Tom Myers Quotes in American Pie (1999)

[Deleted scene. Kevin talk on the phone with Tom, who is driving]

Tom Myers: You called to ask me how to get laid?

Kevin: Well yeah you know, it's not like I can really call dad. I don't even have his number.

Tom Myers: It's listed A-S-S-H-O-L-E.

Kevin: Yeah, you said it... Anyway, I was calling to see if I could get some advice - brother-to-brother. I mean, I think that tonight, Vicky's... I mean, there's a definite chance that...

Tom Myers: All right, all right - listen, have you ever heard of The Bible?

Kevin: What? Not THE Bible?

Tom Myers: That's not really its name but that's what we call it.

Kevin: Does it tell me how to... to get laid?

Tom Myers: You know what? Nevermind, you're not ready.

Kevin: Wait, ready for what?

Tom Myers: Woah, you're breaking up there. I gotta go, good luck at the party.