Truman Quotes in Armageddon (1998)

Truman: So what's the verdict?

Harry Stamper: They'll do it. They've made a few requests though.

Truman: Such as?

Harry Stamper: [riffles through sheets of paper] Well, there's uh, few things here, uh... nothin' really big, uh, just- Well, as an example, uh, uh, Oscar here, he's got some outstanding parking tickets. Wants them wiped off his record.

Oscar: [shouting from balcony] Fifty-six tickets in seven states...

Harry Stamper: [to Oscar] I'll-I'll tell 'em Oscar, you got it.

Oscar: Okay.

Harry Stamper: Uh, Noonan's got two women friends that he'd like to see made American citizens no questions asked. Max would like you to... bring back eight-track tapes. Not sure if that's gonna work, but, uh, let's see what else. Um, Chick wants a full week's Emperor's Package at Caesar's Palace. Um - hey, you guys wouldn't be able to tell us who actually killed Kennedy, would ya?

[pause, turns and shakes his head]

Harry Stamper: Um, Bear would like to stay at the...

[tries to read writing]

Harry Stamper: "White horse"?

[looks up at Bear]

Bear: White, *House*. White House.

Harry Stamper: White House. Yeah, he'd like to stay in the Lincoln bedroom of the White House for the summer. Stuff like that.

Truman: Sure, I think we can, uh, take care of... some of that.

Rockhound: [shouting from balcony] Harry!

Harry Stamper: [motions back at Rockhound] Yeah one more thing, um... none of them wanna pay taxes again.

[pauses]

Harry Stamper: Ever.

General Kimsey: If you're trying to make me feel better about this scenario, give it up.

Truman: To tell you the truth, I'm kind of encouraged. This guy Chick here was an Air Force commando for six years.

General Kimsey: We got robbery, assault, arrest, resisting arrest. We got a collection agent for the mob. Two of these guys have done serious time.

Truman: Look, they're the best at what they do.

General Kimsey: So am I. And I'm not so optimistic. We spend 250 billion dollars a year on defense. And here we are. The fate of the planet is in the hands of a bunch of retards I wouldn't trust with a potato gun.

Harry Stamper: What's your contingency plan?

Truman: Contingency plan?

Harry Stamper: Your backup plan. You gotta have some kind of backup plan, right?

Truman: No, we don't have a back up plan. This is it.

Harry Stamper: And this is the best that you c - that the-the government, the *U.S. government* can come up with? I mean, you-you're NASA for cryin' out loud, you put a man on the moon, you're geniuses! You-you're the guys that think this shit up! I'm sure you got a team of men sitting around somewhere right now just thinking shit up and somebody backing them up! You're telling me you don't have a backup plan, that these eight boy scouts right here, that is the world's hope, that's what you're telling me?

Truman: Yeah.

Rockhound: Yeah, I remember this one. It's where the, uh, the coyote sat his ass down in a slingshot then he strapped himself to an Acme rocket. Is that - is that what we're doin' here?

Harry Stamper: [under his breath] Rockhound.

Rockhound: No, no, really, because it didn't work out too well for the coyote, Harry.

Harry Stamper: [talking over him] Hey, Rock. Knock it off.

Truman: Well, actually, we have a lot better rockets than the coyote.

Oscar: Ok, Mr. Truman, let's say that we actually do land on this. What's it gonna be like up there?

Truman: 200 degrees in the sunlight, minus 200 in the shade, canyons of razor-sharp rock, unpredictable gravitational conditions, unexpected eruptions, things like that.

Oscar: Okay, so the scariest environment imaginable. Thanks. That's all you gotta say, scariest environment imaginable.

Truman: Now let's keep the laughter to a minimum. I know this is not to scale. Both shuttles will take off Tuesday at 6:30pm. Now, 67 minutes later, you're gonna dock with the Russian Space Station to meet cosmonaut Andropov, who will refuel the shuttles with liquid O2 - that's your fuel - then you'll release and take a 60 hour trip toward the moon. Now we only have one shot of landing on this rock, and that's precisely when the asteroid passes by the moon. You'll then use lunar gravity and burn your thrusters, slingshotting you around the moon, coming up behind the asteroid. You'll be upward of 11 G's.

