Valentine McKee Quotes in Tremors (1990)

Earl Bassett: Damn it, listen to me. I'm older and wiser.

Valentine McKee: Yeah, well you're half right.

Valentine McKee: Roger that Burt, and congratulations. Be advised, however, that there are two more, repeat, two more motherhumpers.

Earl Bassett: Is this a job for an intelligent man?

Valentine McKee: Well, show me one and I'll ask him.

Earl Bassett: Hey, Rhonda you ever seen anything like this before?

Valentine McKee: Oh, sure Earl. Everyone knows about them we just didn't tell you.

Earl Bassett: Dammit, I'm gonna kick his ass!

Valentine McKee: I'm gonna help you.

Valentine McKee: I can't believe we said no to free beer!

[trapped on top of a boulder by a Graboid, Val, Earl, and Rhonda are thinking of explanations for where the creatures came from]

Valentine McKee: [joking] They're mutations caused by radiation. No, wait; the government made 'em. *Big* surprise for the Russians.

Rhonda LeBeck: Well, there's nothing like them in the fossil record... Okay, so they predate the fossil record.

[not buying it herself]

Rhonda LeBeck: That'd make them a couple of billion years old... and we've just never seen one until now. Right.

Earl Bassett: I vote for outer space. No way these are local boys.

Valentine McKee: [to Rhonda] GET OUT OF YOUR PANTS!

Earl Bassett: No way those things can outrun these horses!

Valentine McKee: Yeah, well, for all you know, they can fly.

Earl Bassett: Dammit, Valentine! You never go for any girl unless she fits that stupid list of yours from top to bottom.

Valentine McKee: Well, sure.

Earl Bassett: Yeah, and it's dumber than my hind end! Like that Bobbie Lynn Dexter.

Valentine McKee: Tammy Lynn Baxter!

Earl Bassett: Doesn't matter. They're all the same: dead weight. "Ooh, I broke a nail!" Ugh! Makes my skin crawl.

Valentine McKee: Yeah, well, I'm a victim of circumstance.

Earl Bassett: I thought you called it your pecker.

Rhonda LeBeck: They only respond to vibration, right? Couldn't we... distract them somehow?

Valentine McKee: Yeah, something to keep 'em busy, like a... like a decoy!

Earl Bassett: Hey Melvin... wanna make a buck?

Earl Bassett: They must be long gone by now.

Valentine McKee: Yeah. Hey, why don't you go take a little stroll and find out?

Earl Bassett: No breakfast?

Valentine McKee: I did it yesterday. It was baloney and beans.

Earl Bassett: No, it was eggs. I made eggs. Over easy.

Valentine McKee: The hell you did! Baloney and beans. It's your turn!

[They go through a quick game of paper-rock-scissors, which Valentine loses]

Valentine McKee: Well, I guess when I'm your age, I'll forget what I eat, too.

Earl Bassett: [Valentine has just freed the truck from a hangup, after a struggle] Y'know, that's a good way to break an axle.

Valentine McKee: Could you shut up?

Earl Bassett: Hey, I don't need to spend the night out here!

Valentine McKee: [long pause] Crybaby.

Valentine McKee: "We gotta do somethin'." I don't know why "we" always has to be me every damn time. We, we, we. What do I look like, an expert in worm?

[Earl Bassett and Valentine McKee are about to meet Rhonda LeBeck. Valentine McKee pictures her]

Valentine McKee: You will have long blonde hair, big green eyes, world class breasts, ass that won't quit and legs that go all the way up.

Valentine McKee: [hearing music from below ground] So where the hell's that goddamn golden oldie comin' from?

Valentine McKee: Good luck shithead.

Earl Bassett: Don't worry about me jerkoff.

Valentine McKee: Good morning Mr. Bassett, this is your wake up call. Please move your ass.

[as the graboid feels at the building]

Valentine McKee: What's it doing, Rhonda?

Rhonda LeBeck: Why do you keep asking me?

Valentine McKee: [to Earl] Who died and made you Einstein?

[Monster slams into a concrete retaining wall]

Earl Bassett: Stupid son-of-a-bitch, knocked itself cold!

