Valentine Quotes in Kingsman: The Secret Service (2014)

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Valentine Quotes:

  • Valentine: 'Sup man? Is this the part where you say some... really bad pun?

    Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: It's like you said to Harry: This ain't that kind of movie, bruv.

    Valentine: Perfect.

    [Valentine takes his last breath and slumps down]

  • [Hart arrives at Valentine's home. Valentine opens the door]

    Valentine: Mr. DeVere. It's a pleasure to meet you.

    Harry Hart: I'm awfully sorry. I seem to have my dates muddled up.

    Valentine: Oh, no no no. I cancelled the gala because of you. Anybody willing to donate that much deserves a private dinner. Come in.

    Harry Hart: Thank you.

    Valentine: Gotta admit, I was really intrigued to meet you. There aren't many billionaires I don't know.

    Harry Hart: I don't doubt it.

    Valentine: Obviously, I've had my people looking into your... affairs and that's some pretty old money you're from. How'd your folks make it?

    Harry Hart: Property, mostly. Property in the markets. Nothing personal, if that's your concern.

    Valentine: Look, I'm just in to find out what kind of person you are. I'm sure you understand that.

    Harry Hart: I most certainly do.

    Valentine: Hope you're hungry.

    Harry Hart: I'm famished.

    Valentine: Good. Grab a seat.

    [Gazelle brings in a silver food cart. Suspenseful music plays in the background as she places it between Hart and Valentine until she opens it, revealing McDonald's food]

    Harry Hart: I'll have the Big Mac, please.

    Valentine: Great choice. But nothing beats two cheeseburgers with secret sauce. Goes great with this '45 Lafitte.

    Harry Hart: A classic pairing. And may I suggest Twinkies and a 1937 Chateau d'Yquem for pudding?

    Valentine: I like it.

  • Valentine: It's not that kind of a movie.

  • [Arthur grabs a poison fountain pen]

    Arthur: Can you guess...

    [pulls the pen clip back]

    Arthur: ... what this is?

    Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: I don't have to. Harry showed me. You click it, I die. I thought that brandy tasted a bit shit.

    Arthur: Bravo.

    Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: Valentine won you over, somehow.

    Arthur: Once he explained, I understood.

    [Flashback to Arthur's meeting with Valentine]

    Valentine: When you get a virus, you get a fever. That's the human body raising its core temperature to kill the virus. Planet Earth works the same way: Global warming is the fever, mankind is the virus. We're making our planet sick. A cull is our only hope. If we don't reduce our population ourselves, there's only one of two ways this can go: The host kills the virus, or the virus kills the host. Either way...

    [Back to Eggsy and Arthur's conversation]

    Arthur: The result is the same: The virus dies.

    Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: So Valentine's gonna take care of the population problem himself.

    Arthur: Well if we don't do something, nature will. Sometimes, a culling is the only way to ensure that the species survives. And history will see Valentine as the man who saved humanity from extinction.

    Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: And he gets to pick and choose who gets culled, does he? All his rich mates, they get to live. And then when he thinks it's worth saving, he keeps them safe, whether they agree with him or not.

    Arthur: And you, Eggsy. In Harry's honor, I am inviting you to be part of a new world. It's time to make your decision.

    [Long pause]

    Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: I'd rather be with Harry. Thanks.

    Arthur: So be it.

    [Arthur points the fountain pen and engages the poison. After a few seconds, nothing happens to Eggsy. Arthur suddenly convulses]

    Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: The problem with us common types is, that we are light-fingered. Kingsman's taught me a lot, but sleight of hand...

    [Flashback shows Eggsy swapping glasses while Arthur is not looking]

    Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: I had that done already.

    Arthur: You dirty... little fucking prick...

    [Arthur slumps to his death. Eggsy then takes the pen and cuts open the scar behind Arthur's ear to extract the transponder]

  • Valentine: Is he dead?

    Gazelle: That tends to happen when you shoot someone in the head.

  • Harry Hart: What did you do to me? I had no control. I killed all those people.

    [Valentine nods his head in agreement]

    Harry Hart: I wanted to.

