Ursula Quotes in Spider-Man 3 (2007)

Peter Parker: Hey, Mr. Ditkovitch.

Mr. Ditkovitch: An orange?

Peter Parker: No, thanks. Listen, I'm really sorry for what happened earlier. I shouldn't have yelled about that door. It was nothing to be angry about.

Mr. Ditkovitch: Ah, it's no big deal. But if you feel that bad about it, you can buy me pizza some time. Today's good.

Peter Parker: Okay.

Mr. Ditkovitch: Problem with the phone?

Peter Parker: No, no. I was just - Well, I was trying to figure out what to say.

Mr. Ditkovitch: If it's a woman you're calling, then you say: "You're good woman. I'm good man..."

Peter Parker: [confused stare]

Mr. Ditkovitch: Hm?

Ursula: Hi, Pete.

Peter Parker: Hi.

Mr. Ditkovitch: He's calling a woman.

Ursula: Are you calling Mary Jane? I think that would be so good...

Mr. Ditkovitch: This is none of your business. Go. Go.

[to Peter]

Mr. Ditkovitch: Call.

Ursula: [after Peter yelled and insulted Mr. Ditkovitch and slams the door] That wasn't cool.

Mr. Ditkovitch: [still shocked by Peter's attitude] He's a good boy. He must be in some kind of trouble.

Peter Parker: [eating a cookie while on the phone] Mmm, these are good. You got any with nuts?

Ursula: No, but I have some nuts, I could... make some...

Peter Parker: Go make me some.

[waves at Pete]

Ursula: Hi Pete!

[promptly sets the oven on fire]

[as Beowulf prepares to face the dragon]

Ursula: [crying] Don't go, my Lord! Stay with me, please, I beg you!

Beowulf: Forget about me. Find a good man, and bear him fine children, but bear him a son.

Ursula: I don't want another man! I want you!

Beowulf: I am not the man you believe me to be...

Ursula: You are a hero! You are a great man! This I know to be true!

Beowulf: [shouting] Then you are as foolish as the rest of them!

[Ursula runs out, sobbing]

Ursula: Do you know what he'll do when he finds out we fucked up a $20 million deal?

Reggie: [hidden in the back of a van, whispers] $20 million?

Julian Ramose: No, I have no idea what he's going to do, darling. I'm not the one who's fucking him!

Ursula: We each need to find our own inspiration, Kiki. Sometimes it's not easy.

Miz Zeffie: He seems very strong. Did you notice his torso?

Ursula: I noticed that you noticed it.

Miz Zeffie: Don't be vindictive, dear. Some people are just naturally more sensitive to some things in life than some people. Some are blind to beauty, while others... Even as a little girl you were more the acid type, dear, while I, if you remember...

Ursula: I remember better than you do.

Miz Zeffie: Well forget it. And furthermore I have never done anything that I was ashamed of, Ursula.

Ursula: Neither have I.

Miz Zeffie: Yes, dear, but nobody ever asked you to.

Ursula: Heidi, the girls and I were wondering where did you get those clothes?

Heidi: Oh, I made them.

Ursula: How quaint. They're positively dreadful.

Ursula: We must go before they see us.

Clarissa: They won't see us, they're kissing.

Ilsa: Kissing! It was more like they were mashing thier faces together.

Siim: What are you doing in this convent?

Ursula: My parents put me here. Because of the sins.

Siim: [archly] What kind of sins?

Ursula: Hug me, then you'll see.

Siim: Oh, that's not a sin!

[grabs her and starts laughing]

Soldier: Hey, sister! What's in your carriage?

Ursula: Candles! To the holy sisters!

Ursula: [her last words] So much for true love!

Ursula: Yes, hurry home, princess. We wouldn't want to miss old Daddy's celebration, now, would we? Huh! Celebration indeed.

[chuckles sarcastically]

Ursula: Bah! In my day, we had fantastical feasts when I lived in the palace. And now, look at me - wasted away to practically nothing - banished, and exiled, and practically starving, while he and his flimsy fish-folk celebrate. Well, I'll give 'em something to celebrate soon enough. Flotsam! Jetsam! I want you to keep an extra close watch on this pretty little daughter of his. She may be the key to Triton's undoing...

