Tyler Quotes in RoboCop (1987)

Tyler: [while creating RoboCop] We were able to save the left arm.

Bob Morton: What? I thought we agreed on total body prosthesis. Now, lose the arm, okay?

Tyler: Jesus, Morton!

[snaps his finger at RoboCop]

Bob Morton: Can he understand what I'm saying?

Roosevelt: Doesn't matter. We're gonna blank his memory anyway.

Bob Morton: Well, I think we should lose the arm. Wha-what do you think, Johnson?

Johnson: Well, he signed a release form when he joined the force. He's legally dead. We can do pretty much what we want to him.

Bob Morton: Lose the arm.

Tyler: Shut him down. Prep him for surgery.

[looks down at RoboCop while his monitor vision shuts off]

Roosevelt: The entire outer skin will be like this.

Tyler: It's titanium, laminated with kevlar.

Roosevelt: Go ahead. Shake his hand.

[the robotic arm extends to shake Morton's hand]

Bob Morton: Come here often? How you doin'?

Bob Morton: [cringes as the robot hand grips his hand hard] Ow! God! He's got a helluva grip!

Tyler: It's 400 foot-pounds. He could crush every bone in your hand.

Roosevelt: All right, attach it to his shoulder.

Bob Morton: [as the robotic arm wheels out] I like that.

Bob Morton: [Looks right into RoboCop's point of view] You are gonna be a bad motherfucker!

Tyler: [answering phone] Hello?

Cale: Hello, this is Special Agent Carol Finnerty. To whom am I speaking?

Tyler: That sounds official. Please hold, your call is very important to us.

[hold music]

Tyler: This is my Graceland!

Tyler: When you kill someone, make sure they're dead.

Tyler: What does it take to get laid around here?

Tyler: Blind adoration makes me so horny! Bring me a wench!

Guard: Bla!

Tyler: What do you mean you can't find them? How do you lose a 6 foot bitch with a talking rock, huh?

Tyler: [while a scan is being run on Planet Eden] There are small traces in their system.

Germain St-Germain: [sarcastically] Yeah, immortality all over the place.

Chucky: Who the fuck are YOU?

Tyler: I thought Good Guys only said three sentences.

Chucky: I'm new and improved.

Tyler: Barclay was right. You're not a Good Guy.

Chucky: [laughs] Sorry, kid, you got me. I'm bad.

Colonel Cochrane: What're you doin' Tyler?

Tyler: [Cradling Chucky] We're playing Hide the Soul.

Colonel Cochrane: Now, we don't play with dolls do we Tyler? Dolls are for girls.

Tyler: But, Charles is my new best friend.

Colonel Cochrane: Tyler, you know better than to talk back to a superior officer.

[confiscates Chucky]

McCord: [their last conversation, until the end of the movie] ... Don't you move. If you need to piss, you sit here and go in your pants; it'll serve you right. But, if the dome is falling down around your ass, *Don't move*! Understand?

Tyler: Sure, I'll remember.

Tyler: Dinner for one.

Master Sergeant Sykes: You trying to be funny?

Tyler: No sir. If I say no, does that mean I'm not funny?

Master Sergeant Sykes: [shouts] No! You're not funny, I'm funny!

Tyler: [First Lines] It is said in the beginning there was nothing. Everything was pitch black. The one in charge said that wouldn't do. Then there was light. Light is good. It lets you see the world around you. The next day, sky appeared. That same sky has rainbows. And lightning, too. Very interesting. On the third day, there was water. Water brought plants... and animals. Then began the game of survival of the fittest. On the sixth day, He created man. Most imperfect. After that, woman. He thought such a big world could accommodate one more. But this was not the case. It turned out this combination was uncontrollable indeed. On the seventh day, He'd planned to rest. But he had to start all over again. He's not the only one to start all over. The whole world has to do it with him too.

Tyler: If I had a real gun I'd come out and shoot you!

Rosie: Take the stick... Aaaaaaah!

Tyler: What's wrong?

Rosie: Boredom, Tyler. Boredom - that's what's wrong. And how do you beat boredom, Tyler?... Adventure. Adventure, Tyler.

Tyler: Where are you going, Rosie? Rosie, what are you doing? I can't fly this thing! What do I do?

Mike: To me a wolf means money. It's a way of making a living. One wolf pelt is about $350 dollars. And I've got to feed my family; my children. Buy a snowmobile; food, rifle, bullets whatever.

Tyler: You wouldn't ah... you wouldn't kill these wolves?

Mike: These ones... no. No I don't think so. Besides you would get mad if I killed one of them... and your gun is bigger than mine.

Tyler: Yeah.

Mike: I'd like to though.

