Tom Brand Quotes in Nine Lives (2016)

[Rebecca is giving Mr. Fuzzypants a bath]

Rebecca Brand: You're the best gift I ever got!

Tom Brand: Just drown me.

Tom Brand: How'd I get into this?

Felix Grant: You haven't been there for your family. You're gonna be stuck inside this cat until you makes things right.

Tom Brand: But I hate cats!

Felix Grant: That's what makes this so perfect.

Felix Grant: So... How you doin' in there?

Tom Brand: Wait a minute... I'm a CAT!

[Rebecca puts a bow in the fur of Mr. Fuzzypants and holds a mirror to show him]

Rebecca Brand: Look!

Tom Brand: Seriously?

Felix Grant: You look familiar.

Tom Brand: [annoyed] I'm Tom Brand, I own FireBrand...?

Felix Grant: Yesss. I use newspaper in the poopy boxes and I see your face all the time.

Nicole Camden: [from trailer] Smile for Instagram!

[takes a photo of Mr. Fuzzypants]

Tom Brand: Hey! No, no, no, no! Back off!

[kicks the phone from Nicole's hand]

Nicole Camden: Hey!

[Mr. Fuzzypants skids the phone on the floor and into the toilet]

Nicole Camden: Ew!

Tom Brand: Nailed it.

Tom Brand: Because I'm your daddy.

Lara Brand: [On phone with Tom Brand] Hi, Tom.

Tom Brand: Yes, I know, I'm late!

Lara Brand: You need to be here and you have to bring an exceptional gift.

[repeated line]

Tom Brand: Nailed It

Tom Brand: [His ex turns up] Oh great Satan's come over for dinner

Tom Brand: [to his ex] I thought you died of a botched Botox injection

Tom Brand: Who needs a litter box

[pees in his ex wife's handbag]

Tom Brand: [last lines]

Tom Brand: [When refused a dog] So that's a no then?

Tom Brand: I HATE Karma

Tom Brand: [Failing to land properly on his feet] You think it's easy you try it?

[repeated line]

Tom Brand: Ow that smarted

Madison Camden: [to her son] Remember you said Mommy is dad a vampire?

Tom Brand: [Sarcastically] That's because you sucked all the blood out of me

Madison Camden: I keep the files around lets me remember when I had the money

Tom Brand: [Sarcastically on their divorce] Well at least you got half

Tom Brand: [Pawing at a tablet] It's ironic, but I really could use a mouse right now.

Tom Brand: I am not eating cat food.

Felix Grant: [the character's name is actually Felix Perkins - don't know how to change this] You'll eat cat food or else.

Tom Brand: Oh, I'm ten pounds and covered in fur. What else could you possibly do to me?

Felix Grant: This cat has not been fixed.

Tom Brand: [Whispers] Don't you dare!

Lara Brand: Oh, should I take him to the vet?

Tom Brand: Perkins...

Felix Grant: Let's wait...

Tom Brand: ...if you so much as lay a finger on my...

Felix Grant: ...He's made progress. He's gonna be better now.

Tom Brand: [Continues ranting, unintelligible]

Felix Grant: If he isn't eating his cat food or using his poopy box, give me a call. I'll clip him myself. You hear that Mr. Fuzzypants?

Tom Brand: Sooooo... Today's the big day. Have you thought about what you want?

Rebecca Brand: I want a cat.

Tom Brand: Well, I don't think our building takes pets.

Rebecca Brand: You *own* the building!

Tom Brand: The Fire Brand tower is going to be the tallest building in North America!

Madison Camden: That cat is so weird!

Tom Brand: Gotta... show them... I'm... HUMAN!

Felix Grant: Okay, cats.

Tom Brand: I'm sorry?

Felix Grant: Let's do this.

[Turns Brand into a cat]