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Tell your wife often how terrific she looks. -- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
The consumer isn't a moron; she is your wife. -- David Ogilvy
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You only require two things in life: your sanity and your wife. -- Tony Blair
A psychiatrist asks a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing. -- Joey Adams
You can bear your own faults, and why not a fault in your wife? -- Benjamin Franklin
The bottom line is, you love your wife, you do your best with that. -- Sean Penn
Not much more can happen to you after you lose your reputation and your wife. -- John N. Mitchell
It's not a good idea to put your wife into a novel; not your latest wife anyway. -- Norman Mailer
It was not easy with a newborn, asking your wife to give up the family home and your security. -- Heston Blumenthal
You know what a wifey means? It's like your other half. Like when you get married, like, that's your wife! -- Rita Ora
As I've explained to my wife many times, you have to kill your wife or mistress to get on the front page of the papers. -- Julian Barnes
I always wondered if you clone your wife and have the cloned wife on the moon and the real wife down here, would that be considered cheating? -- Luis Guzman
I always wanted my music to influence the life you were living emotionally - with your family, your lover, your wife, and, at a certain point, with your children. -- Bruce Springsteen
My advice to a new husband is nothing more than 'husbands, love your wives.' And 'love your wife as Christ has loved the church.' Never forget that you are Christ's representative in serving your wife. -- J. I. Packer
I'm not witch. I'm your wife. -- William Goldman
Like your job. Love your wife. -- John Candy
Change everything except your wife and kids -- Lee Kun-hee
Value your wife by valuing what she says. -- Jim George
Don't question your wife's judgment; look who she married. -- Thomas Dewar, 1st Baron Dewar
The consumer isn't a moron. She is your wife. -- David Ogilvy
Look after your wife; never mind yourself--she'll look after you. -- Sacha Guitry
There is no such thing as being good to your wife. -- Gertrude Stein
It's better when you have your wife with you, more fun. -- Evan Dando
Making love to your wife is like shooting at sitting ducks. -- Groucho Marx
Never go in a place that you wouldn't take your wife. -- David Gene Gibbs
If I were your wife I would put poison in your coffee, -- Nancy Astor
Every time I see you naked, I feel sorry for your wife. -- Jaromir Jagr
Never ask your wife if she still hears from her old pimp. -- Johnny Carson
Never argue with your wife about hostility when she's a certified Freudian. -- William Goldman
Try praising your wife, even if it does frighten her at first. -- Billy Sunday
Don't eat those nice green dollars your wife gives you for breakfast. -- Denise Levertov
The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once. -- Herbert V. Prochnow
I think the hardest part about Golf is being committed to your wife -- Tiger Woods
The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once. -- Herbert V. Prochnow
If you want your wife to listen to you, talk to another woman. -- Bob Phillips
The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once -- E. Joseph Cossman
If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way. -- Sam Levenson
When your wife calls, you have to take it, no matter what you're doing. -- Ashton Kutcher
Kids and family life are only as good as your wife, and she's amazing. -- Noel Gallagher
As a husband, your love for your wife has a specific goal: her holiness. -- Winston Smith
An extravagance is something you buy which is no earthly use to your wife. -- Franklin P. Adams
It's the kind of game that makes you go home and beat your wife. -- Charles Barkley
Family is the most important thing. Family starts with your wife and your kids. -- Kyle Petty
After your friendship with God, your wife's friendship is the greatest treasure you possess. -- Jim George
To avoid mistakes and regrets, always consult your wife before engaging in a flirtation. -- E. W. Howe
If you treat your wife like a thoroughbred, you'll never end up with a nag. -- Zig Ziglar
In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out. -- Joey Lauren Adams
When a woman is frustrated, and it's your wife, you as the husband get that frustration. -- Magic Johnson
Oh, this your wife, huh? A lovely lady. Hey baby, you must've been something before electricity. -- Rodney Dangerfield
You are sexually pure when no sexual gratification comes from anyone or anything but your wife. -- Steve Arterburn
Never guess your wife's size. Just buy anything marked petite and hold on to the receipt. -- Rodney Dangerfield
If you think 'loading the dishwasher' means 'getting your wife drunk', you might be a redneck -- Jeff Foxworthy
Never tell your wife she's bad in bed. She'll go out and get a second opinion. -- Rodney Dangerfield
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If your wife locks you out of the house, you don't have a problem with your door. -- Anne Lamott
To be faithful to your wife is wisdom but to acquire concubines is like signing your euthanasia -- Ikechukwu Izuakor
The secret to a happy marriage? Do whatever your wife tells you. 'Yes, dear.' And breathe. -- Denzel Washington
A consumer is not a moron. She's your wife. Don't insult her intelligence, and don't shock her. -- David Ogilvy
May your wife and children get raped, right in the ass. (to the jurors who convicted her) -- Aileen Wuornos
You might be a redneck if your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive. -- Jeff Foxworthy
You might be a redneck if your wife keeps a can of Vienna sausage in her purse. -- Jeff Foxworthy
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. -- Sacha Guitry
You might be a redneck if taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen. -- Jeff Foxworthy
Valentine's Day - a nice holiday because it's the first day of the rest of your wife. -- Milton Berle
If your wife's hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan, you might be a redneck. -- Jeff Foxworthy
Humor is falling downstairs if you do it in the act of telling your wife not to. -- Fougasse
A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing. -- Joey Lauren Adams
