Trish Quotes in This Means War (2012)

Trish: Don't choose the better guy, choose the guy that's gonna make you the better girl.

Lauren: FDR has these tiny, like, girl hands. Like, little T-Rex hands.

Trish: Ew, gross!

[Tuck laughs]

Trish: That means he's got a Mike and Ike for a penis.

[Tuck laughs out loud]

FDR Foster: You knot that's not true. You've seen it. You've seen it in Bangladesh, you know that's not true.

Lauren: Oh, I think I'm going to hell

Trish: Don't worry. If you're going to hell, I'll just come pick you up.

Lauren: I'm going out. I'm dating. I'm having fun.

Trish: You date but you're not taking it seriously.

Lauren: Oh, it was the most humiliating moment ever.

Trish: Well, that's because you have to come up with, like, better excuses. You should have been like, "I have a fiancé, too, but he's actually getting a penile reduction this afternoon because his penis is so big, every time it lands like a poltergeist."

Trish: Aren't you forgetting something?

Roger Murtaugh: Oh.

[puckers lips]

Trish: [thrusts bulletproof vest upon him] THIS! You wear it, you eat in it, you sleep in it! Okay? 6 more days! And Riggs, keep an eye on him.

Martin Riggs: Okay.

Roger Murtaugh: She loves me.

Han Sing: I can't hit a girl.

Trish: Look, I don't know how it is in China, but in America, if a girl is kicking your ass, you do not have to be a gentleman.

Trish: So Ahkbar, tell me, is it true what they say about Hong Kong?

Han Sing: What's that?

Trish: You know, all you guys do Kung Fu.

Han Sing: Of course. State law.

Han Sing: What's your name?

Trish: You think I want you calling me?

Han Sing: I don't have a phone.

Trish: Yeah, well dead giveaway. Besides, you drive like shit.

Trish: [Han has just sneaked into her room] Are you out of your mind? What are you doing here?

Han Sing: I missed you.

Trish: You missed me? I'm gonna miss you when my father finds out you're here.

Maurice: [after Han leaves posing as a delivery boy] Where the food?

Trish: What?

Maurice: Delivery boy just left, where the hells the take-out food?

Trish: Are you hungry baby?

Maurice: [runs out door, after Han]

Isaak: He's a lot shorter than I thought.

Trish: [laughs] Oh, Daddy.

Isaak: He's just a little guy.

Trish: Can you break one of those boards with your head?

Han Sing: Sure.

Trish: I'd have to see that.

Trish: By the way, you drive like shit.

Trish: Do I know you?

Maurice: How you gonna play me like that?

Trish: What?

Maurice: Now you know I work for your pops.

Trish: Right, right. What's your name again? Something starts with an M...

Maurice: Yeah, that's it. That's it.

Trish: Moron.

Maurice: Funny. It's Maurice, all right?

Trish: Hey, what are you doing?

Orin Boyd: I'm a cop, it's alright.

Trish: Since when do cops make things okay?

T.K. Johnson: Yeah, man! Since when do cops make... Man, that shit hurts.

"Mud": Dad! Just because I'm smart doesn't mean I can't act stupid.

Zach: If Mud's guilty I am too.

Gaby: Me too! I'm smart enough to act stupid.

Trish: Yeah and I'm stupid too! Well... you know what I mean.

Grocery Checker: Can I see your ID? You gotta be 19 to buy this stuff.

Zach: No problem.

Grocery Checker: You were born in 1963?

Zach: Yeah.

Grocery Checker: And that would make you?

Zach: 21.

Grocery Checker: Wrong. It's 1994. That would make you 31.

Trish: Wrong! If he was born in 1963, and he's 21, then it's 1984! Uh!

Trish: So why are you wasting all your time fixing up an old car when you're too young to drive?

Zach: In Tijuana you can drive at 14.

Trish: Yeah, like they're going to let you cut class to go take driver's ed in Mexico?

Zach: Who says I'm going back?

Trish: You mean you're dropping out?

Zach: Maybe... would you miss me?

Trish: ...No.

Zach: No?

Trish: ...Maybe.

Zach: Maybe?

[smiles at her]

Trish: No.

"Mud": Gaby, when does your mom leave for the islands?

Gaby: Just as soon as she puts me on the bus to Camp Slenderella.

Trish: Again?

Gaby: Celery sticks and rice cakes... prison food!

Trish: I'll mail you a Twinkie.

Trish: He tried doing Silence of the Lambs as a musical. He got fired and he left town.

"Mud": Yeah well he got fired, but I don't think he left town.

[shows Dennis' picture in the yearbook]

Trish: The cheese man at the mall?

Zach: We're not 'delinquent friends'.

Trish: Oh really? Then how come you go to military camps every summer, because you like the haircuts?

Zach: You know my Dad. 'Military camp builds character'

Gaby: [about Camp Slenderella] 'It's for your own good, Gabs'.

