Tina Quotes in Minions (2015)
Walter Nelson: You're going to Villain-Con, aren't ya?
Bob the Minion: Villain-Con!
Tina: [shows Kevin her magazine] I'm going to get all of my favorite villains to sign my magazine! Scarlet Overkill! If I was a minion, that's who'd I want to work for!
Tina: [making out] Shouldn't you be monitoring the weather or something?
Bob: This is L.A... what weather?
Karen "New York": I just want to let all the lesbians out there know: if I can make it to the top ten, so can you! Big out to Brooklyn! Yo!
Dave the Pageant Director: Get her off of there! Go to Stan!
Karen "New York": [to a girl in the audience] Tina, I love you, baby!
Tina: Oh, Karen! I love you, Karen!
Karen "New York": Yo, Tina! I love you, baby!
[Gracie, watching the scene, applauds, whoops, and nods in approval]
Stan Fields: And we'll be right back with our final five lesbians - interviews!
Dave the Pageant Director: Bumper, commercial, can we say lesbians?
Assistant Director: You got a problem with that?
Jaimie: It's coming back!
[we see the fin swimming pass the far end]
Jaimie: Why does it keep doing that, just circling?
Tina: Cause It's not sure what we are. It's curious.
Kirby: Curious about what, sharks are only curious about one thing. It's trying to decide if were food or not!
Matt Helm: But I've been on leave from I.C.E. for a long time. As far as I'm concerned, I am out of it.
Tina: [pouring herself a drink] You're never out of Ice.
Tina: [concerned about a sniper outside] But what happens if he hits the gas tank?
Matt Helm: Smokey the Bear won't like it. Get in.
Tina: Are you on a vacation?
Gail Hendrix: Oh well, eh, I was on a tour, a sight-seeing tour. But eh, the man in charge of our group kept taking me places that weren't in the brochure.
Matt Helm: Where was that?
Gail Hendrix: His room.
Tina: [trying to get Matt to switch sides] You'll just die...
Matt Helm: Not in your bed.
Tina: What better place is there?
King: [Saves Tina's life from lioness]
Tina: [King comes to Tina] King! I knew you loved me. You saw King chose me. He's mine!
King: [Coming to Tina]
Tina: Stay away from her. You naughty thing.
King: [Mounting King]
Tina: King will see me home. He really loves me.
Christine: Now your beginning to see?
Robert Hayward: If I hadn't seen it... Well, I wouldn't have believed it. It's like witchcraft.
Tina: [Riding away on King] Now do you understand King? I don't want you to have anything more to do with that nasty lioness again. Who does she think she is?
Dan Kelly: Jesus Ned, pull yourself together.
Tina: Is your friend alright?
Dan Kelly: He's fine. He just saw his family... raped... by Pirates.
Pee-wee: Aren't we gonna see the basement?
Tina: [laughs] There's no basement at the Alamo!
[At a life-size diorama in the Alamo]
Tina: This is one of my personal favorite parts of the tour. Please say hello to our residents, Pedro and his wife Inez. Inez is holding a clay pot that she seems very proud of. She has carefully detailed it with lots of paint and glaze. And Pedro is working on an "adobe." Can you say that with me? "Adobe".
[Tour group responds, "Adobe."]
Tina: It was an accident, Mum.
Carol: So were you.
Tina: This is not my vagina!
[after looking first at an image on Chris's digital camera and then at her own body]
Chris: [in an outdoor clothing shop] Choose anything you like, love.
Chris: Anything you like, as long as it's under 10 quid.
Chris: [asking Ian about his caravan] How do you find it on petrol consumption?
Ian: Uh, not too bad, actually. Takes her less fuel to pull than some of the older models.
Chris: Yeah, you're probably right, yeah. We use loads of petrol, don't we, Tina?
Tina: Yeah, we love it.
Carol: You didn't let him see you do number twos, did you Tina?
Carol: Mystery, Tina, is a woman's sanctuary.
[Tina and Martin are at the table. Chris joins them]
Tina: Martin just said some filthy things to me, Chris.
Chris: Yeah? Well, do tell.
Tina: He said I was a dirty, slutty bitch. And he wanted to f*ck me. And he said he wanted to sh*t in my mouth and in my underwear. And he said he wanted... he wanted to sh*t in my hand and make me use it as a brown lipstick.
