Tom Bartlett Quotes in The Desert Rats (1953)

Tom Bartlett: You don't know much about real fear, Tammy. Maybe it comes with age or the bottle. You don't know what it is to be a coward... really a coward. To know it, yet to hope one day something will happen to prove that you're not, yet half the time not really believing that either.

Tom Bartlett: But all wars come to an end sometime. This one will too.

Capt. 'Tammy' MacRoberts: If I have anything to do with it, it will.

Tom Bartlett: If the broom fits, ride it!

Tom Bartlett: Very bold plate selection, I might add. Explains the outfit.

Amanda Shelton: To eliminate a necklace would've taken another half hour.

Tom Bartlett: I see.

Amanda Shelton: Doesn't look like it takes you very long.

Tom Bartlett: Touché. I do seem to come out of the shower fully dressed in a blue suit.

Amanda Shelton: My friend Nolan told me this thing about men and sex, that they think about it 238 times a day and when they do they adjust their belts.

Tom Bartlett: That's ridiculous, no, no, not the belt- I meant the amount. That's ridiculous. Do the math I'm awake maybe 17 hours a day. Times 60 would be 1020, divided by 238, that would be sex about every 4 minutes... yeah, yeah, that's about right.

Amanda Shelton: I've been here 20 minutes.

Tom Bartlett: I love shoes.

Brian in Shoes: Me too Mr. Bartlett.

Tom Bartlett: I love how we sell shoes. I love how we sell them in twos, it's so... Noah's ark!

Amanda Shelton: That's impossible.

Tom Bartlett: Why's that?

Amanda Shelton: One good sexual thought takes at least 20 minutes.

Lois McNally: There's a very thin girl in your office.

Tom Bartlett: That's Chris. Lois, what is she doing in my office without me?

Lois McNally: I don't know, but I offered her a sandwich.

Tom Bartlett: I think I've loved you since that first day in the market.

Amanda Shelton: You mean the day I had my hand up your pants. Men are so easy.

Tom Bartlett: Oh yeah.

Tom Bartlett: It's like riding a bicycle. The first nine times you fall off but the tenth time you can go on for miles.

Tom Bartlett: She cursed me. She said in this creepy little voice, a man's character is his destiny...

Lois McNally: Oh... She's a wise witch. She casts her spells in proverbs.

Valderon: This is no knife!

Tom Bartlett: Hey, what the...

Valderon: I spit on your knife.

Tom Bartlett: Hey!

Valderon: I spit on your restaurant. And finally, I spit on...

Tom Bartlett: No, no. Allow me.

[spits on his own arm]

Tom Bartlett: There.

Valderon: That is the first intelligent thing you have done. I fire you!

Tom Bartlett: What you can't...

Valderon: Au revoir, Dickhead!

Lois McNally: It's hot in here. I'm gonna open a window.

Tom Bartlett: Yeah. NO! She'll get in.

Tom Bartlett: How did you get in here?

Amanda Shelton: The door.

Chris: Tommy, what am I doing with someone like you?

Tom Bartlett: Me?

Chris: Me! With my perfect hair.

Chris: I have decided that you are a waste of my perfect wardrobe, with matching shoes.

Tom Bartlett: Nobody's that perfect.

Chris: [looks down at her chest] Oh, oh, I am.

Amanda Shelton: Do all these elevators go to 4?

Tom Bartlett: Just pick one and press 4.

Tom Bartlett: How do you know so much about paper airplanes?

Amanda Shelton: I hated algebra.