Tommy Patel Quotes in Splitting Heirs (1993)

Tommy Patel: You don't have to worry about me, dear. I'm bi-sexual. Whenever I want to have sex, I have to buy it.

Adoption Agent: She insisted that you were adopted by a member of the working class to save you from the curse of money.

Tommy Patel: How very thoughtful...

CID Officer: We believe foul play was involved.

Tommy Patel: Surely you don't think I...

CID Officer: I don't think anything, sir. I'm a police officer.

Tommy Patel: [voice-over, upon learning that Rick Moranis' home burned to the ground] I was doomed to an eternity in the fires of hell as a Christian and a horrendous rebirth as a Hindu.

Kitty: You practically date-raped me

Tommy Patel: I what? I date raped you 6 TIMES!

Kitty: Well, perhaps I did encourage you a bit.

Tommy Patel: A BIT!

Henry Martin: I'm a hard man to kill.

Tommy Patel: [laughs] Oh I know!

Tommy Patel: [talking about sex] You called me over!

Kitty: And you came. And I forgive you.

Tommy Patel: [sarcastic] Oh how kind!

Tommy Patel: Piss off!

Shadgrind: Bit louder there Tommy.

Tommy Patel: FUCK OFF!

Shadgrind: Perfect!