Bartender quotes:

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  • If I go before I'm old, Oh brother of mine please don't forget me if I go. Bartender please, fill my glass for me? With the wine you gave Jesus that set him free, after three days in the ground. -- Dave Matthews
  • Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch. -- W. C. Fields
  • I toured Ontario in the winter of '48, in a touring company of The Drunkard, in which I played the bartender. -- Jonathan Frid
  • Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.' -- Rodney Dangerfield
  • A good writer is not, per se, a good book critic. No more so than a good drunk is automatically a good bartender. -- Jim Bishop
  • By the time a bartender knows what drink a man will have before he orders, there is little else about him worth knowing. -- Don Marquis
  • I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender. -- Rodney Dangerfield
  • I think everyone should go to college and get a degree and then spend six months as a bartender and six months as a cabdriver. Then they would really be educated. -- Al McGuire
  • Anorexia was there for me before I got into modeling, but because of the arena and the demands, the disease really got out of control for me. It's like being an alcoholic and going and being a bartender. -- Carre Otis
  • They made it to the middle class, my dad working as a bartender and my mother as a cashier and a maid. I didn't inherit any money from them. But I inherited something far better - the real opportunity to accomplish my dreams. -- Marco Rubio
  • I was frustrated because I couldn't get going, as I was trying to figure out how to make films. I had various jobs, I taught a SAT class, I was a bartender, I had a day job at an office and was making short films. -- David O. Russell
  • Now I need to take a piece of wood and make it sound like the railroad track, but I also had to make it beautiful and lovable so that a person playing it would think of it in terms of his mistress, a bartender, his wife, a good psychiatrist - whatever. -- Les Paul
  • The greatest accomplishment of a bartender lies in his ability to exactly suit his customer. . . -- Harry Gordon Johnson
  • A conservative, a liberal, and a moderate walk into a bar. The bartender says, 'Hi, Mitt.' -- Foster Friess
  • You know you have a drinking problem when the bartender knows your name -- and you've never been to that bar before. -- Zach Galifianakis
  • He had a habit of remarking to bartenders that he didn't see any sense in mixing whiskey with water since the whiskey was already wet. -- Joseph Mitchell
  • I could finally quit my job as a bartender and stop dreaming that I might be Superman and know that I was. Then I started thinking about how cool it was. -- Brandon Routh
  • Guy goes into a bar with a duck under his arm. Bartender says, "Where'd you get the pig?" Guy says, "This is a duck." Bartender says, "I was talking to the duck." -- Rodney Dangerfield
  • I mean, I've had bartenders and waiters and waitresses make a comment about a joke of mine, like pointing out some sort of logic error or something that I've never even thought about, and they're right. -- Todd Barry
  • There's a bluebird in my heart that wants to get out but I pour whiskey on him and inhale cigarette smoke and the whores and the bartenders and the grocery clerks never know that he's in there. -- Charles Bukowski
  • Only one marriage I regret. I remember after I got that marriage license I went across from the license bureau to a bar for a drink. The bartender said, "What will you have, sir?" And I said, "A glass of hemlock." -- Ernest Hemingway
  • Usability is not everything. If usability engineers designed a nightclub, it would be clean, quiet, brightly lit, with lots of places to sit down, plenty of bartenders, menus written in 18-point sans-serif, and easy-to-find bathrooms. But nobody would be there. They would all be down the street at Coyote Ugly pouring beer on each other. -- Joel Spolsky
  • I was a bartender in New York and I overheard this girl saying she made $3000 doing a commercial. A kid at work told me, 'Hey, I know this director and he'd really like you!'. So I walked into this guy's office and was like 'I was thinking maybe I could make $3000' and he hired me for commercials, short films, like 15 jobs in a row. -- Pauley Perrette
  • A cocktail can be made by the bartender. But the cocktail also can be made by the chef. -- Jose Andres Puerta
  • I was an amazing bartender and a great waiter. I think, in a way, that was my acting school. -- Nick Frost
  • I wouldn't recommend being a musician to anyone. It's not glamorous. It's a lot of being dirty, not eating, playing for five people and one of them is the bartender. -- Dan Reynolds
  • I studied international relations and economics at the University of Virginia. I paid my way by working as a bartender in the summer and at three part-time jobs during the year. -- Jacqueline Novogratz
  • I remember back in Detroit, I used to go to the Apex Bar every night after I got off work. The bartender there used to call me Boom Boom. I don't know why, but he did. -- John Lee Hooker
  • People called me a hoodlum and a thug. But they didn't tell you I was a carpenter, an architect, a stand-up comic - even a bartender. And a barbecue cook. But they didn't tell you that. -- Bobby Seale
  • From 1965 to 1974, I served the best possible apprenticeship for an actor. I learned firsthand how a truck driver lives, what a bartender does, how a salesman thinks. I had to make a life inside those jobs, not just pretend. -- Brian Dennehy
