Vanessa Quotes in Iron Man Three (2013)

[Stark enters the Mandarin's bedroom. He uncovers the bedsheet, only to find two women. He motions them to be silent before sneaking behind the bed when he hears the toilet flush. The Mandarin exits the bathroom]

Trevor Slattery: I wouldn't go in there for 20 minutes!

[Approaches dresser]

Trevor Slattery: So which one of you is Vanessa?

[Vanessa raises her hand]

Trevor Slattery: Ah, Nessie!

[Throws fortune cookie to her]

Trevor Slattery: Did you know that fortune cookies aren't Chinese? They're American, based on a Japanese recipe.

Vanessa: There's some guy over here...

[Stark suddenly appears, pointing a gun at The Mandarin]

Tony Stark: Freeze!

Trevor Slattery: [Raises hands] Oh bloody hell.

Vanessa: Gimmie the cash! No more games!

Washburn: Girl first!

Belle: [to Vanessa] No, girl first!

Vanessa: No! We'll switch at the same time!

Washburn: On three. One...

Belle: [to Vanessa] One...

Washburn: Two...

Belle: [to Vanessa] Two...

Belle: THREE!

[Washburn pulls Lt. Robbins in the cab]

Washburn: Brake!

[Belle hits the brakes]

Lt. Marta Robbins: On the floor, now!

Vanessa: In this skirt? I don't think so.

Paul Maguire: I killed a man, when I was seventeen. Caitlin's age. I got into a fight. Someone handed me a knife. Sometimes I dream about that night. In the dream I see myself, and I try to stop it, but I can't. Then I wake up, and I wonder what would have happened, if no one handed me that knife. What my life, what our lives, might have been.

Vanessa: Paul.

Paul Maguire: I'm sorry I let you down.

Vanessa: What kind of bike messenger are you?

Wilee: The kind with a Masters in Bullshit and Obfuscation.

Vanessa: I need a flashmob like two minutes ago!

Raj: [picks up the phone] Time to call in the cavalry.

[after escaping from the impound]

Vanessa: That's the most fun I've had with my clothes on!

Vanessa: [yelling at a cab driver] Hey Jersey, you wanna move your fat ass?

Wilee: You know how sexy you are when you talk like that?

[Sundog explains why he's in the Mounties instead of baseball's Major Leagues]

Sundog/George Washington Lincoln Brown: Hell, they didn't want to let me in the Majors and you know why.

Sergeant Edgar Millen: Damn right, I know why. I musta heard that story six hundred times...

Vanessa: Why?

Sundog/George Washington Lincoln Brown: I was too good, that's why. I'd a pitched that ball down Ty Cobb's throat and made George Sisler look like an electric fan.

Vanessa: [to Edgar] Would it make any difference if I waited? If I left now I'd never know what it would have been like with you.

Barry B. Benson: How about a suicide pact?

Vanessa: How do we do it?

Barry B. Benson: I'll sting you, you step on me.

Vanessa: That just kills you twice.

Vanessa: Why don't you just fly everywhere? Isn't it faster?

Barry B. Benson: Flying is exhausting. Why don't you humans just run everywhere, isn't that faster?

Vanessa: I see your point.

Barry B. Benson: Tivo. You can just freeze live TV? That's insane.

Vanessa: What, you don't have anything like that?

Barry B. Benson: We have "Hivo", But it's a disease. It's a horrible, horrible disease.

Vanessa: My only interest is flowers.

Barry B. Benson: You know, our last queen was elected with that very slogan.

Vanessa: What happened here?

Barry B. Benson: I tried talking to these guys, and then there was a dustbuster, a toupee and a liferaft exploded... now one's bald, one's in a boat, and they're both unconscious!

Vanessa: Is that another bee joke?

Barry B. Benson: ...when he finally gets there, he runs up the steps, into the church, the wedding is on and he says "Watermelon? I thought you said Guatamelan, why would I marry a watermelon?" ha ha ha

Vanessa: Oh! is that uh, a bee joke?

Vanessa: Kenneth! What are you doing?

Ken: You know, I don't even like honey! I don't eat it!

Vanessa: We need to talk!

[grabs Ken by the ear and drags him to the hallway]

Vanessa: He's just a little bee, and he happens to be the nicest I've met in a long time!

