Tish Quotes in SpaceCamp (1986)

Tish: Whip me, beat me, take away my charge cards... NASA is talking!

Rudy Tyler: What about the propulsion system? We could breathe the liquid oxygen from there.

Tish: The propulsion system uses nitrogen tetroxide, Rudy. We wanna breathe, not dry clean our lungs.

Tish: [whimpering, after the space shuttle has launched] We're gonna die...

[opens her eyes to see a few of the others floating in zero gravity]

Tish: We're already dead...

Andie: So what brings you to space camp?

Tish: Well I did this audit at GPL on Radio Astronomy; it was unbelieveable! I mean can you imagine an extra terrestrial disc jockey? I mean like listening to radio waves from space? I mean like waiting for signs of intelligence?

Andie: ...Like I know the feeling.

Tish: What're you doing...?

Kathryn: Trying to figure out how to work this thing...

Tish: What, the multi-access trainer?

Kathryn: Yeah... you know anything about it?

Tish: [closes her eyes, reciting from memory] Three concentric circles spinning in opposite directions; object to stabilize utilizing hand controls.

[Kathryn is amazed; Tish offers her a piece of gum]

Tish: You wanna piece...?

Kathryn: [taking it] ... How'd you know all that?

Tish: I remember everything I read. It's a real drag, sometimes; my mind gets totally cluttered.

Kathryn: What'd you get on your SATs?

Tish: 800's.

[the highest SAT scores available at the time]

Tish: What're you gonna write your essay on?

Kathryn: [Kathryn has been made Pilot after specifically requesting Shuttle Commander] "Why I'm Going to be the First Female Shuttle Commander."

Tish: Oh, that oughta go down REAL big.

Kathryn: Yeah, Andy'll love that. What about you?

Tish: I'm gonna do "I want to go into space to find creatures that exist on chemicals other than carbon and oxygen."

Kathryn: You should visit my high school!

Tish: Could you please argue without talking?

Tish: There's something I need you to know.

April Burns: Okay.

Tish: I never eat anything that has a face.

April Burns: Oh, don't worry, you won't be eating it, I'll just be using your oven.

Tish: Yes, but for me, to know that there was once a living, breathing soul...

April Burns: I'm a vegetarian, I understand.

Tish: Yes, but I'm a vegan. And even the smell of flesh cooking... I don't think I can help you.

Tish: [Priestly calls Tish] Beach City Grill. Subs by the inch.

Priestly: Code blue. Hostile territory. Aborting mission.

Tish: Who is this?

Priestly: It's your Renaissance Man. I'm at the store, there's too many enemy tampons. I'm bailing.

Tish: Alright, stay focused. Describe the situation.

Priestly: Initial recon appears to be bag or box?

Tish: Box.

Priestly: Box. Roger that.

Tish: Alright, look around chest height. Do you see anything marked regular?

Priestly: Okay, regular. Uh, here's one but it says slender regular. How can something be both slender and regular? Isn't that mutually exclusive?

Tish: Priestly...

Priestly: Unless, of course they're implying in the mysterious underworld of Femboxes that slender is regular.

Tish: Priestly. Are you done?

Priestly: Well, what about the Super Pluses?

Tish: No.

Priestly: Why not? They sound like better.

Tish: Don't. They're huge.

Priestly: I thought you liked huge.

Tish: This is one area where bigger is not better.

Priestly: Yeah, well shouldn't you buy all the protection you can get?

[looks at the side of the box]

Priestly: I mean, it says here it can handle any amount of- Oh my god!

[throw the box in disgust]

Priestly: Why is it that some people can't see a good thing when it's standing right in front of them, huh? I mean, what is it that screws all that up? Can you tell me? I swear, you're like 2 year olds. You're more interested in the wrapping paper than what's inside.

Tish: Wait. Are you talking about Jen, or me?

Priestly: If there's a difference, let me know.

Tish: Priestly, listen. If a woman needs an emergency dipstick in the ladies room of a sandwich stop.

Priestly: That's nasty.

Tish: She just wants something that's going to hold her over until she can get home and use one of her own. Based on her own style preferences and flow requirement

Priestly: Tish!

Tish: Yeah?

Priestly: That word... flow. Thats nasty. It's gross.

Tish: Just buy the slender regulars.

Priestly: Over and out. Heading back to base camp.

Tish: Roger that. Over and out.

[hangs up the phone]

Jen: Girls that look like you don't understand. Y'know, I always think, like, if I lost ten pounds, or wore better clothes, or got new boobs that it would make a difference but, I know the truth.

