Thomas Quotes in The Maze Runner (2014)

Thomas: Chuck, don't let go!

Chuck: No shit!

Chuck: You saw a Griever?

Thomas: Yeah, I saw one.

Minho: He didn't just see it. He killed it.

Newt: Hell of a first day, Greenie. Here. Put some hair on your chest.

[hands Thomas a glass of unfamiliar liquid]

Thomas: Oh my God! What is that?

Newt: I don't even know. It's Gally's recipe. It's a trade secret.

Thomas: Yeah, well he's still an asshole.

Newt: He saved your life today. Trust me, the maze is a dangerous place.

Thomas: We're trapped here, aren't we?

Newt: For the moment, but... you see those guys, there, by the fire? Those are the Runners. And that guy in the middle there, that's Minho. He's the Keeper of the Runners. Now, every morning, when those doors open, they run the maze, mapping it, memorizing it, trying to find a way out.

Thomas: How long have they been looking?

Newt: Three years.

Thomas: And they haven't found anything?

Newt: Its a lot easier said than done. Listen. Hear that? It's the maze, changing. It changes every night.

Thomas: How is that even possible?

Newt: You can ask the people who put us in here, if you ever meet the bastards. Listen the truth is... the Runners are the only ones who really know what's out there. They are the strongest and the fastest of us all. And it's a good thing, too... because if they don't make it back before those doors close... then they are stuck out there for the night, and no one has ever survived a night in the maze.

Thomas: What happens to them?

Newt: Well, we call 'em Grievers. Of course, no one's ever seen one and lived to tell about it, but they're out there.

Thomas: This place... it's not what we thought it was. It's not a prison, it's a test. It all started when we were kids. They'd give us these challenges. They were experimenting on us, and then people started disappearing, every month, one after the other, like clockwork.

Newt: They were sending them up into the maze.

Thomas: Yeah, but not all of us.

Newt: What d'you mean?

Thomas: Guys, I'm one of them. The people who put you here, I worked with them. I-I watched you guys for years. The entire time you've been here, I... I was on the other side of it.

[looking at Teresa]

Thomas: And so were you.

Teresa: What?

Thomas: Teresa, we did this to them.

Teresa: No. That can't be true.

Thomas: It is. I saw it.

Teresa: Why would they send us up if we were with them?

Thomas: It doesn't matter.

Newt: He's right. It doesn't matter... any of it... because the people we were before the maze - they don't even exist anymore. These Creators took care of that. But what does matter is who we are now, and what we do, right now. You went into the maze and you found a way out.

Thomas: Yeah, but if I hadn't, Alby would still be alive.

Newt: Maybe. But I know that if he were here, he would be telling you the exact same thing: Pick your ass up and finish what you've started. Because if we do nothing, then that means Alby died for nothing, and I can't have that.

Thomas: We found this. It was inside a Griever.

Newt: These are the same letters we get in our supplies.

Thomas: Yeah. Whoever put us here obviously made the Grievers. Now, this is the first real clue, the first anything, you've found in over three years. Right, Minho?

Minho: Right.

Thomas: Newt, we gotta go back out there. Who knows where this might lead us.

Gally: You see what he is trying to do, right? First he breaks our rules and then he tries to convince us to abandon them totally. The rules are the only thing that have ever held us together. Why now are we questioning that? If Alby was here, you know he'd agree with me. This shank needs to be punished.

Newt: You're right. Thomas broke the rules. One night in the Pit and no food.

Gally: Oh, come on, Newt. One night in the Pit? You think that's gonna stop him from going into the maze?

Newt: No. And we can't just have non-runners running into the maze whenever they feel like it, so let's just make this official.

Newt: [to Thomas] Starting from tomorrow, you're a Runner.

Gally: Wow.

Frypan: Gally...

Gally: Nah, Fry.

Thomas: Thanks, Newt.

Thomas: But why would Alby go into the maze? I mean, he's not a runner.

Newt: [while chopping a tree by its roots] Things are different now. Alby went to retrace Ben's footsteps before sundown. Are you gonna help?

Thomas: Okay, so he's gonna go back to where Ben was just stung, and...

Newt: Alby knows what he's doing, all right? He knows better than any of us.

Thomas: What does that mean?

Newt: Well, it's like you've heard, yeah? Every month, the Box sends up a new arrival - but someone had to be first, right? Someone had to have spent a whole month in the Glade, alone. That was Alby. I mean, it can't have been easy; but, when those other boys started coming up, one after the other, he saw the truth, and he learned that the most important thing is that we all have each other, because we're all in this together.

Thomas: [to Gally] You don't have to come with us, but we are leaving. Anyone else who wants to come, now's your last chance!

Gally: Don't listen to him, he's just trying to scare you, all right?

Thomas: No, I'm not trying to scare you, you're already scared. All right? I'm scared. But I'd rather risk my life out there than spending the rest of it in here. We don't belong here. Hey, this place isn't our home. We were put here. Okay? We were trapped here! At least out there, we've a choice. We can make it outta here. I know that.