Ken: Long time? What are you talking about? Are there other bugs in you life?

Vanessa: No, but there are other things bugging me in life. And you're one of them!

Ken: Fine! Talking bees, No yogurt night... My nerves are fried from riding on this emotional rollarcoaster!

Vanessa: Goodbye, Ken.

[Ken exits, then re-enters frame]

Ken: And for your information, I prefer sugar-free, artificial sweeteners MADE BY MAN!

[exits again]

Vanessa: I'm sorry

[Ken re-enters frame again]

Ken: I know it's got an aftertaste! I like it!

Barry B. Benson: What in the name of mighty Hercules is this? How did this get here? Cute Bee? Golden Blossom? Ray Liotta Private Select?

Vanessa: What is he, an actor?

Barry B. Benson: I've never heard of him. What is this doing here?

Vanessa: For people. We eat it.

Barry B. Benson: You eat it? You don't have enough food of your own? Where did you get this?

Vanessa: From bees. Bees make it...

Barry B. Benson: I know who makes it! And it's hard to make it! There's heating, and stirring, and there's this big krelman thing.

Vanessa: It's organic.

Barry B. Benson: It's *our* ganic!

Vanessa: It's just honey, Barry.

Barry B. Benson: It's just... What? This is our whole life, and you're taking it without permission! This is stealing! You're taking our homes, our schools, our hospitals... It's all we have! And it's on sale? I'm gonna get to the bottom of this. I'm gonna get to the bottom of all of it!

Vanessa: It turns out I can*not* fly a plane.

Vanessa: It's very hard to concentrate with that panicky tone in your voice.

Barry B. Benson: It's not a tone, I'm PANICKING!

Vanessa: Ken, Barry was looking at your résumé and he agreed with me that eating with chopsticks is not really a special skill.

Vanessa: How did you learn to do that?

Barry B. Benson: Do what?

Vanessa: That, that... the talking thing?

Barry B. Benson: Same way you did, I guess. Mama, dada, honey, you pick it up.

Vanessa: Are you all right?

Barry B. Benson: Yeah. What was that? Clip and Save circular?

Vanessa: Yes, it was. How did you know?

Barry B. Benson: Felt like about ten pages. 75 is pretty much our limit.

Vanessa: You sure got that down to a science.

Barry B. Benson: Oh, we have to. You know, I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue.

Ken: In tennis, you attack at the point of weakness!

Vanessa: It was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81.

Ken: Honey, her backhand's a joke! I'm not gonna take advantage of that?

Vanessa: You remember that time that you broke into the animal lab and like stole that monkey and put it in Andy Rosenberg's dorm room?

Kumar Patel: First of all, that was Goldstein's idea, and second of all, had I known that the monkey had AIDS, I never would've done that.

Vanessa: Did you take calculus in high school or something?

Kumar Patel: No, actually my dad taught me in sixth grade.

Vanessa: [laughing] What are you, like Doogie Howser?

Kumar Patel: No. Although that would be incredible. He's my hero. I love that show.

Kumar Patel: I have this fantasy...

Vanessa: What is it?

Kumar Patel: I thought it would be kind of cool to bring someone else in bed with us?

Vanessa: Who?

Kumar Patel: [calling out] Hey baby.

[giant bag of weed enters bedroom]

[last lines]

Kumar Patel: Ladies and Roldy, how would you like to get really fucking high since we're in Amsterdam?

Vanessa: Yeah.

Harold Lee: Shall we?

Maria: Sounds like a plan.

Kumar Patel, Harold Lee: Let's do it!

Vanessa: Hey, hey - I got an idea. Why don't you write a letter to the car? Dear car,

[sobbing]

Vanessa: I miss you so much.

Vanessa: Hey, know what I got on under here?

Kenneth W. Dantley, Jr.: Paper towels?

Vanessa: Nothin'. My streaker suit.

Vanessa: It's not even your car.

Kenneth W. Dantley, Jr.: So what, I built it. Look, can we discuss this later after we catch 'em?

Vanessa: Where did all this money come from, Mr. Dantley? You didn't pay for this with a two dollar bill?

Principal Bacon: You, young lady, do you have an explanation to offer?

Vanessa: Sure don't, jack.

Principal Bacon: Well who does?

Vanessa: Ask Bozo.