Tish: I'm sorry but that's bullshit. You're the smartest person that I know. And I see you helping those homeless guys that no one can even look at. You make everyone around you happy. You have so much to offer. To say you don't because of how you look is just... is just total bullshit.

Jen: I didn't say I don't have a lot to offer, I said that people will never know because they don't SEE me. How many proms did you miss because no one asked you? How many times have your friends left you sitting alone at a club while they went and danced with guys? Or how many times has a customer completely ignored you to get a better look at me? So until that happens, until you're told time and time again that your place in life is in the background, don't tell me it's bullshit, because you don't know.

[from trailer]

Tish: I did things with Tad I've never done before.

Priestly: Oh really, like what? Wait for the second date?

Trucker: I swore that I would never hurt another human being as long as I lived.

Tish: Sorry I made you break you promise.

Trucker: Oh no. I said I would never hurt another *human*.

Priestly: [Walks into the shop] Everybody relax!

[Frantically tap dances]

Priestly: I'm here!

Tish: Oh, and so close to being almost on time.

Priestly: Yeah, well, come on. I mean, once I start showing up on time, you'll expect it every day.

Tish: [after a night with Tadd] I'm in love.

Priestly: No, you're in heat.

Tish: Oh, look! A man pretending to acknowledge the difference.

Tish: If men are *that* easy to manipulate, they deserve to be taken advantage of.

Priestly: I'm easy to manipulate! Why don't women take advantage of me?

Tish: I think we can all guess the answer to that.

Tish: [Priestly walks in dressed in a button-down and khakis. His hair is brushed out and a normal color. His piercings are gone] Holy shit.

Priestly: Miss Matheson, it would be my pleasure if you would agree to accompany me to dinner tonight.

Tish: Depends.

Priestly: On what?

Tish: I wanna know your first name.

Trucker: Yeah!

Priestly: Come on, give me a break! I'm- I went to Banana Republic, for Christ sake!

[Tish looks away]

Priestly: Damn it.

[Whispers]

Priestly: Boaz.

Tish: Can't hear you.

Priestly: Boaz, all right? My-my first name is Boaz.

Jen: Boaz?

Priestly: Shut up.

Tish: Can I tell you something, Boaz?

Priestly: Okay.

Tish: This is something I've never told anyone else.

Priestly: Yeah, of course.

Tish: Tish... Is short for Platicia.

Priestly: Platicia?

Tish: [Nodding] Platicia.

Trucker: ['Interviewing' Piper] Okay, uh. Let me think... Elvis, dead or alive?

Piper: Dead.

Tish: Andy Kaufman?

Piper: Dead.

Trucker: Jerry Garcia?

Piper: Grateful, and dead.

Tish: Mariah Carey?

Piper: Are we talking about her acting career?

Tish: [Chuckles] No.

Piper: Okay, then alive.

Lucille: Why'd you come to Santa Cruz?

Piper: I have family here.

Mr. Julius: Are you a virgin?

[Everyone groans]

Trucker: Mr. Julius!

Mr. Julius: Sorry, sorry.

Piper: No... But I used to be.

Tish: You're not a witch, by any chance?

Piper: Is that a job requirement?

Tish: Trucker's blazin' for the woman who owns the crystal store across the street. He thinks she's Wiccan.

Jen: Yeah, they're soul mates, except she's not exactly aware of it yet.

Trucker: Okay, everybody! Time to vote!

[Everyone puts their hands up, including the customers]

Tish: I don't know. I mean, you're cute and everything, but...

Stud: But what? Come on, Tish!

Tish: Well, it's just...

Priestly: Here it comes.

Tish: [Whispers] I don't really like sex.

Stud: What? How can you not like...

Tish: I've never had a... you know...

Stud: Whoa! Never?

[Tish shakes her head]

Stud: Well, obviously you haven't been with the right guy.

[Points to himself and mouths "Me"]

Tish: [laughs] Okay.

Piper: My God, does that really work?

Jen: Every time.

Priestly: Are you kidding me? It's a man's greatest challenge.

Priestly: [Tish walks in the morning after a romp] Oh, look, she can still walk!

Jen: All right, let's hear it. What were his grades?

Tish: A for effort. C for execution.

Jen: Natural gift?

Tish: Didn't even register.

Piper: That bad, huh?

Tish: That bad, and... He knows it.

Piper: Well, did you at least tell him that size doesn't matter?

