Uncle Ben Quotes in Spider-Man (2002)

Uncle Ben: Remember, with great power comes great responsibility.

Uncle Ben: I don't mean to lecture and I don't mean to preach. And I know I'm not your father...

Peter Parker: Then stop pretending to be!

Uncle Ben: [changing a light bulb] And the Lord said, "Let there be light." And voilà! There is light. Forty soft, glowing watts of it.

Aunt May: Good boy. God will be thrilled, just don't fall on your ass.

Uncle Ben: This guy, Flash Thompson, he probably deserved what happened. But just because you can beat him up doesn't give you the right to. Remember, with great power comes great responsibility.

Uncle Ben: Peter, look. You're changing. I know. I went through exactly the same thing at your age.

Peter Parker: No. Not exactly.

Uncle Ben: Health insurance my ass! They don't pay for shit. You get sick on a Friday, they only pay from Monday through Thursday. You go to doctor A, they only pay for doctor B. You break your penis, they only fix vaginas!

Bartleby Gaines: Uh, Dean Lewis why don't you tell them a little bit about the philosophy here at south Harmon?

Uncle Ben: Look, we throw a lot of fancy words in front of these kids in order to attract them to going to school in the belief that they're gonna have a better life, and we know that all were doing is breeding a whole new generation of buyers and sellers, BUYERS AND SELLERS! Pimps and whores, PIMPS AND WHORES! and indoctrinating them into a life long hell of debt and indecision!

Jack Gaines: I... I, I just don't understand...

Uncle Ben: DO I HAVE TO SPOON FEED IT TO YA? look, there's only one reason that kids want to go to school...

Bartleby Gaines: [quietly] Holy shit...

Jack Gaines: [after long pause] ... Which is?

Uncle Ben: ...To get a good job... To get a good job, with a great starting salary.

Jack Gaines: I couldn't agree more.

Diane Gaines: It is so refreshing to have somebody approach education so rationally!

Uncle Ben: Fuckin' A!

Uncle Ben: [to Group] What is learning? It's paying attention. It's opening yourself up to this great big ball of shit that we call life, and what's the worst that could happen? You get bit in the ass. Well let me tell you: my ass looks like hamburger meat, but I can still sit down.

Uncle Ben: [the panel has demanded to know if there is any real faculty at South Harmon] Present and accounted for!

Dean Van Horne: Oh, for God's sakes! Dr. Alexander, this man has not been a part of academia for three decades! We were on the faculty together at Harmon in our 20s, but he washed out. He's a drunk, he's a degenerate and he's looney tunes!

Sherman Schrader: HEY, ASSHOLE! You're talking about my Mom's brother!

Dean Van Horne: OH, SIT DOWN!

Sherman Schrader: [meekly] Okay.

Uncle Ben: HEY! Why don't you take your *P-h-D*, and shove it up your *A-S-S*!

[all the students cheer]

Uncle Ben: You know a lot of people say that college is a time when young men and women expand the way that they look at their world when they open their mind to new ideas and experiences and when they begin that long journey form the innocence of Youth, to the responsibilities of Adulthood... now isn't that a load of horse shit! AHAHAHAHA!

Bartleby Gaines: I could go to jail.

Uncle Ben: Don't worry, you're young. Your butt can take it.

Uncle Ben: Right or Left?

Glen: Right

Uncle Ben: Whose right?

Glen: Your call

Uncle Ben: You're an idiot!

Glen: You're upset, go with what you feel. You got about twelve feet.

[Trailer hits a tree]

Glen: Perfect

Uncle Ben: Asshole.

Girl: Can you sign a copy of your book for me? I got it on eBay.

Uncle Ben: They sell my shit on eBay?

Guy: You wrote a book?

Uncle Ben: Yeah. That was back when I was drinking.

Uncle Ben: I'm going off the grid. No more Franchises, no more botox, no more "Hey, oh, lets clone another goat," and certainly no more sexual harassment lawsuits, what's wrong with saying "Hey, nice tits." When did that go out the window?

Uncle Ben: He could be anywhere in the world but he chooses to be with her because life is better with her by his side.

Holly Hamilton: The River Bistro? What are we doing here? I can't even afford to pee in a place like this. Much less actually eat here.

Amy Pearl: Relax, it's under control. My uncle's the owner.

Holly Hamilton: [looks at Lance] Him?

Uncle Ben: [on the phone] You've got to be kidding.

Amy Pearl: No, him.

Uncle Ben: [on the phone] No you didn't do that, did you?

Uncle Ben: [on the phone] Why wouldn't she mad, huh? Well, there's only one thing you can do: flowers. And you can't go cheap, either. Nope. A dozen, long-stemmed.

Amy Pearl: He knows about females.

Lance: He knows more about females than I know about females.

Uncle Ben: [on the phone] In my opinion roses always work, always.

Holly Hamilton: He doesn't actually believe that, does he?

Holly Hamilton: We need to know what the perfect man would do as a follow up to the orchid.

Uncle Ben: Well, can't we talk about it tomorrow?

Lance: Wait, what could be more important than the perfect man? Oh, duh. Perfect shoes.

Uncle Ben: Well, girls, I'm really not an authority on this.

Holly Hamilton: What makes today's perfect man perfect? What is it that he says or does that makes him a woman's perfect man?

Uncle Ben: Now these are brand new stoves. What about the pizza oven? That's working. It's got to be the gas line, right?

Uncle Ben: Have you ever seen an orchid; how it floats in the water, so delicate and beautiful? When a woman gets an orchid; it's, well she feels like she's floating on a cloud of infinite possibility... Ben Cooper...

Uncle Ben: Mr. Rellece, you like to make believe you ain't got no heart for horses, but I knows you. You loves that little colt.

Mr. Jim Rellence: Oh, quit your gabbin'. Did I ever say I was gonna sell 'im?

Uncle Ben: No, sir, you sure did not, and if ever you did, I ain't ever heard yuh.