Tony Carlson Quotes in Foul Play (1978)

Tony Carlson: I think we got off on the wrong foot.

Gloria Mundy: Yes, and it seems to be in your mouth.

Tony Carlson: OK, I deserve that. Listen, it's Gloria, right? You're a really nice girl and I'm a nice guy, and you're very pretty with or without cleavage, and what do you say... would you like to take a shower?

Gloria Mundy: I don't pick up strange men.

Tony Carlson: Well, that's your problem.

Gloria Mundy: So why don't you try it?

Tony Carlson: I play Detective. You play Lady In Distress.

Gloria Mundy: Hey, wait a minute. It's *my* ass they're after.

Tony Carlson: I'm sorry. You're right. That was a stupid, glib, chauvinist remark and I apologize. It *is* your ass they're after, and it's my job to see to it that... I get there first.

Tony Carlson: What do you say to a bottle of wine and a couple of steaks?

Gloria Mundy: Well, you could start by saying, "Hello".

Tony Carlson: Want a joint? You know what they say, cops have the best dope.

Tony Carlson: [to Gloria] That's right, honey. You've attacked an innocent dwarf.

Tony Carlson: Gloria, just sit back and enjoy the fire. I'm pouring you a nice, warm, albino martini. Here you go, drink this, then it's off to bed.

Gloria Mundy: You should have been a doctor.

Tony Carlson: Okay, we'll play whatever you like.

Gloria Mundy: He told me all about Monica.

Tony Carlson: Monica?

Gloria Mundy: Yes, Monica.

[reads from note clipped to Tony's refrigerator]

Gloria Mundy: "Darling, you are all out of milk and cottage cheese. I will pick them up in the morning. Love, Monica."

Tony Carlson: Oh, Monica. She's my cleaning lady. She comes in twice a week and really cleans the decks.

Gloria Mundy: Uh-huh. Trims the sails?

Tony Carlson: Blows the pipes.

Gloria Mundy: Will we be expecting her today at all?

Tony Carlson: No, we won't be seeing her any more. You see, Monica drowned this morning.

Gloria Mundy: Oh, really? Just like that.

Tony Carlson: Yeah. It was really sad but we both saw it coming.

Fergie: Oh, ho, I'll tell ya, I've been on some dumb calls in my time, but this one tops 'em all. Where did you meet this ding dong anyway? Hey, what's all that stuff about having her for lunch down at the station house tomorrow? You're not even supposed to be riding around with me.

Tony Carlson: It's fate, Fergie. It's kismet.

Fergie: Kismet, my ass. Listen, this girl is weird, Tony...

Tony Carlson: Yeah, yeah, yeah, but she's got the prettiest green eyes I've ever seen.

Fergie: Hey, they're blue. And behind those blue eyes is a fruitcake with a homicidal umbrella.

Tony Carlson: [excitedly] Wait a minute.

Fergie: What?

Tony Carlson: [grabbing Fergie's face and looking into his eyes] You're the one with the prettiest green eyes I've ever seen.

Fergie: You cut that out. I hate it when you do that. Don't do that anymore, all right?

Tony Carlson: Let's go, beautiful.