Uncle Willie Quotes in Tales from the Crypt: Demon Knight (1995)

Brayker: In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth...

Irene: You're talking Genesis? That beginning?

Brayker: And the Earth was a formless void, and darkness covered the face of the deep. But the darkness wasn't empty. It was full of creatures, full of demons. And they had seven keys, formed into a circle that focused the power of the cosmos into their hands, until God stepped forth and said, "let there be light." And there was light. He scattered the demons, and he scattered the keys all across the universe. Then we fast-forward about two or three million millenia. Now the demons are back. They got six of the keys. And one day they find the seventh key here on earth. And to save it, God filled it with the blood of a carpenter who had been crucified by the Romans, and gave it to a thief named Sirach.

Jeryline: The blood ins... inside? Is that...?

Brayker: Some of it, yeah. It gets used, you see. Sirach had to refill it.

[points to his throat]

Brayker: Bad neck wound, talon caught the eye right here. Most of what's in here now belonged to a soldier named Dickerson, who gave it to me in France, August 23, 1917. Funny how you remember the big dates, isn't it?

Deputy Bob Martel: Jeez. That, uh, that would make you...

Uncle Willie: What happens when you run out of blood?

Brayker: They bring back the darkness.

Uncle Willie: Just like that?

Brayker: Just like that. So... now you know. You feel better?

Uncle Willie: Jeryline you wouldn't hurt your old uncle will now would you baby.

Uncle Willie: [hung over] Awww... this is one of those days that the pages of history teach us are best spent lying in bed.

C. K. Dexter Haven: [looking for the "hair of the dog"] Do you s'pose, sir, speaking of eye-openers...?

Uncle Willie: Oh, that's the first sane remark I've heard today. C'malong, Dexter, I know a formula that's said to pop the pennies off the eyelids of dead Irishmen.

C. K. Dexter Haven: Hello friends and enemies.

Uncle Willie: Young man, remove yourself!

C. K. Dexter Haven: How are you, sir?

Uncle Willie: I don't know. Get along! Get along!

Uncle Willie: Must we ride in this thing? Wouldn't we be more comfortable on pogo sticks?

Uncle Willie: [leering at Liz] Ah Ms. Embry, you're a vision of lovliness. May I offer you a cocktail? Or champagne?

Elizabeth (Liz) Imbrie: Oh champagne, I've never had enough.

Uncle Willie: You will... tonight.

Uncle Willie: [watching Kittredge clumsily mount a horse] Heigh Ho Silver.

Uncle Willie: [hung over, moans as the pony cart Dinah's driving hits a bump]

Dinah Lord: What's wrong?

Uncle Willie: Oh, nothing, nothing. My head just fell off, that's all.

Tracy: Do you like my dress?

Uncle Willie: Oh yes, it's quite beautiful.

Tracy: It's awfully heavy.

Uncle Willie: My dear boy, this is the sort of day history tells us is better spent in bed.

Uncle Willie: I can't find Liz.

Dexter: I think I just saw someone wander out on to the terrace. Alone.

Uncle Willie: You don't say. The little vixen!

[leaves]

Dexter: Ollie ollie oxen free!

[Liz comes out of hiding]

Dexter: What's the matter? Uncle Willie giving you a little trouble?

Liz Imbrie: That man's gonna wind up a juvenile delinquent mark my words.