Vanessa: This one's on me.

Vanessa: Ya wanna hitchike, ya gotta stick somethin' out.

Vanessa: Whatta you drink, motor oil?

Scuttle: [Flying blissfully close to the wedding barge, as he hums the Wedding March]

Vanessa: [singing in Ariel's Voice, to the tune of "Poor Unfortunate Souls"] What a lovely little bride I'll make/ My dear I'll look divine.

Vanessa: [Chuckles, then continues Singing] Things are working out according/ To my ultimate design

Scuttle: [Watching the entire scene gulps]

Vanessa: [singing] Soon I'll have that little mermaid/ And the ocean will be mine!

Vanessa: [laughing into the mirror, whose reflection reveals she is indeed Ursula]

Scuttle: [Gasps] The Sea Witch! Oh no. She's gonna. I gotta.

[In his haste flys into the window by mistake]

Scuttle: Ariel!

[Discussing Vanessa's new senior citizen boyfriend]

Vanessa: He has a five year plan.

Sonny: What is it? "Don't die"?

Sonny: I'm going through a rough patch in my life right now. Syracuse is 0 and 3. I got those medical problems.

Vanessa: Medical problems? A cab runs over your foot 2 years ago, you spend one night in the hospital.

Sonny: First of all that cab was huge. And a jury decided that one night of pain was worth two hundred thousand dollars, so there ya go.

Emma: This isn't really my place. I mean, who am I? I just have sex with your son sometimes.

Adam: Yes she does!

Emma: But, there is really no reason for you to bring a child into this world since you're acting like children already.

Vanessa: That was really mean.

Emma: Yeah, I'm mean. But you're fucking crazy. Because given the choice between Adam and his dad. Given the choice between Adam and anyone, really, I'd choose Adam. Every time.

[to Adam]

Emma: Do you want to get out of here?

Adam: Yeah. Fuck this.

Emma: Oh, by the way. It's the best sex of my life.

[yells]

Emma: Great Scott!

Alvin: She's just so hot.

Adam: I know how hot she is.

Vanessa: [peeking out into the hallway] That's really sweet, thanks guys!

Adam: Fuck you!

Vanessa: Does this mean I have to quit school now?

Gina Norris: No, why would you say that?

Vanessa: Because you got fired.

Gina Norris: I didn't get fired, I quit, there's a big difference.

Gina Norris: Vanessa, do these pants make my butt look big?

Vanessa: Yeah, they do.

Gina Norris: Good!

Vanessa: You're impossible!

Thornton Melon: And you're easy.

Vanessa: Millicent, you look charming. I love your dress. Don't YOU, Thornton? It's such a LOVELY shade of GREEN.

Thornton Melon: Yeah, if that dress had pockets, you'd look like a pool table. You should try my Tall & Fat stores. No offense.

Vanessa: You have NO class, Thornton, and I am TIRED of it! I want a divorce.

Thornton Melon: Divorce. I knew we had something in common.

Thornton Melon: [reaches in his coat and takes out papers] Here, sign these.

Vanessa: [scoffs] Oh! Oh, I'm afraid it's not gonna be that easy, honey. This is gonna cost you - PLENTY!

Thornton Melon: [chuckles and takes Polaroids out of his pocket] Oh, yeah? Vanessa, let's talk about class for a minute, alright? Here's you and Giorgio in the guest room. A little classy, isn't it? Here's you and Giorgio in the rumpus room. Another classy one, huh? Ooh, this one, I can't figure out. There's you, there's Giorgio... What's with the midget over here?

[Vanessa throws down the divorce papers and storms out]

Thornton Melon: Hey, wait! I've got more!

Vanessa: I have absolutely NOTHING to wear.

Thornton Melon: You got SIX closets full of nothing to wear.

Vanessa: Are you saying I spend too much money?

Thornton Melon: YOU spend too much money? Nah. A lot of people go to Switzerland to get their watch fixed.

Vanessa: You have no taste, Thornton.

Thornton Melon: You're right. I married you, didn't I?

Vanessa: Do you wanna get shot a whole buncha times?

Vanessa: What are ya'll lookin' at? Fuck all ya'll.

[to Bob and Mimi]

Vanessa: Fuck you, chipmunk face! And your fuckin' skipper wife!