Tyler: In the end there were no simple answers. No heroes or villians; only silence.

[final line]

Tyler: [narrating] I believe the wolves went off to a wild and distant place somewhere, although I don't really know... because I turned away, and didn't watch them go.

Tyler: [Opening lines: on the train, giving voice-over narration] I just jumped at the opportunity to go. Without even thinking about it, really. Because it opened the way to an old - and very naïve - childhood fantasy of mine: to go off into the wilderness, and test myself against all the dangerous things lurking there. And to find that basic animal that I secretly hoped was hidden somewhere inside myself. I imagined, at that point, I'd become a new man, with a strength and courage I'd never known before.

Tyler: [Continuing his voice-over narration, with rugged Canadian wilderness rolling by] As I traveled north, it was on about the 3rd day that the reality of what I was about to try to do began to seep into my bones... and gather in a knot in the pit of my stomach.

Tyler: [Continuing his voice-over narration, now sitting by a railroad siding, with a huge mound of his expedition supplies piled up nearby] Then I finally reached the end of the line: Nootsak. The sheer bulk of the supplies the Department sent along set me back. Because I had to get not only myself, but all this stuff, another 300 miles into the wilderness.

Tyler: [Narrating] I'd heard some of the tales about the Arctic: the mad trappers, Diamond Tooth Gertie, The Ice-Worm Cocktail and all that. So, I was prepared for things to be a little weird.

Tyler: [Narrating] The only plane in Nootsak belonged to a part-time bush pilot, gambler, and real estate tycoon named Rosie Little. While we were negotiating our deal, he introduced me to this drink that he'd invented. Known locally as "Moose Juice," it consisted of equal parts Moose Brand Beer and ethyl alcohol. Before I knew it, my old fear of flying evaporated, and I spent all the money I had left... on 24 cases of beer.

Tyler: Did Justin say anything to you about me?

Katie: About you? Like what?

Tyler: Oh, I don't know, anything. About me.

Katie: Well he did say you were pretty cute... and he really liked you. Is that what you meant?

[laughs]

Tyler: [pause] Katie, I could just kill you sometimes, you know that?

Tyler: So, are you a Zeta?

Shelley: Oh! I wish.

Tyler: Yeah. I do too 'cause Zeta would be my favorite hizzity hang.

Natalie: Well, she is not a Zeta because she's our new hizzity house mother. She'll be hizzy-tizzy - - She'll be here all the time.

Shelley: You're hiring me?

[She hugs Natalie. The boys seem to like it and start making appreciative noises]

Natalie: Why are they acting like that?

Shelley: Boys just being boys. Thank goodness!

Tyler: I hope I was helpful.

Nick Vaughan: Extremely.

Brooke Dalton: I think he wants gratitude.

Nick Vaughan: Group hug? Big kiss?

Tyler: I believe the words were handsome gratuity.

Nick Vaughan: Right. You take credit cards?

Tyler: Can I help you, sir?

Rob: I'm here to see Thomas.

Tyler: First and last name, please.

Rob: I'm Rob, the neighbor. Who the fuck are you?

Tyler: I'll ask the questions, sir.

Rob: Exactly. Get the hell out of my way.

Tyler: [panicked] We're fucked!

Thomas: What? Oh, hey what's going on?

Tyler: There's people in the house!

Thomas: Oh shit!

Tyler: I'm understaffed!

Everett - Security Guard: Hey boss.

JB: What the fuck?

Costa: There he is! This is Everett and his boy Tyler. They're gonna be running security for the night.

Thomas: Are you serious? Are those nun-chucks?

Everett - Security Guard: Yeah.

Thomas: [laughing] Oh shit.

JB: You guys look like Ninjas.

Tyler: Ninjas are fucking pussies!

Costa: That's why I love this kid.

Tyler: You know it.

Costa: Seriously Thomas, with these two we got nothing to worry about.

Robbie: Hey, the goofball brothers!

Tyler: Is it true you're in the middle of a nervous breakdown?

Robbie: What? No!

Petey: Nervous breakdown! Nervous breakdown!

Robbie: Who said that?

Tyler: Everybody's been saying that.

Robbie: Everybody? You're eight years old... the only people you know are your parents!

Tyler: Is it true you're going to end up in a mental institution?

Petey: Cuckoo's nest! Cuckoo's nest!

Tyler: Are you my real dad?

Alan: [after a long pause] Yes.

Tyler: Who are you Sydney White? You throw a football like Matt Leinart, fearlessly conquer fraternity bathrooms, and clean up nice to boot.

Sydney White: Well, I'm more of a Peyton Manning. Leinart's a lefty.

Tyler: Marry me.

Tyler: The Kappa's are our sorority sisters.

Sydney White: Oh! So we'll be like brother and sister?

