin'?

Vera: How far YOU goin'?

Al Roberts: [as narrator] That took me by surprise, and I turned around to look at her. She was facing straight ahead, so I couldn't see her eyes. She was young - not more than 24. Man, she looked like she had been thrown off the crummiest freight train in the world! Yet in spite of that, I got the impression of beauty, not the beauty of a movie actress, mind you, or the beauty you dream about with your wife, but a natural beauty, a beauty that's almost homely, because it's so real. And suddenly she turned to face me...

Vera: How far did ya say you were goin'?

Vera: Life's like a ball game. You gotta take a swing at whatever comes along before you find it's the ninth inning.

Al Roberts: You read that somewhere...

Vera: I'd hate to see a fellow as young as you wind up sniffin' that perfume Arizona hands out free to murderers!

Vera: Shut-up, yer makin' noises like a husband

Vera: You know how to work it?

Al Roberts: I invented it.

Al Roberts: Oh, sure, Phoenix. You look just like a Phoenix girl.

Vera: Are the girls in Phoenix that bad?

Vera: I'm gonna see that you sell this car so you don't get caught.

Al Roberts: Thanks! Of course, your interest wouldn't be financial, would it? You wouldn't want a small percentage of the profits?

Vera: Well, now that you insist, how can I refuse? 100% will do!

Al Roberts: Fine! I'm relieved! I thought for a moment you were gonna take it all!

Vera: I don't wanna be a hog!

Vera: We're outta liquor, Roberts!

Al Roberts: Yeah!

Vera: Too bad! I wanted to get tight tonight!

Al Roberts: Well, I think you succeeded!

Vera: Am I tight?

Al Roberts: As a prima donna's corset!

Vera: Say who do you think you're talking to - a hick? Listen Mister, I been around, and I know a wrong guy when I see one. What'd you do, kiss him with a wrench?

Vera: You're no gentleman, see?

Vera: If you act wise, well, mister, you'll pop into jail so fast it'll give you the bends!

Vera: Do I rate a whistle?

Vera: Boy-o boy! Sure feels good to be clean again!

Vera: I help girls out.

Vera: I know why you're here.

Det. Inspector Webster: I beg your pardon?

Vera: I know why you're here.

[pause]

Det. Inspector Webster: Why are we here?

Vera: Because of what I do.

Det. Inspector Webster: Because of what you do?

Vera: Yes.

Det. Inspector Webster: What is it that you do, Mrs Drake?

[long pause]

Vera: I help young girls out.

[first lines]

Vera: Hello George, only me. How are you going today?

Vera: I reckon that Reg would make a good husband to some nice girl.

Stan: Where's a bloke like that gonna meet someone?

Vera: Oh, good morning Mrs. Fowler.

Mrs. Fowler: Good morning Mrs. Drake.

Vera: Am I in your way here? Lost something?

Vera: [to Very Young Woman] Right then dear, first thing we've got to do is put the kettle on.

[repeated line]

Vera: Right dear, you're gonna have to take your knickers off.

Vera: Hello George. Oh, hello Peggy, are you off work today?

George: [to Peggy] Sit up then.

Vera: Oh, she's all right, George, bless her. This has slipped a bit. I hope she isn't taken bad again, is she? Well I'll make a fresh pot of tea. And you'll want a biscuit Peggy, I shouldn't wonder.

Vera: [to Jamaican Girl] What you need now is a nice, hot cup of tea. Take care, dear. Ta dah.

Lily: How did that go the other week?

Vera: Same as usual.

Lily: Nervous little thing wasn't she?

Vera: I know. I put her right. Set her mind at rest.

Lily: You always do, don't ya?

Det. Inspector Webster: You perform abortions, don't you?

Vera: That's not what I do dear. That's what you call it. But they need help. Who else they got to turn to? No one. I help them out.

Vera: Can you come back tomorrow?

Det. Inspector Webster: I'm sorry Mrs. Drake, I'm afraid not.

Guy: Sorry about your family.

Vera: It's war.

Vera: Why do you need to help me?

Guy: Need?

Vera: Yes. I can see you need that.

Vera: What did you do to yourself? C'mon, tell me! What kind of problem?

Lucy: I don't know. It's not really a problem. It's more of an issue.