[first lines]

Thomas: Hey! Hey! Help me!

Duke Hammond: We have word of the Princess. Ravenna has kept her all these years.

William: She lives?

Thomas: She escaped the castle and into the Dark Forest.

William: I'm going after her.

Duke Hammond: We don't know if she survived. William!

William: What?

Duke Hammond: You ventured beyond the castle walls again, disobeying my orders. You're all that's left. Don't you understand? I cannot afford to lose any more of my men.

William: I'm going alone.

Duke Hammond: I will not lose my only son. You don't know the Dark Forest.

William: Then I will find someone who does. I will not abandon her a second time!

[after Benjamin removes a British soldier's uniform off of Thomas]

Benjamin Martin: Not yet... Thomas.

Thomas: When?

Benjamin Martin: 17.

Thomas: That's two years... it's already been two. The war could be over by then!

Benjamin Martin: God willing.

Adele Rousseau: What happened here?

Thomas: It's common in ritual sacrifice to take the heart of the victim.

Adele Rousseau: That's nice. But that's not where your heart is.

[pause]

Adele Rousseau: Besides it looks like the bones were bent straight out.

[Thomas stares at Rousseau]

Adele Rousseau: Something broke out of this body.

Adele Rousseau: What did you say this room was called?

[an Alien egg hatches]

Thomas: Sacrificial chamber.

Wikus Van De Merwe: [giving an Alien reproductive apparatus to co-worker] Here, you can take that, you want to keep that, as a souvenir of your first abortion, ay. You can feel like you've done one of these too.

Thomas: [beaming] Thanks, boss!

Thomas: [to Brenda] You're not... her. You could never be her.

Winston: It's... okay...

Thomas: [Thomas cries and turns back] Sorry...

Winston: Thomas... Take care of them...

[Thomas nods and leaves]

Winston: [as the group leaves, a gunshot is heard]

Janson: Thomas, think about what your doing.

Thomas: Yeah let me guess WCKD is good?

Thomas: Maybe I'm just being paranoid, but I gotta find out for sure.

[last lines]

Vince: Hey, kid, look around you. Alright? WICKED just kicked our ass. You think about where you're headed...

Thomas: I'm not asking anyone to come with me.

Newt: Thomas, listen to me. I've known Minho for... well, as long as I can remember. So if there is any way we could help him, trust me, I would be up there standing next to you. This, what you're talking about, is impossible.

Jorge: More like suicide.

Thomas: Maybe. But I know what I'm supposed to do now. It's not just about Minho. It's about all of us. It's about everyone WICKED's ever taken, everyone they will take. They'll never stop. They'll never stop, so, I'm gonna stop them. I'm gonna kill Ava Paige.

Harriet: I have to admit... I'd like some revenge.

Vince: Well, that's a good speech, kid. So what's your plan?

Thomas: I don't think anybody every really leaves this place.

Blondie: Here. Drink this.

Thomas: What is it?

Blondie: The price of admission.

Selene: You have no reason to fear us.

Thomas: Do you think I'm foolish enough to take you at your word? No reason to fear a Death Dealer who fell in love with a Lycan, who murdered two of our elders, and who, at every turn, has betrayed her own kind.

A-Con: All we need is D to do his signature move.

Thomas: He can't. It's too dangerous.

A-Con: Yo I don't care about that man D's gonna do it.

Thomas: But he can break his neck and be crippled forever.

A-Con: D don't care about that man, alright he's gonna take one for the team!

Thomas: Well, like a hundred million Americans, D doesn't have insurance!

D: Yeah, he's right, I don't.

A-Con: Yo man, he's doing the move and that's final. I want this!

Thomas: Exactly YOU want this. Look man, there ain't I in team.

A-Con: There ain't?

Thomas: No.

A-Con: What 'bout group?

Thomas: Not in group either.

A-Con: Crew?

Thomas: No!

A-Con: Troupe?

Thomas: Uh-uh.

A-Con: Gang?

Thomas: No!

A-Con: I-nsemble?

Thomas: You just mispronounced that word to make it sound like it had an I in it.

A-Con: Forget about all that man, let's do it!

D: But guys!

Thomas: Stay out of your business D!

A-Con: Come on man!

Megan: I don't think I can do this.

Thomas: Remember the routine you use to do at the club?

[Megan nods]

Thomas: Do that and you'll be great.

Megan: Okay.

[Megan appears sitting on a chair and taps her legs and heels together in the air, followed by a routine of dancing against a stripper pole while saying, "Ohhh! Yeah. Woo!"]

Thomas: I didn't mean that club.

Megan: There's something I need to tell you.

Thomas: You're pregnant! Oh no.

Megan: What? No Thomas, I'm not pregnant.

Thomas: OK, 'cause with your big head and my ears, God only knows.

Megan: No, I'm performing at the senior show case.

Thomas: That's great!