Truman: [a team of soldiers come into the control room via the elevators] What is this?

General Kimsey: Secondary protocol.

Truman: But they haven't drilled the damn hole yet!

General Kimsey: The president's advisors feel that the drilling isn't working. And we've lost radio contact, maybe for good. We've only got a few minutes left of guaranteed ability to remote detonate that nuke. If we don't do it now, we could lose control and we may never get it back.

Truman: Well, you tell the president that he better fire his so-called advisors! And if you detonate that nuke on the surface, we've wasted a perfectly good bomb. And we have one chance to save this planet!

Truman: So you drill, you drop the nuke, and you leave. Now, here's the key: you're gonna remote-detonate the bomb... before the asteroid passes this plane,

[Quincy shows a video of the asteroid]

Truman: Zero Barrier. You do that, and the remaining pieces of rock should be deflected enough to pass right by us. Now, if the bomb explodes after Zero Barrier...

[the video of the asteroid fragments hitting the Earth is displayed]

Truman: Game's over.

Truman: [explaining to the Stampers about the asteroid] So, when the rogue comet hit the asteroid belt, it sent shrapnel right for us. For the next 15 days, the Earth's in a shooting gallery. Even if the asteroid itself hits the water, it's still hitting land. It'll flash boil millions of galleons of sea water and slam into the ocean bedrock. Now if it's a Pacific Ocean impact, which we think it will be, it'll create a tidal wave 3 miles high, travel at a thousand miles an hour, covering California, and washing up in Denver. Japan's gone, Australia's wiped out. Half the world's population will be incinerated by the heat blast, and the rest will freeze to death from nuclear winter.

Truman: Welcome back, cowboy.

A.J.: Uh, Harry wanted you to have this.

Truman: He did, huh ?

Truman: [before shuttles launch] OK gentleman, you're our warriors up there. God be with you. You're already heroes, just sit back and enjoy the ride.

A.J.: Uh, Harry wanted you to have this.

Truman: He did, huh.

Truman: Welcome back, cowboy.

A.J.: Uh, Harry wanted you to have this.

Truman: He did, huh.

Truman: Welcome back, cowboy !

A.J.: Uh, Harry wanted you to have this.

Truman: He did, huh.

Truman: Welcome back, cowboy.

A.J.: Uh, Harry wanted you to have this.

Truman: He did, huh ?

Truman: Welcome back, cowboy !

A.J.: Uh, Harry wanted you to have this.

Truman: He did, huh ?

Truman: Welcome back, cowboy !

A.J.: Uhh, Harry wanted you to have this.

Truman: He did, huh ?

Frank: Excuse me, miss. I'll take a rum coke please. Rude me, make that two.

Megan: [Truman shows the handcuffs so Megan would know Frank is a prisoner] Right, how about a coke?

Frank: If a little bit bacardi would find its way in there. It would be our little secret, huh.

Megan: Anything for you mister...

Truman: Burrows, Truman. But no thank you.

Frank: And I'm Frank. Frank Lee Strathmore. It's a name with a rich tradition, my family...

Truman: She doesn't need to hear your family history, Frank.

Frank: [to Megan] Look, I don't expect to be tied up long. Just a couple of parking ticket kinda things, really. I mean, how about if you and I meet at the Eiffel Tower around midnight?

Truman: [to Megan] I'm sorry to disappoint you but Frank here, he's gonna be a little busy.

Megan: That's okay. Truman, if you guys need anything let me know.

Truman: Thank you.

Megan: Okay.

Frank: [Megan leaves] Truman? Truman? That pretty well does it for me. Look if you play your cards right, she could be cuffing you later.

Truman: You're gonna shut up and drink your coke.

Frank: You know you got the wrong man?

Truman: Yeah, that's why Interpol has your face all over the Internet.

Frank: It's a classic case of mistaken identity.

Truman: Yeah.

