Gag quotes:

  • Gag me with a spoon! -- Moon Unit Zappa
  • Kentucky Gag Order is a great band, there's stuff here and there that you catch that is cool. -- Eyedea
  • I beg your pardon. I'm not gross. (Simone) Grody to the max. Gag me with a spoon. I've seen you in the mornings. You're not exactly well coiffed. (Jesse) -- Sherrilyn Kenyon
  • Every Gag I tell must be based on truth. No matter how much I may exaggerate it, it must have a certain amount of Truth.... Now Rumor travels Faster, but it don't stay put as long as Truth. -- Will Rogers
  • Caught in a bad romance. Whoaaa-oh-ooooh!" Nellie wailed along to the XM radio blaring from the enormous speakers. "Can I uncover my ears now?" Dan called from the back, where he was reclined across the leather seat. "Has Nellie stopped her Lady Gag Me impression? -- Rick Riordan
  • [Abdellatif La├óbi] was a poet and worked as a high school teacher; and although he hadn't broken any laws, the Moroccan government was determined to "gag" him - I use the term specifically since one of my favorite sequences of his is entitled "The Poem Beneath The Gag." -- Andre Naffis-Sahely
  • I'm like a sight gag. -- Adam Driver
  • I do not favor the gag order. -- Nancy Grace
  • In the end, everything is a gag. -- Charlie Chaplin
  • I'm not the guy to ask about politics. I'm a gag writer. -- David Mamet
  • The modern horror audience is wise to our tricks this lets it in on the gag. -- Robert Englund
  • If the gag is complicated, you spend more time thinking about the way you're drawing it. -- Sergio Aragones
  • My dream in life is to write the one gag that makes everyone in the world laugh. -- Jim Davis
  • 'Sex and The City' had very strong gag orders as to what we could say and not say. -- Willie Garson
  • I go around the country and do a simple gag like, 'The property ladder is now a snake' and get a real laugh. -- Jimmy Carr
  • If we can but tear the blindfold of self-deception from our eyes and loosen the gag of self-denial from our voices, we can restore our country to greatness. -- Theodore C. Sorensen
  • I read every book about Buster Keaton and Chaplin to see how they worked - it's all about dedication, tunnel vision, pursuit of perfection, getting the gag right. -- Paul Merton
  • I honestly do feel - and I hope I don't gag anybody if they read this - but I feel like I'm one of the luckiest people in the world. -- Jonathan Banks
  • How can you tell a story with one frame that, by its simplicity, manages to tell a story, a gag that evokes an emotion in you? That became my motto throughout all my life. Simplicity. -- Pierre Coffin
  • There is a lot of rubbish written about toilet humour - people saying it is childish and pretending it is beneath them - but there is no doubting the effectiveness of a really good willy gag. -- Adrian Edmondson
  • I would like to thank the people who encouraged me to draw army cartoons at a time when the gag man's conception of the army was one of mean ole sergeants and jeeps which jump over mountains. -- Bill Mauldin
  • Sometimes, you start with the drawing and then the gag comes to you in the middle of it. That is when you start working on the solution of the gag, which is composition, placing, equilibrium, and character design. -- Sergio Aragones
  • Nobody gets any fun out of baseball any more. I guess a kid's crazy not to be serious about it when he's drawing down $20,000 or $30,000 a year, and any smart-aleck gag you try may be your last. But what's life without a laugh? -- Rabbit Maranville
  • I just don't want to live like I used to. And at some point, I'm going to put a gag order on myself in terms of talking about the past. I've got to slam the door and deal with the present and the future. -- Charlie Sheen
  • Presenting the Oscars was the most nerve-racking job I have ever done in show business. It's very much a live show: they have comedy writers waiting in the wings, and as you come off between presentations, they hand you an appropriate gag to tell. -- Michael Caine
  • There is that stereotype of a nerd with the high pants and pocket protector and that kind of thing. That can sustain comedy for maybe a movie - hence the 'Revenge of the Nerds' franchise - but not for hopefully years on the air. It's a sight gag, not a story. -- Johnny Galecki
  • I enjoyed doing the gag covers better than the story ones because they were usually simpler. A cover based on an incident in the plot took a great deal of staging to tell a little story that was still part of the book. And it had to make sense on its own. -- Carl Barks