[Leans in to kiss her]

Megan: [Puts her hand over his face and pushes it back] And I was kinda thinking you know, maybe we should just kinda cool it for a while.

Thomas: What do you mean?

Megan: I'm saying I think we need to take a break.

Thomas: Right definitely, yeah we should definitely take a break how long do you need like 30 40 minutes? We should synchronize our watches.

Megan: No, Thomas I need space.

Thomas: Oh, okay. Space.

[starts moving chairs around to give her space around her]

Thomas: Space is good. That's enough space?

Megan: [Standing up] Thomas we're done.

Thomas: Definitely this has been a long rehearsal very tough.

Megan: Thomas I'm leaving you! I don't wanna be your girlfriend anymore! We spend more time defending our relationship than actually having one! Nobody wants to see us together, not my friends, not yours. I'm saying it's over.

Thomas: Fine. Fine leave! Get out!

Megan: I'm sorry!

Edward Cole: Three things to remember when you get older: never pass up a bathroom, never waste a hard-on, and never trust a fart.

Thomas: I'll keep that in mind as I approach decrepitude.

Carter Chambers: Is it Tommy or Thomas?

Thomas: It's Matthew, actually. He thought that was too biblical...

Edward Cole: Have I fired you lately?

Thomas: Not since the Oprah incident.

Thomas: I'm proud of you.

Edward Cole: Nobody cares what you think.

Edward Cole: Here's something to remember when you're older Thomas - never pass up a bathroom, never waste a hard-on, and never trust a fart.

Thomas: I'll remember that when I start "decrepitating" sir.

Edward Cole: I want my own room.

Thomas: You run hospitals, not health spas. Two beds to a room, no exceptions.

Thomas: What are you doing here?

Carter Chambers: Fighting for my life. You?

Thomas: [looking at Kocoum's body after shooting him] Is he?

Pocahontas: You killed him.

Thomas: I thought that.

Pocahontas: [Angrily rushes at Thomas] Get away from him!

John Smith: [holds her back] Pocahontas, it wont help! He was only.

Pocahontas: [shouts] He killed him!

John Smith: [they hear other Indians approaching] Thomas! Get out of here!

[Thomas hesitates]

John Smith: [yells] Get out of here!

Governor Ratcliffe: [after Powhatan has released John Smith] Now's our chance! Fire!

Thomas: No!

Governor Ratcliffe: What?

Thomas: They let him go!

Ben: They don't want to fight!

Governor Ratcliffe: It's a trick, don't you see? Fire!

[no-one moves. Ratcliff grabs someone's gun]

Governor Ratcliffe: Fine! I'll settle this myself!

[he aims at Powhatan]

John Smith: [seeing Ratcliff] No!

[he pushes Powhatan away and is shot in the stomach]

Thomas: John!

[John falls. Thomas turns on Ratcliffe]

Thomas: You shot him!

Governor Ratcliffe: He-he stepped right into it! It was his own fault!

John Smith: Look, we don't have to fight them.

Thomas: John, what's gotten into you?

John Smith: I met one of them.

Ben: You what?

Thomas: A savage!

John Smith: They're not savages, they can help us. They know the land, they know how to navigate the rivers.

[Meeko pulls out an ear of corn and gives it to John]

John Smith: And look, it's food.

Lon: What is it?

John Smith: It's better than hardtack and gruel, that's for sure.

Wiggins: I like gruel.

Governor Ratcliffe: [takes the corn and throws it on the ground] They don't want to feed us, you ninnies! They want to kill us! All of us! They've got our gold, and they'll do anything to keep it!

John Smith: But there is no gold!

Ben: No gold?

Governor Ratcliffe: [sarcastically] And I suppose your little Indian friend told you this.

John Smith: Yes.

Governor Ratcliffe: Lies! Lies, all of it! Murderous thieves. There's not room for their kind of civilized society!

John Smith: But this is their land!

Governor Ratcliffe: This is my land! I make the laws here! And I say anyone who so much as look at an Indian without killing him on sight, will be tried for treason and hanged!

Lon: [Lon and Thomas are gazing at the new world for the first time] It's incredible!

Thomas: And it's all ours. I've never seen anything like it!

Ben: [approaching] It could look like Ratcliffe's knickers for all I care, so long as we get off the stinking boat!

Thomas: What do you suppose the New World will look like?

John Smith: Like all the others, I suppose. I've seen hundreds of new worlds, Thomas. What could possibly be different about this one?

Thomas: [as a bugle is being played] John, you better get down here! The governor's coming ashore!

John Smith: [blows an attacking Flit away from his face] All right, all right! I'm leaving.

Thomas: [to Pocahontas, about John after being wounded] Going back is his only chance. He'll die if he stays here.

Governor Ratcliffe: [Thomas is staring after John Smith, who has just snuck off to see Pocahontas. Ratcliff appears behind him and pushes him out the fort] Follow him.

Thomas: [standing to attention] Yes, governor.

Governor Ratcliffe: I want to know where he's sneaking off to.

Thomas: Yes, sir.