Trish: [about Broadway Camp] 'But Trish, all the OTHER kids are going!'

"Mud": Hey, how about this one? 'It'll be fun'.

Trish: Wig-n-Wam? What're we doing at a car wash?

Gaby: This will never work.

Dennis Van Welker: Haven't you ever heard of a clean getaway?

Alli: Speaking of the Devil.

Trish: Don't worry we'll try and save you some cake.

Alli: Thanks I hope you gag on it.

[last lines]

Trish: So how was it?

Trish: [on the bed, kissing] Do you have protection?

Andy Stitzer: I don't like guns.

Andy Stitzer: [defending himself from Trish's comments on him riding a bicycle] Einstein rode a bike!

Trish: He had a wife, who he fucked, by the way!

Trish: What is this, your roofie, your date drug?

Andy Stitzer: It's a mentos. They're the freshmaker.

Andy Stitzer: [Calling to Trish, who is out of the room] Do you mind if I use your, uh, magnum?

Trish: [From the other room. Excited] Umm... Yeah!

Andy Stitzer: [stretches condom over arm] Wow.

Trish: [phone rings] Hello?

Andy Stitzer: Hey, how you doing?

Trish: Um... how you doing?

Andy Stitzer: I'm well.

Trish: Who is this?

Andy Stitzer: This is... James.

[hits himself with the phone]

Trish: James? Do I know you, James?

Andy Stitzer: [stammering] I was wondering whether you had a few minutes to talk about a little laundry detergent.

Trish: Are you a telemarketer, James?

Andy Stitzer: Yep.

Trish: Are you at the top of a tall building? Can you get to a roof quickly? Jump off! I mean, you people are sick. Get a real fucking job, why don't you? Go shoot yourself in the fucking head! Hey, why don't you just, you know, get a knife and run into it? Why don't you do that, huh?

Andy Stitzer: Okay.

Trish: All right, I'll see you later, James.

Andy Stitzer: Nice to talk to you.

Trish: Fuck your mother, okay? Bye-bye.

[hangs up]

Trish: And what is this?

Andy Stitzer: [sounding exasperated] A vagina.

Trish: I'm throwing myself at you and all you can think about are fucking toys.

Andy Stitzer: They're not fucking toys! This is Ironman, okay?

Trish: How come no matter how much you treat me like shit, I can't help loving you even more?

Trish: Oh, I sure hope the kids don't catch whatever he's got.

Trish: Oh, Bill. Please don't get mad at me. I know you hate it when I ask, but... Do you still?

Bill: Oh.

Trish: Oh.

Bill: Yes. Very very much.

Trish: Oh, Bill, and I do too! I'm sorry I need to keep being reminded, it's just...

Bill: I know.

Trish: And we haven't been.

Bill: I know. And it's my fault.

Trish: My fault.

Russ Thorn: [to Trish] You're pretty. All of you are very pretty. I love you. It takes a lot of love for a person to... do this. You know you want it. You'll like it. Yes...

Trish: No... please... I don't even know you.

Trish: Diane! You're a snob!

Diane: Hey, only the best people are, you know?

Trish: Look, what do you have against Valerie, anyway?

Diane: Nothing. She drinks too much milk.

Jackie: What do all the guys see in Diane anyway?

Trish: She's beautiful.

Jackie: I think she's got a big mouth.

Kim: Hey, it's not the size of your mouth; it's what's in it that counts.

Trish: What I don't see is what she sees in John Minor.

Kim: Maybe what we don't see.

Trish: Hey, it's not how big it is, remember?

Jackie, Kim: It's what's in it that counts!

[there's a knock at the front door]

Trish: Who is it?

Jackie: [from outside] We're here for the orgy.

[there's scratching on the door, accompanied by heavy panting]

Kim: [from outside] Let us in! Let us in! Hurry!

[Diane is talking on the phone with her boyfriend; the girls are downstairs listening on the other end]

Diane: I love it, too. You think I'm getting better?

[the girls break out in laughter and Diane hears]

Diane: I think our first amendment's been violated.

Trish: Not the word I would have chosen.

Mrs. Devereaux: You lock all the doors and windows.

Trish: Mom, I'm eighteen years old, remember?

Mrs. Devereaux: You will *always* be my baby.

Mrs. Devereaux: Trish, the chips are under the sink and there's soda in the fridge, and our number at the hotel is right by the phone.

Trish: Okay, Mom, everything will be fine.

Trish: That's odd; none of the fuses are blown, but some of them are missing.

[Trish has just tried to kill herself; Rita goes to visit her in hospital]

Rita: Why?

Trish: Darling, why not?

Rita: Oh, Trish, don't. Come on, it's all right, don't cry. You're still here.

Trish: That's why I'm crying - it didn't work. It didn't bloody work.

Rita: Trish. Look, you didn't really mean to kill yourself. You were just...