[Priestly nods]

Tish: Yeah, sure, I told him. You don't actually think guys believe that, do you?

[Priestly cocks an eyebrow]

Tish: [Another victim leaves the sbop. She turns around and everyone's staring at her] Oh, don't even start with me. If men are that easy to out-finesse, they deserve what they get.

Priestly: Hey, I'm easy. Don't I deserve it?

Trucker: Well, Priestly, see, your problem is you always go after the hot chicks. You know. you gotta raise your expectations, man.

Tish: Excuse me?

Trucker: Well, really good-looking women, they're high maintenance. And without exception, completely worthless between the sheets.

Priestly: Seriously?

Trucker: God's truth.

Mr. Julius: Certainly been my experience.

Tish: Oh, you guys are pathetic.

Trucker: All right, take Tish for example, all right? Men are so pumped to be with a body like hers, that all she's gotta do is just lay back and enjoy the ride, you see? That way, she's never gonna develop any skills in bed.

Mr. Julius: I second that!

Tish: Hey, I work hard!

Trucker: Hey, don't get me wrong; attractive women are great to look at, just don't go home with the prom queen. Give her the crown, she'll never go down.

Tish: I *was* the prom queen.

Trucker: Well, I rest my case.

Tish: All right, that's it. You and me, in the office.

[Puts her hair up]

Tish: I'll show you how I earned my crown!

[Walks toward the office]

Trucker: Women!

[Tish turns around, an understanding scowl on her face]

Trucker: They are so easy to out-finesse! They deserve what they get!

Tish: [Whips a towel at Trucker] Dicks!

Priestly: [Jen's computer chimes] Oh, look! fuzzzy_22, right on time!

Jen: [Pushes Priestly] Shut up!

Priestly: Can't believe it, Jen. You've fallen for a cop.

Tish: Why do you think he's a cop?

Priestly: Uh, 'fuzz'? What else could it be?

Tish: I'm thinking peach fuzz, since he's probably like, 12 or something.

Priestly: Or maybe he's got a really hairy back.

Tish: Ugh!

Piper: Maybe he's a peach farmer in Georgia.

Lucille: Oh, Jen, you don't wanna move to Georgia!

Jen: I'm not moving anywhere.

Tish: I bet the '22' means he's a gun freak.

Piper: Could just be his age, you know.

Tish: Or, it could be the number of years left until his parole hearing.

Priestly: Yeah, or maybe the last 22 years have been really like, fuzzy for him.

Jen: I like that one!

Tish: [Two hot guys walk in. Tish pushes Piper away] I got this one. What can I do for you two?

Tadd: We phoned it in. Two spicy Italian subs.

Tish: How big?

Tadd: Ten inches.

Tish: Total?

Tadd: Each, of course.

Tish: [sighs, slides them their subs] I'm Tish.

[the boys pay and leave]

Customer on Cell Phone: I ordered a, uh, 12-inch veggie sub.

[Holds up a six-inch sub]

Customer on Cell Phone: Does this look like 12 inches to you?

Jen: No, I...

Tish: [Walks over] You know how girls are no good with measurements.

[Holds up the other half of his sub]

Tish: My last boyfriend told me that this *was* twelve inches. So go figure.

Tish: All right, Jen, you never screw up an order.

Priestly: Yeah, what happened? Fuzzy's mom finally take his computer away?

Tish: [about Jen's meeting fuzzzy] Well, I'm coming with.

Jen: Really?

Piper: Me, too.

Jen: You guys are the best!

Priestly: Yep, count me in!

Tish, Piper, Jen: Forget it.

Trucker: Can we get to work now?

Priestly: I'll, I'll drive.

Piper: No.

Priestly: I'll buy the beer.

[Jen laughs at him]

Priestly: I never get to do anything fun.

Tish: [Tadd walks in after hours] Tadd.

Tadd: Tish.

Tish: So what can I get for you tonight?

Tadd: An order to go.

Tish: What do you want?

Tadd: You.

Jen: [sighs dreamily. They both look at her] Sorry. Just living vicariously. Ignore me.

Tish: Well, look, um... With men, I've never had a, you know, a full-on...

Tadd: Does tha work on stupid guys?

Tish: Yeah, usually.

Tadd: You ready to go, then?

Tish: No way.

Jen: What?

Tish: You're still the scarlet V.

Jen: [Scoffs] So? It's nothing to be ashamed of. Is it?

Piper: No, it's not. If I had maintained, I wouldn't be in the mess I'm in now.