Frank: Hey, hey. Burrows, you can't treat me like this. I'm not guilty. It's not fair, bouncing me over the world to stand trial here and there for something I did not do. I'm not guilty. I'm not guilty, I have a clear conscience. I'm not guilty.

Truman: Yeah.

Frank: What is it going to take to convince you that I'm innocent.

Truman: An act of god. Now shut up before I make you eat that flotation device you're sitting on.

Frank: [about the shaking of the plane] Maybe this little diversion will keep my mind of your tasteless cheap suit.

Truman: Would you feel better if I was in a bitch ass orange jumpsuit, like the one you're gonna be wearing for the rest of your life.

Frank: There you go getting nasty again. While I'm nearly offering a criticism on that citorial horrorshow you call a suit. However I do like the shirt, does it come in men style? And for your information, the jumpsuits in France are some sort of burgundy, yeah.

Truman: Well you should look nice in that colour. And I know a colour corsage to get you when Big Pierre makes you his wife.

Frank: Someone sounds a wee bit jealous.

Truman: Yeah.

Megan: Are you guys okay?

Frank: I'm fine. But do you think we could move up to business class, I mean the plane's really empty and...

Truman: He's kidding, we're fine.

Megan: Okay.

Frank: [Megan leaves] Hey, I'm trying to help you out here. She wants you. Make your move. Go boy, go.

Frank: Come on, Burrows. I need to go to the sandbox.

Truman: What?

Frank: I gotta pee.

Truman: No, you heard the PA. Sit down and hold it.

Frank: Fine. Oh, if you should happen to feel something warm, just move a little to the right.

Truman: You're like a five year old. Come on, let's go.

Frank: Statistically speaking, the tail section is the safest place to be in in a crash...

Truman: Frank, not now!

Truman: Alright, we need to find everything that can be used as a weapon.

Megan: Does anyone have anything sharp?

Frank: Oh, they confiscated my toenail clipper. Pearl handled. It was quite lovely.

Truman: Damn Frank, you should've brought those. Could've saved the day.

Frank: You never know.

Frank: [Frank volunteered himself to fly the plane] Where's the autopilot?

Truman: I don't know. You're asking me, Frank?

Frank: This is different. This is different. Don't yell at me!

Truman: I'm not yelling!

Truman: I thought only I could repel women with that kind of raw efficiency.

[repeated line]

Truman: Good morning, and in case I don't see ya, good afternoon, good evening, and good night!

Christof: I know you better than you know yourself.

Truman: You never had a camera in my head!

Truman: [to an unseen Christof] Who are you?

Christof: [on a speaker] I am the Creator - of a television show that gives hope and joy and inspiration to millions.

Truman: Then who am I?

Christof: You're the star.

Truman: [Sailing in the artificially-roughened winds and seas - he shouts to the sky] Is that the best you can do?

[Christof, in the "moon room", whips around to face the screen, shocked]

Truman: You're gonna have to kill me!

[sings]

Truman: What do ya do with a drunken sailor? What do ya do with a drunken sailor? What do ya do with a drunken sailor ear-lye in the mor-nin'!

Truman: [after scaring the two control room directors by seemingly talking to them, then easing them by seeming to revert back to his eccentricity, while they look at their notes temporarily] That one's for free.

Marlon: Where the hell's Fiji? Near Florida?

Truman: [pointing to golf ball] See here?

Marlon: Yeah.

Truman: This is us...

[guides finger halfway around ball]

Truman: and all the way around here... FIJI. You can't get any further away before you start coming back.

Truman: The early bird gathers no moss! The rolling stone catches the worm!

Truman: I hereby proclaim this planet Trumania of the Burbank Galaxy.

Meryl: [brandishing the "Chef's Pal" kitchen multi-knife to keep him away from her] Truman! You are scaring me!

Truman: No. You're scaring me, Meryl. What are you gonna do? Dice me, slice me or peel me? There's so many CHOICES!

Travel Agent: Where would you like to go?

Truman: Fiji.

Travel Agent: When?

Truman: [pats his suitcase] Today.

Travel Agent: [types on her computer] Oh, I'm sorry, but we don't have another flight for a least a month.

Truman: A month?

Travel Agent: It's the busy season.

