Tummler Quotes in Gummo (1997)

Tummler: [voiceover] I knew a guy who was dyslexic, but he was also cross-eyed, so everything came out right.

Tummler: I'm pretty smart, if I say so myself.

Huntz: Why is that?

Tummler: This afternoon, we walked into a fruit store, and the clerk thinks I'm some out-of-town hick. "Those apples will be two bucks each," he tells me. That's where I outsmarted him. I pass over a five. And as he's about to give me a dollar change, I say, "Keep it, we're even. On the way in, I stepped on a grape."

Tummler: When I sit down to eat, I get sexy! When I go to bed, I get hungry! I saw a man lying in the street, and I said, "Can I help you?" He said, "No. I just found a parking space. Now I'm waiting for my wife to go buy a car!"

Tummler: [voiceover] Without wood, there'd be no America. No ships to bring the pilgrims across the ocean. No log cabins, no schoolhouses, no churches, no covered wagons, no railroad ties, no cigar store Indians, no nothin'.

Tummler: Know what I'm doing tomorrow?

Solomon: What?

Tummler: Going to an insane asylum.

Solomon: Insane asylum?

Tummler: Gonna get me a raving beauty.

[Tummler is aiming his BB gun at a cat]

Solomon: You got this one?

Tummler: Yep.

Solomon: [looks at the cat, and lowers Tummler's BB gun] Don't kill the bitch. It's a house cat.

[the cat runs off]

Tummler: It's a lesbian cat. You can tell.

Solomon: Looks like my mom.

Solomon: Is she dead?

Tummler: She's alive on that machine.

Tummler: This baker, had gravy on his vest, gravy on his tie, gravy on his pants, gravy all over him. So he went to his grave, with gravy on his vest, gravy on his tie, gravy on his pants, gravy all over him. That dirty old man!

Tummler: [voiceover] His dad never gave a crap. Not even at the end of his game. It was scary to see him despondent like that. His dad didn't care for mom much either, or the little doggy. He started going to church, and he started listening to the gospels. It was expected when he robbed the neighbors. He took their wine, and he took some rings, and fine jewelry. I think he got a fur coat as well. When he had a kid, he didn't think to watch his ways. He thought the same as his daddy.