Governor Ratcliffe: And if you see any Indians

[tossing Thomas a rifle]

Governor Ratcliffe: shoot them.

[Thomas looks at the rifle uncertainly]

Governor Ratcliffe: Oh, and Thomas you've been a slipshod sailor and a poor excuse for a soldier. Don't disappoint me again.

Thomas: [walks off, looking hurt]

Thomas: [Thomas aims at Kocoum and closes one eye] Both eyes open.

[he opens both eyes, fires and hits Kocoum in the chest]

Thomas: Little Engines can do Big Things!

Splatter: [to Dodge, about Thomas] Hey! Hey! Just watch what happens to that blue puffball...

Dodge: When Harold the flopper chopper flies past here.

Splatter: Right!

Harold: [Flies by] Routine, fly-by chaps. Hello!

Splatter: The Boss dumped sneezing powder everywhere.

Dodge: Let's start laughing now!

Splatter: [laughing] Yeah!

Harold: [Flies past the shed, causing dust to fly everywhere] Sorry, fellows. Bit of a dust up, love to stay and clean up. Got to go, bye now!

[Flies away. Splatter and Dodge cough through the dust]

Splatter: Uh, did you mean to look like that?

Dodge: Uh, no.

Splatter: Uh, neither did I.

Thomas: This must be Diesel's doing. Ah-choo-choo.

[puffs away]

Bertie: How 'bout a race, Thomas?

[makes rumble sounds]

Thomas: Sorry, Bertie. I can't today. I have to be a really useful engine and solve some mysteries instead.

Bertie: I guess that means I win, perhaps another day.

[makes rumble sounds]

[Thomas gets his first glimpse of Lady]

Thomas: [to Lily and Burnett] You've found her, and she's beautiful!

Toby: [the engines discuss about how to stop Diesel 10] What's important is to stand up on our own wheels to Diesel.

Henry: Toby's right. Diesel knows that the lost engine in the legend really exists.

James: What Engine?

Percy: What Legend?

Henry: Of an engine whose magic makes her more powerful than Diesel will ever be, that's why he wants to find her.

Percy: Then we'd better find her first.

James: [comes out of the shed] Leave it to the big engines, Percy.

Thomas: Little Engines can do big things, especially when they have nice blue paint like me.

Gordon: You, Thomas, are small. Small! Small! Small! Teeny-eeny-Weeny. But I... I'm a big blue engine who knows everything.

[chuckles]

Thomas: Bossy Sprockets! All that steam has gone through your funnel.

[the conductors finally get their supply of magic gold dust]

Thomas: Lady, you're a really helpful engine.

Lady: And helping each other, brings to life the magic in all of us.

[Bertie the bus roars past the steam engines who are having a meeting a siding. The only engine not present is Percy]

Bertie: Smile you steamers. It's a sunny day. Broom broom!

James: It's not sunny because Mr C's not at the windmill. I've looked.

Thomas: I think his sparkle's all gone.

Henry: My smokebox doesn't feel sunny. It feels stuffed up.

Gordon: Nasty fumes form dingy diesel. Hmm!

Henry: And diesel is after the lost engine.

Toby: And if he finds her, I fear that will destroy us all.

Gordon: What even an engine as big as me!

Toby: Yes Gordon, even you.

Thomas: Ahh... Choo!

[shakes as he sneezes]

James: Say it don't spay it, Thomas.

Thomas: I've still got sneezing powder up my funnel. Now I'm going to find Mr Conductor.

[puffs away]

Toby: And let us get back to work. That's what he would want.

[referring to Mr Conductor]

Bertie: How bout a race Thomas? Broom Broom!

Thomas: Sorry Bertie. I can't today. I have to be a really useful engine and solve some mysteries instead.

Bertie: I guess that means I win. Perhaps another day. Broom broom broom!

Thomas: Good morning, Henry. What's the matter?

Henry: [sickly] I've got boiler-ache.

Thomas: And I'm collecting one, two, three, four, five, six trucks of special Island of Sodor coal for you.

Henry: [ligtens up] Thank you, Thomas. Special coal should make me feel much better.

[as Thomas backs up to his coal trucks, one of them gets sent through the buffers]

Bertie: [as he passes by] Hello, Thomas, and your 5 coal trucks!

Thomas: [confused] Five? But I'm supposed to have 6.

[Mr. Conductor has run out of gold dust]

Thomas: Mr. Conductor, but what happened to your sparkle?

Mr. Conductor: I don't know, Thomas. I guess I'll just have to sleep on that.

Thomas: On your sparkle?

Mr. Conductor: No, Thomas, on the problem of what happened to it.

Percy: Oh, but, Mr. Conductor. Without your sparkle or the lost engine, you can't travel to help us anymore.

Mr. Conductor: I'll solve the problem, you just go to sleep now.

Thomas: Easy for you to say.

Thomas: Unless I see him, right here before me, *right* here! And unless I see the mark of the nails and put my finger into those wounds

[Jesus appears behind Thomas]

Thomas: I will not believe!