Meryl: [holding up a jar of cocoa, slipping into advertising mode] Why don't you let me fix you some of this Mococoa drink? All natural cocoa beans from the upper slopes of Mount Nicaragua. No artificial sweeteners.

Truman: [looking around] What the hell are you talking about? Who are you talking to?

Meryl: I've tasted other cocoas. This is the best.

Truman: I figure we can scrape together $8,000...

Meryl: Every time you and Marlon get together...

Truman: We can bum around the world for a year on that!

Meryl: And then what, Truman? We'd be where we were five years ago. You're talking like a teenager.

Truman: Well, maybe I feel like a teenager.

Meryl: We have mortgage payments, Truman.

[He sighs]

Meryl: We have car payments. What, we're going to just walk away from our financial obligations?

Truman: [He stands, whirls around, bends pleadingly, his hands reaching as though to grab the world] It would be an adventure!

Meryl: I thought we were gonna try for a baby.

[He turns away and rubs the back of his neck]

Meryl: Isn't that enough of an adventure?

Truman: [Truman turns back, waves his arms dramatically] That can wait. I want to get away, see some of the world! Explore!

Meryl: [teasing him] Honey, you wanna be an explorer.

[She rises, goes to him, strokes his cheek]

Meryl: This'll pass. We all think like this now and then.

Marlon: Look at that sunset, Truman. It's perfect.

Truman: Yeah.

Marlon: That's the big guy. Quite a paint brush he's got.

Meryl: [Spinning around the roundabout] Truman, I think I'm going to throw up!

Truman: Me too!

Meryl: Hi, honey! Look what I got free at the checkout. It's a "Chef's Pal". It's a dicer, grater, peeler, all in one. Never needs sharpening, dishwasher safe!

Truman: [feigning interest] Wow. That's amazing.

Truman's Mother: [looking through a photo album] Here's us at Mount Rushmore. Do you remember, Truman? When Dad was still with us? That was quite a drive, you slept the whole way there.

Truman: [looking closer at the old photo of himself as a boy with his parents in front of an inaccurate mock-up of Mount Rushmore] It looks so small.

Truman's Mother: [quickly turning the page] Things always do when you look back, darling.

[Truman is trying to leave town in his car, with Meryl. He's gone through various obstacles including traffic jams and a forest fire. Now he's hearing a warning siren]

Truman: [suspiciously] What now?

[they're coming up to Seahaven Nuclear Power Station. Police, firemen and men in radiation suits are blocking the road]

Meryl: Truman, it looks like a leak at the plant.

Policeman at Power Plant: [walking up to the car window] Back up, back up. Leak at the plant. We had to shut her down.

Truman: Is there any way around?

Policeman at Power Plant: [shakes head] Whole area's been evacuated.

Meryl: Is there anything I can do?

Policeman at Power Plant: No, ma'am.

Truman: [sighs] Thank you for your help.

Policeman at Power Plant: You're welcome, Truman.

Truman: [stunned whisper] Truman?

Truman: Can you tell her I had to go to Fiji and that I'll call her when I get there?

Truman: Are you alright, Man?

Samuel Faulkner: Yes, I'm fine. I was just listening to what you were saying. Um, could you repeat it so I could get it down?

Truman: You're an asshole, and my dad's a bastard!

Truman: My dad's an asshole.

Samuel Faulkner: Okay. Good. Um, is that something you can maybe elaborate on for me a little?

Truman: Okay. My dad's a giant asshole.

Truman: Do me a favor.

Lyndel: What's that?

Truman: Behave.

Truman: Korab, is that you?

Robbo: No, it's my twin brother.

Truman: But she is married.

Alex Mann: I know.

Truman: No, you don't, you've never been married. Fuck the vows, it's the years you can't undo. You will never be able to take away the years with her husband. And the moment you try, this will be gone.

[... ]

Truman: Be smart, keep it as it is.

Truman: Do you think you'll tell your husband about tonight?

Joanna Reed: I don't know, tonight's not over yet.

Truman: I don't know if Alex would ever settle down with anyone. Like... he seems more whole on his own.