TV Personality Quotes in The Raspberry Reich (2004)

TV Personality: Masturbation is the highest form of magic.

[first lines]

TV Personality: The world of medicine has seen its share of miracle cures, from the polio vaccine to heart transplants. But all past achievements may pale in comparison to the work of Dr. Alice Krippin. Thank you so much for joining us this morning.

Dr. Alice Krippin: Not at all.

TV Personality: So, Dr. Krippin, give it to me in a nutshell.

Dr. Alice Krippin: Well, the premise is quite simple - um, take something designed by nature and reprogram it to make it work for the body rather than against it.

TV Personality: You're talking about a virus?

Dr. Alice Krippin: Indeed, yes. In this case the measles, um, virus which has been engineered at a genetic level to be helpful rather than harmful. Um, I find the best way to describe it is if you can... if you can imagine your body as a highway, and you picture the virus as a very fast car, um, being driven by a very bad man. Imagine the damage that car can cause. Then if you replace that man with a cop... the picture changes. And that's essentially what we've done.

TV Personality: And how many people have you treated so far?

Dr. Alice Krippin: Well, we've had ten thousand and nine clinical trials in humans so far.

TV Personality: And how many are cancer-free?

Dr. Alice Krippin: Ten thousand and nine.

TV Personality: So you have actually cured cancer.

Dr. Alice Krippin: Yes, yes... yes, we have.

[cuts to post-apocalyptic New York three years later]