Ursula: [watching Flotsam and Jetsam knock the boat with Ariel and Eric in it about to kiss] Nice work boys. That was a close one too close! The little tramp!

[sighs]

Ursula: Well, she's better than I thought. At this rate, he'll be kissing her by sunset for sure!

[smashes through her potions]

Ursula: Well, it's time Ursula took matters into her own tentacles.

[throws a bottle with a butterfly in it, into her cauldron]

Ursula: Triton's daughter will be mine and then I'll make him writhe. I'll see him wriggle like a worm on a hook!

[laughs, transforming into Vanessa]

Ariel: But without my voice, how can I.

Ursula: You'll have your looks. Your pretty face and don't underestimate the importance of "body language." Ha!

[singing]

Ursula: The men up there don't like a lot of blabber / They think a girl who gossips is a bore / Yes, on land it's much prefered / for ladies not to say a word / After all, dear, what is idle prattle for? / Come on, they're not all that impressed with conversation / True gentlemen avoid it when they can / But they dote and swoon and fawn / On a lady who's withdrawn / It's she who holds her tongue who gets her man.

Ursula: Oh, no, no, no, no, no. I can't stand it! It's too easy! The child is in love with a human. And not just any human. A prince!

[laughs]

Ursula: Her daddy'll love that. King Triton's headstrong, lovesick girl would make a charming addition to my little garden.

Ursula: Well, angelfish, the solution to your problem is simple. The only way to get what you want is to become a human yourself.

Ariel: Can you do that?

Ursula: My dear, sweet child. That's what I do. It's what I live for, to help unfortunate merfolk, like yourself, poor souls with no one else to turn to.

Ursula: Now, here's the deal. I will make you a potion that will turn you into a human for three days. Got that? Three days. Now listen, this is important. Before the sun sets on the third day, you've got to get dear ol' princey to fall in love with you. That is, he's got to kiss you. Not just any kiss the kiss of true love. If he does kiss you before the sun sets on the third day, you'll remain human, permanently, but if he doesn't, you turn back into a mermaid, and you belong to me!

Ursula: [singing] If you want to cross a bridge, my sweet / You've got to pay the toll / Take a gulp and take a breath and go ahead and sign the scroll! / Flotsam, Jetsam, now I've got her, boys / The boss is on a roll / This poor unfortunate soul!

Ursula: [after Ariel makes her vaporize Flotsam and Jetsom] Babies! My poor little poopsies!

Ursula: Come in. Come in, my child. We mustn't lurk in doorways. It's rude. One might question your upbringing.

Ursula: Oh, and there is one more thing. We haven't discussed the subject of payment. You can't get something for nothing, you know.

Ariel: But I don't have any.

Ursula: I'm not asking much. Just a token really, a trifle. You'll never even miss it. What I want from you is your voice.

Ariel: My voice?

Ursula: You got it, sweetcakes. No more talking, singing, zip.

Ursula: Now I am the ruler of all the ocean! The waves obey my every whim!

Ursula: [Scuttle hums the wedding march and hears Vanessa singing] What a lovely little bride I'll make / my dear, I look divine / Things are working out according to my ultimate design.

[throws pin at angel vanity]

Ursula: Soon I'll have that little mermaid / And the ocean will be mine.

[looks into mirror and sees Ursula]

Scuttle: [sees whats going on in the ship] The Sea Witch! Oh, she's what the? I gotta.

[crashes into ship with a loud ding]

Scuttle: Ariel!

Ariel: If I become human, I'll never be with my father or sisters again.

Ursula: That's right. But you'll have your man. Life's full of tough choices, isn't it?

Ursula: [to Eric] So long, lover boy!

Ursula: [singing] I admit that in the past I've been nasty/They weren't kidding when they called me, well a witch/But you'll find that now-a-days/I've mended all my ways, repented, seen the light and took a switch/true? Yes. And I fortunately know a little magic/It's a talent that I always have possessed, but now dear lately, please don't laugh/I use it on behalf, of the miserable, lonely and depressed!

[conjures a fat mermaid and a skinny merman]

Ursula: [to Flotsam & Jetsam] Pathetic!

