Trevor Quotes in Central Intelligence (2016)

Trevor: Get your asshole off my door!

Trevor: My *cat* is taller than you.

Trevor: Once a fat kid, always a fat kid.

[Bob sees his reflection as he was in high school]

Calvin Joyner: You are still an asshole.

Trevor: [about Bob] Boy, he's still a scared little bitch.

Calvin Joyner: You know, you're still an asshole.

Trevor: Yeah, well, you're still shorter than my cat.

Trevor: [as they are climbing] Hey, look at all the schist.

Sean: What?

Trevor: It's a metamorphic rock. Green schist, white schist, mica-garnet schist...

Sean: Oh. Schist.

[from trailer]

Sean: [running from a dinosaur] Haven't you ever seen a dinosaur before?

Trevor: Not with skin on it!

[recognizing Mt. Vesuvius behind them]

Trevor: If your mother asks you where you went this weekend, tell her your uncle took you to Italy.

Trevor: What are you doing?

Sean: I am Googling at 30 thousand feet.

Trevor: Are you supposed to be doing that?

Sean: Welcome to the 21st century.

[Sean and Trevor have fallen behind Hannah, tired of climbing]

Sean: I call dibs on the mountain guide.

Trevor: What? You're thirteen; you can't call dibs.

Sean: Rubies...

Hannah Ásgeirsson: Emeralds...

Trevor: Feldspar!

[from trailer]

Trevor: [in complete awe] Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the center of the Earth.

Hannah Ásgeirsson: [all climbing down] Just make conversation with me Sean.

Sean: So, uh, Hannah. Do you come here often?

Trevor: [laughs] That can't be the best you can do!

Sean: [yells] Hey! I'm trying to make converstation!

Hannah Ásgeirsson: It's OK. No Sean, I don't come here often.

[laughs]

Trevor: [sees Sean playing a PSP] What is that? A... Gameboy?

Sean: PSP.

Trevor: We're still falling!

Trevor: [holds up Max's yo-yo] This was your old man's PSP.

Trevor: Where are we?

Sean: [Reading from the map] Have we passed... Hvamsvik?

Trevor: Havamsvich? I don't know.

Sean: Have we passed... Engarsstadir?

Trevor: No.

Sean: Reynivir?

Trevor: I don't know.

Sean: Hasvik?

Trevor: No!

Sean: Glaundarhol?

Trevor: No!

Sean: Stiflastadir?

Trevor: Stiflardstarter?

Sean: How about Köldukadarskijökull?

Trevor: What?

Hannah Ásgeirsson: That's two you owe me now.

Trevor: Who's counting?

Hannah Ásgeirsson: I am.

Sean: [Sean came] That was... awesome!

Nero Franks, Trevor: The fire works in Dubai... that was you, wasn't it?

Nash: [stabs him in the ear] You shouldn't have asked about that thing in Dubai.

Trevor: Nothing cures an offense like money.

Trevor: Nothing cures offense like money.

Dot: I told you I only date assholes.

Trevor: Yes, and I'm not an asshole. And since you want an asshole, my not being an asshole makes me more of an asshole than the assholes that you normally date, because they're giving you exactly what you want, whereas I, by not being an asshole, am not. Which makes me an asshole.

Dot: I can't believe I actually understood that.

Dot: Trev, what would you do in that situation?

Trevor: Oh, I'd most likely shit myself.

Ben: And I most likely would have to clean it up.

Dot: Don't worry about them. They're idiots.

Peaches: Oh, okay.

Ben: I have to clean him up when he shits himself.

Dot: God.

Trevor: [Bill, Margaret and Trevor spot Grant and Starla getting into a car] That's one match I'll never get.

Margaret: [zipping Gina Kid's jacket up] Ain't no mystery. Starla was raised in them shanties off St. Luke, dirt poor. All she ever wanted was to be a lady. Ol' Grant Grant, he's always been made of green.

Trevor: Gold digger, huh?

Bill Pardy: Oh, hell, Margaret! Starla's mother left her, her daddy's a drunk, she was 17 years old. Ol' Grant pulls up in a big ol' Cadillac, house on the hill, and college tuition? What would you do?

Margaret: [Lifting a handkerchief to Gina Kid's nose] Blow.

Bill Pardy: Hell, if he had a 'gina, you'd'a married him, too.

Gina Kid: What's a 'gina'?