Vera: You just said a problem. Is it a problem? Now it's an issue. Is it a problem or an issue?

Lucy: Both. I have a love issue, and a drug problem. Or maybe I have a love problem, and a drug issue. I don't know.

Vera: Is it the German?

[Ford is trying to convince Vera to sleep with the Count for money]

Ford: I'm a mentor. I'm not a hustler. I'm a conduit, I'm a circuit. Listen... Listen to me very carefully. My whole mission on this planet right now in relation to you is to introduce you to yourself. You know that. You're a deeply sexual human being. You have major erotic power. The easiest thing, and the most selfish, would be to convince you to lend yourself to one person, even if that one person was myself. That would be suffocating to you, and ignoble of me. That's what a hustler would do, and I refuse to hustle. I'm looking to lead you down the path of Ovid and Sappho, D.H. Lawrence, Edna Saint Vincent Millay, to say nothing of the whole hip-hop revolution. It's the path of the Bible: "Seek and you shall find. Know thyself". You're so ready right now to open yourself to discover your capacity for multiple men; multiple in the sense of at least a few. Maybe not at the same time, but sequentially. And - I know I'm getting ahead of myself here and you might not want to hear this because you're at least a year away from being there - but at some point you gonna be ready to explore women. And enjoy them. They already desire you all the time; you're just oblivious to it. But that's down the road, let's stick to the present for now: all that I'm asking is that you meet the Count...

Vera: [interrupting him] Set it up.

Ford: [not believing his ears] Really?

[last lines]

Vera: [on her phone] Hi, mom? Um... not good, actually. Yeah, is... is dad there? Okay, I, um... I'm gonna come over and talk to you guys, okay? No... No, I'm gonna, um... I'm gonna take a shower and get myself together. I'd rather tell you when I get there, all right? Okay. I love you, too.

Vera: [sees Jason now wearing a goalie mask] Who are you?

[Jason points a speargun at her]

Vera: What are you doing?

[Jason is still pointing the speargun at her]

Vera: Hey, cut that out. That's not funny!

[Jason shoots Vera in her left eye with the speargun. She falls dead into the water. Jason casually drops the spent speargun to the ground and walks off]

Shelly: [accidentally knocks over the gang's motorcycles in Rick's car] Oh, shit.

Vera: "Oh, shit" is right! Let's get outta here!

Vera: Look, I'm gonna go outside for a few minutes and then when I get back in, we'll talk.

Shelly: Yeah, sure. We'll talk...

[under his breath]

Shelly: Bitch.

Mrs. Sanchez: Yes?

Chris: Hi, Mrs. Sanchez. I'm Chris. We've come to pick up Vera.

Mrs. Sanchez: She is not going!

[arguing is heard from inside the house]

Chris: What are they saying?

Debbie: I don't know. I flunked Spanish.

[Vera comes outside, happily]

Vera: Hi, everybody. What are you looking at?

Vera: People belong where they belong. I'm an amateur painter who turns tricks to make the rent. That's where I belong.

Phillip Winter: Listen. You have to guess what this is.

[makes sound of horse running]

Beta: A horse! He's afraid!

Zé: Yeah, horse!

Vera: That's it!

Sofia: He's running very fast! He's galloping!

Phillip Winter: Right. And who is always on a horse?

Zé: A cowboy.

Phillip Winter: Right. And now...

[makes sound of lighting a match]

Vera: A match!

Zé: He lights a match!

Phillip Winter: [makes sound of fire]

Sofia: What's that?

Zé: He makes a fire!

Vera: Yeah, he makes a fire!

Phillip Winter: Mmm hmm...

[makes sound of frying eggs]

Zé: What's that?

Sofia: He makes something to eat. Yes, a steak!

Zé: A steak!

Phillip Winter: [pauses] Nnnehh... This cowboy is... vegetarian. Listen again.

Vera: I have an astronomical discovery for you. The man in the moon is a bitch.

Vera: He's defiled you already, hasn't he? That's why you're rushing this ridiculous marriage. You're carrying his child.

Vera: Mom, are you taking a bath?

Matty: No, a big black guy is giving me a massage...

Vera: [the Finns have just invated Petrozavodsk] Why did you came? Why didn't you let us live in peace?

[first lines]

Vera: [showing framed picture] Look what I found.