    Valentine: Clever, isn't it? In simple terms, it's a neurological wave that triggers the centers of aggression and switches off inhibitors.

    Harry Hart: Transmitted through your nasty free SIM cards, I assume.

    Valentine: You know what this is like? It's like those old movies we both love. Now, I'm going to tell you my whole plan, and then I'm going to come up with some absurd and convoluted way to kill you, and you'll find an equally convoluted way to escape.

    Harry Hart: Sounds good to me.

    Valentine: Well, this ain't that kind of movie.

    [shoots Harry in the head]

  • Gazelle: Looks like a lot of people are going to die.

    Valentine: Do I look like I give a fuck?

  • Valentine: So you want to donate to my foundation. You are aware that I wound things down in that area, right?

    Harry Hart: Climate change is a threat which affects us all, Mr. Valentine. And you're one of the few powerful men who seems to share my concerns.

    Valentine: I stepped things down because I wasn't getting anywhere. Every bit of research kept pointing to the same thing.

    Harry Hart: The carbon emissions are a red herring, and we are past the point of no return, no matter what remedial actions we take.

    Valentine: Uh-huh. You know your shit.

    Harry Hart: I sometimes envy the blissful ignorance of those less well-versed in their... 'shit'. As Professor Arnold always said: 'Humankind is the only virus cursed to live with the horrifying knowledge of its host's fragile mortality.'

    [Surprised look by Valentine]

    Valentine: There are not a lot of people who knew about him.

    [Short pause]

    Valentine: Do you like spy movies, Mr. DeVere?

    [Hart notices Gazelle sitting behind him, pointing one of her bladed legs toward him]

    Harry Hart: Nowadays, they're all a little serious for my taste. But the old ones... marvelous. Give me a far-fetched theatrical plot any day.

    Valentine: The old Bond movies. Oh, man. Ah, when I was a kid, that was my dream job: gentleman spy.

    Harry Hart: I always felt that the old Bond films were only as good as the villain. As a child, I rather fancied a future as a colorful megalomaniac.

    Valentine: What a shame we both had to grow up.

    [Valentine smiles]

    Valentine: Bon appetit.

    [Valentine and Hart toast with their burgers]

  • Valentine: [from trailer] If you get blood on the carpet you're going to have to take the carpet up!

  • Valentine: [From trailer] Mankind is the virus, and I'm the cure.

  • [Valentine receives a notice that Professor Arnold has been terminated]

    Valentine: Fuck that guy, whoever he is! I'm gonna... He made me kill Professor Arnold. Goddamn loved Professor Arnold.

    Gazelle: Well the good news is we know the emergency surveillance system works.

    Valentine: You know what's not good news? 'My colleague died,' that's what he said. This is an organization and they're all over us. Whoever you spoke to...

    Gazelle: I told you. I made contact with the KGB, MI6, Mossad, and Beijing. They all insist it wasn't one of theirs.

    Valentine: Beijing. So freaky how there's no recognizable name for the Chinese Secret Service. Now that's what you call a secret, right? You know what? Fuck it. We need to speed things up. Bring the product release forward.

    Gazelle: We're only halfway into production. Speeding it will cost a fortune.

    Valentine: Do I look like I give a fuck? Just get it done.

  • Kingsman Tailor: Perfect timing. Gentleman's just finished.

    [Valentine and Gazelle step out of Fitting Room 1]

    Valentine: Mr. DeVere. What a coincidence. You are totally the reason I'm here. When you left my house, I was thirsting for that dope-ass smoking jacket you had on. And since I'm going to Royal Ascot, apparently you need one of these penguin suits. Here I am. What are you doing here?

    [Valentine shakes hands with Eggsy]

    Valentine: What's up, man? Richmond Valentine.

    Harry Hart: This is my new valet. I was just introducing him to my tailor.

    Valentine: Another coincidence. So am I.

    Harry Hart: Did you have any chance to think further on my proposal?

    Valentine: Most definitely. My people will be getting in touch with you very soon. I guarantee it.