Tina: You all right?
Carol: I was just thinking about Poppy. She was me only friend.
Tina: Oh, Mum. I'm your friend.
Carol: You're not a friend. You're just a relative.
Tina: Mum? Mum. Mum. Mum. Mum. Mum. Mum. Mum. Mum. You all right?
Carol: What's going on?
Chris: I'm just admiring your artwork, Carol. It's fantastic.
Carol: I don't want anyone in my room.
Tina: Chris was just saying how talented he thinks you are.
Carol: It's my private sanctum. I don't want anybody looking.
Tina: Well, no one's looking in your sanctum, Mum.
Chris: So what were you like when you were a little kid, then?
Chris: You didn't like school? I know, nor me.
Tina: What were you like at school, Chris?
Chris: I wasn't like anything. I was, like, invisible.
Tina: What about you being ginger?
Chris: Well, that's a problem, yeah.
Tina: That's not invisible, is it?
Chris: No, but I wanted to be.
Chris: [arriving at the caravan site] They've only got two spots left. One by the Dingley Dell and one by the bogs.
Tina: [they are behind another car towing a caravan] He's going for Dingley Dell.
Tina: Chris, I want Dingley Dell.
Chris: I'm gonna get this bloody Dingley Dell.
Tina: Can't we go around it?
Chris: Just hold on, I'm gonna do it.
Tina: [whining in her grating Brummie accent] Go around them. Go around. Go that way.
Chris: I will, just wait there, wait...
Tina: Just go around it.
Chris: OK! Hold on.
[he puts his foot down and goes onto the grass alongside them]
Tina: Oh, Chris! Don't look at them, Chris.
[he aggressively overtakes the other car and caravan, forcing it off the track]
Chris: Ha ha! Fuck you! I am the best. Get in.
Tina: [looking at Martin's 'Carapod' bicycle trailer] It looks like an alien's coffin.
Tina: Dear Mum, I'm not coming home. Yorkshire is lovely. Not like you said at all. They can smile and they do sell my pasta sauce. The caravan bed is quite short, but Chris is a sensitive lover. Hope you can be happy for me. Love, Tina.
Chris: So, have you had a nice holiday?
Tina: Yeah, I've had a brilliant holiday!
Chris: Sorry about calling you a witch an' that... What do you reckon? You sure this is what you want? Three... Two... One... Go!
[Chris steps off the viaduct, while Tina remains]
Manuela: A little voodoo could fix this in no time.
Tina: You mean sacrificing chickens?
Manuela: Just one.
Manuela: Cheer up, sweetie. Yesterday I took care of our problem.
Tina: Don't tell me you killed a chicken.
Manuela: Even better. I humped a spirit.
Otegui: I don't want to disturb you, but I'm worried about Desiree's Mother's Day drawing.
Desiree: It's Mama.
Tina: Let me see. How pretty. I see she smokes. She has a cigar in her mouth.
Desiree: It's not a cigar. It's a turd.
Otegui: It's a turd. I'd like to speak to the art teacher.
Tina: He quit last month.
Otegui: Another one? How many is that?
Tina: I don't know.
Otegui: Eight. We've been keeping track.
Tina: And I'm not a girl.
[in lower tone of voice]
Tina: I'm a boy.
Burt Munro: Oh.
Burt Munro: Well, I thought there was something a little odd about you. But ah, hey, you're still a sweetheart.
Burt Munro: I tell you, I've had a heck of a night.
Tina: [rolling eyes] Arggh... Welcome to Hollyweird.
Tina: Okay, my good friend from Kiwi land. You stay in touch, won't you?
Burt Munro: I will.
Tina: Here's my phone number. Call me and tell me how you're doing.
Burt Munro: I will.
Burt Munro: Can I call collect?
Tina: [smiles] You can try.
Burt Munro: It's a good job I think you're a woman.
Tina: I *am* a woman.
Martin Cahill: [looking at himself on television] It makes me look fat.
Tina: You're not fat. You're cuddly.
[at the end of her song at the Moonlight Lounge]
Delores: Good night, ladies and gentlemen!
Michelle, Tina: [singing] Heat wave!