Trish: Just what, darling? Poor Susan. You think you've got everything, don't you?

Rita: Trish, you have.

Trish: Oh yes. When I listen to poetry and music, then I can live. You see, darling, the rest of the time it's just me. And that's not enough.

[first words to Rita as she opens the door of her flat]

Trish: Wouldn't you just *die* without Mahler?

Trish: Are you seeing anyone?

Mark Wiener: No, I'm more focused on China. Everything else is history. It's just a question of time.

Trish: Are you saying you would forgive the 9/11 terrorists?

Timmy: Well, no, not those terrorists because they're dead.

Rachel: Who's Mistress Eakens? I'm supposed to take this to Mistress Eakens? Do you know who she is? Mistress Eakens? Do you know what I'm talking about?

Trish: No.

Rachel: Mistress Eakens, I think he said.

Trish: Mister Seakins?

Rachel: Oh, I thought he said Mistress Eakens. I thought that was an unusual name.

Trish: [in the house with Jason] Tommy! Tommy, get the hell outta here!

[Jason appears. Trish then holds him off with the machete]

Trish: You son of a bitch! I'll give ya something to remember us by.

Tommy: [after watching the teens skinny-dipping] Some pack of patootsies, huh?

Trish: Tommy!

[Rob nearly attacks Trish by mistake]

Rob: What the hell are you doing here?

Trish: What are you trying to do, kill me?

Mrs. Jarvis: Someone left the front door open again.

Tommy: We're in the country.

Mrs. Jarvis: Well, what happens if a psycho wanders in?

Trish: He'd probably challenge him to a game of Zaxxon.

Rob: Jason's body has disappeared from the morgue.

Trish: It was stolen.

Rob: It was not stolen. Two people at the hospital are missing. Is this coincidence? He's alive.

Trish: [Darry wants to climb down in the pipe leading to the Creeper's House of Pain] You know the part in scary movies when somebody does something really stupid, and everybody hates them for it? This is it.

[after running over the Creeper]

Darry: Is he dead?

Trish: They never are.

Trish: [after being attacked] What the hell was that guy's problem?

Darry: My first guess?

[Sitcks his head out the window]

Darry: *Inbreeding*!

[Trish and Darry pull up at the Cat Lady's house]

Darry: Come on, Trish, look at this place. Let's just keep going. I mean it, come on.

Trish: You don't wanna get help?

Darry: Help from who?

Trish: Let's just use the phone.

Darry: And call who?

Trish: I don't know.

Darry: And tell them what?

Trish: I don't know!

Darry: "Hey, bum-fuck police, I'm being chased by a guy who likes to pull tongues out of severed heads with his teeth. Is there a special extension for that?"

Trish: [Darry's cell phone las a low battery] The point of having a portable phone, idiot, is so that it works when you need it.

Darry: I hace a power cable for it.

Trish: Yeah, and I have a cigarette lighter *that doesn't work*!

Darry: Goddamn it! What did I say? My car! We should've taken my car!

Darry: He dumped something down that pipe.

Trish: Wrapped in a sheet.

Darry: Wrapped in rope and a sheet.

Trish: Wrapped in rope and a sheet with red stains... just get us out of here!

Darry: We have to get out of here.

Trish: No, let's stay and feed the birds.

Trish: Christ, do you think they even have a phone?

Darry: I'm guessing no phones and a lot of guns.

The Cat Lady: You got ten seconds to get your ass out of my yard, and don't think I'm gonna tell ya twice!

Trish: Get the hell away from him.

Darry: What are you doing, Trish?

Trish: Get the hell away from him!

Trish: The first time I heard that story, I used to think this would be the road I'd die on.

Jezelle Gay Hartman: [Trish answers the phone at the diner] Have you seen the cats yet?

Trish: What?

Jezelle Gay Hartman: Cats, lots of them, have you seen them yet? You and your brother?

Trish: Me and my brother?

Jezelle Gay Hartman: You and Darry!

Trish: We were just attacked, Darry!

Darry: And you don't even want to find out why?

Trish: When was the last time you changed your socks?

Trish: Time for your bath.

[first Lines]

Trish: Here we are on the way home, we're going to the airplane.

Jessie: Woo home, do you really have to tape everything?

Trish: Yes, I do.

Jessie: Ok um. Maybe you should buy your own camera.

Trish: Um why would I do that when I can use yours.

Jessie: Right, like you do with the rest of my stuff.

Trish: Exactly!

Trish: Well, New York was a blast but now it's time to head home and start doing homework again.

[In the dark, Trish sees car lights in the distance]

Trish: I see something!

Jimmy: Oh yes! Oh yes!

Simon J: I'm full of bugs. I'm full of mistakes.

Trish: Ssshhh. Life is full of mistakes.

Trish: You are with a different girl every time I see you.

Bill: So? I'm lucky.

Trish: You're not lucky, Bill. You're loose.