    Harry Hart: A word of advice: Ascot requires top hat. I might suggest Lock & Co. Hatters, St. James.

    Valentine: 'Lox', as in smoked fish?

    Harry Hart: As in 'locked up'.

    Valentine: Oh. I have trouble understanding you people sometimes. You all talk so funny.

  • [Valentine notices the people in the party room looking gloomy]

    Valentine: The fuck's wrong with them?

    Gazelle: I don't know. Could be something to do with the mass genocide.

    Valentine: Give me the mic.

    [Gazelle hands Valentine a microphone. Valentine stands up]

    Valentine: Hey all! Everybody listen up! What the fuck is wrong with you people? I just want to remind you all that today is a day of celebration. We must put aside all thoughts of death, and focus on birth. The birth of a new age. We mustn't mourn the ones who give their lives today. We should honor their sacrifice, and their role in saving the human race. We must put aside doubts and guilt. You are the chosen people. When folks tell their kids the story about Noah's Ark, is Noah the bad guy?

    [Crowd says no]

    Valentine: Is God the bad guy?

    [Crowd says no]

    Valentine: How about the animals marching two by two?

    [Crowd says no]

    Valentine: Of course not! Yeah, that's it! Let's turn those frowns upside down. Eat, drink, and paaaaarty!

  • Valentine: [showing a photo of Lancelot's corpse] Great, you don't know, the CIA don't know. Nobody knows who this guy is? Fine. Seriously, it's fine. Well, it's not really fine, but it's not why I'm here. Hell, man, you know me. Money's not my issue. I could've retired straight out of M.I.T., fucked off to some island and let the business run itself. Nobody told me to try and save the planet. I wanted to. Climate change research, lobbying, years of studying, billions of dollars, and you know why I quit? Because the last time I checked, the planet was still fucked. Hence, my epiphany. Money won't solve this. Those idiots that call themselves politicians have buried their heads in the sand and stood for nothing but re-election. So I spent the last two years trying to find a real solution. And I found it. Now, if you really wanna make the world a better place, I suggest you open your fucking ears, because I'm about to tell it to you.

    President: Go on, Mr. Valentine. I'm still listening.

    Valentine: As long as you agree to all my terms.

  • Valentine: We each spend, on average, $2,000 a year on cell phone and Internet usage. It gives me great pleasure to announce, those days are over. As of tomorrow, every man, woman, and child can claim a free SIM card that's compatible with any cell phone, any computer, and utilize my communications network for free. Free Calls. Free Internet. For Everyone. Forever.

  • Valentine: You didn't... stop... *shit*!

  • [Gazelle places the blankets over the corpses, then opens the door to welcome Valentine with a glass of whisky]

    Gazelle: Everything is clean.

    Valentine: My kind of welcome.

    [Valentine sips whisky before approaching Professor Arnold]

    Valentine: No stomach for violence. I mean, literally. I see one drop of blood, that is me, done. I'm like...

    [simulating a vomiting motion]

    Valentine: projectile. Listen, I'm so sorry you had to witness all this unpleasantness, due to our uninvited guest. But I promise you: By the time I find out who he works for, you and I will be the best of friends.

  • Valentine: Now this is a dope-ass top hat!

  • Valentine: [from trailer] Son of a bitch!

  • [Harry Hart is in a hate group church]

    Church Leader: And I say to you, bear witness! Watch the news. Watch the news. AIDS! Floods! The blood of the innocent, spilled! And yet, there are those who doubt this is the wrath of God. Our filthy government condones sodomy, divorce, abortion! And yet, some still doubt this is the work of the Antichrist! You do not have to be a Jew, a nigger, a whore or an atheistic, science-loving evolution spouter...

    Merlin: [watching the sermon] Charming sermon. Can you see Valentine anywhere?

    Church Leader: So, my friends, although he is a just God, he is just a vengeful one and there can be no turning back from the almighty wrath...

    Gazelle: Are you sure we're out of range?

    Valentine: We're over 1,000 feet away. What's wrong?

    Gazelle: What if the calculations are wrong?