Ursula: [Continues singing] Poor, unfortunate souls! So sad, so true! This one longing to be thinner, that one wants to get the girl and do I help them?

[snaps fingers and the pair become fit and hug each other]

Ursula: Yes, indeed! Now it's happened once or twice/someone couldn't pay the price/and I'm afraid I have to rake them across the coals!

[turns them into seaweed people]

Ursula: Yes I have had my share of complaints but on the whole I've been a saint!... to those Poor Unfortunate Sou-uls!

Ursula: [talking into voice filter] Freeze motherfucker.

Foster: Oh, god, please don't shoot me. I'm naked.

Ursula: Drop your coat and grab your toes.

Foster: What?

Ursula: I'm gonna show you where the wild goos goes.

Foster: Uh, this isn't happening. I'm a police officer. Ursula, help.

Ursula: Baby, I'm gonna butter your bread.

[Foster turns, sees Ursula is "holding him up"]

Ursula: [still talking into the voice filter] You don't have these at your station?

Foster: [grabs the voice filtrator, and speaks into it] I don't suppose you have a fresh pair of underwear I can borrow?

Ursula: I'm not sure you could fit into my panties.

Officer Smy: Ursula, what the fuck? There's no TP in the bathroom!

Ursula: What about the piece stuck to your shoe?

Officer Smy: What ABOUT the piece stuck to my shoe?

[Looks down]

Officer Smy: SHIT!

Ursula: [Stifles a laugh]

Officer Smy: You know, you might get ahead around here if you made the extra effort.

Ursula: Oh why... did you want me to wipe your ass?

Officer Smy: [Flustered] That's not what I meant!

[With a pompous gesture]

Officer Smy: Well around MY house, my wife knows to refill the TP.

Ursula: I'm not your wife, Smy.

Officer Smy: No, and if you were, I'd take you down a peg or two.

Ursula: Oooooooh.

Ursula: You're not going to tell anybody about this?

Foster: I already told my mom.

Officer Smy: [to Ursula] If you were my wife, I'd take you down a peg or two.

[to Foster]

Officer Smy: Hey douche bag.

Foster: [to Ursula] If you were my wife, I'd massage your feet 'til you fell asleep.

Ursula: Nice try.

Foster: We could be like Cagney and Lacey.

Ursula: Right. Except Cagney and Lacey were both women.

[beat]

Foster: I could be Lacey.

Thorny: I'll give you the fat guy for Foster. And uh, how about that stupid guy for Rabbit.

Ursula: Well, you're going to have to be more specific, they're both kind of fat and stupid.

Foster: [Drunk] Hey, so, Ursula, what's uh, what's goin' on?

Ursula: Don't use that boyfriend voice with me.

Ursula: Madam!

Benedick: Here comes one in haste.

Ursula: You must come to your uncle. Yonder's old coil at home. It is proved my lady Hero hath been falsely accused, the prince and Claudio mightily abused and Don John is the author of all, who is fled and gone. Will you come, presently?

Beatrice: Will you go hear this news, signior?

Benedick: I will live in thy heart, die in thy lap and be buried in thy eyes, and moreover I will go with thee to thy uncle's.

Beatrice: [laughs]

Ursula: You used to be more fun. Remember Biarritz? All the boys courted you. You really had your way with them. I was still as flat as a fish and I admired you.

Ursula: Do you think I'm having a good time in this hole?

Ursula: Don't kill this little creature, Lamberto. Don't kill my pig. Don't kill him, please. He's our little friend, I love him. No! No!

Lambert: I love you. I love you, my little proud animal. I love your body. I love your heat. I love you to death. I love you to death.

Ursula: I've waited so long for these words...

Lambert: We must part.

Ursula: No.

Lambert: Yes, Ursula. Before we spoil it all.

Ursula: No, no! Never, Lamberto! Oh, I love you. I love you. Don't ever leave me. I love you...

Ursula: If that's for me, I hate champagne.

Ursula: Let go! Leave me alone! You're a sick old man! You can be sure I'll tell Florentine everything! Dirty old man! Shame on you! Trying to exploit your niece! I wondered what a satyr looked like. I've got one in the family. My Aunt's husband, no less! She loves you. I even forgot you're my guardian. Some guardian! Are you listening? Lamberto should have killed you the other day! But he will!

