Vanessa Carlysle Quotes in Deadpool (2016)


Vanessa Carlysle Quotes:

  • Deadpool: I should've come and found you sooner, but the guy under this mask, he ain't the same one that you remember.

    Vanessa Carlysle: You mean this mask?

    [takes off mask to reveal cheap paper mask of Wolverine]

    Deadpool: And this one, in case the other fell off.

    [she peels off the mask]

    Vanessa Carlysle: Wow.

    Wade Wilson: Yeah.

    Vanessa Carlysle: After a brief adjustment period and a bunch of drinks, it's a face... I'd be happy to sit on.

  • Vanessa Carlysle: So, am I suppose to just smile and wave you out the door?

    Wade Wilson: Think of it like spring cleaning. Only if spring was death. God, if I had a nickel for every time I spanked it to Bernadette Peters.

    Vanessa Carlysle: Sounds like you do. Bernadette is not going anywhere, because you're not going anywhere. Drink.

    Wade Wilson: You're right. Cancer is only in my liver, lungs, prostate, and brain. All the things I can live without.

  • Vanessa Carlysle: Well I hate to break it to you, but your forty-eight minutes are up.

    Wade Wilson: Hey! How many more minutes can I get for this?

    [looking at his Voltron ring]

    Wade Wilson: FYI, five mini lion bots come together to form one super-bot!

    Vanessa Carlysle: Five mini lion bots?


    Vanessa Carlysle: Three minutes.

    Wade Wilson: Deal! What do we do with the remaining two minutes thirty-seven seconds?

    Vanessa Carlysle: [pause] Cuddle?

  • [the one scene where they don't have sex]

    Wade Wilson: Happy Lent.

    Vanessa Carlysle: Happy Lent dear.

  • Wade Wilson: Listen, we both know that cancer is a shit-show. Like a Yakov Smirnoff opening for the Spin Doctors at the Iowa State Fair shit-show. And under no circumstances will I take you to that show. I want you to remember me, not the ghost of Christmas me.

    Vanessa Carlysle: Well, I wanna remember us.

    Wade Wilson: I swear to God, I will find you in the next life and I'm gonna boom-box "Careless Whisper" outside your window. Wham!

    Vanessa Carlysle: No one is boom-boxing shit. Okay? We can fight this. Besides, I just realized something. You win. Your life is officially way more fucked up than mine.

  • Vanessa Carlysle: I've played a lot of roles, damsel in distress ain't one of them.

    [punches Ajax]

  • Vanessa Carlysle: Hey, hands off the merchandise.

    Wade Wilson: Merchandise? Huh... so you uh, bump fuzzies for money?

    Vanessa Carlysle: Yep.

    Wade Wilson: Rough childhood?

    Vanessa Carlysle: Rougher than yours. Daddy left before I was born.

    Wade Wilson: Daddy left before I was conceived.

    Vanessa Carlysle: Ever had a cigarette put out on your skin?

    Wade Wilson: Where else do you put one out?

    Vanessa Carlysle: I was molested!

    Wade Wilson: Me too. Uncle.

    Vanessa Carlysle: Uncles. They took turns.

    Wade Wilson: I watched my own birthday party through the keyhole of a locked closet, which also happened to be my...

    Vanessa Carlysle: Your bedroom. Lucky. I slept in a dishwasher box.

    Wade Wilson: [Gasps] You had a dishwasher. I didn't even known sleep. It was pretty much 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn.

    Vanessa Carlysle: [laughs] Who would do such a thing?

    Wade Wilson: Hopefully you. Later tonight? Hey, what can I get for $275 and uh... a Yogurtlands reward card?

    Vanessa Carlysle: Baby, about 48 minutes of whatever the fuck you want. And a low-fat dessert.

    [Puts card in his mouth]

  • Deadpool: Hang in there, baby! I gotcha! I got a plan. You're not gonna like it.

    [Deadpool throws Vanessa into the oxygen chamber as it rolls down the carrier and stops on the edge of it, Wade holds onto the oxygen chamber]

    Vanessa Carlysle: Shit! ShitI Shit!

    Deadpool: Don't worry. I'm totally on top of this.

  • Wade Wilson: What if I just held on and never let go?

    Vanessa Carlysle: Just ride a bitch's back, like Yoda on Luke.

    Wade Wilson: Oh, Star Wars jokes.

    Vanessa Carlysle: Empire.

    Wade Wilson: Jesus Christ. It's like I made you in a computer.

  • Wade Wilson: [drops fistful of tickets on counter] A limited edition Voltron Defender of the Universe ring, por favor.

    Arcade Ticket Taker: [moves tickets aside] Okay, here we go...

    Wade Wilson: [indicates ring to Vanessa] I've had my eye on this sucker for a while.

    Vanessa Carlysle: And I will take the pencil eraser.

    Arcade Ticket Taker: Okay.

    [to Wade]

    Arcade Ticket Taker: You are now the proud protector of the planet Arus.

    [to Vanessa]

    Arcade Ticket Taker: And you can erase stuff written in pencil.

    Wade Wilson: [offers Vanessa his arm] M'lady.

  • Buck: [smacks Vanessa's rear] I'd hit that.

    Wade Wilson: Buck, you best apologize before...

    [Vanessa grabs Buck's groin]

    Wade Wilson: Yeah, that.

    Vanessa Carlysle: Say the magic words, Fat Gandalf.

    Buck: I'm sorry.

    Wade Wilson: Breathe through the nose.

    Buck: I don't have a filter between my brain and my...

    [Vanessa grabs harder]

    Wade Wilson: [to Vanessa] Let go. Okay. Hey, oh, oh, oh... Hakuna his tatas. He's sorry.

  • Wade Wilson: Listen, I’ve been thinking.

    Vanessa Carlysle: Really?

    Wade Wilson: About why we’re so good together.

    Vanessa Carlysle: Why is that?

    Wade Wilson: Well, your crazy matches my crazy, big time.

    Vanessa Carlysle: Mm.

    Wade Wilson: And, uh, we’re like two jigsaw pieces, you know, and we have curvy edges.

    Vanessa Carlysle: But you fit them together and you see the picture on top.

    Wade Wilson: Right.

    Vanessa Carlysle: Wade, there’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you. Only because you haven’t gotten around to asking me. Will you, um, stick it up my a

    [Wade holds up a giant ring]

    Wade Wilson: Marry me?

    Vanessa Carlysle: Uh, jinx?

    Wade Wilson: Huh.

    Vanessa Carlysle: Where were you hiding that?

    Wade Wilson: Nowhere.

    [Wade and is shown to be butt-naked]

Browse more character quotes from Deadpool (2016)