    Valentine: You just have to trust me.

    Church Leader: ...Jew, nigger, fag lovers, and the devil is burning them for all eternity.

    Harry Hart: Would you excuse me?

    Church Blonde Woman: Where are you going?

    [Harry tries to leave the church]

    Church Blonde Woman: Hey! What's your problem?

    Harry Hart: I'm a Catholic whore, currently enjoying congress out of wedlock with my black, Jewish boyfriend who works at a military abortion clinic. So hail Satan, and have a lovely afternoon, madam.

    Valentine: Oh, shit. He's leaving. I'm starting the test now. Let's hope enough of these freaks have our SIM cards.

    Church Leader: [continuing his sermon] I kindly ask you to sit down, my friend!

    Church Blonde Woman: Just leave this church! You just leave this church like the infidel you are! Satan cannot save you now! You will eat your babies! You will drown in the blood of the Lord! He will not save you!

    [as Harry is about to shoot the woman Valentine starts his test and Harry, under the effects of the test, shoots the woman and everyone in the church attacks each other]

    Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: [surprised at what happened] Holy fuck!

    Valentine: Oh, shit, I can't watch this. Get over here.

  • [Harry is in a hate group church]

    Church Leader: And I say to you, bear witness! Watch the news. Watch the news. AIDS! Floods! The blood of the innocent, spilled! And yet, there are those who doubt this is the wrath of God. Our filthy government condones sodomy, divorce, abortion! And yet, some still doubt this is the work of the antichrist! You do not have to be a Jew, a nigger, a whore or an atheistic, science-loving evolution spouter...

    Merlin: [watching the sermon] Charming sermon. Can you see Valentine anywhere?

    Church Leader: So, my friends although he is a just God, he is justly a vengeful one and there can be no turning back from the almighty wrath...

    Valentine: Are you sure we're out of range?

    Valentine: We're over 1,000 feet away. What's wrong?

    Gazelle: What if the calculations are wrong?

    Valentine: You just have to trust me.

    Church Leader: ...Jew, nigger, fag lovers, and the devil is burning them for all eternity.

    Harry Hart: Would you excuse me?

    Church Blonde Woman: Where are you going?

    [Harry tries to leave the church]

    Church Blonde Woman: Hey! What's your problem?

    Harry Hart: I'm a Catholic whore, currently enjoying congress out of wedlock with my black, Jewish boyfriend who works at a military abortion clinic. So, hail Satan, and have a lovely afternoon, madam.

    Valentine: Oh, shit. He's leaving. I'm starting the test now. Let's hope enough of these freaks have our SIM cards.

    [the church leader continues his sermon]

    Church Blonde Woman: I kindly ask you to sit down, my friend! Just leave this church! You just leave this church like the infidel you are! Satan cannot save you now! You will eat your babies. You will drown in the blood of the Lord! He will not save you!

    [as Harry is about to shoot the woman Valentine starts his test and Harry, under the effects of the test, shoots the woman and everyone in the church attacks each other]

    Gary 'Eggsy' Unwin: [surprised at what happened] Holy fuck!

    Valentine: Shit, I can't watch this. Get over here.

  • Valentine: We often confuse what we wish for with what is.

  • Valentine: I'm an important person you see. I have a tower, a wonderful tower it was, tall and grand.

    Helena: Are you?

    Valentine: Of course.

    Helena: Where is your tower then?

    Valentine: We aren't talking... We had an argument, you see.

  • Helena: If I tell you something weird... will you think I'm crazy?

    Valentine: Yes. I expect so.

  • Valentine: [unable to directly say "I'm sorry"] If I were to say something apologetic it would reflect my feelings in this matter.

  • Helena: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

    Valentine: Absolutely. If we put little wheels on the bottoms of our shoes, we could just roll around everywhere...

  • Valentine: You're hurt. Wait here.

    Helena: What about you?

    Valentine: Oh, I'm a panther. I shall slip unnoticed through the darkness... like a dark, unnoticeable slippy thing.

