Tim Culley Quotes in S.O.B. (1981)

Dr. Irving Finegarten: Come to think of it, why should I give you a vitamin shot? I'm the one with the hangover. B-12, B-Complex, Crude Liver, and a generous jolt of adrenal cortex. Chased by a Bloody Mary. L'chaim!

Tim Culley: I thought that was a chaser.

Dr. Irving Finegarten: Where would Salk or Pasteur be if they hadn't taken chances?

[Turns to Lila]

Dr. Irving Finegarten: Now Lila, in order to inject this properly I have to expose my gluteus maximus.

Lila: Want me to do it for ya?

Dr. Irving Finegarten: Are you perchance a nurse?

Lila: No, I used to be a junkie.

Dr. Irving Finegarten: Would it endanger your amateur standing if I asked you to use a sterilized needle?

Lila: You're the doctor.

Dr. Irving Finegarten: Oh, that's the nicest thing anyone's said to me all week.

Tim Culley: What'd you give him?

Dr. Irving Finegarten: Oh, a pinch of this, a dash of that. Sometimes referred to in the trade as a Sleeping Beauty Boilermaker. Take no notice if he begins to levitate. It's a common side effect.

Tim Culley: Felix, for the last 40 years I've lived a life of dedicated debauchery. I've consumed enough booze to destroy a dozen healthy livers. I've filled my lungs with enough nicotine to poison the entire population of Orange County. I've engaged in sexual excesses that make Caligula look like a celibate monk. I have, in fact, conscientiously, day in and day out, for more years than you've been in this best of all possible worlds, tried to kill myself and I've never felt better in my life. So, if you're really going to end it all, I can show you at least a half-dozen better ways to do it.

Tim Culley: Felix, as far as you know, have I ever lied to you?

Felix Farmer: Never.

Tim Culley: Well, I have, once or twice. About nothing that was too important. But now the fact that I have admitted that on occasion I have lied to you should convince you that I'm a fairly honest man. And when it comes to the crunch, I can handle myself with an acceptable degree of integrity. Now, do you agree?

Felix Farmer: Wholeheartedly.

Tim Culley: I'm going to give it to you straight, old friend.

Felix Farmer: You think I'm crazy.

Tim Culley: Well, that's a little straighter than I intended.

Felix Farmer: Maybe, Culley, maybe. Hey, I tried to kill myself four times. Hardly rational. $16 Million-plus for a flop, every cent I have in the world - Not what most people would consider a very sane act. But, insane, Culley? What if I'm right? If my vision is valid, Culley, not so crazy, a more acceptable insanity. Culley, that's all beside the point. Sane and miserable or insane and bursting with greater joy and happiness. THAT'S the point, Culley. And in the final analysis, who says "He's sane therefore he should" or "He's insane, therefore he shouldn't"? Culley, come on, even if I'm wrong, and I'm not, I'm full of fire, Culley! I'm a blazing comet!

Tim Culley: Comets but out, pal.

Felix Farmer: But, Ah, my foes, and Oh, my friends, it gives a lovely light.

Tim Culley: You stay in the car.

Dr. Irving Finegarten: Who stay in the car?

Tim Culley: Him. Stay in the car.

Ben Coogan: I don't wanna stay in the car.

Tim Culley: Look, we've got to be sly and stealthy, and you're too pissed.

Ben Coogan: Bullshit, I can be just as sty and slealthy as you can.

Ben Coogan: What are we going to do with him? It?

Tim Culley: I've been thinking: a burial at sea.

Ben Coogan: Beautiful. A burial at sea.

Ben Coogan: I don't like to be a party pooper, but I get seasick.

Dr. Irving Finegarten: A-ha! The last of your excremental bodily functions! Worthy of the Guinness Book of Records.

Dr. Irving Finegarten: What is that?

Tim Culley: Sounds like someone left a faucet running.

Ben Coogan: I'm peeing!

Dr. Irving Finegarten: Into what?

Ben Coogan: My pants!

Tim Culley: It's been my experience that every time I think I know "where it's at," it's really somewhere else.

Felix Farmer: [passionately pitching his far-out movie idea to Culley] That's what they want! That's where it's at!

Tim Culley: [calmly] It's been my experience that every time I think I know where it's at, it's usually somewhere else.

Sally Miles: You know, you are sexually notorious.

Tim Culley: Semi-fraudulent reputation - which I do everything I can to encourage.

Sally Miles: *Why*?

Tim Culley: Because it's the best way for an *old* man to compete in a *young* man's world.