Tish: Yeah, yeah. Listen, it's uh, it's not really different from when you do it yourself, it just takes a lot longer.

[Jen makes a face]

Tish: Never?

Jen: You guys, I'm a computer nerd daughter of a southern Baptist minister from Wichita! I'm the worst kind of late bloomer!

Piper: You've never plucked your own banjo?

Jen: Come on, it's not like you guys do it all the time, right?

Piper: Yesterday morning.

Tish: Two days ago.

Lucille: Last night.

[the girls look at her]

Lucille: Don't worry; I made Bam Bam go in the other room!

Jen: Oh. And *I'm* the one worried about carpal tunnel.

Tish: Yeah, it's not carpal. It's more in the fingers.

[Piper laughs]

Jen: [about Fuzzy] It's a no-brainer. We *have* to meet.

Priestly: Right on!

Piper: And what if he is a woman?

Jen: We'll find a way to make it work.

Priestly: Ooh, if that happens, can I watch?

Tish: What is he's 14?

Priestly: Ooh, if that happens, can I, uh

[Holds a glass to his eye]

Priestly: videotape?

Jen: He's driving himself to the meeting point, so he's gotta be at least 16, right? And that's not *that* much younger.

Trucker: Convicted felon?

Jen: Well, he's out noe, so it couldn't have been that bad.

Mr. Julius: Paralyzed?

Jen: If *he* can deal with that, I sure can.

Lucille: Ugly as a rhino's ass?

Jen: Looks are really the least of my worries. I mean, he's a great guy.

Priestly: Well, what if he's got, like, crazy-ass hair and-and, and more artificial holes in his head than real ones?

Jen: Well, I could never be that lucky.

[Priestly smiles]

Jen: [Tish and Piper are waiting in the hall while she masterbates for the first time] Nothing's happening!

Tish: Keep going!

Jen: I don't know, you guys. Maybe mine's a dud.

Tish, Piper: Keep going!

Jen: Ow!

Tish: What?

Jen: It's very intense.

Piper: Well, just slow it down a little bit.

Tish: Or move it to the left.

Tish: Suppose it drives some beat up piece of shit held together by duct tape and dental floss?

Jen: All you need is love.

Tish: What if he has like, NRA and skinhead stickers all over it?

Jen: We can work it out.

Piper: It's Beatles Night at the Morro Bay Whaler, accepting Fab Four requests all night long!

Tish: What if he's the fool in the hill? Or the nowhere man?

Jen: Tish, let it be.

Piper: Besides, everybody's got something to hide...

Tish, Piper: 'Cept me and my monkey!

Tish: Is that a face made for sitting on, or what?

Tish: All I saw tonight was just a guy looking for the girl of his dreams.

Jen: A guy like that doesn't dream about a girl like me.

Tish: Is this about how cute he was? I mean, I thought you'd be happy. Not to mention, you know, pretty damn relieved.

Piper: Besides, you said that looks don't matter.

Jen: Yeah, that was before I knew he was Brad fucking Pitt. There's no way a guy who looks like that is gonna want me.

Tish: That's crazy.

Jen: Is it? I mean, look at Tadd. When he came into the shop, he didn't exaclty bee-line to me, did he?

Piper: Yeah, but Tadd is a superficial dickhead. Everybody knows that.

[Tish looks at her]

Piper: Everyone except Tish. Sorry.

Jen: [Masterbating for the first time. Offscreen] Oh, my God! Oh, my god! Uh, oh, my God!

Piper: Ladies and gentlemen, we have lift-off!

Tish: Elvis has left the building!

Tish: Look, why don't you and Brad just admit that the girl's unnecessary and get on with it?

Tadd: What are you talking about?

Tish: Are you so far in the closet you can't see the light? You and Brad are hot for each other. You just use the girl to pretend you're straight.

Tadd: [Grabs her and throws her against the wall] You listen to me. I'm no fag. I was captain of the football team in high school.

Tish: Let me guess: you were a tight end, always too afraid of becoming a wide reciever? Why don't you just be a man and admit what you are? No one cares that you're gay.

[Tadd smacks her]

Tish: Hey, Truck, you'll know. What's Priestly's first name?

Trucker: Beats me.

Tish: Yeah, but it's gotta be on his application, right?

Trucker: Now that I think about it, I'm not even sure he filled one out.

Trucker: All right, angels, the Causemobile is ready to roll!

Jen, Tish, Piper: Thanks, Charlie!

Tish: [Sticks a ticket in Priestly's mohawk] Order up!