[Tyler gives her a weird look]

Sydney White: Oh, not in the related, familiar way, but more the fraternal-sororal, sororital... is that a word? ok.

Tyler: Do I make you nervous?

Sydney White: No... Tyler, was it?

Tyler: I am loving my new glam parents!

Tyler: What's a ream?

Principal Ward: 500 sheets Mr. Hoffman.

Tyler: [to Jordan] Didn't they teach you in Mary-land not to play with your stick in public?

Tyler: Don't you have a stick to play with?

Jordan: Go hug your board, Tyler. I'm sure if you drilled a small enough hole in it, you two could be very happy.

Tyler: Well, the Laguna Barneys managed not to drown. That's impressive. So make sure you guys come to the Dead Fish tonight to celebrate. Berthita's giving lap dances. Better than a chimp.

Tyler: Woah! We're sleeping in the hearse tonight?

Jennifer: It's not what it looks like.

Sam: You ate beef!

Jennifer: Everyone be cool.

Tyler: Okay, we've definitely smoked PCP.

Jennifer: I can explain.

Joey: You can explain? You can explain why you're chewing on a severed arm?

Jennifer: Oh, don't be such a drama queen.

Jennifer: Nobody likes a judge.

Joey: Yeah, nobody likes a vampire either.

Jennifer: Screw you, Joey!

Joey: Screw me? Screw me? You're out of the band, Jennifer!

Tyler: She's kind of the best thing about this band right now.

Joey: Tyler!

Tyler: I'm just saying maybe you should sleep on it.

Sam: Oh my God, you really ate beef.

Hugo: She'll be here. I know women.

Joey: We're gonna miss sound check.

Sam: I hope she's okay.

Joey: She's okay. She's always okay. She just doesn't care. This is why I broke up with her.

Tyler: She dumped you.

Hugo: Yeah, for being an insensitive prick.

[Joey glares at him]

Hugo: Her words, not mine.

[after meeting two older cowgirl women in their motel's bar, they both invite Tyler to their room. They then tell him to lie down and surprise him by tying him up to the bed]

Tyler: Whatever you're doing back there, just... be careful because I bruise easy.

Karma: What do you think, Claire? Should we use the baby carrot or the Excalibur?

Tyler: Oh, baby carrot. Baby carrot.

Claire: Gosh, honey, it looks like we left the carrot at home. Too bad. So very, very sad. Load me up.

[Karma raises up the Excalibur and Claire oils it up]

Tyler: Oh, dear Lord.

Tyler: [overheard by Nick and Sasha from their room moments later with sounds of Tyler's bed banging in the background] This is great. Oh!

[Dime and Tyler floating on surf boards in the glacial waters of a Newfoundland bay with an iceberg floating in the bay]

Dime: Tyler, that is an iceberg. It's a fucking iceberg!

Tyler: No shit, man. It's awesome. Let's piss on it!

Tyler: Remember, it's just like porn. Four positions, three minutes on each one and then go for the face.

[as the group enters their motel's bar, an older cowgirl woman slaps Dime on his butt]

Dime: Cougar alert. Avert your eyes.

Tyler: And lose this opportunity? Fuck that.

[takes Dime back to the older woman]

Simon: [in line waiting to enter the bear run] Grr.

Tyler: What are you doing?

Simon: Getting my bear on.

Tyler: Simon, don't embarrass me.

Tyler: Seriously, Brent, thank you, very much. It's really appreciated, I need this job.

Brent: Oh, well, the job sucks. Don't worry about that. But the eye candy is compensation.

Tyler: I'll say.

[eyeing a redhaired leather bear]

Tyler: Hard candy by the looks of this.

Brent: No, no, that's Robbie. We call her Ruby because of the slippers that will fall out of her mouth when she speaks.

Drag Queen: Hey Luvah!

Robbie: [effeminately] Girl! Honey, you look fabulous! Do a little twirl, so I can take a look atcha!

Tyler: Can I have a search party sent out for the hard on that I just lost?

Simon: [Tyler and Simon hadn't seen each other for a bit] Notice anything different?

Tyler: You're now part of the rhythm nation?

Simon: Hello! I lost five whole pounds? Thought I'd have you drooling by now.

Tyler: Actually, gaining ten would probably put you in the right direction.

Simon: What, you mean you want me to have a roll?

Tyler: Twenty pounds.

Simon: A muffin top?

Tyler: Thirty.

Simon: Are you suggesting... I mean, a whole belly?

Tyler: Yeah. Throw in some hair on that belly and I think we're talking perfection.

Simon: What happened to you? Were you dropped on your head as a child?

Tyler: God, Simon, please don't ever change. Scratch that. Mature, but please don't ever change.