Bill Pardy: [after an awkward pause] It's a country. You know, where 'Ginese' people come from. Learn to eavesdrop better.

Bill Pardy: [holds up a toy squid from his desk] What's this?

Trevor: I thought we could use that like a police sketch, Chief. You know, take it door to door, see if anybody recognizes it.

Bill Pardy: [Looking at the disemboweled dog] I reckon Grant ain't got one of them puppy calendars on his desk. Just don't strike me as a real dog lover is all.

Trevor: Hey!

[holds up the decapitated head of a dog]

Trevor: Look. Knocked this one's head clear on over here.

Wally: Put that down, numbnuts!

Dale: You know how there are, like, serial killers, and then there's Hannibal Lecter?

Trevor: Yeah?

Clyde: There are girls, and then there's Regan.

Regan: [whispers] Call me.

Trevor: [whispers] Come to the bathroom.

Regan: [whispers] Oh, fuck off!

Regan: last lines:

[whispers]

Regan: Call me.

Trevor: [whispers] Come to the bathroom.

Regan: [whispers] Oh, fuck off!

Regan: [Regan and Trevor are having sex in the bathroom] Ah! Harder! Harder!

Trevor: Shut the fuck up, shut the fuck up!

Regan: Yeah, you shut the fuck up!

Trevor: Yeah, shut the fuck up cunt!

[Trevor pushes Regan harder]

Regan: [Phone rings] Shit! Shit, shit. Fuck, shit, shit!

Regan: [Regan opens the phone] Hey!

Gena: Hey.

Regan: Hey, this is Becks.

Gena: Can you come to my room?

Regan: Oh yeah! I'm not doing anything.

Gena: We need to talk.

Regan: Yeah, I'll be there in a minute. Uh, give me a couple minutes.

Gena: Okay.

Regan: Ok, bye!

Regan: [Regan starts to moan] Don't cum on my dress.

Trevor: Horny bitch!

Trevor: You see, we all hold our tension somewhere. For you it's in your shoulders, and just a little bit in your ass. With as much experience as I have, you can tell just by the way people walk

[suddenly adjusts her neck]

Trevor: , and even by the way they smile.

[another sudden adjustment]

Trevor: [sits down] No charge.

Trevor: Come on, fuckin' around comes from either selfishness or loneliness, and you're far from selfish.

Trevor: I don't think I've... ever seen you not in your... workout clothes before.

Kat: No, you've seen me not in workout clothes.

Trevor: All right, you fat slag! Move your ass!

Heidi: How dare you speak to me like that! You horrible, spiteful little rat!

Trevor: I've heard better singing from a mongoose with throat cancer!

Heidi: That's it, I've had enough! I am going straight to Bletch!

Bletch: Have you thought of a name for it, yet?

Trevor: I was thinking along the lines of..."Dennis does Daisy".

Bletch: No. That's lousy.

Trevor: How about..."Anal Antics"?

Bletch: "Anal Antics"... yes. It will appeal to the intellectuals. Do you think it will do as well as our last release and win the Hooker Prize?

Trevor: I've heard better singing from a mongoose with throat cancer.

Bletch: Do you really think people are interested in nasal sex?

Trevor: Sure, boss. It's the next big fad.

Sebastian: Don't worry if you feel ashamed / It's been around for years / And thousands more that can't be named / Are interested in rears / Don't worry about hell / No harm will come to your soul / We're not a Pentecostal / And everybody's got an asshole / SODOMY!

Bletch: Trevor...

Trevor: Yeah boss?

Bletch: I want that fudge packer eliminated!

Trevor: Didn't you notice you were sitting on his face!

Madame Udder: Well, it was a bit uncomfortable but I thought it was my hemorrhoids.

Robert: I'm Robert.

Trevor: You may be Robert to your friends but you're fly shit to me! Piss off!

Cliff: Is it on the condom?

Trevor: IT IS ON THE CONDOM!

Shanks: You know what, I fuckin' enjoyed that brother.

Trevor: Just like the old days Shanks, nice bit of armed robbery.

Trevor: It's all about honour and respect with these head-banging nationalist outfits.

Val: It made perfect sense to you last year when you made the bomb threat.

Trevor: I don't know what you mean.

Val: You know exactly what I mean. You made the bomb threat, endangered lots of kids lives, you took the first step toward killing.

Trevor: Did anyone die?

Val: That's beside the point.

Trevor: What's the point

Val: The point is you took that step.

