TV Director Quotes in The Stupids (1996)

Glamorous Actress: Some people think it's easy being a celebrity, but when they canceled my series "Malibu Beach Detective", I was just absolutely devastated.

[the "Applause" sign comes on and the audience applauds]

Late Night Show Host: Well, I'm sure everyone is very sympathetic for you. You've put so much work into such a fine series to have it taken off the air.

Glamorous Actress: As an artist, I was truly crushed.

[the "Applause" sign comes on again and the audience applauds]

Glamorous Actress: It was the most awful, shocking, heartbreaking thing that's ever happened to me!

[backstage, Petunia is unkowingly flipping the switch that turns the "Applause" sign on and off]

Petunia Stupid: Mom, I can't get this light switch to work.

Joan Stupid: Just a moment dear.

[she writes "Give it to the fat guy" on a blank cue card]

Joan Stupid: Now, let's take a look.

[she fiddles with the switch and the sign comes on, with audience applauding]

Glamorous Actress: Well, maybe you'd all be happier if there was no primetime television.

[Joan fiddles with the switch some more; the audience keeps applauding]

TV Director: What's going on?

Glamorous Actress: You could spend every night reading books together.

[Joan flips the switch; the audience applauds; the Glamourous Actress leaves]

Late Night Show Host: Well, my next guest is a world-class French chef, so stay tuned, everyone, and let's...

[reads from cue card which is actually a reminder note from Joan Stupid]

Late Night Show Host: Give it to the fat guy!

French Chef: Fat? Fat? Moi, fat?

[yells in French]

French Chef: [he starts shaking the host around while Joan flips the switch one last time and the audience applauds]

Daniel McTeague: You missed the basket while you was on the guy with the painted face.People hate that.

TV Director: Wait a minute.Who's directing this you or me?Let me check.

[Looks down at chair]

TV Director: That's my ass.That's my ass in the director's chair.Shit.I must be the director!

TV Director: Roll the rescue stations!

TV Producer: We just got a report that half those stations have been knocked out.

TV Director: Then get me another list.

TV Producer: Sure, I'll just pull one out of my ass, right?

TV Director: [referring to Dr. Foster] Get that guy off the air!

Camera man: What the hell's going on?