Jesus: Thomas.

Thomas: What?

Jesus: Thomas.

Thomas: I've got nothing to say on this matter to anyone!

[turns around]

Thomas: Any... any...

[falls to his knees]

Thomas: [softly] Anyone at all.

Jesus: Go on

[draws back sleeve]

Jesus: put your finger here. Touch the marks. Don't be a doubter anymore. Believe.

Thomas: [softly] My Lord... and my God.

Jesus: [lifts Thomas to his feet] Yes, you believe because you've seen me Thomas. But even happier are those who believe without ever seeing me at all.

Simon Peter: The Lord! I... he was... I thought they'd taken the body!

James the Disciple: Who?

Simon Peter: Priests! Romans! But... but he was there! In front of my eyes! In front of me! *This* near! Like...

Thomas: [irritated] I cannot believe what I'm hearing.

[walks toward door]

Simon Peter: Thomas! I saw him!

Thomas: You're all crazy, all of you. Dreams, visions, everyone's going mad.

[goes to open the door]

Thomas: I'm leaving.

Cleopas: [burst through door, knocking Thomas to the floor] THE LORD!

Thomas: Ow!

Jairus: [breathless] We... we have...

Cleopas: [excited] We've seen him!

Jesus: [raises bread] Blessed are you oh Lord our God, who brings forth bread from the earth.

[breaks bread and passes it]

Jesus: Take this and eat. This is... my body. Which is broken for you.

Thomas: Your body?

Jesus: Do this in memory of me.

[lifts cup]

Jesus: Drink from this all of you, for this is my blood. My blood which is poured out for many, for the forgiveness of sins.

[as the cup is passed]

Jesus: This is the last time I shall drink wine with you.

Simon Peter: Master.

Jesus: Until I drink the new wine with you, in the kingdom of my Father, in heaven.

Simon Peter: In heaven?

[frightened]

Simon Peter: No. No!

Den: I think we should...

Dart: Go?

Den: Yes.

Percy: Your free Thomas!

Thomas: Thanks Percy!

Aileen: Everybody just thinks I'm this bad shitty fucking person, and all I'm fucking tryin' to do is survive, you know?

Thomas: I know. I know what you do for a living. It doesn't bother me. I know you didn't dial it up on a goddamn telephone. That's where you landed. That's what you had to do. What you're feeling right now is just guilt, over something you had absolutely no control over. You know how many of us came back from the war? And almost killed ourselves because we felt exactly the same thing you do, right now.

Aileen: Yeah?

Thomas: Yeah. And they'll never get it. They'll never get it now, they never got it then, and they sure as hell won't get fucking circumstance!

Aileen: Fuck, man, circumstance, that's exactly it, that's exactly it. You know I feel like I never even had a fucking choice.

Thomas: You never did. But you gotta live. You gotta live.

[John is in Thomas' office for being late and for Ted damaging one of the rental cars]

Thomas: John, it's almost 10:00.

John: I know, sir. I'm sorry, it wasn't my fault.

Thomas: What do you mean?

John: Why? I, I guess I wasn't really prepared for a follow-up question.

Thomas: John, all you got to do is to not fuck up, and you get my job when I go to Corporate next month. You're the new branch manager. All you got to do is not fuck up.

John: I realize that.

Thomas: Good. Glad to hear. Because in a month, my life could be your life. A cushy, $38,000 a year branch manager who is personal friends with Tom Skeritt? Not a bad life, is it?

John: No.

Thomas: [Taps desk] Let me show you something that I don't like to show people, because I don't want them treating me differently.

[Pulls out a picture frame from his top drawer]

Thomas: Lo, that's me and Skeritt.

John: Wow.

Thomas: Goddamn right, wow.

[Places picture frame back in drawer]

Thomas: I'm gonna dock you for dinging the car and for showing up late, okay? Try to be a little more responsible tomorrow.

John: I will, sir. I promise.

[as Thomas writes the disciplinary report, John points at him with both hands]

John: [Impersonating Tom Skeritt] Not gonna let you down, Goose.

Thomas: What?

John: Top Gun.

Thomas: So?

John: Tom Skeritt.

Thomas: I know that. Get out of here, okay?

John: Thank you, sir.

Dad: I just didn't think you had it in you.

Thomas: I know. Sorry I let you down.

Dad: No, I literally didn't think you had this in you. So uh, how many people were here?

Thomas: Uh, 15 hundred. Couple thousand maybe.

Dad: Wow.

Thomas: You should have seen it. It was awesome.

Dad: Well, you're still fucked Thomas.

Thomas: [holding the gnome] How did this thing get up here? Was someone in my parent's room?

Costa: It's a gnome. I guess he gets around. Who cares, man?

Thomas: Well, I just don't want people up here. Besides it's creepy. Look at him. JB, what are you looking for?

JB: Looking to see if your dad has condoms. I'm working on something downstairs.

Costa: The only thing you're working on is diabetes, you fat fuck.