Delores: You don't give a shit.
Michelle, Tina: [singing] Heat wave!
Delores: Let's get the hell outta here.
Michelle, Tina: [singing] Heat wave!
[the song ends and only two people applaud]
Delores: [after Vince has sent Delores a purple mink coat] Well obviously Mr. LaRocca feels he can win me back by sending me this absolutely *fabulous* coat.
Michelle: Put it on, put it on!
Tina: It's beautiful.
Delores: You see, some girls would fall for this but not me. I think I'll make him wait a while before I let him know that I...
Delores: [Showing a monogram stitched into the inside of the coat] Connie LaRocca. It's his wife's coat. The man gave me his wife's coat.
Michelle: I don't believe this.
Tina: Put it back on! It's yours now, you deserve it.
Delores: No, I don't *deserve* it, I haven't *earned* it. You don't *earn* other peoples wife's fur coats, okay? I think it's time to just go upstairs, give it back to him and get the hell out of this dump.
Tina: What's gonna happen to the act?
Delores: What do you mean "what's gonna happen to the act"? You're gonna get somebody else, it's not a big loss.
Tina: But you pick all the music, you tell us where to stand and everything.
Delores: Yeah, I'm a real genius, I'm a real genius and that's why we're packing 'em in and don't you pack any more of my make-up in that bag, don't think I don't see what you're doing.
Tina: Trust you? The last time I trusted you, Mookie, I ended up with a son.
Rina, Tina: [in unison] Our mom says our dad is a real sex machine.
[the kids strap Tina into a lifejacket and tape oven mitts to her hands]
Tina: Why do I have to wear all this stuff again?
Chris Briggs: Because you're scripted to do a striptease at the slumber party, and when you take your top off, Billy comes running.
Tina: But why does he hate my boobs? Cuz they're not big?
Tina: Oooh, I love legends! Loch Ness, Bigfoot, Bon Jovi... all of 'em!
Duncan: What did you pack, Tina?
Tina: The basics. Bikini, mouthwash, diaphragm.
[Tina fidgets with Vicki's iPhone]
Tina: What is this thing, anyway?
Vicki Summers: It's a phone.
Tina: Yeah, please! I'm not that gullible.
[talking into the phone]
Tina: Um hello, operator? Yes, I'm trying to make a call but I can't cuz my phone's not plugged into anything!
Tina: You know it's 500, right?
Mike: Yeah. Oh, yeah, no problem. Yeah, I mean... 500 of my dollars?
Tina: Right. Right.
Mike: But I thought... Boyd didn't pay?
Tina: No, Boyd didn't pay. It's 500.
Tina: Straight sex, nothing kinky. Just...
Mike: No, no, no. I'm not gonna try to use you as a hand puppet or anything. I just wanna...
Mike: ...make sweet love to you because you have no idea what you've gotten into.
Tina: Why don't we go to the park?
Scuz: Oh we can't, the cops said they'd shoot us if we go back to the park.
Spider: Yeah, and I ain't in no mood to die tonight.
Trash: I like death.
Chuck: I like death with sex. Casey, do you like sex with death?
Casey: Yeah so fuck off and die.
Tina: Mister, they're out there and there's more of them in that warehouse on the other side of the graveyard.
Burt Wilson: Which warehouse?
Tina: The medical supply...
Burt Wilson: Oh Shit! Shit! God damn!
Ernie Kaltenbrunner: I think things are getting out of hand.
Tina: Mister, there's a hundred of those things out there.
Burt Wilson: A hundred?
Freddy: I can finally see, the one thing... the one thing that will relieve this horrible suffering.
Tina: What, Freddy?
Freddy: A live... BRAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIN!
Tina: What did you do to Freddy? What's wrong with him? Ask this man.
Spider: You know, I think it's time you tell us what the fuck's going on!
Burt Wilson: I don't have to tell you anything, dick brain.
Tina: But I got your back now Noah, because I found out you got some big ass balls, man!
Noah Griffith: Can't buy underwear, balls don't fit.
Tina: Didn't they tie you up last year and make you wear rubber breasts?
Dizzy: You remember, that's really sweet! You know I've been thinking. We're seniors now, and um, maybe sometime if you wanted to drink coffee, you know, um, near me... I would pay!
