Undercover Brother Quotes in Undercover Brother (2002)

Sistah Girl: Undercover Brother, Conspiracy Brother

Conspiracy Brother: Hey, how ya doin.

Undercover Brother: Good mornin!

Conspiracy Brother: Good morning? Get on the desk, spy in the building! Spy...

Undercover Brother: Don't touch the fro!

Conspiracy Brother: Back up off me man!

Undercover Brother: Back up off me!

Conspiracy Brother: Let me tell you something about the word "good," brotha. Good is an ancient anglo-saxon word, go-od, meanin the absence of color. I.E. it's all good, which it is, OR Good Will Huntin', meanin, "I'm Huntin' Niggas!" So when you say good morning, what your telling me is "I'm gonna kill yo black ass, first thing in the mornin'!"

Undercover Brother: Are you telling me there really is a Man'?

Conspiracy Brother: What do you think? Things don't just happen by accident! Sometimes people - mostly *white* people - make things happen!

Undercover Brother: So the conspiracies we've believed for all these years are true? The NBA really did institute the three point shot to give white boys a chance?

Smart Brother: Absolutely!

Undercover Brother: Then the entertainment industry really *is* out to get Spike Lee?

Conspiracy Brother: Come on man! Even Cher's won an Oscar! Cher!

Undercover Brother: Then O.J. really didn't do it?

[Everyone looks away and mumbles]

The Chief: We... we ain't got time for this!

Undercover Brother: You know what they say, behind every great black man...

Conspiracy Brother: is the police.

Undercover Brother: No.

Smart Brother: A bunch of slow white athletes?

Undercover Brother: No!

White She-Devil: A cute butt.

Undercover Brother: NO!

Lance: Probable cause.

Undercover Brother: You mess with the 'fro, you got to go.

[Knock on door]

Mr. Feather: Who's there?

Undercover Brother: Kung.

Mr. Feather: Kung who?

[Anton kicks down the door]

Undercover Brother: Kung Fu!

Undercover Brother: [Smart Brother tried to turn Undercover Brother into a white man expert by showing his various and random clips from white movies and t.v. shows. Undercover Brother begins screaming so they stop the clips] CAUCASIAN OVERLOAD! CAUCASIAN OVERLOAD! CAUCASIAN OVERLOAD! CAUCASIAN OVERLOAD!

Smart Brother: Are you alright?

Undercover Brother: [pauses with a horrified look on his face] ... I... see... WHITE... people

Undercover Brother: Wait a minute, how'd the white boy get a job at "the B.R.O.T.H.E.R.H.O.O.D."?

The Chief: Shit, what can I say? Affirmative action.

Undercover Brother: [Watching White-she Devil and Sistah Girl in a shower] Water cold. Water cold!

White She-Devil: Would you like to be my special friend?

Undercover Brother: OHHH YEAH!

Undercover Brother: Solid!

Undercover Brother: Hi.

Conspiracy Brother: "Hi"? What you mean "hi"? Like "high yellow wanna be white"? "High" like the *white man* wants to keep us? Wait, you don't smell any weed on me, do you?

Undercover Brother: Brother, when you get a minute, could I get a list of the words that trigger these fits?

Undercover Brother: Honey, is that Michael Bolton's version of "The Thong Song"?

Undercover Brother: What it is, chief?

The Chief: I'm tired of you disrespecting me! Give me one good reason why I shouldn't fire your black-ass?

Undercover Brother: Because I... don't... work for you?

The Chief: SHUT UP! Save the smart comments for the chunky brother in the smock!

[to Lance]

Undercover Brother: There are times for falling apart, and there are times for getting' funky. This is one of them funky times. So what's it gonna be? You ready to play some funky music, white boy?

Sistah Girl: Undecover Brother, are you OK?

Undercover Brother: Everythings cool, now that your here Sistah Girl!

Mr. Feather: [snorts] YOU'RE MAKING ME LOSE MY MIND IN HERE!

[Bitch-slaps himself]

Undercover Brother: See what I've been dealing with?

Sistah Girl: [frowning] Yeah...

Undercover Brother: Extra mayonnaise for me please.

Lance: We gotta get the hell out of here! We're gonna die! We're all gonna die!

Undercover Brother: [slaps Lance] Dig it...

[slaps him again]

Undercover Brother: ... and dig it hard!

Lance: [softly] Daddy...