JB: Holy shit, dude. It's Miles Teller.

Thomas: Dude, it is. That's him! Holy shit.

JB: He's so badass.

Costa: Yeah, my boy's starting at second base for USC.

JB: I heard he got sent to detention once and wound up banging the teacher.

Costa: Mi-Tell! What's crackin' bro? We go to North Pas.

Thomas: Yeah, dude, big fans.

Costa: Huge fans.

Miles: Cool. Awesome.

Costa: Look, we're making a movie.

JB: Invite him, man. Come on.

Thomas: Okay. Listen, Miles, we're having a little soiree at my place tonight. If you wanna swing by it should be.

Costa: [interrupts] Teller, my boy here is underselling this like a mother fucker. This shit's gonna be legit. You should definitely swing by.

Miles: Yeah, I can't. I actually have other plans tonight, so I might not make it.

Costa: Dude, think about it. It's on Dickens Street. We'd love to have you.

Miles: Dickens Street?

Costa: Yeah.

Miles: That's your party? You guys are throwing that? That's where I'm going. I heard it's gonna be fucking crazy, bro!

Thomas: That's my party. I'm Thomas Kub. It's my birthday today.

Miles: Yeah, I heard it's gonna be unlimited high school pussy and shit.

Costa: Dude, high school pussy for days.

Thomas: Guess what mama Kub and papa Kub gave, uh...

Kirby: Baby Kub?

Thomas: Baby Kub, for his birthday.

Kirby: What?

Thomas: The Kub mobile.

Costa: [All 3 are sprawled on the front lawn] I love you guys. No seriously. Look I realize I can be like a huge dick sometimes, I'm really sorry for that.

Thomas: It's okay.

Costa: No it's not. JB, I'm sorry for buying you a bra on your birthday. That wasn't cool.

JB: Wasn't cool man.

Costa: And I'm sorry for all the times I called you "fat fuck." "Pudgy bitch." "Fudgy the whale." And I'm sorry for that time at your brother's Bar Mitzvah when I told everyone you look like Rosie O'Donnell because you don't.

JB: I don't.

Thomas: Kirby I'm really sorry about what happened. I didn't know how to handle it. But I think I do now and that's why I'm here. My life right now, it's totally ruined, okay. I practically burned down my whole neighborhood. Probably bankrupted my parents. I'll be in debt until I die. But, the only thing I care about fixing right now is this. So, I'm sorry. You're still mad. I get it. But if you are talking to me about my next birthday, I'd really like to spend it with just you.

Kirby: You're...

[She kisses him]

Thomas: So we're cool again?

Kirby: I never said you were cool.

[They hug. Thomas motions for Dax to stop filming]

Rob: Hey, Thomas. Look man I don't want to be a dick here or anything, but your friend Oliver came by earlier and told me you guys were having a little party but this is too much.

Thomas: Yeah. We actually should be winding down like midnight, maybe 1. Is that okay?

Rob: No, it's not. I'm sorry. The baby can't sleep and Melinda's gotta be up early for work.

Costa: Fuck yeah! My boy Rob is here to rage! Good to see you, brother.

Rob: Whoa, yeah. Actually I'm not raging, but I'm just telling Thomas it's time to shut it down.

Costa: You can't be serious. This is a great party. What the fuck?

Rob: I am serious because it's 11:30 at night and it's time to wrap it up.

JB: Hey, hey, hey. Why don't we just bring everyone to the back and lower the volume a bit.

Rob: Guys, this isn't a request! The party's over.

Costa: I guess we're just gonna have to agree to disagree then, aren't we?

Rob: Listen to me. Thomas, either shut it down or I'm calling the cops. Fine, fuck it! I'm calling the fucking cops.

[gets a taser shot by Everett]

Costa: Fuck! Oh shit!

JB: Jesus fucking Christ! What did you do that for?

Costa: [Rob punches Everett in the face] Are you fucking kidding me? I will fucking kill you!

Rob: The little fuck tazed me! I'm definitely calling the cops now!

Costa: You punched a kid in the face! I'm calling the cops on your ass now!

Rob: Do it, genius! It's all on tape. I just saw this mother fucker record it right here.

Dax: No, all I got was you punching that little child's face.

Rob: Fuck you!

Costa: Go home, Robert!

Costa: [Thomas and Costa are on the roof. The crowd below is chanting Thomas' name] Are you hearing this? This is your fucking Party man!

Thomas: You're right dude. I needed this.

Thomas: [All 3 lay on the front lawn, high on ecstasy] Hey guys? I hooked up with Kirby. I'm like, really into her.

Costa: Okay seriously Thomas, that's like cool and all, but she's like always been around. It's like hooking up with JB, but her tits are smaller.

JB: Hey.

Costa: I'm just saying. Kirby's sort of like, one of us. Tonights about the girls we never had a shot at. Tonight's about changing the game.

Thomas: [the three watch the party from the bathroom window] Where the fuck did all these people even come from? You know some guy down there told me he found out about the party on fucking Craigslist?