Tina: Truthfully, you're not my...
Tina: Whatever Lyric, we don't need her.
Carla: Erm I think we do Tina cos I've never seen you get down like that.
Nora McTeague: Stop it! Don't you see what's happening here?
Tina: Yeah, you're out of scotch.
Frank: Oh, Tina, go lie down.
Tina: [drunk] Happy birthday Uncle Joe!
Frank: That was last week.
Tina: We're all famous- just like the Jackson family!
Jimmy: Don't say that, Tina.
Tina: Hi, Mary.
Tina: Oh, Mary, I'm a model!
Memama: Mary isn't a homosexual term, Tina.
Tina: Here comes Tina Supermodel!
Tina: Every marriage is vulnerable, otherwise being married wouldn't mean anything, would it?
Tina: Do you worry about the risk factor involved in gay sex?
Agent Paul: You know, it may be news to you, but not every gay man has, uh, anal sex. That's where a lot of the HIV risk lies.
Agent Tony: For example, I'm very anal. Uh, I-I mean, in, uh, in the sense... that I'm compulsively careful and clean about what touches my body. Not into penetration, at all.
Mel: Okay, do we have to talk about this right now?
Nancy Coplin: Well, why not? Are you a homophobic?
Mel: No, I...
Nancy Coplin: I think it's interesting.
Mel: Really? Well, I think in front of the baby we shouldn't.
Agent Paul: Nancy's just testing the risk factor for sex with Tony, Mel.
Agent Tony: Paul, don't patronize her.
Agent Paul: I'm not patronizing her.
Agent Tony: She knows that I came of age in the era of AIDS... and even though I'm bisexual I've been incredibly careful, okay? Tested negative three times in the last seven months.
Nancy Coplin: Really?
Agent Paul: Runway ready for takeoff.
Agent Tony: If I remember correctly. Yeah, three times.
Mel: [sitting next to Tina on the plane] Have you ever heard of hypospadia?
Tina: Is there something wrong with the plane?
Tina: I guess it's just one of those ex-felon, pro-acid kind of non-smoking homes.
Svend: Tina dammit... My parents died when I was a baby.
Tina: Stop with the parents already!
Hannah: [Runs out of the hotel room screaming] AAAGGGHHHH!
Bradley: What goin-
Jon: [comes out with a baseball bat] Nobody move-
[trips over Bradley]
Rachel: [comes out with her eyes covered] Guys why has it gone all dark?-
[trips over Jon]
Tina: What are you lot doing down there?
Rachel: Am I dreaming? What's this big hard thing?
Jon: Get off!
Rachel: Oh sorry
Jo: What is going on in here?
Hannah: [still screaming] AAAGGHHHH!
Hannah: Look at the time! We've missed our flight! Alistair's gonna kill us!
[Everyone starts screaming]
Rachel: [after entering a room full of clones] Is that Posh Spice eating a steak and kidney pie?
Hannah: Well that proves she's not the real thing.
Hannah: There's Robbie Williams having a food fight with Eminem.
Tina: And Ozzy Osbourne! I can't believe they cloned Ozzy Osbourne.
Bradley: No, that's the real Ozzy Osbourne. Victor never cloned him. He's a mad scientist, but he's not insane.
Tina: [after they've been thrown out] I'm sorry but that girl was awful and now everyone thinks she's me.
Jon: That was no reason to jump on stage, grab her microphone and scream "Hello, Hollywood, it's great to be back"!
Tina: Here's a new hat.
Kitty: Oh, goodie!
Tina: Doctor Talbot's come.
Tina: You gangly uncoordinated bitch
Tina: Was that the doorbell?
Roland T. Flakfizer: That wasn't you?
Tina: I'm young, hot and pissed off!
Tina: That's what happened when you left her alone. Those monsters came and took her, and now she sits with her smiling face and talks to other babies, and then they go and get them. That's what happened to her, when YOU left her alone!
Valerie Graves: Are you really gonna fucking act like you've never wanted to fuck a girl?
Tina: No just not you!
Jack Stone: I'm Jack.
Tina: I'm Tina.
Jack Stone: Tina, do you believe in love at first sight?