If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest. -- Kin Hubbard
Sign at a Kentucky appliance store: Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work. -- Dave Barry
It's hard making a woman your wife when you've been humpin married women for most of your life -- Big Daddy Kane
I saw your wife the other day and she is ugly. I know, but she sure can cook. -- Jimmy Soul
Men, you'll never be a good groom to your wife unless you're first a good bride to Jesus. -- Timothy Keller
If your wife went out with Brad Pitt, you'd want to prove yourself, you know what I mean? -- Chris Martin
If I was your wife Sir, I'd poison you! Madam, if you were my wife, I'd let you! -- Winston Churchill
On top of the horror of separating from your wife, you have to go through it in public. -- Fatboy Slim
That never goes over big with your wife. I will be a very good husband for a change. -- Donald Trump
Go back to your wife....you man whore! Shouted the old woman, raising her walker for another strike. -- Shannon K. Butcher
Voting Tory will cause your wife to have bigger breasts and increase your chances of owning a BMW M3. -- Boris Johnson
There are many things you shouldn't measure. Don't, for example, try to measure how much you love your wife! -- Julian Baggini
On a related subject, Signore Pazzi, I must confess to you: I'm giving serious thought to eating your wife. -- Thomas Harris
You can change your wife, your politics, your religion, but never, never can you change your favourite football team. -- Eric Cantona
Dude--she's your wife." He pointed to the locker where the Bible lay concealed. "God first, family second, country third. -- Ronie Kendig
Never feel remorse for what you have thought about your wife; she has thought much worse things about you. -- Jean Rostand
Your reputation is what people say about you. Your character is what God and your wife know about you. -- Billy Sunday
Winning is everything. The only ones who remember you when you come second are your wife and your dog. -- Damon Hill
DDP, while your in the hospital screaming in pain, your wife will be on her back screaming my name! -- Scott Steiner
If you want your wife to listen to you, then talk to another woman; she will be all ears. -- Sigmund Freud
In L.A., you work like hell because there is nothing else to do, unless you're cheating on your wife. -- Howard Fast
Aiyyo, camoflouge chameleon, ninjas scalin' your building, No time to grab the gun, I already got your wife and children -- RZA
The first requisite for a good cup of coffee in the morning is to get your wife out of bed. -- Evan Esar
When you win you eat better, sleep better and your beer tastes better. And your wife looks like Gina Lollobrigida. -- Johnny Pesky
If you want to live a happy life, don't teach your wife how to drive a car or a motorcycle. -- Junaid Jamshed
As a man, I've learned that there is nothing easier in married life than pleasing your wife with your cooking. -- Robert Breault
The best kind of kinky sex is to have kinky sex with your wife or husband, the person you love -- Frank Langella
The best kind of kinky sex is to have kinky sex with your wife or husband, the person you love. -- Frank Langella
I suppose the latest thing is to sit back and let Mr. Nobody from Nowhere make love to your wife. -- F. Scott Fitzgerald
However near and dear to you may be your wife, children, friends, they are not you; they are outside of you. -- John Buchanan Robinson
You know you're getting older when you don't care where your wife goes, just so you don't have to go along. -- Jacob Braude
Library-denigrators, pay heed: suggesting that the Internet is a viable substitute for libraries is like saying porn could replace your wife. -- Joanne Harris
Never let a domestic quarrel ruin a day's writing. If you can't start the day fresh, get rid of your wife. -- Mario Puzo
Unless you intend your wife to be a true missionary, not merely a wife, home-maker, and friend, do not join us. -- Hudson Taylor
Winning an argument with your wife is like winning the war with Iraq. Once you win, you're in even more trouble. -- James Carville
In order for romance to deepen, you must touch the heart and mind of your wife before you touch her body. -- C. J. Mahaney
You can show your daughter by the way you love and honor your wife that she should never settle for less. -- Elaine S. Dalton
You know you've built a product that can hit the mainstream when your wife, your father, and your mother-in-law can get involved. -- Josh Kopelman
You know your marriage is in trouble when your wife would rather listen to a cackling drug lord than accept your apology. -- Red Tash
What's the good of not believing? Today it's your wife you don't believe; tomorrow it's God Himself you won't take stock in. -- Isaac Bashevis Singer
You can no longer define your manhood by whether you're on a nine-to-five job or you're making more money than your wife. -- Tempestt Bledsoe
Hubert Humphrey talks so fast that listening to him is like trying to read Playboy magazine with your wife turning the pages. -- Barry Goldwater
If you leave your wife and you don't ever contact her again, that says something about how you felt about the marriage. -- H. G. Bissinger
If you leave your wife and you don't ever contact her again, that says something about how you felt about the marriage. -- H. G. Bissinger
Hide your kids, hide your wife, don't change the channel, this is monday night raw and The Miz is the WWE champion. -- Alex Riley
Far too many husbands fail to recognize that what your wife wants and needs most from you is your concern for her soul. -- Dennis Rainey
Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is. -- Milton Berle
The reason they're called the opposite sex is because every time you think you have your wife fooled - it's just the opposite! -- Walter Winchell
Never let your wife prevent you from buying equipment. A car will not buy a synthesizer, but a synthesizer can buy a car. -- Hans Zimmer
That question in marriage is mutual submission, really - the next verse goes on: "husbands love your wife as Christ loves the Church." -- Francis George
Success is like dealing with your kid or teaching your wife to drive. Sooner or later you'll end up in the police station. -- Fred Allen
Be a father first. Don't put a priority of being a friend with your wife first, or a friend with your kids first. -- Hulk Hogan

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