Trevor: The bomb was empty.

Val: And perfectly made.

Trevor: Totally harmless.

Val: But most people don't take that step. You did. Now who's to say you won't take the next step?

Trevor: It went no further.

Val: Josh did. Josh did. Why? Why, Trevor? What do you have that Josh doesn't have? What do you have that Josh doesn't have, Trevor? Fear of punishment, conscience, God, perhaps, Ten Commandments, too chicken. Whatever it is. Let's call it X. Now, tell me, Trevor, what would happen if I were to reach right into your soul and remove X?

Trevor: I'd be Josh.

Val: Yeah. You'd be Josh.

Chief Bud McGee: Why do you bring a video camera to school?

Trevor: The same reason you bring a gun to work. To shoot people.

Trevor: [Shown on the videotape] When I am gone, you will all have this to ponder and maybe realize why I did what I did. A little push in front of other kids is a very big deal, particularly when you know it's gonna happen to you every single day, every single day, every single day, you are almost relieved when it actually happens. You are always waiting, waiting for the next attack. They don't just hurt kids, they make you hurt yourself. I cant take two more years of this, and the more they call me the mad bomber, the more they are scaring themselves. They dont know what am capable of, they dont know what I can do, and then there's the sanctuary of home sweet home. So, the play, yes Mr. do-gooder, why does he even bother? Doesn't he know its already too late? Sometimes I see the way things could've been, I just wish I could be the person she thinks I am. Kids can be the most ruthless people in the world. They can just be supernaturally cruel. You've got to be a man! Be a man! BE A MAN! Sometimes you just wanna cry. Sometimes hate is the only real thing in the world. You can stop loving someone, but hate seems to go on forever. People respect hate. It speaks, it vibrates. Some people don't even need a gun to hurt you. They use words or laughter. They enjoy watching you bleed to death. They get off watching you fighting back the tears, getting a lump in your throat, blushing, wanting to cry, and they give you a name: Trashcan, pizzaface, loser, faggot, loser, weirdo, spaz, retard. You know the name does something to you. It changes who you are, it alters your molecules and one day you wake up and you look in the mirror and you don't recognize yourself anymore, because you believe them. They win you lose. You wanna cry, please leave me alone, but nobody listens, because nobody cares, because you don't have a name anymore because they took it away, and then one day they say that name and you hear something go snap. You realize what you gotta do, you gotta take back your name and you've gotta do it in front of the whole school because that's where they took your name away from you. You gotta do it so every kid will remember. This is about justice and after a while you can only think of one way: Jonesboro, Springfield, Paducah, Columbine, a gun, a bomb, instant justice, Ba-bang! But what a rush when they roll out that yellow tape, miles and miles of yellow tape. They won't have enough when I'm finished. So when these hallways are flooded with rivers of blood, when these hallways are choked with their corpses in body bags you all say oh what a tragedy, oh what a tragedy, but possibly after viewing my tapes, you wont be so quick to judge. Maybe that's why I was put in this earth. So consider this my last will and testament.

Trevor: Sometimes hate can be the only real thing... you can stop loving someone but hate can last on forever.

Trevor: [as Josh, on the play] Sometimes I hate living, but i'm too afraid to die.

Trevor: My highs compared to my lows are like, one in a million- eh, not really, I mean, that's in exaggeration... you know, like one in five hundred.

Trevor: Do you even know anything about me?

Jenny Dahlquist: Well kids say some stuff.

Trevor: What stuff?

Jenny Dahlquist: Some crazy stuff about you threating to blow up the football team.

Trevor: [small laugh and smile] It's true.

Jenny Dahlquist: How'd you get to that place?

Trevor: You ever been low?

Jenny Dahlquist: You mean like depressed?

Trevor: [nods]

Jenny Dahlquist: Well I mean sometimes, but I've never though about blowing up the football team.

Trevor: Jenny, I don't mean depressed like your dog died. I mean where you feel like you've got nothing to lose where you don't, you don't care if you live or die. That kinda of depressed. You ever been there?

Jenny Dahlquist: No.

Trevor: Okay, Well I have.

Trevor: Put the guns down and listen to me!

Trevor: Ammonium nitrate.

Brad Lynch: What?

Trevor: Kerosene. Fuse. Match. Boom!

Brad Lynch: I'm real scared, trashcan!

Sean: [after being disarmed by Trevor] I'm in so much trouble.