  • Gryphon: [playing at riddles - if you've got it you can't share it, if you've shared it you haven't got it - with Valentine] What's the answer?

    Valentine: It's a secret.

    Gryphon: Yes, I know that, but what's the answer?

    Valentine: It's a secret!

    [points in a different direction]

    Valentine: Look! An idiot!

    Gryphon: Where?

  • Helena: You pathetic creep!

    Valentine: Rocks and logs can bite like dogs, but words will never hurt me!

  • Valentine: Run. Faster. Don't let anything distract you. FOOD.

  • Valentine: Right... this is where I stop.

    Helena: Giants Orbiting?

    Valentine: Sounds a bit iffy, doesn't it? I'll be here when you get back. If you get back.

  • Valentine: My mum always said: "It's a dog-eat-dog world, son. You get them before they get you. Eat your greens. Stop embarrassing me in front of the neighbors. Maybe it would best if you leave home and never come back!"

    [pause]

    Valentine: She wasn't even my real mum. She bought me from a man.

  • Helena: [Trying to summon Valentine's tower to stop from being consumed by shadow swarm] You know, sometimes it helps to apologize to others, even if it isn't your fault.

    Valentine: I'M SORRY.

  • Valentine: That's not my future... NO! I don't want to be a waiter!

  • Helena: You useless, cake-hogging coward!

    Valentine: I did not hog that cake!

  • Valentine: What the hell have you got on your feet? Is that some kind of sick joke? Going around on little rabbit-like animals with every step? That's just... nasty.

  • Valentine: What did you say your name was?

    Helena: Helena.

    Valentine: Helena. Helen. Helen-nun-nuh... it's a bit drab, isn't it? You know, you should think about changing that. Go for something with a bit of dignity and style, mixed with a bit of romance. Something like... 'Valentine'.

    Helena: Why? What's your name?

    Valentine: Valentine.

  • Valentine: No no no, it's really gotta feel like it's being rejected. Grr, horrible, offensive, badly constructed book.

    [flies away on book]

    Helena: Right, umm... Nasty... Poorly paced book, with a soppy ending that I didn't believe in FOR ONE MINUTE!

    [flies after Valentine]

  • [last lines]

    Valentine: You know, I've always wanted to work in the circus.

    Helena: Um, good. You'd have made a lousy waiter.

    [laughing]

    Valentine: [laughing] Yeah... What?

  • [repeated line]

    Valentine: I am a very important man. I've got a tower.

  • Valentine: The answer to my riddle's still a secret.

  • Valentine: This place is ready to collapse into a heap of rubble. It can't be safe.

    Helena: You're such a coward. It's perfectly- WAAAAHH!

    [she falls through a hole in the floor]

    Valentine: [looking down the hole] Coward, eh? I prefer to think of myself as... Prudent. Cautious. And unlike some people I could mention, STILL UP HERE!

  • Paul: You have, um... an eyelash right here. If you blow on it you can make a wish.

    Valentine: I wish cats could talk.

  • Valentine: Did you ever hear about those monks, who just walk around real slow and careful, and they're careful about everything, and they don't step on any bugs, and the main thing is that they don't hurt or kill anything their whole lives?

    Shy: What's your point?

    Valentine: Well... we're just hitting lots of bugs all the way along here.

  • Valentine: It's theatre. It's an interpretation of life. It can be truer than life itself.

  • Maria Enders: [Referring to Jo-Ann] She dives headfirst into a character's ambiguities, but I don't. That's why you admire what she does.

    Valentine: Yeah. You know, I think that when you watch her in a movie like in the one we saw tonight, there is - there is no distance there.

    Maria Enders: It's normal, it's a - culture. Right?

    Valentine: Agreed.

    Maria Enders: What's wrong with my acting? What do I need to do to make you admire me? Do I think too much? Huh? I'm too classical; not liberated like Jo-Ann? You're here to talk to me, so start talking.

    Valentine: I don't know. You, you, you can't be as accomplished as you are and as well-rounded as an actress as you are and still expect to hold on to the privileges of youth. It just doesn't work that that.

