Twitchy Quotes in Hoodwinked! (2005)

The Wolf: [receiving a lit stick of dynamite] What kind of candles are those?

Twitchy: [pointing at writing on dynamite] Dee-na-mee-tay. Must be Italian.

[the Wolf has observed Red's bike being carried across the river by hummingbirds]

The Wolf: Whoa! Creepy!

[retreats behind the bushes]

The Wolf: [voiceover] I was starting to have my suspicions.

[the Wolf takes out his note recorder]

The Wolf: Question: who does she move the goodies for? Where do they come from? Where are they going? And why the hood?

[Twitchy falls from the sky and lands on a tree stump next to the Wolf, who jumps]

The Wolf: Ah! Twitchy, you scared me!

Twitchy: [speaking very quickly] Hey boss, I called the taped-I beeped you on your beeper. Did you get my beep?

The Wolf: Twitchy, you gotta calm down.

Twitchy: [continues speaking quickly] I got up early and I got the gear - I was watching the girl like you told me to, the girl in the red hood.

The Wolf: Yeah, the girl in the red hood. Did you see where she went?

Twitchy: [pantomiming] She went past the porcupines and the red bird's tree and the guy with the long beard and now she's up the creek and she sings everywhere she goes, he's like lalalalalalalalalala...

The Wolf: Yeah, yeah, I'm way ahead of you. We gotta find out who she's working for. You got the camera?

Twitchy: Got the 220x and a photograb with autofocus. Ooo, look at that - come with a 500 millimeter lens. You want the color or black and white?

The Wolf: Doesn't matter.

Twitchy: I brought a flash!

[takes a picture]

The Wolf: Ugh, will you put that away! It's covert. No flash!

Twitchy: [takes the flash off] Undercover, got it! Mmm-hm. Nobody sees, nobody knows! Click-click, heh heh!

[grins]

The Wolf: [stares at Twitchy] You ever thought about decaffeinated coffee?

Twitchy: Oh, I don't drink coffee!

[the Wolf looks away, unconvinced]

The Wolf: I can't believe I'm saying this but... drink up.

[gives Twitchy the coffee]

The Wolf: We may want to stand back.

Twitchy: [Sips coffee and his eyes buldge and he starts shaking] Yee-hoo-hoo-hoo! Wahooo! Caffeine! Yeah baby! Whoa!

The Wolf: Go get 'em boy.

[Twitchy takes off and bounces all over the place]

The Wolf: What... have I done?

Granny: Now the rest's up to us.

The Woodsman: Can I have coffee?

The Wolf: You know, I'm front page material now. I'm about to crack a story about the 3 pigs running a home improvement scam. Houses falling left and right

Twitchy: I've got the wide angle lens for those piggies. You gotta go wide!

[after having his first taste of coffee and the caffeine obviously getting to him]

Twitchy: Caffeine! Yeah baby!

Twitchy: [catching up, out of breath after chasing Red] So when do we eat?

The Wolf: Sure, you hungry for failure? Maybe a side of unemployment? 'Cause that's what's for lunch.

Twitchy: What do we do?

The Wolf: We go right to the source. We've gotta get to Granny's before the kid does.

[Boingo appears]

Boingo: Is it a surprise?

The Wolf: Surprise for who?

Boingo: You're going over to Granny's house to surprise Red. I mean, is it her birthday, or some kind of shim dig, 'cause I'm great at parties! Watch me pull myself out of a hat!

[scratches his right ear against his head with a very forced grimace]

The Wolf: Yeah, big surprise party. You know how to get there?

Boingo: Oh, yeah. Yeah. In fact, I know a shortcut.

The Wolf: [to Twitchy, incredulous] You hear that? He knows a shortcut.

Boingo: Over the woods and through the river... No, you don't wanna go through the river. You'll get all wet.

The Wolf: You see, Twitchy? You get lemons, you make lemonade.

[Cuts to the Wolf and Twitchy walking in ankle-deep water through a pitch-black tunnel; Twitchy turns on his camera light]

The Wolf: And then that lemonade goes bitter, and ferments, and turns to pig-swill. Never trust a bunny with directions, Twitchy.

Twitchy: Sure thing, boss! Never trust a bunny!

The Wolf: Well the bright side is at least I finally dried off.

[immediately falls into a small hole, soaking his hoodie and bringing the water up to his waist]

The Wolf: Why couldn't I write movie reviews? We are in a pickle, and I blame myself. That bunny was worthless, not to mention he wrote the directions on an Easter Egg...

[holds up a brightly colored Easter egg with illegible text scribbled on the side]

The Wolf: ... which is very hard to read.

Twitchy: Oh, we're gonnadie here!

The Wolf: Come on, that's what they said at the Alamo!

[last lines]

Red: Mr. Flippers!

Nicky Flippers: I see you all got my message. Glad you could make it.

Granny: What's going on?

Nicky Flippers: Well, I was wondering if you'd like to come and work for me? I could use some fresh talent like you.

The Wolf: What kind of work are we talking about?

Nicky Flippers: You'd be under cover, on impossible missions, to far away places. There's a lot of stories out there that need a happy ending. I'm part of a secret organization that makes sure that happens.

Red: "Happily Ever After Agency"?

Nicky Flippers: The woods don't go 'round by themselves.

Twitchy: [talking very fast] Yeah! Alright! Okay we fight the bad guys, we ride the ski boats, climb the walls, and swing the windows secret agent style. Right! Yeah!

Nicky Flippers: So what do you think?

Granny: Bring it honey!

Red: I always did like happy endings.

Twitchy: [to The Wolf] I called you on my beeper. Did you get my beep?

Twitchy: Say parcheesi!

Twitchy: [Wolf gives Twitchy a cup of coffee] Caffeine! Yeah baby!

[bounces everywhere]

The Wolf: I knew it! Never trust a bunny!

Twitchy: Never trust a bunny!

Twitchy: [being slowed down on a tape machine so Nicky Flippers can understand him] The criminal you are looking for cannot be found at the bottom of the mountain; he resides at the top in a cave fortress where my companions are trying to detain him.

Twitchy: Eezie-Peezie boss, eh, leave it to me!

Chief Grizzly: [to the Wolf, after he tells his side] You got a way to back this up?

Twitchy: [appears] I got these pictures developed, Mr. Flippers!

Nicky Flippers: That so? Let's have a look...

[examines photos]

Nicky Flippers: Hmmm... these are good... Ha...

[shows picture of Wolf mounted in fish costume]

Nicky Flippers: Here's a nice one of you, Wolf.

The Wolf: Grrph...

Twitchy: I wanna do an expose' sometime; a gallery show. And maybe a coffee table book, 'course, I don't drink coffee. Maybe a china tea/latte book.

Nicky Flippers: Photos don't lie, Chief.

The Wolf: Good work, Twitchy.

Chief Grizzly: Grrph!