Jack Stone: You ever thought about acting in a movie, Tina?
Tina: Acting? In a movie like yours?
Jack Stone: You have no idea what kind of film I'm making.
[Billy's car is driving above speed limit, pulls up in front of Chris' house. The three get out. Chris and Tina are laughing]
Chris Hargensen: And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why he lost his license.
Tina: And why he's still driving.
Billy Nolan: Don't need a license, if they cant catch me.
Susan: [to May] Are you crazy? Stealing our own products?
Tina: At least it's ours.
Tina: He told me to tell you, and I quote, that the flaming fruitcake can just wait until his office freezes over.
Tina: Eddie, we can't. Matt will kill us.
Eddie: Fuck him!
Tina: Fuck you.
Eddie: Exactly. Fuck me.
Nick: Jason? Where's Jason?
Tina: [referring to her father] We took care of him.
Melissa: Hi, I'm Melissa.
Tina: I'm Tina from next door.
Melissa: [snottily] I know!
Russell: Maddy, who's friend is that scuzball dope head?
Melissa: Only the birthday boy's best friend!
Maddy: [grabbing Melissa's necklace] Melissa, those are so pretty. They are absolutely gorgeous. Are they real?
David: [enters kitchen] What a stupid place to put a lamp.
Melissa: There real! On my birthday, my daddy says to me, "Melissa, you are the perfect daughter," and he gives me these and says, "To the best little girl in the whole world!"
Tina: Just great the old silent treatment, huh, Mike? What I do wrong this time? Huh? Is it because I wanna see Jamie? Nothing Mike, that's what I get. Nothing. Stop here. I want a pack of cigarettes.
[car speeds up past the store]
Tina: I said stop the goddamn car. I wanna pack of cigarettes.
Tina: Come on. Well?
[car backs up]
Tina: Great. Psycho boyfriend.
Loomis: [Tina arrives at the clinic] Tina.
Tina: Where's Jamie? Is something wrong?
Jamie: [says clearly] Tina.
Tina: [runs to her and they hug] Say it again.
Tina: I love it.
Loomis: Why don't you stay the night?
Tina: Oh, sorry, I've got to run.
Loomis: Tina, please.
Tina: Stay away, okay? You know you're really creepy, filling that little girl with all that bogeyman crap.
Loomis: I believe that you're in danger. Jamie believes it too.
Tina: Jamie is a nine-year-old girl.
Loomis: Be sensible.
Tina: [laughs] I'm never sensible if I can help it.
Jamie: Don't go.
Tina: I have to.
Tina: Because... You might not understand but when you're older there are people you're gonna meet who make you feel like connected. Like your heart is made of neon and when you find them you have to be with them.
Jamie: But he was with you.
Jamie: The boogeyman.
Tina: Oh yeah, that's one way of describing him.
[kisses her, and gets up]
Jamie: Tina, no!
Tina: Honey, I will come back later tonight and I will sleep with you right here.
Tina: I'll be back. I love you.
Jamie: [screaming and crying] Tina!
Tina: Take me, but spare my friend... She's a virgin.
Spitz: [dressed as Michael Myers] Got her phone number?
[they all laugh]
Deputy Nick: You think that's funny?
Spitz: [taking off mask] Hey, hey, no, man. No, hey, just a little Halloween prank. Okay?
Deputy Tom: Definitely not funny. Somebody could even be dead right now.
Deputy Nick: Fortunately, we're lousy cops.
Tina: Great. I am in Hell, and the loser patrol shows up to rescue me.
Jonathan Doyle: [after escaping the tunnels] Tina, how long were you down there?
Jonathan Doyle: How long were you down there?
Tina: Get off of me!
Liz: Oh my god, she's been in the tunnels! With Cal and Sara.
Jonathan Doyle: How long were you down there, Tina?
Tina: I don't know! But I did stay away from them, ok?
Liz: Did they puke on you?
Tina: Don't even go there!
Tina: Wow, rough day at the castle?
Vivian Miller: You have no idea
Tina: Which one are we on?
Erica: "The Slaughterhouse Factor Part Three: Death Strikes Thrice."
Tom: We're only on number three?
Tina: Does anybody want something to drink?
Tom: How about a nice big cup of espresso? These crappy films are putting me to sleep.