Simon: [Tyler walked in on Simon dancing to Dance Dance Revolution] Shit Tyler, you scared the hell out of me. Haven't you ever heard of knocking?

Tyler: [laughing] Oh God, you are officially whatever the PC term is for retarded.

Simon: Hand me those shorts

[Tyler tosses them to him]

Simon: Hey, it's my cardio, okay? Gym memberships cost a fortune in this city.

Roger: If I think I'm an asshole, I imagine the feeling is mutual.

Tyler: When are you going to stop caring about what other people think?

Roger: Kid, what other people think is all I see.

Tyler: Then close your eyes for once.

Simon: [after trying Randy's "dirty jock" shot] What the hell was that?

Brent: Awful.

Fred: That was Randy's dirty jock.

Tyler: Yeah, tastes like it.

Randy: Fuck you bitches. Die of thirst!

Roger: [after Simon interrupts them at a tender moment] Please tell me you know this child.

Tyler: No, I can't say that I do. Feel free to kill him.

Hank: What's the matter with you, huh? You got something stuck in your vagina?

Tyler: Yeah, your mama's dick.

Muff: What the hell is that supposed to mean?

Sophie: You have all these rules and theories on life. Want to hear one of my rules?

Tyler: Probably not.

Sophie: Don't date guys like you.

Tyler: That's a dumb rule.

Tyler: There are two reasons why someone wants to break up with their significant other. The first and most common they really want to fuck somebody else. The second is that developed so much disdain for their significant others they couldn't look at their face anymore. Actually, the second one usually manifest it self because they want to fuck somebody else. So reality I guess there's only one reason.

Tyler: There are 2 types: there's the girl that you date and the perfect girl. The perfect girl, she's too perfect, she makes you nervous, unsure of yourself... who wants that kind of hassle? So you date the regular type, the girl who'S just off of what you want so you can be at ease and yet dissatisfied.

Tyler: Whatever you do in life will be insignificant, but it's very important that you do it. Because nobody else will. Like when someone comes into your life and half of you says you're nowhere near ready, but the other half says: make her yours forever.

Tyler: Gandhi said that whatever you do in life will be insignificant, but it's very important that you do it because nobody else will. Like when someone comes into your life and half of you says: "You're nowhere near ready". And the other half says: "Make her yours forever". Michael, Caroline asked me what would I say if I knew you could hear me. I said: "I do know. I love you. God, I miss you, and I forgive you.

Tyler: You once told me, our fingerprints don't fade from the lives we touch. Is that true for everybody, or is it just poetic bullshit?

Ally Craig: I have my dessert first.

Tyler: Is that a political statement? A medical condition, perhaps?

Ally Craig: I just don't see the point in waiting. I mean, what if I die while eating my entree?

Tyler: Is that probable?

Ally Craig: It's possible. What if I choke? What if an asteroid come hurling down onto the restaurant?... I'll tell you what, if you swear on your eternal soul that I'll make it through my entree, then I'll wait. But before you answer, consider that if something does happen, you'll have to live the rest of your life knowing that not only did you lie to me, but you denied of my one last indulgence. Are you prepared to shoulder that kind of responsibility?

Tyler: [tries to kiss her, but is denied]

Ally Craig: Not tonight. Not never, but just not tonight.

Tyler: So, dessert first in case of asteroids, yes. But kissing a guy you seem at least somewhat attracted to before riding off into the unknown New York night alongside a panda you've only just met, no?

Ally Craig: [kisses him] You're weird.

Tyler: I know.

Tyler: Love's involved with spending time together, but spending time apart, can lead to loving even *more*.

Tyler: If you could hear me, I would say that our finger prints don't fade from the lives we've touched.

Receptionist: You know you can't smoke in here.

Tyler: Why do you have an ashtray?

Receptionist: It's a bowl, it completes the room.

Tyler: [looks disbelieving] This is a bowl?

[puts out his cigarette]

Tyler: I guess it was just here to tease me.

Tyler: You know what day I'm staring at, Michael. By 22, Ghandi had 3 kids; Motzart, 37 symphonies; and Buddy Holly was dead.

Tyler: What do you want me to do? Kidnap her?

Aidan Hall: Of course not!

Aidan Hall: We don't have closet space for that.

Tyler: [from trailer] Someone's been trying to tell me something. Make her yours forever, and I'm working on the forever part.

Ally Craig: You go there to write to him?

Tyler: I just wanted to tell someone about you.

Tyler: [to Ally] He can stand me up, but he can't stand you up. And he can't stand my sister up.

Aidan Hall: Come on! Just one drink!

Tyler: When was the last time you had one drink?

Aidan Hall: [thinks] communion.