Trevor: I'm in trouble with you.

Trevor: Can you get everybody out of here?

Val: What are you talking about?...

Val: What are you talking about, Trevor?

Trevor: Guns. Trogs with Guns.

Val: Are they?...

Cheerleader #1: We're rehearsing the pep rally.

Trevor: [fake-smiling] Really? That's neat.

Trevor: My name's Trevor. You saved my mom.

Chris: Is that what you want for your birthday? Everybody it forward?

Trevor: I can't ask for that.

Chris: Sure you can. Why not?

Trevor: It wouldn't work.

Chris: Why?

Trevor: [Long pause] I already blew out my candles.

Trevor: Were you just being nice?

Eugene: About what?

Trevor: About my idea. Do you think it's good, or were you just being teachery?

Eugene: "Teachery"?

Trevor: Bullshitting.

Eugene: Do I strike you as someone falsely nice?

Trevor: No. You're not even really all that nice.

Oliver Farnsworth: My father used to say "Oliver, when you get a gift horse, walk up to it, pat it, quiet the animal down and then using both hands force open it's jaws and have a damn good look in it's mouth."

Trevor: I'd say that was good advice

Oliver Farnsworth: Yes, but my father was always wrong!

Trevor: Isn't your sister Maria, the senior?

Peter: I don't know.

Trevor: You know I fucked your sister.

Peter: Does she know that?

Trevor: Her pussy's so wet. You know your sister's pussy gets so wet? All you gotta do is brush up against it. You know, your sister gives mad good head, right? Gets the whole thing down her throat. Last time, when she was suckin' on my dick, it only took me a minute before I came all over her face. I bet you jerked off to pictures of your sister, huh? Next time we do it, I'll find you; I'll let you smell my fingers, hm?

Trevor: Why is all this water just lying on the ground?

Trevor: Maybe that's what we should do. Just say fuck everything and follow fish around the country.

Trevor: Your sister's a total spaz.

Daniel Coleman: She's not my sister.

Trevor: Please don't talk about the dryer.

Tracy: Are we talking about the time we found Trevor trying to pee in the dryer?

Trevor: God mum, no!

Tracy: I'm sorry honey, I thought that's what you were talking about.

Ashley: Did Trevor try to pee in the dryer again?

Tracy: [Angrily from the distance] That's the problem - you don't think! You want to be treated like an adult but you don't act like one!

Trevor: [sarcastically] Oh yeah, 'cuz you and Dad do a lot of thinking together! If you did, we wouldn't be here!

[Ellison steps out of his office to see what the argument is about]

Tracy: Go to your room Trevor, and I don't wanna see you again 'till dinner!

Ellison Oswalt: Hey hey hey! What's the problem?

Tracy: Your son's been acting out again! He drew a picture with a permanent marker on the classroom whiteboard!

[to Trevor]

Tracy: tell him what you drew!

Trevor: [reluctantly muttering] ... I drew a tree...

Tracy: With four people HANGING from it! Go to your room Trevor, I need to speak with your father.

Trevor: Fine!

[slams the door]

Tracy: [Sounding more worried and embarrassed than angry] First day of school Ellison, and your son's already drawing the grisly details of your mystery? Your book's about a family that was HUNG? Christ, Ellison!

Ellison Oswalt: And that's all he drew...?

Tracy: That's not ENOUGH?

Laine Morris, Sarah Morris, Trevor: As friends we've gathered, hearts are true, spirits near we call to you.

Laine Morris: Debbie if you can hear us, give us a sign.

[while eating lunch and discussing the passing of Debbie]

Laine Morris: I don't know. When I'm in the house, it just feel strange.

Isabelle: You miss Debbie. I mean we all do.

Laine Morris: No, this is different. I can't explain it.

[stammering]

Laine Morris: It's like she's there.

Trevor: Lainey, listen. Everyone is still in shock, okay? But those things you were telling me the other day about feeling guilty, you don't have to keep doing this to yourself.

Laine Morris: Do you ever feel like, even after someone you love has died, there's still a way you can talk to them?

Trevor: But you can't do that. She's gone.

Laine Morris: The board. Isn't that what you're supposed to do with it?

Trevor: It hurts to be beautiful.

JB Divay: Not nearly as much as it should.

Trevor: Do you think it's that he hates women who live by...

Jenni: prostitutes?

Trevor: and you're playing Mary Jane...

Jenni: Kelly. His last victim.