Toddy Quotes in Victor Victoria (1982)

Toddy: Oh, god... there's nothing more inconvenient than an old queen with a head cold.

Victoria: The bourguignon was just a little tough.

Waiter: Maybe the way you are eating your jaws are getting tired.

Toddy: Speaking of overworked jaws, why don't you treat yours to a sabbatical and fetch me a wine list?

Victoria: [holding up a glass] This is all they have.

Toddy: This? The last time I saw a specimen like this, they had to shoot the horse!

Waiter: [irritated] How lucky can you get? In one evening a Rockefeller... and a Groucho Marx.

Toddy: Oh, they didn't shoot a real horse... just a costume with two waiters in it.

Waiter: I shall think of a sharp retort while I am getting your roast chicken.

Toddy: It's a wise man who knows when to throw in the towel.

Waiter: And it is a moron who gives advice to a horse's arse.

Toddy: [to the dancers on stage after they drop him] You bitches.

[Trying to explain why she can't pass for a man]

Victoria: Men have Adam's apples.

Toddy: So do some women.

Victoria: Name one.

Toddy: Nana Lanu.

Victoria: Nana Lanu, who's she?

Toddy: The last woman I slept with.

Victoria: When was that?

Toddy: The night before the morning I decided to become a homosexual.

Victoria: How long have you been a homosexual?

Toddy: How long have you been a soprano?

Victoria: Since I was 12.

Toddy: I was a late bloomer.

[Victoria is crying & Toddy is holding her]

Toddy: God, there'd been times I'd given my soul to cry like that.

Victoria: [sobs] I hate it!

Toddy: You wouldn't if you couldn't do it anymore.

Toddy: You know, it's very strange. At the club, I thought you were just about at the end of your rope.

Victoria: Oh, I was. I am! This is the first decent meal I've had in almost four days.

Toddy: And you can't pay for it?

Victoria: [makes breaking motion with hands] Caseé!

Toddy: [chuckling] And you want me to have dinner with you?

Victoria: I want you to have the best damn dinner you ever had. Have two! I started off with the roast chicken and I segued to boeuf bourguignon. It's anybody's guess what I could end up with.

Toddy: Oh, I'd guess about thirty days.

Victoria: If all goes well, I expect to leave here poor, but sated. I have a... a bug in my purse. At the appropriate moment, it goes in my salad.

Toddy: It'll never work.

Victoria: A bug in my salad?

Toddy: In a place like this, it would be an event if there WASN'T a bug in your salad.

Victoria: What about a... cockroach?

Toddy: [shocked] A cockroach!

Victoria: Shhh! Bigger than your thumb!

Toddy: Ew, God!

Victoria: You know, pretending to be a man does have its disadvantages.

[Victoria goes into the bathroom, leaving Toddy alone in bed]

Toddy: [wistfully] My dear Count, you just said a cotton pickin' mouthful.

Toddy: Thank you, thank you, you're most kind. In fact, you're every kind. I see we have a celebrity with us tonight. Miss Simone Kallisto, star of stage, screen, and an occasional circus. Take a bow, darling.

Simone Kallisto: Up yours, cherie.

Toddy: And speaking of the circus, aren't you Richard Dinardo, the well-known trapeze artist?

Richard DiNardo: [dangerously] Careful, Toddy.

Madame President: You're not really funny, y'know. So why don't ya just piss off?

Toddy: [to her husband] You. You ought to be ashamed of yourself, bringing your sweet old mother into a place like this.

Norma: I just love Frenchmen.

Toddy: Oh, so do I!

Toddy: You're all wonderful! And I never want to see any of you again!

'Squash' Bernstein: Apparently the mob doesn't find homosexuality to be an acceptable lifestyle...

Toddy: Kill him, but mustn't kiss him.

Victoria: I know this is going to sound crazy, but I don't know if I'm even gonna be able to *sleep*, I'm so tired.

Toddy: I'll get you a cognac.

Victoria: That'll help me sleep?

Toddy: No, but it makes staying awake a hell of a lot more fun.

Labisse: If you ever come back, I will have you thrown out.

Toddy: Don't make it sound like such a threat. Being thrown out of a place like this is significantly better than being thrown out of a leper colony.

[Victoria's audition has been rejected]

Victoria: In spite of what you think, Monsieur Labisse, there are professions where practice *does* make perfect.

[she hits a high note, causing Labisse's wine glass to shatter, and leaves angrily]

Labisse: What in hell was that?

Toddy: B flat.

Toddy: [singing] When people speak of Gay Paree / They think that when they say Paree is gay / They mean that Gay Paree is "Gay!" / It is not in the way Paree was gay in yesterday Paree / It means today that Gay Paree *is* Gay.

[the pianist plays the Fairy Waltz. Toddy stops him]

Toddy: [spoken] Not that gay.

Victoria: I was the leading soprano for the Bath Touring Light Opera Company...

Toddy: You're very athletic for a soprano.

Victoria: That's because I had three brothers.

Toddy: Oh, I know what you mean. I grew up with two older sisters.

Toddy: Au revoir.

Norma: Me too.

[to Victoria]

Toddy: Remember, you're a drag queen!

Norma: You're kidding? You really are... queer?

Toddy: Ah! We prefer "gay".

Norma: But... you're so... attractive.

[Toddy chuckles]

Norma: . Well, I just think it's a terrible waste.

[Toddy laughs heartily]

Toddy: Well, if it's any consolation, I assure you it is not wasted.

Norma: You know... I think that the right woman could reform you.

Toddy: You know, I think that the right woman could reform you, too.

Norma: Me? Give up men? Forget it!

Toddy: You took the words right out of my mouth.

Toddy: I know what you're thinking... and you ought to be ashamed of yourself.

Victoria: Let me ask you a question.

Toddy: You want to know if I'm a homosexual.

Victoria: No. I want to know if you're a hypochondriac.

Toddy: Are you impugning this lady's integrity?

Waiter: She's impugning my salad.

Toddy: You were going to trade your virtue for a meatball!

Victoria: Well, I was out of my mind with hunger at the time, and at least it was something for something.

Victoria: All I want is a nice hot bath.

Toddy: Oh, I had one once. You'll love it.

Toddy: I can remember when I was a show girl.

Ronny Cauldwell: So can half the male population of New York.

Toddy: Listen, if you ever lose that voice, you'll end up as a ventriloquist dummy.

Toddy: What am I supposed to do? Stand around while you chat with every little dame that wanders in off the street?

Jacob 'Jake' Sherman: Oh, but, Toddy!

Toddy: Hot Toddy, to you; Pelican Pan!