Velma Quotes in Straight to Hell (1986)

Chuch: This place is full of bad men who'll kill anyone who crosses their path or even shows their face... know what I mean?

Velma: No. I don't see any bad men.

Chuch: That's 'cause they're all out, but they'll be back...

Shaggy: Hey, you guys, look. I know I'm just the dude that carries the bags, but it seems to me we all play an important part in this group. I mean, we're just like a big, delicious banana split. Fred, you're the big banana; Daphne, you're the pastrami and bubble gum-flavoured ice cream; and Velma, you're the sweet-and-sour mustard sauce that goes on top.

Scooby Doo: Mmm-mm.

Shaggy: That sounds pretty good, doesn't it?

Velma: You know what, Shaggy? You've really put it into perspective for me.

Shaggy: Thanks.

Velma: I quit!

Shaggy: NO!

Daphne: No way! You... you can't quit! I was gonna quit in, like, two seconds! And now everyone is gonna totally think I copied off the smart girl!

Fred: Now, wait a minute. wait a minute. Maybe I quit. I do. Yeah, I quit!

Velma: I'm outta here!

Daphne: Good riddance.

Shaggy: Don't... no! Don't go. Come on, guys, don't do this! Please, don't go.

Scooby Doo: Do I quit?

Shaggy: No, Scoob... friends don't quit. Well, it looks like it's just you and me for a while, buddy, old pal.

Velma: I know you. All you care about are swimsuit models.

Fred: Look, I'm a man of substance. Dorky chicks like you turn me on, too.

Velma: Oh please. You get kidnapped so much you should come with your own ransom note.

[Daphne snatches Velma's glasses off her face]

Velma: My glasses. Where's my glasses?

Daphne: Who's helpless now?

Fred: [in Daphne's body] Hey! I can look at myself naked!

Velma: Oh brother.

Velma: Daphne? Are you okay?

Daphne: I am so over this damsel in distress nonsense.

Fred: Uh, where's Shagster?

Shaggy: Like, I'm right here, man.

Scooby Doo: Me too.

Shaggy: Hey, Scoob, that was fun. Let's grab another skateboard and, like, do it again,man.

Scooby Doo: Yeah.

[laughs]

Velma: Let's get jinky with it.

Velma: What's the problem, exactly?

Mondavarious: I believe somebody is casting a spell on the students. Now listen and look around. Can you notice any difference between those arriving and those departing?

Daphne: They look like sober, well-behaved college kids.

Mondavarious: Precisely. And they didn't before they came. They've changed. In other words, a magic spell.

Velma's Friend: [about Scrappy] "Puppy power", huh?

Velma: [laughing] And he wasn't even a puppy. He had a gland disorder.

[From trailer]

Velma: Scooby doo. Your name means scooby poop.

Velma: Kinda makes you nostalgic for the homicidal creatures, doesn't it?

Velma: [to a monster] You could use a little sunlight.

Daphne: Wait. I know how to deal with this guy.

[shouts to Voodoo Maestro]

Daphne: Hey you! What are you doin'?

Velma: Yes, that is masterful.

Daphne: Hey, I'm me again.

Velma: [in Fred's body] Yippee for you.

Shaggy: [as Velma] Man! Like why am I wearing a dress?

Fred: I'm me!

Daphne: I'm back.

Shaggy: Like, me too.

Velma: Told you so.

Velma: I'm gonna solve this one first.

Fred: Not before I solve it first.

Daphne: You guys are going to look like total,total idiots when you're captured and I'm the one saving you.

Mondavarious: Well done.

Shaggy: This is tied for the most terrifying day of my life!

Velma: Tied with what?

Shaggy: Every other freaking day of my life!

Daphne: Where is it?

Velma: [mumbling] I gave it to Shaggy and Scooby.

Fred: Ha, that's funny. It sounded like you said you gave it to Shaggy and Scooby.

[Daphne has made Velma look sexy in preparation for Patrick coming over]

Velma: Who's your mommy...

Patrick: Who's my... my mommy?

[Velma is wearing an orange-leather catsuit and trying to walk in a sexy manner]

Patrick: Uh, Velma? Do you have to go to the bathroom?

Velma: No, I can't in this outfit.

Patrick: Velma, let go of the grate!

Velma: So I can fall to my death?

Patrick: So I can pull you up! You gotta trust me!

Velma: No! I only trust the facts and all the facts say that you're the evil masked figure!

Patrick: What does your heart say?

Velma: I don't know, it's beating too loud for me to hear!

Patrick: Look deeper, you gotta trust me!

[pulls her up]

Velma: [Velma, Shaggy and Scooby-Doo come across a pair of silhouettes belonging to ghouls] The skeleton men.

Shaggy: [Scooby-Doo reacts by abruptly farting] He does that when he gets nervous.

Scooby-Doo: [Fanning a paw behind his butt] Rorry.

Fred: [Jay and Silent Bob have hitched a ride with The Mystery Machine] Great now we solve the mystery of the hitchhiking ghouls. Pull off their masks and let's see who they really are

Velma: I don't think they are masks

Daphne: And I don't think they're hitchhiking girls either

Velma: Ghouls you fuckin' moron. Not girls

Shaggy: The only real mystery here is why we take our cues from a dick in a neckerchief

Fred: [Grabs Shaggy by the collar] Keep it up beatnik. I'll feed you to the fucking dog.

Daphne: [yells] I can't take all this fighting

Jay: Yo! Youse guys need to turn those frowns upside down.

[He pulls out a bag of marijuana joints]

Jay: We call 'em doobie snacks

Jay: Zoinks, yo.

Fred: Now we can finally solve the mystery of the hitchhiking ghouls. Pull of their masks and let's see who they really are!

Velma: I don't think they are masks.

Daphne: And I don't think that they're hitchhiking girls either.

Velma: GHOULS, you fuckin' moron, not girls! I wish they were hitchhiking girls- sexy hitchhiking girls.

Fred: Let's kick 'em out! We've got a mystery to solve!

Shaggy: The only mystery here is why we take our cues from a dick in a neckerchief!

Fred: Keep it up, beatnik, I'll feed ya to the fuckin' dog!

Daphne: I CAN'T TAKE ALL THIS FIGHTING!

Jay: YO! Youse guys need to turn those frowns upside down, and I got just the thing for that... we call it... DOOBIE SNACKS!

[talking about Blousey]

Velma: You ever seen a broad carry a torch so high?

Tallulah: Yeah, the Statue of Liberty.

[Velma and Lucy drop Thomas and Victor at the bus station]

Velma: You guys got your passports?

Thomas Builds-the-Fire: Passports?

Velma: Yeah, you're leavin' the rez and goin' into a whole different country, cousin.

Thomas Builds-the-Fire: But... but, it's the United States.

Lucy: Damn right it is! That's as foreign as it gets. Hope you two have your vaccinations.

[All laugh]

[Thomas concludes his story he is trading for a ride]

Thomas Builds-the-Fire: Arnold got arrested, you know. But he got lucky. They charged him with attempted murder. Then they plea-bargained that down to assault with a deadly weapon. Then they plea-bargained that down to being an Indian in the Twentieth Century. Then he got two years in Walla Walla.

Lucy: [to Velma] What do you think?

Velma: I think it's a fine example of the oral tradition.

[laughs]

[Thomas and Victor try to hitch a ride with Velma and Lucy]

Velma: Hey Thomas, need a ride?

Thomas Builds-the-Fire: Yeah!

Velma: What are goin' to trade for it. We're Indians, remember. We barter!

Thomas Builds-the-Fire: A story?

Lucy: Better be good.