Tyler: [barges into his father's meeting after he doesn't show up to Caroline's art show]

[holds up Caroline's picture]

Tyler: She drew you a picture! She drew you a picture, and you didn't come.

Charles: Put it on the table.

Tyler: You have a daughter who sincerely believes that you don't like her. I mean, she's trying to communicate. She's speaking. But why aren't you listening? I mean, why aren't you

[raises his tone]

Tyler: riveted! Why isn't this the most important thing? Just one night!

Man in Charles' Meeting: We can come back...

[starts rising out of the seat, along with the other people in the meeting]

Charles: No, sit down.

[they sit back down]

Charles: [turns to Tyler] Who is this display for?

Tyler: It's for you.

Charles: She knows I'll take care of her.

Tyler: [stifles a laugh] And?

Man in Charles' Meeting: We... really can come back...

[rises again]

Charles: Sit the fuck down!

[they sit back down]

Charles: [turns to Tyler again] I love her.

[Tyler rolls his eyes]

Charles: Good God, you toss that word around but you have no idea what it means.

Tyler: Maybe I don't. Maybe Caroline doesn't either...

Charles: I provided her world, and yours.

Tyler: That doesn't mean you can't just shatter it! How do you feel, when you have something better to do?

Charles: Who the hell do you think you're talking to? You pedaled down here on your bike, for Christ's sake! You're gonna take care of nothing! You're responsible for no one! You're a kid! You think you're the first one to lose anything? You think, that whatever you feel in your heart, I don't also feel it in mine?

Tyler: [referring to Michael] You didn't find him. Okay? I found him. And you're just so... tragically blind that you think the rest of your children are just gonna hang themselves...

Charles: [charges toward Tyler] You little piece of...

Tyler: [People in the meeting separate them] What!

Charles: You could do worse than have a father who bails you out of jail.

Tyler: I don't wanna be bailed out of anything.

Aidan Hall: I want a girlfriend.

Tyler: What?

Aidan Hall: Dinners out, movies, regular sex. I can handle that... for like a... summer.

Ally Craig: You're such a romantic.

Caroline Hawkins: There's like a thing.

Tyler: A thing?

Caroline Hawkins: A show. Where you show what you've done and stuff. Will you come?

Tyler: Ummm

[reaches into his bag]

Tyler: I'll have to check my book. Uh... Abso-freakin-lutely! Are you insane? I'm going to be there the day before. I'm going to camp out.

Ally Craig: Do you want pancakes or french toast?

Tyler: Doesn't matter...

Aidan Hall: [mumbles] French toast...

Ally Craig: [after Tyler sprays her with water] Huh. So, this is the whole playful 'you get me all wet' part, right?

Tyler: Why make it sound cheap?

Ally Craig: It is cheap. I've seen this scene a hundred times. You know what never happens in this scene though? Tyler, who doesn't really go to school? Tyler, who doesn't care about his job?

Tyler: No?

Ally Craig: No?

[lifts up the pot of spaghetti and dumps it on Tyler]

Ally Craig: That.

Tyler: [lifts up Ally and puts her over his shoulder as he heads for the bathroom] Apologize!

Ally Craig: [hits Tyler in his back] Never!

Tyler: [from trailer] Gandhi said that whatever you do in life will be insignificant. But it's very important that you do it. I tend to agree with the first part.

[from trailer]

Caroline Hawkins: Why do you think Dad doesn't wanna spend time with me?

Charles: She knows I'll take care of her.That's all there is, Tyler.

Tyler: 'That's all there is?' Not enough.

[from trailer]

Neil Craig: You're kinda lost, aren't ya?

Tyler: You think you know me, but you don't.

[from trailer]

Aidan Hall: He's got a daughter.

Tyler: Whose gotta daughter?

Aidan Hall: The cop who busted your face all up. He's gotta daughter.

Tyler: I know her, she's in my Global Politics class.

Aidan Hall: Go get her.

Ally Craig: I don't date sociology majors.

Tyler: Lucky for you... I'm undecided.

Ally Craig: About what?

Tyler: [pauses] Everything.

Tyler: Whatever you do in life will be insignificant, but it's very important that you do it, because nobody else will.

Aidan Hall: I've had enough of this brooding introvert shit! I'm ready to set up an intervention.

Tyler: You do realize that interventions don't normally consist of binge drinking, right?

Caroline Hawkins: Mademoiselle Fleischman had to snap her fingers at me a lot today. And everybody laughed. They all think I'm a freak of nature.

Tyler: Mademoiselle Fleischman. Ma petite soeurette, une freak of nature. Mon Dieu. Sacre Bleu. French toast.

Tyler: Did you just say nihilistic?