Vanessa: Holy shit! Look who got beaten with the ugly stick! Is that you, Bob? I can't believe such a teeny weeny little gun made such a big mess out of someone! You are so ugly, Bob! And, hey, I heard you have one of those big poop bags that's like attached to where the shit comes out the side, you're just a big old shitbag ain't you, Bob! You just think of me every time you empty that motherfucking thing, motherfucker!

Woody Wilson: I am claustrophobic.

Vanessa: Well, I get claustrophobic suckin' strange dick! Get in there!

Woody Wilson: Please, I've got to pee!

Vanessa: Well, pee in there, motherfucker! I ain't kidding! Now! Dumbass.

Vanessa: When a guy does that and hurts someone who never hurt them, that makes him a criminal first and a sick guy second. It's like being sick has to take second place to being crooked. And Bob, you're crooked. You proved that to me tonight.

[to Rhonda's sexual advances]

Vanessa: Alright, I'll make out with you. But no fucking 'cause I'm straight.

Woody Wilson: Why are you doing this?

Vanessa: 'Cause I'm pissed off and the whole world owes me. Give me your goddamn money!

Vanessa: What, you're gonna do sex to me when I'm dead?

Vanessa: I already told you why I shot him you shit-skinned motherfucker.

Vanessa: You shoulda let me out of the car when I asked you to, Bob. You see what happens when ya got bad manners?

Rhonda: I don't get how a person could go through their whole lives never being into girls. I just... I love girls.

Vanessa: You can keep 'em.

Vanessa: He had this disease, called, um, Wisenheimers, I think. You know, where your brain cells run out into your pee.

Vanessa: So what you think it's OK do all sorts of bad stuff to me now?

Bob Wolverton: Well that's an open ended discussion Vanessa dealing with deep philosophical ramifications, something you can hardly grasp. In fact take it from me a professional Vanessa, you're an absolute fucking moron!

Vanessa: Get out of the goddamn car, right now, you little pecker snot!

Rhonda: [Mesquita and her friends approach Vanessa] Chola alert.

Vanessa: How many?

Rhonda: There's three but you only gotta worry about one.

[Kneeling down to pray]

Vanessa: Oh God. God, that was so fuckin' bad.

Vanessa: Them's some big ugly fuckin' teeth you got, Bob.

Vanessa: [holding a gun to her would-be rapist and killer] This is a crucial question, Bob. Do you believe in the lord Jesus Christ and take him for your personal savior?

Vanessa: Fuck all y'all.

[Imitating Bob]

Vanessa: "My dick may not function, but I have not lost my smile!"

[from some TV closed-captions]

Vanessa: "My neck may not function, but I have not lost my smile!"

[from DVD subtitles]

[after getting slashed]

Guard: You didn't have to kill me!

Vanessa: I didn't kill you, you dirty little pervert, now give me your car keys before I cut your pecker off!

Vanessa: Mister, I'm a person!

Vanessa: Well you don't have to worry about him anymore. I took care of him.

Detective Garnet Wallace: Mr. Wolverton is in critical condition, but he's not dead.

Vanessa: [smiles] Oh, yeah right. I shot him so many times.

Cop #3: Why were you so convinced we wouldn't believe you ?

Vanessa: 'Cause I've been in the system, and once you've been in it once, ain't no one never gonna believe you again.

Vanessa: I don't give a good goddamn!

Vanessa: Are you the guy who's been killing all them girls on the freeway, Bob?

[Bob chuckles sadistically]

Vanessa: Why are you killing all them girls, Bob?

Bob Wolverton: 'Cause I have absolutely reached my fucking limit with people like you, Vanessa.

Vanessa: What kinda people am I supposed to be?

Bob Wolverton: The alcoholics, the drug addicts, the fathers who fuck their daughters, the drug addicted motherfucking whores with their bastard fucking offspring.

Vanessa: Hey I ain't no trick baby!

Bob Wolverton: We call them garbage people, and I assure you, you are one of them.

Vanessa: What, you really feel sorry for them people? You think normal people just wake up one morning and decide they're going to work in a prison? They're perverts, every last one of them.

Vanessa: I felt like I had been transformed into a human urinal.

Larry: What's the secret password?

Vanessa: Fuck you, you piece of shit...

Vanessa: If you try anything, I'm going to shoot you so many times!

