TV Newscaster Quotes in Shocker (1989)

TV Newscaster: [Jonathan and Pinker are fighting through several channels of televison] Well we still have no word from our reporter at the home of Lt. Parker. However, incredibly, we have begun to receive unconfirmed reports of unexplained "appearances" of Jonathan Parker and a man who looks very much like executed mass murderer Horace Pinker, fighting at least what appears to be...

Horace Pinker: [during a boxing match, to boxer] Kick his ass!

TV Newscaster: ...programming of several local stations during the last several minutes. However...

Horace Pinker: [Jonathan is suddenly thrown onto the news desk by Pinker and runs away. Pinker looks at the camera] And that's the way it is.

[chases after Jonathan]

TV Newscaster: [shocked] Did you get that?

TV Newscaster: The 11 O'Clock News has just learned that porn film star, Roxanne Dujour, died today on the set of her recent film, E.A.T. Me 2. According to reliable sources, her last words were, Oh God! Oh My! Oh Yes! Oh Yes, Yes! Oh My God, Yes Yes! Oh, Oh, Oh! Yes!

TV Newscaster: Police have been puzzled in the last week by what they describe as well-organized bands of 15 to 20 women on bicycles attacking men on the street. While the victims have claimed that these incidents were unprovoked, eyewitness reports have led investigators to believe that these men may themselves have been attempting to assault women. However, officials have condemned the lawlessness of such vigilante groups and asked for information leading to the arrests of the women involved.

[smiles smugly]

TV Newscaster: Maybe even their telephone numbers. We'll have more information on the 11 O'Clock report. Now here's Linda with the weather.