Aidan Hall: Yeah, alright? I got it off a cereal box.

Aidan Hall: Hey, what about Atlantic city for your birthday this year, man?

Tyler: Really?

Aidan Hall: Yeah, we could get a suite. You could call toothbrush girl.

Tyler: I think I'd rather be sodomised with a toothbrush, than that.

Aidan Hall: It's your day man, we could work something out.

Tyler: This is one of those things that I'm already regretting.

Aidan Hall: [about Ally] She was here the other day.

Tyler: I don't care. What do you want me to say? 'Hey Dollface, your Dad trampled all over my civil liberites. Want to make out with me?'

Aidan Hall: Well don't call her Dollface... Moron.

Aidan Hall: Megan! Meg- wow, you look great.

Megan: Do. Not. Speak.

[She keeps working]

Aidan Hall: Ok. Two beers.

[to Tyler]

Aidan Hall: Is she mad at me or something?

Tyler: She's not mad. That's how people act when they're really into you.

Aidan Hall: C'mon man, just one drink.

Tyler: When was the last time you had just one drink?

Aidan Hall: ...communion.

[from trailer]

Tyler: Yeah, I was wondering if you wanted to have dinner.

Charles: How many?

Tyler: Three.

Aidan Hall: I sold your girlfriend a toothbrush.

Tyler: You sold my who? What?

Aidan Hall: You know, your girlfriend. That voluptuous delightfully oblivious little blonde you left in your bed yesterday?

Tyler: Yeah

Aidan Hall: Yeah, I sold her a toothbrush. I got three bucks.

Tyler: Congratulations.

Aidan Hall: Yeah are in order. 'Cause that sale inspired our newest business venture. The S.L.U.T. It's a Single Lady's Universal Tote. It's a one-night-stand travel pack for women. You know? We throw in make-up and toiletries a cell phone charger, cab numbers... We retail it for $19.95. Maybe we'd do an infomercial.

Tyler: Do you think women will buy this, with actual money?

Aidan Hall: Okay. Yeah. You know what? Fine. Be cynical. But think about it, at one point in history, two people had a conversation, a lot like this one about the lightbulb. One went on to fame and fortune, the other probably went to work at Mickey D's or something.

Tyler: Are you going to Cleveland too?

Zev Gutman: [in German] Ja.

Tyler: Why don't you fly? It's faster.

Zev Gutman: I don't know.

[laughs]

Tyler: [smiles] That's not a good reason.

Zev Gutman: [laughs] You're a real whipperschnapper aren't you?

Tyler: My name's Tyler

[extends hand]

Zev Gutman: [shakes hand] Nice to meet you, Tyler. My name is Zev.

Tyler: That's a strange name.

Zev Gutman: In Hebrew, it means wolf.

Tyler: Cool.

Tyler: [buries face in Mia's abdomen] I hate you!

Mia: [tenderly] I hate you, too.

Joanne: [as Mia bends over, drinking from faucet] Get some clothes on, Mia

Mia: I've got some clothes on

Joanne: You're half naked

Mia: [drinks again] You don't normally care

Joanne: Yeah, well I do now so - get dressed

Mia: Why are you talking different?

Joanne: [to Connor] We should get a move on, yeah?

Tyler: Where you going?

Joanne: Not going nowhere

Tyler: Well, why did you just say, "Shall we get a move on then"?

Joanne: Listen, we're only going for a drive

Connor: You want to come?

Joanne: No!

Tyler: Yeah! Yeah!

Joanne: No, they don't want to come

Tyler: I do

Joanne: We're not going nowhere

Tyler: I don't care. I still want to come

Connor: Off you go, then, and get dressed

Tyler: [exit] Thanks for that

Connor: [to Mia] What about you?

Joanne: No, she won't want to

Connor: We're leaving in 20 minutes

Mia: Yeah. All right. I'd love to come

[last lines]

Tyler: [runs after car, shouts to Mia inside] Bye you skank! Don't forget to text me! Say hello to the whales for me!

Tyler: Why do you need so much stuff?

Mia: [packing] Just in case.

Tyler: What about the referral unit?

Mia: You can have my place.

Tyler: I don't want it. They're full of spastics and idiots, those places.

Tyler: In love, one and one are... one. Seldom do we get to witness the art in love. But that is what we all really desire. Not just to be loved, but to be loved in that all-encompassing, Heathcliffe-on-the-moors, one-true-love, soulmate kind of way. And yet, rarely are we prepared for it when it happens by.

Elena: I feel like it's about to devastate everything I know. What am I doing? Look at all the people I'm hurting.

Tyler: You can't rewrite the past, but you can reframe the present. What a gift you have been given! I have never seen you so alive and joyous and in touch and full of passion! Peyton makes you breathe!

