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Grand Duchess Gloriana: How did the war go?
Tulley Bascombe: Well, Your Grace, we're home. Actually, there's been a slight change of plan. I know it will come as a surprise, a pleasant one, I hope, but we sort of won.
Prime Minster Count Rupert Mountjoy: You sort of *what*?

-- Tulley Bascombe
Tulley Bascombe: Men of Fenwick, where you hear the name of Grand Fenwick do your hearts swell with pride?
Men of Fenwick: Yes!
Tulley Bascombe: And if your country calls will you rush to enlist?
Men of Fenwick: No!
Tulley Bascombe: Oh.

-- Tulley Bascombe
Tulley Bascombe: Remember, men. There is nothing wrong with surrendering to overwhelming powers, as long as it is done in a military manner.

-- Tulley Bascombe
Helen Kokintz: You can turn around right now and kiss me if you want to.
Tulley Bascombe: Really?
Helen Kokintz: Really.

-- Tulley Bascombe
Tulley Bascombe: My girl, and my bomb!

-- Tulley Bascombe
Tulley Bascombe: There isn't a more profitable undertaking for any country than to declare war on the United States and to be defeated.

-- Tulley Bascombe
Tulley Bascombe: [about the Q-Bomb] How should I carry it?
Professor Alfred Kokintz: Carefully.

-- Tulley Bascombe
Pedro: How did the war with the United States go, eh?
Tulley Bascombe: We won!

-- Tulley Bascombe

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