Valentine McKee: Cold, my ass, he's dead! We killed it. We killed it! *Fuck you!*

Valentine McKee: This valley is just one long smorgasbord.

Valentine McKee: What the hell is going on! I mean what the hell is going on!

Earl Bassett: What're you bringin' that vacuum cleaner, for?

Valentine McKee: I like this vacuum cleaner.

Earl Bassett: Y'never use it.

Valentine McKee: Well, it's good for parts.

Valentine McKee: What the hell's in those things, Burt?

Burt Gummer: A few household chemicals in the proper proportions.

Earl Bassett: [after digging out the dead graboid] There's no way Walter Chang's getting his slick mits on this for no 15 bucks.

Valentine McKee: You got that right!

Earl Bassett: We gotta run. We've got a schedule to keep.

Valentine McKee: Yeah. See, we plan ahead, that way we don't do anything right now. Earl explained it to me.

Valentine McKee: STAMPEDE! Stampede, Earl! Get out of the way, get out of the way!

Earl Bassett: [waking up] You dumb shit. I was in a stampede once. Five hundred head, all hell-bent for the horizon.

Valentine McKee: Now, exactly how many cattle are required for a stampede, Earl? Is it three or more? Is there a minimum to 'pede?

Earl Bassett: I wish they'd stampede up your ass.

Valentine McKee: Hey - check this out! I found the ass end!

Valentine McKee: We can't hold still long! These things are damn smart! They're getting smarter by the minute!

Burt Gummer: That's fine!

[Holds up a stick of dynamite]

Burt Gummer: We got some new things to teach 'em!

Valentine McKee: Come on you two, let's go, we're headed for the mountains!

Burt Gummer: [Hefts bag of weapons] If that's how we're doin it, we're going prepared!

Valentine McKee: I've got a goddamn plan!

Earl Bassett: [yelling] AHHH! AHHH!

Valentine McKee: What? What is it?

Earl Bassett: Damn prairie dog burrow.

Valentine McKee: Sons a bitches.

Valentine McKee: We decided to leave town just one damn day too late!

Valentine McKee: [speaking to Burt over a radio and is trying to tell him about the monsters] Burt, it's under the ground! It's an underground monster!

Burt Gummer: [over the radio, as a monster comes through his rec room wall] Jesus Chri...!

[transmission turns to static]

Valentine McKee: I'll tell you. Nobody handles garbage better than we do.

Valentine McKee: So what if we make it back to the rocks? We'll only last for 3 days!

Earl Bassett: Well I wanna live for the 3 days!

Valentine McKee: Was it a heart attack, Doctor?

Dr. Jim: No, died of dehydration, thirst.

Valentine McKee: That doesn't make any sense, that takes a couple days, doesn't it?

Dr. Jim: Maybe even three or four.

Earl Bassett: You mean he sat up there three or four days? He just sat up there and died of thirst?

Earl Bassett: You suppose he wanted to kill himself?

Valentine McKee: Come on, somebody must'a chased him up there.

Earl Bassett: You mean someone that ain't scared of a Winchester rifle? Then what'd they do? Camp out down below and wait for him to die?

Valentine McKee: Can you fly you sucker? Can you fly?

Valentine McKee: Earl explained it to me: we plan ahead, that way, we don't do anything right now.

Valentine McKee: What the hell are those things? And how can they bury a whole station wagon?

Earl Bassett: WHY would they do it?

Valentine McKee: That's how they git you. They're under the goddamned ground!

[Ground Starts to bulge]

Earl Bassett: Must be a million of them!

[Grabiod breaks through the surface of the ground]

Valentine McKee: Nope, just one!

Valentine McKee: They're under the ground. They're under the ground!

Valentine McKee: [looking at Old Fred's messed-up corral with chunks of dead sheep lying on the ground] What the shit?

Valentine McKee: Who died and made you Einstein?

Earl Bassett: [Graboid eats Rhonda's shovel] Don't he have a home to go to?

Valentine McKee: That's why Edgar never got down off that damn tower.

Rhonda LeBeck: I think I have an idea.

Earl Bassett: You know, we're gonna have to come up with some sort of plan, he's just going to wait us to death.