Ticket Taker Quotes in South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut (1999)


Ticket Taker Quotes:

  • [the boys have just watched an edited version of "Asses of Fire" and are leaving the theater with the other kids, past the ticket booth again]

    Kyle: Man, this movie gets better every time I see it!

    Ticket Taker: Hey!

    Cartman: Yeah, but you know what? That whole part about lighting farts is bullshit. You can't do that.

    Kenny McCormick: [muffled] Yeah, you can!

    Cartman: [stops and turns] No way.

    Kenny McCormick: [muffled] Yes you can. You can *too* light a fart on fire.

    Cartman: Okay, Kenny. I'll bet you a hundred dollars you can't light a fart on fire.

    Kenny McCormick: [muffled] Yes you can. Check it out.

    [he lights his fart on fire and laughs; his parka suddenly erupts in flames and he screams in horror; the boys are shocked]

    Stan: Holy shit, dude!

    Cartman: Ah! Oh my God! Hey!

    [begins beating Kenny with a stick]

    Cartman: Aw, shit! Aw, shit!

    Stan: [steps forward and yells] Help! Somebody do something!

    [he steps back and the stick lights up]

    Cartman: Aahh! This stick is on fire!

    [an ambulance rushes up and stops, but a Russell's Salt truck rushes up and bumps it away; the truck bed lifts up at the front end and dumps the salt on Kenny; if the fire was injury, this is insult]

    Kenny McCormick: [muffled] Ooowww!

    [the ambulance siren dies and the salt doesn't move; the boys stare at the truck]

    Stan: Oh my God, you killed Kenny!

    Kyle: You bastard!

    Cartman: Wow, I guess you *can* light a fart on fire, huh?

  • Ticket Taker: Hey wait a minute, where is your guardian?

    Cartman: What?

    Ticket Taker: I knew it! You paid a homeless guy to get you in. Didn't you?

    Cartman: Fuck off, you donkey-raping shit eater.

  • [all hyped and ready after singing a song]

    Stan: Can I have FIVE tickets to Terence Phillip: Asses on Fire, please?


    Ticket Taker: No!

    Stan: What do you mean no?

    Ticket Taker: Terrance and Philip: Asses of Fire has been rated R by the Motion Picture Association of America, you have to be accompanied by a parent or guardian.

    Stan: But why?

    Ticket Taker: Because this movie has naughty language! Next please.

  • Tommy Spinelli: I need a flight to Bethesda University.

    Ticket Taker: I'm not sure the university has its own airport but we can fly you to Baltimore, will that do?

    Tommy Spinelli: Hey don't get cute with me, asshole, huh?

Browse more character quotes from South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut (1999)