Vanessa: Any of them fuckos get in my way, I'm going to make them wish they hadn't.

Vanessa: I'm gonna shoot you SO MANY times!

Vanessa: [singing] What does your heart tell you?

Felix O'neil: [singing] That you're a traitorous butt-munch!

Vanessa: Curly Bear left her.

Jack: Navajo guy?

Vanessa: He stole all her credit cards and her car.

Jack: Oh, my God. That's crazy. Marjorie has credit cards?

[first lines]

Vanessa: Home.

Jack: Home.

Vanessa: Here's the low-balling the seller and still getting $50,000 off after the home inspection.

Vanessa, Jack: [hi-five each other]

Jack: We could paint this place today, sell it tomorrow, and still make money.

Vanessa: Yes, we could. I love you, Jack Watson.

Jack: I love you. Now, let me carry you over that goddamn threshold.

Vanessa: [with Lisa] A friend of ours is being beaten by her husband and we want to know what we should do.

Mable 'Madea' Simmons: Before or after his funeral?

Vanessa: You are going to rot in hell.

Victoria: I vacation there.

Vanessa: [to Lisa] You were too young to remember, but your father was going to leave us. I was sitting on the bottom of the stairs one day and I heard them arguing, then I heard her

[Victoria]

Vanessa: say 'allright, I'll do it, I'll do it', then she came in and saw me and she put me in the bathtub. Then she fixed my hair and she said 'just relax', then she put makeup on me, and perfume... and then she let him rape me!

[First lines]

Vanessa: [narrating] The question of happiness has preoccupied philosophers, poets and pharmaceutical companies for thousands of years. Clearly, it's a tricky one.

Vanessa: Everybody's staring at us.

Mona Hibbard: Yeah, 'cause I'm pretty!

Vanessa: I just wanna know where I belong.

Mona Hibbard: You belong in the family box.

Vanessa: Well you're gay aren't you? I thought gay men were able to cook!

Tim: I got it. What do zombies look most like?

Vanessa: Keith Richards.

Tim: No, corpses. We look like corpses.

Vanessa: We are not whores, are we?

Charo: I don't know. Maybe we are

Vanessa: Do you see that fisherman? He goes out every day, comes back every night. Hardly catches any fish. What keeps him from going insane? From being so tired of it all? What is it we don't know?

Roland: You resist happiness.

Vanessa: Don't quote some book and try to analyze my life.

Roland: You don't resist happiness?

Vanessa: Are you trying to illustrate your point by making me unhappy?

Vanessa: Now my outsides match my insides.

Vanessa: Joshua, are you an only child?

Joshua: What does the file say?

Vanessa: It's incomplete.

Joshua: Yeah, well, that sounds like me.

Holly: Hey, what was that, um- that song we used to sing form pre-school? You know, the one about the- the planting of the seeds?

[sniffs]

Holly: You know, you know, um, ah- wi- wi- "with fertile ground"?

Vanessa: I don't know.

Holly: Come.

[laughs]

Holly: Sing-a-long, you know it.

Vanessa: Um, it's -

[singing]

Vanessa: "Inch by inch..."- right?

Holly: Yeah.

Holly, Vanessa: [singing] "Row by row, I'm gonna make this garden grow. All it takes is a rake and a hoe, and a piece of fertile ground. Pulling weeds, pickin' stones, we are made from dreams and bones. I need a place to call my home, when rain comes tumblin' down".

[they both sob]

Martin: All's well and good.

Leon: If you have wild blood.

Martin: I bet my legs on it.

Joshua: My legs, too.

Leon: My soul.

Vanessa: And all of my heart.

Vanessa: You know what? I'm so scared, I wet my pants.

Allison: [whimpers] Why did you have to bring me into this house...?

Vanessa: Uuuh, you were the one who wanted to go in!

Allison: [stands up and cries] What did I ever do to you?

Miyuki: They say it is one of the most haunted houses in all of Japan.

Vanessa: Yeah, and that anyone who enters gets the curse.

Vanessa: That's where she lives.

Miyuki: Kayako.

[first lines]

Christy - 14 years: Why do we celebrate them dying?

Vanessa: We're not celebrating. We're honoring them. It's our responsibility.

Vanessa: Jake, it just happened.

Jake Gibson: It never just happens. You still here?