    Maria Enders: Oh. So I'm allowed to not be old as long as I don't want to be young. Is that it?

    Valentine: Yeah, I don't know, I guess so. Yes, totally, well put. Fuck. I think maybe good night.

  • Maria Enders: Stay.

    Valentine: No, no.

    Maria Enders: Please stay.

  • Maria Enders: No, but everything is weighted to make Sigrid look good.

    Valentine: I didn't read it like that. I see her arrogance and her cruelty. And Helena's humanity. She's able to talk about her own pain. It's moving.

  • Maria Enders: [Referring once again to the play 'Maloja Snake'] I don't know why I should be helping bring it to life.

    Valentine: I bet you weren't saying stuff like this when you were playing Sigrid.

    Maria Enders: I was a kid when I was playing Sigrid. I - I wasn't asking those kind of questions.

    Valentine: Like Jo-Ann and her science fiction film?

    Maria Enders: Yeah, probably.

    Valentine: Don't you want to get that innocence back?

    Maria Enders: You can't get innocent twice.

    Valentine: You can. If you just accepted Helena the way you accepted Sigrid. Obviously it's easier to relate to strength rather than weakness. Youth is better than maturity. Cruelty is cruel; suffering sucks. She's - she's mature and she's innocent. She's innocent in her own right. That's what I like about her.

    Maria Enders: Make some coffee: want some?

    Valentine: [Repeats 'Cruelty is cruel; suffering sucks' to herself and shakes head in self-conscious regret at the unsophisticated sound of it]

    Valentine: You didn't answer me. You have your interpretation of the play. I think mine's just confusing you. It's frustrating me. It's uncomfortable. It's not good.

    Maria Enders: Stay.

    Valentine: No, no.

    Maria Enders: Please, stay. I need you.

  • Maria Enders: I don't know why you are so dead set on making this play say the opposite of what it was meant to say.

    Valentine: At 20, you saw Sigrid's ambition, and you saw her violence because you felt it in yourself.

    Maria Enders: So?

    Valentine: So, that's what I'm saying. The text is like an object. It's going to change perspective based on where you're standing.

    Maria Enders: I don't know.

    Valentine: We should go. We're going to miss the snake.

    Maria Enders: There won't be any snake.

    Valentine: Fuck it.

  • Maria Enders: I had a dream. We were already rehearsing and past and present were blending together. Confused.

    Valentine: No kidding.

    Maria Enders: I shouldn't have said yes to Klaus, but Wilhelm's death, mourning, I couldn't refuse.

    Valentine: He is a sick director. Jo-Ann is a superstar. Pay's well.

    Maria Enders: I don't need the money.

    Valentine: OK.

  • Valentine: She knows that it means her downfall, but that's the ultimate truth to desire. It's fuckin' powerful!

    Maria Enders: [laughter]

    Valentine: Oh my God, I hate you sometimes so much!

    Maria Enders: You're making my head spin!

  • Maria Enders: [Maria feels Sigrid's lines in the script sound phony] Honestly, you don't find this ridiculous?

    Valentine: Why, because she speaks brutally?

    Maria Enders: No, because it's phony. I don't believe it.

    Valentine: So you don't think people can be blinded by their own emotions?

    Maria Enders: Oh, I do, but not to that extent. It's too theoretical. Even a little stupid.

    Valentine: It's theater. It's an interpretation of life. It can be truer than life itself. Sigrid puts Helena's desires into words. She says the unspoken. She formulates it.

    Maria Enders: Cruelly.

    Valentine: OK, Cruelly.

    Maria Enders: Yeah, cruelly. Because she's up to no good. You're not in the character's skin. You - I have no choice, I have to be them. I have to identify with them. When it's phony, I feel it - viscerally. Can be literary but still be true. Can feel the difference and can hear it.

  • Maria Enders: [Against Valentine's suggestions, Maria leads them astray in the Alps] I think this road takes us to Maloja.

    Valentine: What'll we do when we get to Maloja?

    Maria Enders: Take the bus.

