Valerie McCabe Quotes in Interstate 60: Episodes of the Road (2002)

Valerie McCabe: Valerie McCabe, Yale '91. I've got a special rate for visitors, and I know I can win your case.

Neal Oliver: You don't even know my case.

Valerie McCabe: The Madison case? Nuisance suit. Happens to visitors all the time. Fact is J.J. Madison doesn't even have a cat. He's allergic. I could have it thrown out in no time.

Neal Oliver: Wait, he never had a cat? So, why's he going to sue somebody for it?

Valerie McCabe: Because he can.

Neal Oliver: What?

Valerie McCabe: Every adult citizen of Morlaw is a lawyer, so everybody sues everybody else. It doesn't matter if there's a cause. It's how we ensure that everyone makes a living off their profession.

Neal Oliver: Yeah, but that's insane.

Valerie McCabe: I could sue you for that. You just made a defamatory remark about this town. Hey, are you looking at my legs? I could sue you for that too, sexual harassment.

Neal Oliver: Is there anything you can't sue me for?

Valerie McCabe: Hire me. That way, everything between us is subject to attorney-client privilege. I'm $75 an hour. First hour is free.

Neal Oliver: Well, at least you know my case. All right, you're hired.

Neal Oliver: Okay, so if everyone who lives here is a lawyer, how do you live? I mean, who runs the grocery store? Who does your dry-cleaning? Who fixes the shitter when it breaks?

Valerie McCabe: Well, we all moonlight on the law-related jobs. You know, police, bailiffs, court reporters. But those other, trivial things you mentioned? They're done by people like you awaiting trial. It's the only way they can afford their legal fees.

Valerie McCabe: Fred, Mr. Oliver is a potential fugitive. Lock him up.

Neal Oliver: Lock me up?

Valerie McCabe: Of course. We lawyers have to protect our livelihood.

Neal Oliver: Wait; you can't do this to me. I have rights.

Valerie McCabe: I know you do, Sweetie. I'm here to protect them.