Tyler: What's with the shimmering new and improved you, huh?

Elena: Oh, Tyler... I'm in love. For the first time... for the only time in my life. I am in love!

Tyler: Perhaps some of you are thinking 'epic love can't happen to me'. But when true love enters your life, 'epic' happens.

Tyler: [to Elena] Someone is definitely coming into your life. In a *big* way.

Erik: What about your little brother when he fell off the monkey bars at school and got real hurt, they had to take him to the hospital. He could've caught something then.

Tyler: But he didn't.

Erik: But he could've. Then everybody would be calling him faggot and queer, and he'd get sick and die. And they'd write 'Homo' on his headstone. And when your mother went to bring him flowers, she'd see Little Eddie Horner Homo. But you know what the worst part about it would be? Probably before he died a bunch of assholes like you who ain't sick, thought it might be fun just to beat the shit out of him!

Tyler: Hey, how much you pay for that faggot? You guys took a wrong turn. This is a 'No Homo' zone.

Erik: I ain't a homo. And neither is he. He got it from a blood transfusion.

Tyler: Well then what's that awful smell?

Erik: Well see, we was walking across the grass when we accidentally stepped in your mother.

Tyler: Hey, Erika. How's your new boyfriend next door?

Erik: He's not next door, he's behind me. I ain't never even seen him.

Tyler: "I ain't never even seen him." Who are your neighbors then? Gomer Pyle and his brother Guber?

Erik: Eat shit.

Tyler: What was that? Hey come back here, Faggot! Hey I said come back here!

Tyler: Nothing great happens when you hold back.

Tyler: [to Elliot] Douche bag.

Mary: [hits him on the head] No 'douche bag' talk in my house!

Tyler: [sarcastically] Hey, Elliot, where's your goblin?

Michael: Shut up.

Steve: Did he come back?

Pretty Young Girl: Hi, Elliot.

Greg: Well, did he?

Elliott: Yeah, he came back, but he's not a goblin. He's a spaceman.

Steve: Ooh, as in extra-terrestrial!

Tyler: Where is he from, Uranus? Get it? Your anus?

Greg: He doesn't get it, Ty.

Tyler: Get it, your anus?

Greg: He doesn't get it.

Elliott: You're so immature!

Greg: And you're such a cintus suprimus!

Elliott: Zero charisma!

Greg: Cintus suprimus!

Elliott: Zero charisma!

Greg: Cintus suprimus!

Elliott: Shut up, Greg!

Greg: Cintus suprimus!

Elliott: [yells as he rides off on his bike] Zero charisma!

Greg: You wimp!

[watching Elliot's house under quarantine after E.T.'s death]

Steve: Something's happening.

Greg: [sarcastically] Ooh, they're gonna die.

Tyler: Shut up, Greg.

Steve: Something is definitely happening.

Tyler: We made it! Oh shit!

[having Elliot order the pizza so he can get in the game]

Greg: And plenty of sausages and pepperonis!

Tyler: Everything but the little fishies.

[last lines]

Tyler: What happened to you?

Tyler: Any other crazy bitch-ass fucking people here?

Grandma: Why are your pants so low?

Tyler: I rap.

Daughter: It's a form of modern poetry... if you give him a topic, he'll extemporaneously rhyme on the subject. His stage nom de plume is "T-Diamond Stylus." Go ahead, Nana, give him anything!

Grandma: Is food okay? I like food.

Daughter: Yeah. Of course!

Grandma: How about... pineapple upside-down cake?

Tyler: Yeah... sure, why not? Okay... mmm-hmm! Okay! Got it. Okay... the girls, they like me, they think I'm sweet like candy! One girl looked at me like I was a Hershey bar! Her name was Angie, and a few tall girls,they just looked at me blankly! So here's the thing you got to understand about me, I got more rhymes than a beehive has bees! So it didn't surprise, confuse or make me say "For heaven's sake", when a Hawaiian girl with a balance disorder said "You remind me of a pineapple upside-down cake"! Ho!

Daughter: It's Hasbro, not Milton Bradley that makes Yahtze now, Grandpa.

Tyler: [trying desperately to smooth things over] Well, I'M having fun!

Tyler: [Tyler find a fly-ridden heap of dirty diapers on a table in the shed] Holy SHIT! Holy Mother of Sarah McLachlan! Nana... what the HELL?

Tyler: Nothing can scare me!

Daughter: Yeah right!

Tyler: [sees something scary] AHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Tyler: So this is home, huh, Ghost?... Kind of has the Manson family charm.

Tyler: She realized of course, she'd have to go back to the clinic.

Ghost: You realize of course that you're speaking in the third person. It's a little weird. And I'm aware of no such thing.