Comte Miguel de Ribera: Little bitch! I'll teach you a lesson you won't forget!

Florentine: Ursula?

Ursula: [Lounging in her underwear] What is it?

Florentine: Have you gone mad? What if someone comes in?

Ursula: There's no one here. Everyone's gone to the Fiesta.

Florentine: You never know. A visitor could arrive.

Ursula: Then he'll have something worth remembering.

Florentine: What are you doing there, Ursula?

Ursula: Taking a shower.

Florentine: But that's the servants' shower!

Ursula: So what? It works.

Ursula: Is it fun to make love? Hey, I'm talking to you!

Florentine: If you hadn't taken a shower, I'd have cooled you off myself.

Ursula: At school I used to think of love very theoretically. But lately... Maybe it's the weather.

Ursula: I've tried to be reasonable for 3 weeks now, it hasn't worked. I can think of nothing else. I want him to kiss me. You can understand that, can't you?

Florentine: I've never been with any man other than Miguel.

Ursula: You've made a real mistake then.

Florentine: You're impossible!

Ursula: Because I see things as they are? You chose to live a lie and ruined it all.

Ursula: You could start over.

Florentine: You forget my age. I'm not young anymore.

Ursula: I'd like to be as beautiful as you are

Florentine: I no longer dare to look in the mirror.

Ursula: You're crazy! Look at yourself! You're young, you're beautiful. Look at your body.

Ursula: In real fights are the bulls bigger?

Florentine: Much bigger.

Lambert: That's not a bull, it's a heifer.

Florentine: But, it charges like a bull.

Lambert: Cows fight as well as bulls. Sometimes they're even more dangerous. They charge with their eyes wide-open.

Lambert: Are you afraid?

Ursula: Yes. I'm afraid of disappointing you.

Lambert: I'll take the risk.

Ursula: I'm not what you think.

Lambert: I don't think anything.

Ursula: Yes you do. You think I'm a woman.

Lambert: Aren't you a woman?

Ursula: Don't mock me.

Ursula: I wanted to tell you that I've never had a lover. Not that I didn't want one.

Ursula: It's not too honest what we just did. Sinning with awareness of evil isn't too bad. One can atone. As long as one doesn't lose one's awareness of evil.

Lambert: Come.

Ursula: Please let's go on.

Lambert: It's madness.

Ursula: Yes, it's madness.

Ursula: [Last lines] Tell me you'll never leave me. Not even for an hour, not even for a minute. Swear it.

Lambert: I swear it.

Ursula: Not even for a minute.

Ursula: Oh, but I adore English public schools! I simply worship them all! Even that idiotic Westchester... where you can't ask a boy out to tea without everyone asking the most extraordinary questions.

Katie: Ursula, darling, you must see the bell tower. And here's your guide (pointing to Herr Staefel).

Ursula: The bell tower? (realizing Katie's unspoken intention) Oh, yes, of course... the bell tower! (Laughs) Later...

Staefel: I hope you like early English perpendicular.

Ursula: Darling, I revel in early English perpendicular!

Chips: Is my wife here?

Ursula: Wife? Which wife, darling?

Chips: She was called Katherine Bridges.

Ursula: Katie? Of course she's here! Did you say 'wife,' darling?

Chips: Yes.

Ursula: Well, that would make you her husband, wouldn't it?

Chips: Yes, it would.

Ursula: Then she's not here, darling. She's nowhere near the place.

[Chips starts to leave. Ursula stops him]

Ursula: That's what I was told to say, if you came in. She's in the kitchen, darling, making scrambled eggs.

Ursula: Of course, you two are married or something, aren't you?

Chips: Married, madam, and quite definitely not something.

Ursula: I adore this man. When you're finished with him, Katie, lend him to me.

Chips: I don't think I do know you.

Ursula: You must be mad. What's your name?

Chips: Arthur Chipping.

Ursula: That's right. You take to drink.

Chips: I do not take to drink, madam. Excuse me.

Ursula: I guess I'm just a sore loser!