Velma Von Tussle Quotes in Hairspray (2007)

Velma Von Tussle: [after "New Girl in Town"] How dare you pick the same song!

Motormouth Maybelle: They wrote it.

Velma Von Tussle: They're just kids, that's why we have to steer them in the white direction.

Corny Collins: [pause] RIGHT direction?

Velma Von Tussle: Isn't that what I said?

Corny Collins: Tell me, Velma, how exactly do you fire Corny Collins from the Corny Collins show?

[walks away]

Velma Von Tussle: [starts to speak and then pauses, frustrated] They do it all the time on "Lassie"!

Velma Von Tussle: [singing] Those poor runner-ups/Might still hold some grudges/They padded their 'cups'/But I screwed the judges.

Link Larkin: [presents Amber with a ring] It's time.

Amber von Tussel: Oh!

[Amber and Link kiss]

Velma Von Tussle: Amber! Save your personal life for the camera, sweetie! Oop, shiny!

[sends Amber off to makeup for more powder]

Velma Von Tussle: 'Detroit sound?' What's that? The cries of people being mugged?

Velma Von Tussle: [disgusted] Oh!

[forces a smile]

Velma Von Tussle: Mrs. Turnblad! I'd know whose mother you were ANYWHERE.

[notices Edna's outfit]

Velma Von Tussle: Oh, let me guess - new dress?

Edna Turnblad: [nods, shyly but proudly]

Velma Von Tussle: Well... you'll stop traffic!

[laughs]

Edna Turnblad: [looks away, crushed]

Velma Von Tussle: It was nice meeting you... Tracy.

[struts away with Amber, as Edna starts crying]

Tracy Turnblad: Mama, don't you DARE listen to a word she says!

[Edna appears not to hear her]

Tracy Turnblad: Come on! She's just worried that I'm going to win the Miss Teenage Hairspray contest!

Edna Turnblad: [stops crying immediately and looks at Tracy, impressed] ... Really?

[from trailer]

Velma Von Tussle: [to Edna, about Tracy] Tracy certainly has redefined our standards

[chuckles]

Amber von Tussel: That's for sure.

[singing]

Tammy: Are you scared we're on live?

Tracy Turnblad: No, I'm sure I can cope.

Amber Von Tussle: Well, this show isn't broadacst in...

Tammy, Amber Von Tussle, Shelley, Noreen, Doreen, Vicki, Darla, Becky: [with the other council girls] Cinemascope!

Velma Von Tussle: I never drank one chocolate malt. No desserts for Miss Baltimore Crabs.

Police Chief: [while on the lookout for Tracy] I doubt she'll risk jail to win some beauty pageant.

Velma Von Tussle: [to herself] I risked communicable diseases. She'll certainly risk jail.

Velma Von Tussle: [singing to Wilbur] You're gonna need more than some seltzer to put out this fire.

Velma Von Tussle: Incredible! I could do a fan dance with a lettuce leaf and you would remain completely obtuse!

Wilbur Turnblad: Obtuse?

Velma Von Tussle: Yes, obtuse!

Wilbur Turnblad: I flunked geometry...

Velma Von Tussle: ...yes, and biology too, no doubt!

Amber von Tussel: I lost, Mom. Let's just deal with it!

Velma Von Tussle: [as she pulls the tallies out of her dress] You did not lose! You can not have lost because I switched the damn tallies!

Edna Turnblad: [standing behind a live television camera] Smile, Miss Crabcakes! You're on Candid Camera!

Wilbur Turnblad: That was a good shot! Don't you think?

Velma Von Tussle: How can you taint a cancerous can of chemicals?

Velma Von Tussle: Hey you. Can I ask you a personal question?

Edna Turnblad: No, you may not.

Velma Von Tussle: Is your daughter mulatto?

Velma Von Tussle: Relax. Take it easy. Tension is the worst thing for a complexion.

Velma Von Tussle: And you had to pick a colored song, didn't you? You got something against Connie Francis? Shelley Fabares? I love Shelley Fabares!

Amber Von Tussle: Mother, "Shake a Tail Feather" has a wild song. It's got a good beat and you can dance to it.