Tyler: What if I said I missed you?

Ghost: His words felt empty, just like her head.

Tyler: [speaking to Brigitte over the phone] You still there?

[pause]

Brigitte: Sort of.

Ghost: Late at night, in secret chambers, he carried out his reign of moral terror.

Tyler: Isn't that mortal terror?

Ghost: No.

Tyler: Welcome to rehab, baby.

[Tyler asks Panic a question as he watches Panic steal out of Rome's bags]

Tyler: Did you ever kill anybody?

Panic: What kind of a question is that?

Tyler: A pretty direct one.

Panic: All right. I've killed about as many dudes as you've boned chicks. You make the call.

Tyler: Whew. That many? Wow.

Panic: [Tyler walks off as Panic tells himself] The kid's all right.

[first lines]

Tyler: [Mr. Burns drops off his son Tyler at the designated pick-up stop] Dad, please don't make me do this.

Mr. Burns: Tyler, it's for your own good. I checked out this program. Miss Lambert's helped a lot of kids. I... I think she can help you, too. Okay? Tyler?

Mr. Burns: [Tyler gets out of the truck looking back] I'm doing this because I want you to get better.

[Tyler meets Dee and Rome at the pick-up spot]

Rome Hernandez: [Rome slams on the breaks of his car] See that shit! Stops on a dime! Dee, how much did this thing cost?

Dee Dee Davenport: Uh, Daddy said the IRS paid for it.

Rome Hernandez: Since it was so cheap I asked her old man to buy me one, too. 'Only if you drive it to Mexico,' he says. 'And stay there!'

Rome Hernandez: [Rome looks to Tyler] Do I look Mexican to you?

Tyler: [Tyler looks around not knowing what to say] Yeah.

[Tyler shoots the basketball to Panic's game]

Panic: [Tyler shoots the jump shot and makes it] Again.

Tyler: I made it.

Panic: Yeah, well, I wasn't looking.

Panic: [Tyler makes the shot again] Lucky shot. Again.

Tyler: [Panic passes Tyler the ball] It's your turn.

Panic: [Tyler passes Panic the ball] Oh, so you make the rules now, huh?

Tyler: [they're ride honks the horn to pick the two up] Yeah, I do. Game's over.

[Tyler and Panic find their first tick]

Tyler: It's a tick. Vampires of the insect world.

Panic: Uh. That sucker's nasty.

Tyler: Got a match or something?

Panic: Yeah. Hold on.

Tyler: My grandfather told me this. They're too tough to squash.

Panic: [Tyler lights the match on the tick as it flames up] Damn.

[Tyler and Melissa take a walk together in the woods]

Melissa Danson: You must think I hate everything, huh?

Tyler: No, actually I, uh... you must like coming up here with your dad, huh?

Melissa Danson: No, I hate it. I hate this place. I mean, everybody says coming out to nature is supposed to be a poetic and inspiring experience, right? What is so inspiring about bugs and insects and snakes and creatures of the night making all that racket? It's suffocating and it's vile, and it's full of rot.

[Tyler and Melissa come back from they're stroll in the woods]

Tyler: Melissa got attacked by some big bug or something. Can we go home?

Charles Danson: Well, we are out in the wilderness.

Tyler: No, I know, but this wasn't your average wilderness bug, okay?

Melissa Danson: No, wait, this thing was, like, glued to my back or something. It was gross, it was all slimy, it was like a, like a...

Rome Hernandez: Like a big snot!

[Holly tells the kids what to do if they see any bugs]

Holly Lambert: Just don't touch it if you don't know what it is.

Melissa Danson: Don't touch it? It attacked me.

Holly Lambert: Oh, come on, guys. Bugs don't attack unless they're aggravated.

Tyler: Great. Classic story. The adults not believing the kids. Thanks.

Panic: I should've brought a piece, man. This place ain't safe.

[Tyler volunteers to jump out the second floor window pass the fire, pass the ticks]

Rome Hernandez: What, are you nuts?

Tyler: No, man, look. My panic disorder is acting up. I gotta get out of this room, okay?

Charles Danson: Are you gonna be okay, Tyler?

Tyler: Yeah, we'll all be okay. We just need to get out of here.

Rome Hernandez: Are you sure you know what you're doing?

Tyler: Sure, man. I mean if I can manage to swing out far enough, and defy the laws of gravity, and meet the van on the backswing?

Tyler: [Tyler chuckles to himself] I'll need a torch.

Grace: We're not supposed to talk about the fire.

Zoe: Your brother set the house on fire?

Tyler: No.

Zoe: Did your brother set the house on fire?

Grace: No. He made a dog go on fire and the dog made the fire.

Tyler: I know where you live.