Costa: My dad met my step-mom on Craigslist.

Thomas: So you just put up my address on the fucking internet?

JB: Well, not just the internet.

Costa: Shut the fuck up JB!

Thomas: No wait, what the fuck is he talking about?

Costa: Okay, I had Jesse Marco put out an email blast and he may have called a radio station.

Thomas: You motherfuckers!

Thomas: [Looking at a picture from when they were younger] Oh my god. What was wrong with me? Wow, this was before Costa.

Kirby: Yeah, the good old days.

Thomas: Yeah, back when you were still in the crew.

[He holds the picture next to her face]

Thomas: You used to be so cute, what happened?

Kirby: Shut the fuck up. It still looks like me.

Thomas: [He kisses her] Was that weird? I'm sorry. Shit that was weird wasn't it?

Kirby: No, it was...

Thomas: Fuck.

[They make out]

Kirby: [Shows Thomas a video of his dog tied to balloons] Can you imagine if your mom ever saw that?

Thomas: Poor Milo.

Kirby: I don't know. It's pretty funny. Maybe I'll post it on youtube.

Thomas: No no, don't. Don't, seriously stop.

Kirby: Come on, you're way too easy. I love it.

Thomas: I hate you.

[pets Milo]

Thomas: You're okay Milo, I promise.

Costa: Mama Kub and Papa Kub?

Thomas: Yeah. Those are my parents, asshole.

Tyler: [panicked] We're fucked!

Thomas: What? Oh, hey what's going on?

Tyler: There's people in the house!

Thomas: Oh shit!

Tyler: I'm understaffed!

Everett - Security Guard: Hey boss.

JB: What the fuck?

Costa: There he is! This is Everett and his boy Tyler. They're gonna be running security for the night.

Thomas: Are you serious? Are those nun-chucks?

Everett - Security Guard: Yeah.

Thomas: [laughing] Oh shit.

JB: You guys look like Ninjas.

Tyler: Ninjas are fucking pussies!

Costa: That's why I love this kid.

Tyler: You know it.

Costa: Seriously Thomas, with these two we got nothing to worry about.

Thomas: Look, T-Rick, we can fix this, okay man?

T-Rick: Fuck you! You burn me, I burn you!

Kirby: [Filming Thomas] So Thomas, are you having fun?

Thomas: No.

Kirby: Not at all?

Thomas: Yes.

Kirby: You look pretty fucked up.

Thomas: I'm, I'm, I'm a little fucked up.

Kirby: But you look good. Have you gotten lucky at all?

Thomas: I'm pretty lucky right now.

Kirby: Slow down dude.

Thomas: Dude, people are stealing shit, breaking shit. I mean people are probably stealing shit.

Costa: Alexis was eye-fucking the shit out of you, and you got college girls on your dick. You're golden!

Thomas: Dude I'm so fucked.

Thomas: Yeah, I'm letting Costa plan most of it.

Kirby: Oh, that sounds like a really brilliant idea.

Kirby: [Kirby walks in on Thomas and Alexis making out] Oh my god, Thomas.

Thomas: Kirby!

Kirby: Fuck off!

[She runs off, Thomas follows her]

Alexis: Thomas, what the fuck? Asshole.

Thomas: My parents are gonna crucify me if anything gets fucked up! You know what I don't care if everyone thinks I'm a dick, I'm getting them out of the house.

Costa: Dude come on.

[Thomas stands on a chair]

Costa: Dude what the fuck are you doing? Thomas! Please don't embarrass me like this!

Thomas: Hey listen up!

Alexis: Yeah, Thomas! Woow!

[Crowd cheers]

Costa: Where the fuck is your drink Thomas?

Thomas: I'm not doing beverages.

Costa: What the fuck does that even mean?

Thomas: [while playing cards] Soap on a rope. Slightly used.

Thomas: [Sam falls from outside Joon's window and lands in the bushes] Sam! Sam are you alright?

Sam: Ow, ow.

Thomas: And you were accepted, of course. You moved from Boston to Paris into a little apartment on the rue du Faubourg-Saint-Denis. I showed you our neighborhood, my bars, my school. I introduced you to my friends, my parents. I listened to your texts, your singing, your hopes, your desires, your music. You listened to mine. My Italian, my German, a bit of Russian. I gave you a walkman. You gave me a pillow. And one day, you kissed me. Time went by, time flew and everything seemed so easy, so simple, so free, so new, so unique. We went to the movies, we went dancing, we went shopping, we laughed, you cried, we swam, we smoked, we shaved, you screamed; sometimes for no reason, or for a reason. Yes, sometimes for a reason. I brought you to the academy, I studied for my exams, I listened to your singing, to your hopes, your desires, your music. You listened to mine. We were close, so close, ever so close. We went to the movies, we swam, we laughed. You screamed, sometimes for a reason and sometimes without. Time went by, time flew. I brought you to the academy, I studied for my exams. You listened to my Italian, German, Russian, French. I studied for my exams. You screamed, sometimes for a reason. Time went by for no reason. You screamed for no reason. I studied for my exams, my exams, my exams. Time went by, you screamed, you screamed, you screamed. I went to the movies.