Erica: How about a nice big cup of shut the fuck up?
Tina: [after someone fondles Mark's backside] I'm not playing with your butt
Mark: If you're not, who is?
Tina: No legend is going to scare me off. Just give me some sandpaper and lead me to the nursery!
Tina: OK, I'm dead. OK? Alright, you happy now?
Tina: [Goading on the killer] C'mon, kill me!
Tina: [confronted by the killer and thinking it's a joke] Oh, so what are you going to do, kill me?... Just don't mess up my hair, okay?
Tina: [as she unties Mark's shorts] I feel like I'm opening a Christmas present.
Archibald Krüglein: [after he was disturbed by some kids playing Indians] See, miss, I am an edicator and therefore I am allergic to children...
Tina: [interrupts him] To children? Me too. I take the pill.
Tina: [Willie is pouring wine,] I hope it's Cold Duck!
Dr. Otto: [as Auntie Nelda, under his breath] You would.
Tina: My makeup's running,my hair's a mess,and I'm gonna die! Why? Because I didn't listen to my mother,and fell for a foreign accent with a hand growing out of his head!
Tina: Wait. Where are we going?
Lexi: We're taking you somewhere safe.
Tina: Oh, you guys keep telling me how I'm in danger, but you won't tell me anything! What's going on?
Lexi: This isn't the time to talk about that. We need to get you out of here.
Tina: What's going on?
Ben: Listen, you're gonna get us all killed. Now, come on.
Tina: By who?
[they hear sounds in the bushes]
Lexi: Tina, come on! We have to go!
[the sounds continue]
Ben: Come on, before...
Lexi: Too late!
[the Hybrids appear and attack them]
Colby: Sorry we're late.
Tina: What kept you?
[Ben, Jason and Colby look back to see the Hybrids chasing after them]
Ben: Need we say more?
[the Hybrids approach rather quickly]
Colby: Quick run!
[Colby approaches Tina]
Colby: It's okay, I'm on your side. My name's Colby. You must be Tina.
Tina: How does everyone know my name? And don't tell me I'm the chosen one because I cannot deal with that right now!
Colby: Don't worry, that only happens in the movies. We know who all the new arrivals are.
Tina: Did Cyrus send you?
Colby: No. I was just on my way home when I heard you talking to Trica.
Tina: That's Trica?
Colby: Yeah. She tries to intimidate all the new arrivals.
Tina: Well, she does a good job of it.
Tina: What a strange dream...
Tina: Where am I?
Cyrus: What's wrong?
Tina: I didn't ask for this...
Cyrus: None of us did.
Colby: Hang on. We'll be there soon!
Tina: Put me down! COLBY! I'M GONNA BE SICK!
Bobbie: Well gang, here we are. Right smack dab in the middle of nowhere. At least a whole day's walk to the nearest boy.
Julie: If that's all you can think of, Bobbie, then why did you come on this trip?
Bobbie: My mother insisted. Hey listen - don't tell me you never think about boys.
Julie: Don't be absurd, Bobbie, of course I do.
Bobbie: Then you know there is a difference between the boys and the girls!
Pam: Just what are you getting at, Bobbie?
Bobbie: The truth! Just tell it like it is - truth.
Julie: Nothing wrong with that.
Tina: My, my. Sounds like regular group therapy.
Bobbie: Aw, not at all. At least I'm honest about what I do.
Julie: You're hopeless, Bobbie, absolutely hopeless.
Pam: I think there's another word for it.
Bobbie: What do you mean?
Pam: Well, if I have to explain it, it wouldn't be worthwhile.
Bobbie: Come on. We've all had it - and loved it.
Pam: Not all, Bobbie. Regardless of how square, how unnatural - how hypocritical - not all of us have had it.
Bobbie: Do you mean to tell me that we actually have a virgin among us?
Pam: There are probably more than you'd care to know about. You see, some of us were raised by parents who stressed the teachings of the Bible.
Bobbie: Please, I can't take it! Would you get off that crap? Either you like it or you don't. It was meant to be used, not to just sit on.
Pam: That's all very understandable if you're talking about dogs.
Bobbie: Are you calling me a bitch?
Pam: That's right, you're just a horny little bitch!
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