  • I remain faithful to bourbon sour. It's absolutely delicious. You'd have to ask a bartender what's in it, but I think if you know you might never have a drink. I also love a little rum, 7 years aged, brown, when it is chilly, before dinner. -- Christian Louboutin
  • My mother taught public school, went to Harvard and then got her master's there and taught fifth and sixth grade in a public school. My dad had a more working-class lifestyle. He didn't go to college. He was an auto mechanic and a bartender and a janitor at Harvard. -- Ben Affleck
  • My dad was a bartender. My mom was a cashier, a maid and a stock clerk at K-Mart. They never made it big. They were never rich. And yet they were successful. Because just a few decades removed from hopelessness, they made possible for us all the things that had been impossible for them. -- Marco Rubio
  • I was so lucky to have parents who supported me, 100%, with whatever I was doing, both financially and emotionally. Having that they made my life so much easier. Instead of becoming a bartender and trying to survive while trying to pursue your dreams, I didn't have to worry about that aspect. I could just pursue my dreams. -- Cam Gigandet
  • I spent a lot of time listening to people. But it's also true that I liked details and listening to people when I was a bartender and when I was a waitress and probably when I was a babysitter as well. I suspect that's part of what drew me to psychotherapy rather than the other way around. -- Amy Bloom
  • I was a bartender for a long time, so I know how to make drinks, but I'm more likely to offer them than to have them. I think this is one of the reasons why I get to live longer than my great-grandmother did, and why I get to produce more writing than she did, and why my marriage isn't in dire straits. -- Elizabeth Gilbert
  • My parents were working class folks. My dad was a bartender for most of his life, my mom was a maid and a cashier and a stock clerk at WalMart. We were not people of financial means in terms of significant financial means. I always told them, 'I didn't always have what I wanted. I always had what I needed.' My parents always provided that. -- Marco Rubio
  • The supporting thing can be harder to pop in and out of. The hardest thing is the people who have to come in and play, say, the bartender for a day - that's a lot harder than playing the lead role. You have to pop in and get it right. It's a lot of pressure to just pop in there and fit in and find your footing really fast. -- Paul Giamatti
  • If you truly love me, kill the bartender. -- Quentin Crisp
  • My dad was a bartender that worked banquets. -- Marco Rubio
  • You know you're in trouble, when the bartender cries. -- Michael Peterson
  • Anyway, whacking a surly bartender ain't much of a crime. -- Larry McMurtry
  • A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory. -- Albert Einstein
  • Bless my soul," whispered the old bartender, "Harry Potter . . . what an honor. -- J. K. Rowling
  • A theory that you can't explain to a bartender is probably no damn good. -- Ernest Rutherford
  • If Jesus was a bartender, He would still only be half as cool as Carlos. -- Richard Kadrey
  • Hey bartender, hey man, look here. Give us one more, two more, three more glasses of beer. -- Koko Taylor
  • Every time I read a Jane Austen novel, I feel like a bartender at the gates of heaven. -- Mark Twain
  • I feel so fortunate and lucky I don't have to be a waitress or a bartender or a personal trainer. -- Abbie Cobb
  • .. the guitar is just a wonderful instrument. It's everything: a bartender, a psychiatrist, a housewife. It's everything, but it's elusive -- Les Paul
  • A duck walks into a bar and the bartender asks, what'll it be? The duck doesn't answer because it's a duck. -- Jodi Picoult
  • My dad was a cop. My mom worked at various jobs - she worked as a homemaker, a bank teller, a bartender. -- Lee Daniels
  • I'm a bartender. I like recipes. They're concretes. Was the drink recipe for seduction one shot charm and two shots self-deception, shaken, not stirred? -- Karen Marie Moning
  • Socially, a journalist ranks somewhere between the madam of a whorehouse and a bartender. but spiritually he ranks with Galileo, for he knows the world is round. -- Ben Hecht
  • ...went to a bar for a few drinks. The bartender asked what I wanted. "Surprise me", I said. So he showed me a naked picture of my wife. -- Rodney Dangerfield
  • I worked at Starbucks, I was a waiter, a bartender and a valet, sometimes working 2 to 3 jobs at a time while getting a lot of 'no's' as an actor. -- Andrea Hall
  • I was a bartender at a Pizzeria Uno's for nine years. The people I worked with were amazing, but it was quite possibly the most miserable time of my life. -- Bobby Moynihan
  • To extract the fullest flavor of our drinking house, we needed to spend serious evening time there, slowly coming to know the bartender and the regulars, their joys and sorrows. -- Barbara Holland
  • It's true though: time moves in its own special way in the middle of the night," the bartender says, loudly striking a book match and lighting a cigarette. "You can't fight it. -- Haruki Murakami
  • Two mustaches walk into a bar, and the bartender said, "Can I get you a drink?" Both mustaches turned towards each other but said nothing, because they'd each left their mouth at home. -- Jarod Kintz
  • There was a sad fellow over on a bar stool talking to the bartender, who was polishing a glass and listening with that plastic smile people wear when they are trying not to scream. -- Raymond Chandler
  • I've never been a waitress, hostess, bartender or any of the typical side jobs you'd expect an actor to have. This is partly because I've always been afraid of dropping plates on customer's heads. -- Candace Kita
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