Tom Milford Quotes in That Funny Feeling (1965)


Tom Milford Quotes:

  • Joan Howell: I'd love to visit your apartment.

    Tom Milford: My apartment? Well, why mine?

    Joan Howell: The answer should be quite obvious, shouldn't it?

    Tom Milford: The fact of the matter is, mine is quite disorganized. I've been having maid trouble, too.

    Joan Howell: Well, I'll tell you what. You take me to your apartment and I'll show you what I can do with a vacuum cleaner.

  • Tom Milford: [Tom bumped into officer] I'm sorry, officer, my eyes were on that girl.

    Officer Brokaw: Well, just glue them back in your head and keep moving.

  • Harvey Granson: I didn't finish with my wife's lawyers 'till after midnight.

    Tom Milford: You mean you and Leona still can't agree on a settlement?

    Harvey Granson: Oh, yeah, she wants to split everything down the middle including my head.

  • Tom Milford: You know, Harv, I hate to see you so hacked up. I wish there was something I could do.

    Harvey Granson: Mary Leona. Get me off the alimony hook.

    Tom Milford: That good a friend I am not.

    Harvey Granson: I'll give you three of my paintings in your apartment.

    Tom Milford: How much are they worth?

    Harvey Granson: $25,000 a piece.

    Tom Milford: I have to take Leona?

    Harvey Granson: Yeah.

    Tom Milford: Forget it.

    Harvey Granson: Fairweather friend.

  • Tom Milford: I want to meet you, just not head on.

  • Taxi Driver: Where to?

    Tom Milford: I don't know.

    Taxi Driver: Do you wanna go home?

    Tom Milford: I am home.

    Taxi Driver: What do you want me to do ? Drive you up the steps?

  • Harvey Granson: Call the police, Tom, she's after my paintings.

    Tom Milford: I'll be personally responsible for the paintings.

    Harvey Granson: Somebody just stole your apartment, your name and you're going to be responsible for my paint... Call the police!

  • Tom Milford: This is the girl who took my place.

    Harvey Granson: Well, what's she doing in my place?

    Tom Milford: She won't let me in my place so I had to call your place my place.

    Harvey Granson: Get her out of here, you hear! Out! Out!

    Tom Milford: Now, Harv, I've been working on her, now she's just starting to talk.

    Harvey Granson: Now teach her how to walk and get her out of here!

  • Joan Howell: [Becoming suspicious of an alcoholic drink he's made for her] Say, what's the proportion of gin and quinine water in this drink?

    Tom Milford: Oh, I'd say about, uh... "even-Steven."

    Joan Howell: [starting to giggle] I'd say it was more "Steven" than "even."

  • Tom Milford: Harvey, I feel like a heel. For two weeks now, I've been spiking her drinks, playing on her sympathies, lurking around just waiting to take advantage. Would you want somebody to do that to your sister?

    Harvey Granson: I sure would. My sister's single and pushing forty.

  • Tom Milford: Could we be alone, please?

    Audrey: [in a seductive voice] Oh, sure. What did you have in mind?

    [Joan looks at Audrey, amazed]

    Tom Milford: I meant Joan.

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Characters on That Funny Feeling (1965)