Undertaker quotes:

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  • My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama. -- Fred Allen
  • My father was the funniest man I ever met. He made Redd Foxx look like an undertaker. -- Henry Louis Gates
  • Boxing is the only sport you can get your brain shook, your money took and your name in the undertaker book. -- Joe Frazier
  • Showing up at school already able to read is like showing up at the undertaker's already embalmed: people start worrying about being put out of their jobs. -- Florence King
  • Failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker. Failure is delay, not defeat. It is a temporary detour, not a dead end. Failure is something we can avoid only by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing. -- Denis Waitley
  • I am my heart's undertaker. Daily I go and retrieve its tattered remains, place them delicately into its little coffin, and bury it in the depths of my memory, only to have to do it all again tomorrow. -- Emilie Autumn
  • Make failure your teacher, not your undertaker. -- Zig Ziglar
  • Failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker -- John C. Maxwell
  • When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other. -- W. C. Fields
  • APOTHECARY, n. The physician's accomplice, undertaker's benefactor and grave worm's provider -- Ambrose Bierce
  • apathy is about as near to the undertaker as you can get. -- Arlene Francis
  • Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry. -- Mark Twain
  • I have nothing against undertakers personally. It's just that I wouldn't want one to bury my sister. -- Jessica Mitford
  • I am able to say that while I am not ruggedly well, I am not ill enough to excite an undertaker. -- Mark Twain
  • Our Grub-street biographers watch for the death of a great man like so many undertakers on purpose to make a penny of him. -- Joseph Addison
  • So long as there is one pretty girl left on the stage, the professional undertakers may hold up their burial of the theater. -- George Jean Nathan
  • BODY-SNATCHER, n. A robber of grave-worms. One who supplies the young physicians with that with which the old physicians have supplied the undertaker. -- Ambrose Bierce
  • Fame is an undertaker that pays but little attention to the living, but bedizens the dead, furnishes out their funerals, and follows them to the grave -- Charles Caleb Colton
  • Funeral: a pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker, and strengthen our grief by an expenditure that deepens our groans and doubles our tears. -- Ambrose Bierce
  • Failure is not fatal. Failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker. It should challenge us to new heights of accomplishments, not pull us to new depths of despair. From honest failure can come valuable experience. -- William Arthur Ward
  • Probably the undertaker thinks less of death than almost any other man. He is so accustomed to it that his mind must involuntarily turn from its horror to a contemplation of how much he makes out of the burial. -- Clarence Darrow
  • It is great fun dying in the United States of America. It is great fun first of all for the undertakers who make a wonderful living out of it but also for the deceased who suddenly becomes the centre of attention and fuss. -- George Mikes
  • In the busy city, dying might be resented as a breach of good taste, and the body hastily dispatched to the undertaker and the crematorium; but in Lost Haven, where a man's mates had to turn out and dig his grave, it was an occasion shared by the whole community. -- Kylie Tennant
  • When my mother died, my father was in a crisis, my sister was in a crisis, everyone was in a crisis. I went round the night my mother was lying in the kitchen, and I organised everything, from the undertaker to the funeral... I looked after everybody, I sorted it all out and Ive done so ever since. -- Stuart Rose
  • Funeralese has had its ups and downs. The word 'morticians,' first used in Embalmers Monthly for February, 1895, was barred by the Chicago Tribune in 1932, 'not for lack of sympathy with the ambition of undertakers to be well regarded, but because of it. If they haven't the sense to save themselves from their own lexicographers, we shall not be guilty of abetting them in their folly. -- Jessica Mitford
  • Who embalms the Undertaker when he dies? -- Alison Bechdel
  • Undertaker, if that is your real name... -- Kurt Angle
  • I will claim the soul of The Undertaker -- Bray Wyatt
  • Undertaker, your yard is right in the middle of my world! -- Triple H
  • Shane McMahon had that tremendous match at WrestleMania with the Undertaker. He's fearless. -- Mick Foley
  • In my very first Wrestlemania match, I won. 17 wins from tying the Undertaker. Don't laugh. -- The Miz
  • In 50 years, your grandchildren will be asking you where you were when CM Punk beat the Undertaker's streak! -- CM Punk
  • I don't think The Undertaker and Triple H need Shawn Michaels to deliver a spectacular match or make this incredibly interesting. Those two can do that on their own. Right now, as far as I'm concerned, I'm going to be there watching it like everyone else. -- Shawn Michaels
  • Let us endeavor so to live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry. -- Mark Twain
  • I was taught to whistle as a little girl by an undertaker. I used to sit in his workshop, watching him planing wood for the coffins, and he used to whistle all the time - and eventually I started whistling, too. I can whistle anything, particularly trumpet tunes from Classic FM. -- Susan Hill
  • When my mother died, my father was in a crisis, my sister was in a crisis, everyone was in a crisis. I went round the night my mother was lying in the kitchen, and I organised everything, from the undertaker to the funeral... I looked after everybody, I sorted it all out and I've done so ever since. -- Stuart Rose
  • I had to leave school at 14 because my father got injured in the mines and I had to support my family. I was an undertaker's assistant, then a plasterer, before doing my military service in the RAF. All the while, I was doing amateur dramatics and dreaming of getting a scholarship to the Bristol Old Vic Theatre School. -- Brian Blessed
  • She who pays the undertaker calls the tune. -- Margaret Atwood
  • One mistake up here and it's half a day out with the undertaker! -- Fred Dibnah
  • To wear long faces, just as if our Maker, The God of goodness, was an undertaker. -- John Wolcot
  • The talent of a meat packer, the morals of a money changer, and the manners of an undertaker. -- William Allen White
  • When a doctor refuses money, even the most ethical ones, you usually start driving a good bargain with the undertaker. -- Sue Sanders
  • As for Gussie Finknottle, many an experienced undertaker would have been deceived by his appearance and started embalming on sight. -- P. G. Wodehouse
  • You'll never get me into a tux. Not until I'm dead and I have no choice because that's what the undertaker put me in. -- Danny Elfman
  • The air is like a draught of wine. The undertaker cleans his sign, The Hull express goes off the line, When it's raspberry time in Runcorn. -- Noel Coward
  • No couple buying wedding rings wants to be reminded that someday one of them will have to accept the other one's ring from a nurse or an undertaker. -- Anne Tyler
  • We need to take our cue from the drug dealers in Hoboken who, when they reach twenty, go to the local undertaker and prepay their funeral because they don't expect to live to thirty." -- Robert Littell
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