    Valentine: You know you don't have to keep me on if you find my ideas simplistic.

    Maria Enders: What makes you say that?

    Valentine: If you find my point of view - uninteresting - I - I don't really know what I'm doing here. I can run lines with you but I don't really see the point. You can find anyone to do that.

    Maria Enders: All I'm saying is that thinking about a text is different than living it. It's nothing against you.

    Valentine: You hate the play. You hate her. You don't have to take it out on me. I'm just doing my job.

  • Valentine: This is Berndt.

    Berndt: Hi. Nice to meet you.

    Maria Enders: Nice to meet you.

    Valentine: You know those really - trashy photos I showed you of Lindsay Lohan. This guy's responsible.

    Berndt: Well, I try to be more elegant today.

  • Maria Enders: A sea of gray hair.

    Valentine: Completely.

  • Valentine: TMZ deemed her the A-list actress that dreamt of making it to the Z-list.

    Maria Enders: You could have told me sooner!

    Valentine: You despise internet gossip.

    Maria Enders: This is not gossip. This is information.

    Valentine: It's celebrity news.

  • Waldhaus Hotel Concierge: Do you still want to see the snake? You asked me the other day.

    Valentine: Oh, yeah.

    Waldhaus Hotel Concierge: The weather they are predicting for tomorrow seems ideal. So, you better make sure you're out there at daybreak. It's wonderful to see - coming over the Maloja Pass.

    Valentine: Great. Awesome. That's amazing. Thank you.

  • Maria Enders: You can imagine anything you want. Are we going the right way? I mean, I don't mind waking up at the crack of dawn; but, not to get lost in the mountains and miss the snake.

    Valentine: Well, we're basically here. You happy?

    Maria Enders: What makes you think we're here?

    Valentine: I've got a map!

  • Maria Enders: Look, there! Is that the snake?

    Valentine: No. No, it's just mist. A little fog, when it breaks up.

    Maria Enders: It's still pretty beautiful, though, huh? It's like its gathering and pouring out into the valley. Maybe it is the snake. We have to be patient. No, it's not the snake. Oh, yes! I think it's turning into the snake. How 'bout you? Val? What the hell are you doing? Val? Val? Val? Val? Val? Come to me. Val? Val?

  • The Judge: I want nothing.

    Valentine: Then stop breathing.

    The Judge: Good idea.

  • The Judge: Leave. It's your destiny. You can't live your brother's life for him.

    Valentine: I love him. If only I could help.

    The Judge: You can. Be.

    Valentine: What do you mean?

    The Judge: That's all: be.

  • The Judge: Deciding what is true and what isn't now seems to me...a lack of modesty.

    Valentine: Vanity?

    The Judge: Vanity.

  • Valentine: You're not afraid?

    The Judge: I wonder what I'd do in their place. The same thing.

    Valentine: You'd throw stones?

    The Judge: In their place? Of course. And that goes for everyone I judged. Given their lives, I would steal, I'd kill, I'd lie. Of course I would. All that because I wasn't in their shoes, but mine.

  • Valentine: If I had to go to court...are there still judges like you?

    The Judge: You won't go to court. Justice doesn't deal with the innocent.

  • Valentine: I feel something important is happening around me. And it scares me.

  • Valentine: Do your dreams come true?

    The Judge: It's been years since I dreamt something nice.

  • Valentine: Excuse me... the door was open. I'm sorry, I think I ran over your dog. Rita. A German Shepherd.

    The Judge: [Displaying little interest] It's possible. She disappeared yesterday.

    Valentine: She's in my car. Alive. I don't know what to do.

    Valentine: [after getting no response from the judge] Would you like me to take her to a vet?

    The Judge: [Displaying little interest] As you wish.

    Valentine: If I ran over your daughter, would you react the same way?

    The Judge: [Displaying no emotion] I don't have a daughter, miss.

    The Judge: [pauses, then turns to her] Go away... and don't close the door!

  • The Judge: You think I'm a bastard?

    Valentine: Yes.

Browse more character quotes from Kingsman: The Secret Service (2014)

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