  • I'm a sucker for gag reels and teaser trailers for new seasons. One of the great parts of panels, especially on a show like 'Supernatural,' which can be so dark, it's fun to get up there and laugh and remember we're only telling a story. Seeing Eric Kripke and Ben Edlund up there being so funny always makes me laugh. -- Jared Padalecki
  • When I eat cilantro, it's like someone sprayed perfume down my throat. It closes up my throat, even if there's only a little piece. I like Mexican food, and I'll go out to a Mexican restaurant and tell them, 'Look, I will die if you get cilantro in my food.' Then there's always that one little piece that falls in, and I gag. -- Amber Rose
  • I am interested in shows that are not out-and-out gag fests: you see the truth of a broken heart behind them. That is what life is like: it's really funny, you see funny things as soon as you step out of the room, but underneath that is a whole bag of broken hearts. It's that real pain and that real hilarity that makes life so intriguing. -- Tamsin Greig
  • I'm not good at narrative; I'm really a gag writer, and that comes from being in the newspaper comic strip world for a while in college. What I do is I just write tons of jokes, then I sort them out in terms of quality and then pick the best of the jokes and then try to form them into a plot. If I get a good theme going, I feel lucky. -- Jeff Kinney
  • In the end, everything is a gag -- Charlie Chaplin
  • Sometimes you have to gag on fancy before you can appreciate plain ... -- Jan Karon
  • Art without emotion its like chocolate cake without sugar. It makes you gag. -- Laurie Halse Anderson
  • If men are God's gift to women, then God must really love gag gifts. -- Maya Angelou
  • I've been known to slum it and shop in the gag-him-and-bag-him aisles, believe it or not. -- Tammara Webber
  • If I'm the president, we're going to have emergency-room care, we're going to have gag orders. -- George W. Bush
  • The strips I admire go farther than a gag a day, and take us into a special world. -- Bill Watterson
  • Broccoli, when overboiled, produces a sulfuric stench that causes children to gag the instant they enter the house. -- Kate Christensen
  • ...I will not be a sight gag for anybody. I will not do anything degrading to myself or other fat people. -- Darlene Cates
  • If a footballer presents himself as a family man and goes and has sex with a prostitute, should he gag her? -- Nicky Campbell
  • What he brought out was a wooden gag they put in someone's mouth before doing something drastic, like cutting off a leg. -- Megan Whalen Turner
  • I want to gag sometimes when I see who "we" are recommending that people vote for, and not just as a libertarian. -- Dave Barry
  • The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was the quarter from behind the ear gag. He would never put the time in. -- Gary Gulman
  • How do you gag the voice in your head that says, 'You don't have to [do it] today. There's always tomorrow.'? -- A. J. Jacobs
  • But a public oration is an escapade, a non-committal, an apology, a gag, and not a communication, not a speech, not a man. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
  • I won't stop talking. I am a girl you have no control over. There is not a gag big enough to handle this mouth. -- Kathleen Hanna
  • I often think it can often be very difficult for comedians to revisit the same gag. I think Russell's a bit more than a comedian. -- Colin Firth
  • But it's hard to talk about art. Maybe there should be a law against it, some First Amendment gag order like crying fire in a crowded theater. -- Stanley Elkin
  • The gag rule is, is that if any program receiving United States funding for Family Planning cannot mention, cannot speak the word "abortion" in the Third World. -- Eleanor Smeal
  • I apply the three gag rule, which is if I can read a script without gagging more than three times, then maybe I can say yes to this job. -- Peter Riegert
  • Don't look shy if you wear rag and people gag, many are in the grave wearing skeleton, and you should even be happier for wearing a skin without clothes. -- Michael Bassey Johnson
  • If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn't open, and you friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming. -- Jack Handey
  • It's all a joke! Everything anybody ever valued or struggled for... it's all a monstrous, demented gag! So why can't you see the funny side? Why aren't you laughing? -- Alan Moore
  • In America, they have this nauseating habit of calling the conductor 'maestro'. I always slightly gag when the cor anglais player goes, 'Maestro, can I discuss bar 19 with you?' -- Charles Hazlewood
  • To my family and friends, I'm very definitely a clown. But do you know what? Doing a drama would almost seem easy because I wouldn't need to find that gag in a line. -- Ashley Jensen