Tod Quotes in Parenthood (1989)

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Tod Quotes:

  • Helen: It sounds like a boy Garry's age needs a man around the house.

    Tod: Well, it depends on the man. I had a man around. He used to wake me up every morning by flicking lit cigarettes at my head. He'd say, "Hey, asshole, get up and make me breakfast." You know, Mrs. Buckman, you need a license to buy a dog, or drive a car. Hell, you need a license to catch a fish! But they'll let any butt-reaming asshole be a father.

  • Tod: Can I speak frankly, no holds barred?

    [Helen nods]

    Tod: That is one messed up little dude. We can talk straight?

    [Helen nods again]

    Tod: Um, a few months ago, Garry got his first... boner. You know what that is?

    Helen: If memory serves.

    Tod: Aw, great! Anyway, since then, he's been... uh... slappin' the salami. No offense.

    Helen: No.

    Tod: Apparently, he's goin' for a world record. Anyway, he was afraid there was something wrong with him, you know? Like he was a pervert or something. I told him that's what little dudes do - we've all done it. It made him happy.

    Helen: Garry was happy?

    Tod: He even smiled! I never even knew he had teeth!

  • [Tod is struggling with Julie]

    Tod: Julie, you belong with me!

    Helen: [hitting him] Let go of her!

    Tod: You're my wife!

    Helen: I said-!

    [stops]

    Helen: His what?

    Julie: His wife. We got married a few days ago.

    Helen: [hitting her] Are you out of your *mind*? Are you out of your *mind*?

  • Tod: [upon finding Julie at her own house with her mother] Julie, you're here!

    Julie: What does that make you, Sherlock Holmes? I live here!

  • Tod: [interrupts foreplay to take out a picture camera] Now we can record our love.

  • Helen: Tod?

    Tod: Yeah?

    Helen: Do you want me to make you breakfast?

    Tod: No thanks, Julie will.

    Helen: Great.

    [then adds under her breath]

    Helen: I'll get the fire extinguisher.

  • Tod: Hi. Where's my wife?

    Helen: She's still at school. She's got cheerleading practice.

    Tod: Bitchin'.

  • Tod: Do you think that I'd talk to a dog? Do you think I'd ask a dog whether you're good or evil? What do you think I am? Some kind of crazy backwoods lunatic with a barn full of human skulls and a scythe that I sharpen every day in readiness for Armageddon?

    Robert: No, no, not at all, I'm sure you're just a regular kind of guy.

    Tod: Right, I'm regular, I am a regular man. I want... but that's not the point! The point is, who are YOU? WHO ARE YOU?

  • Tod: Mr. E, I talked to the lawyer guy upstairs and he confirmed my hunch, uh, about the whole stabbing of Mr. Whitefeather thing. It's a definite no can do from a legal standpoint.

  • Tod: You talking about... REAL excitement?

  • Tod: What would you do if you was us, Mr. Spikes?

    Harry Spikes: Lie close. Keep your boots by your bed. Sit up quick when a dog barks. Go out but little. Make no acquaintances. Have nothing peculiar about your manner or dress. And above all... never talk. It's the talking man gets caught.

  • Tod: Peggy, did it ever occur to you that to me you'll always be young and beautiful? No matter how old you grow - I'll always remember you as you were the last day I saw you - young, beautiful, bright, exciting. No one who can see can say that to you. - - Peg, you're so beautiful... so beautiful outside, so rotten inside.

    Peggy: You're no angel.

    Tod: No. I guess we're two of a kind.

  • Scott: [Admiring the paintings] These must be worth a fortune now that you're...

    [Scott hesitates to say 'blind.']

    Tod: Since you're convinced I'm blind, go ahead... say it, but you're right. Now that I can't paint anymore, this stuff of mine gets more valuable every day. There's an old saying in my trade: a man never gets rich until he's dead. I assure you a blind painter's just the same as a dead man.

  • Tod: Nice young fellow. Don't you think so?

    Peggy: Yes, he is. I like him.

    Tod: A little dull though.

    Peggy: Strong outdoor type.

    Tod: You like that, don't you Peg? You always admired virility.

  • Scott: You know, I don't understand much about paintings.

    Tod: There's nothing to understand! It hasn't anything to do with the brain - its the eye. A painting's like a woman - she either thrills you or she doesn't.

    Scott: Well, in that case, its easy.

  • Tod: You know, I never really started to paint well until just before the lights went out. But, I think this is one of my best. There's something about the effects of the hair and the skin texture. Of course, nudes were never my strong suit; but, here I had a particularly beautiful subject. As you can see, this is a portrait of Peggy.

    Scott: Why, excuse me Tod, I-I think you have the wrong painting. This is a picture of some roses and a newspaper.

  • Peggy: If you would sell the paintings, you wouldn't have to worry about writing.

    Tod: Peg, I've never been able to make you understand that those paintings are my eyes! Everything I saw in life, I set down on canvas. If I let them go I lose the last connection to the past - strong and alive.

  • Tod: I like Scott. I like him because he's good and straight. That's why he's dangerous.

  • Tod: Don't try to get away. I can sense every move you make. I can sense you like an animal. My eyes don't see, but I have hands and ears and a nose. I can even smell your hate!

  • Tod: Ya ever seen a man with his insides hangin' out? Looks like little silver and blue snakes, all wiggling. Agggh! Pour me another drink.

Browse more character quotes from Parenthood (1989)

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