Vance Quotes in King Kong Lives (1986)

Major Peete: [at the hunters loading up] What the hell is this? Deliverance?

Captain #1: You there! Are those weapons loaded?

Vance: You bet, General! And so are we!

Major Peete: You'll be shooting each other, you damn fool! You wanna get killed?

Vance: I want that ape's head on the hood of my pickup!

Vance: So how was lunch?

Pee-wee: Fine, let's go get something to eat.

Vance: We do not want to end up with a low potassium level.

Pee-wee: Duh, Vance! You'd think I never went to agricultural junior college!

Pee-wee: Good morning, Vance!

Vance: Morning, Pee Wee.

Pee-wee: Hah! Beautiful day, huh? Mm-mm!

Vance: Mm... It's okay.

Pee-wee: [singing] Mm mm mm mm... Ah! Doo doo... Doo-doo. Mm mm mm, mm... Mm. Mm-mm-mm... Mm mm-mm-mm... La-la la-la... Ah! Pkhh!

Vance: My, we are certainly in a good mood this morning.

Pee-wee: That, my dear Vance, is the understatement of the year. Everything seems completely different to me today. The air smells so fresh. The sky seems a brand-new shade of blue. I don't think I've ever noticed the beauty of this leaf. And Vance! Have you always been so handsome?

Vance: What the...

Vance: [reading a card that Tom has written] Roses are red, violets are blue... Fuck you, whore!

Tom: Yeah, uh, this is... And Rhoda, no disrespect, but um, this is total shit.

McKenzie: Tom!

Tom: "Go for it" "You can do it"? That's not inspirational, that's suicidal. If pickles goes for it right there, that's a dead cat. These are lies. We're liars. Think about it. Why do people buy these things? It's not 'cause they wanna say how they feel. People buy cards 'cause they can't say how they feel or they're afraid too. We provide the service that lets them off the hook. You know what? I say to hell with it. Let's level with America. At least let them speak for themselves! Right? I mean, look! What-What is this? What does it say? "Congratulations on your new baby." Right? How 'bout, "Congratulations on your new baby. Guess that's it for hanging out. Nice knowing you."

Vance: Sit down, Hansen.

Tom: How bout this one, with all the pretty hearts on the front? I think I know where this ones going. Yep! "Happy Valentines Day, sweetheart. I love you." That sweet? Ain't love grand? This is exactly what I'm talking about. What does that even mean, "love"? Do you know? Do you? Anybody?

McKenzie: Tom...

Tom: If somebody gave me this card, Mr. Vance, I would eat it. It's these cards, and the movies and the pop songs, they're to blame for all the lies and the heartache, everything. We're responsible. *I'm responsible.* I think we do a bad thing here. People should be able to say how they feel, how they really feel, not you know, some words that some stranger put in their mouths. Words like "love"... that don't mean anything. Sorry, I'm sorry. I, uh... I quit. I'm... There's enough bullshit in the world without my help.

Vance: Misery, sadness, loss of faith, no reason to live... This is perfect for you.

Vance: [talking to camera] I've been happily married for 30 years. She's the light that guides me home.

[pause]

Vance: Yes, it is from one of our cards.

[pause]

Vance: No, someone else wrote it. Doesn't make it less true.

Vance: Twenty-one years. She's the light that guides me home... Yes, that is from one of our cards... No, someone else wrote it. Doesn't make it less true.

Vance: [grabs Hitch by the wrist] You see what I'm doing? This is what I'm about - power suit, power tie, power steering. People can wince, cry, beg, but eventually they do what I want.

Hitch: Oh! So that's, like, a metaphor?

Vance: Oh, yeah.

Hitch: Right. Well, see, I'm more of a literal kind of guy. So when I do this...

[he reverses the grip, twists Vance's arm back and slams him on the table]

Hitch: This is more like me saying that I will literally *break your shit off* if you ever touch me again. Okay, pumpkin?

Vance: [after telling Hitch that he only wants a girl so he can sleep with her] No, I was told that you help guys get in there.

Hitch: Right, but see, here's the thing - my clients actually *like* women. "Hit it and quit it" is not my thing.

Vance: Let me make one thing clear to you, rabbi, I need professional help.

Hitch: Well, *that* is for damn certain.

Vance: Okay, okay. How much will it cost me to stay out of this?

Sara: I don't want money. I want a name.

Vance: I don't know his name.

Sara: Well what do you know?

Vance: I know this.

[hands her Hitch's business card]

Vance: All this for a lousy lay. Are we satisfied?

Sara: Almost.

[knees Vance in the crotch]

Vance, Jackson, Roscoe: I don't know, but it's been said, I don't know, but it's been said, Redneck pig's gonne end up dead! Redneck pig's gonna end up dead!

Augusta: You don't look like the type to stay in one place for too long...

Vance: Yeah? I never had the urge.

Vance: [Voiceover] You never can tell on a day like this- things could be goin' jake one minute, then, presto- before you know it, you're history.

Vance: [Voiceover] I'm a regular joe. I've got an itch between my legs, and an afternoon for a heart.

Lady in T-Bird: Are you a mechanic?

Vance: No ma'am.

Lady in T-Bird: What do you do?

Vance: Not a whole lot.

Lady in T-Bird: What do you mean?

Vance: I mean, like, zero.

Mary Sears: Oh, now, listen, dear, you mustn't feel that way about me. I'm not worth it. No girl is. No, no girl is. You will get over it. Really, you will.

Vance: I'll never. I'll never get - you're the most beautiful girl in the world.

Mary Sears: Oh, no, dear, there's lots of other girls in the world - just as pretty as I am.

Vance: No, no. I'll never get over it.

Harold Hall aka Trouble: Sure you'll get over it. Sure you will, old man. She's quite right. There's a lots of other girls - much prettier than she is! You're right!

Mary Sears: Oh, am I?

Harold Hall aka Trouble: Yes and you're absolutely right too when you say that no girl is worth feeling this bad about. Its very noble of you to feel that way.

Mary Sears: Oh, really! But I'd like to know, who asked for your opinion?

Harold Hall aka Trouble: All I said was I think its fine that you realize that you're not worth it.

[Vance is beating Maria for cheating on him with another man]

Vance: Who was it? I want his name! Tell me, or I'll kill you! Who was it? Tell me his name!

Maria: No...!

Vance: [violently shakes her] WHO WAS IT?

Professor Brad Fletcher: It was I.

[Vance turns to Fletcher]

Professor Brad Fletcher: [nervously] Let's be adult about this...

[Vance smacks Fletcher across the face]

John Pettit: [as Vance is shaving] Hey!

Vance: Hmmm?

John Pettit: How long does it take to shave?

Vance: Oh, about 15 or 20 minutes. Why?

John Pettit: Lemme see now... 10 times 20 is...

[mumbling]

John Pettit: Why that's over 2 hours a week times 52...

[mumbling]

John Pettit: You realize you lose four full days out of your life every yesr just shavin' your whiskers off?

Vance: Is that why you've got a beard?

John Pettit: Sure! Why in 10 years you've wasted over a month! Think of it - a hull month wasted jest shavin'!

Vance: Id nobody ever shaved, then everybody'd look like you.

John Pettit: Whoa! What's wrong with that, yunh?

John Pettit: [Vance holds mirror in front of John's face] Awwwwww!