Thomas: [to Steve] Should I wear my top up

[lifts top up]

Thomas: ... or down

[pulls top down]

Thomas: ... or up

[pulls top up again]

Thomas: ... or possibly... tucked in

[tucks in top]

Billy: Thomas, get me some water. My throat is parched.

Thomas: Do you want tap or Evian?

Billy: I don't know. Surprise me.

Special Olympics Athlete: You're a faker.

Thomas: a mother-faker!

Steve Barker: Jeffy doesn't understand! Jeffy cocoa for cukoo pops, uhh... Jeffy...

Special Olympics Athlete: Shut up you stupid a-s-s!

Thomas: I don't want her to know that I like her, I... did you know Christ was a Jew?

Thomas: I would definitely bring protection.

Thomas: Goodbye, Hooker Lady!

Thomas: What a cockblock!

Thomas: [runs over to Jimmy] JIMMY! Can I have you're autograph?

Jimmy: Get it off eBay!

Thomas: Who is eBay?

Thomas: This is my doberman candy.

Father: Thomas Smith?

Thomas: Here! But I don't know where here is man, 'cause I'm so wasted man!

Father: Thomas, it is a sin to even pretend that you-you-you're baked.

Thomas: My cousin's fighting; he's getting the crap kicked out of him.

Glenda Gardenia Parks: At least he's working!

Marc: Proust to amuse you and "Tintin" to Instruct you.

[Hands Laurent two books]

Thomas: Here.

[Hands Laurent a record]

Laurent Chevalier: Dizzie Gillespie? Great!

Thomas: How can you be a nymphomaniac and never had sex?

Isabelle: I'm choosy.

Thomas: [approaching The Barbarian Brothers] Uh, David and Peter Falcone?

Peter Falcone: Yeah, what's your name?

Thomas: Well, my name is Thomas Sedgewick...

Peter Falcone: [grabbing a pen and writing an autograph] Okay! "To: Thomas. May all your ups and downs be in bed! Peter Falcone." There ya go!

Thomas: Wait a moment. Where do you think you're going?

Peter Falcone: We're goin' on a date.

Thomas: With the children?

David Falcone: Nah, with Miss Newman.

[to Bradley and Steven]

David Falcone: Come on, let's go.

Thomas: But, but you're not supposed to leave the grounds!

Peter Falcone: Thomas, you're a butler - BUTT OUT!

Thomas: Yes... and what would it be without them?

Thomas: The Englishwoman was the most romantic. All she wanted was everything.

[subtitled version]

Vred billist: Are you cruising for pussy or a bruising?

Thomas: Do we get to pick? I'll have some pussy, then.

Vred billist: Three horny senior citizens in a Berlingo? Fat chance.

[subtitled version]

Simone: Why won't you answer my text messages?

Thomas: Because they choke up my memory card fifty times a week.

Thomas: Angela, I just wanted to be friends. I'm alone. I'm always alone. Why can't we just spend more time together? Angela?

[Angela starts walking away]

Thomas: Wait. Why? Why? Why can't we be friends? Huh? We can't we just spend Christmas together? Do you hear me, you stupid fucking cunt!

Thomas: How could you kill a poor, defenseless animal? Angela! You're really starting to piss me off!

Thomas: [yelling] Angela? You did fuck him didn't you? LIAR!

Thomas: That's not very nice dinner talk.

Thomas: Yeah, that way he can go back to his kids and his family, and you can go to your sister's, and I can stay here! In this parking lot! All by myself! 'Cause that's obviously what everybody wants!

Thomas: What kind of car does he drive?

Angela Bridges: I don't know.

Thomas: You don't know? You don't know what kind of car your fiancé drives?

Angela Bridges: A Toyota.

Thomas: A Toyota? Now, that is a fast car. He could be here any minute...

Thomas: Way to ruin Christmas. Asshole.

Thomas: I told you,

[yells]

Thomas: I'm not gonna hurt you!

Bruno: Did you fart?

Thomas: No.

[Bruno laughs, walks away smelling something in the air]

Thomas: Must be the school's food.

Thomas: [shows George a plate of plastic spaghetti] What do you think?

George: Do you melt it down and eat it?

Thomas: No. They're ornamental.

George: Ornamental spaghetti.

Thomas: Yeah. Could go a bomb.

George: Where'd you get them?

Thomas: Contacts, George. You can't find plastic spaghetti just anywhere.

Thomas: You're not joking, are ye?

George: When did I ever joke?

Thomas: You used to tell that one about the randy gorilla.

George: Yer, well no-one ever laughed, did they?

Thomas: It's the way you tell 'em...

George: [about Simone] She's a woman of substance. A lady.

Thomas: I thought you said she was a tart. A tall thin black tart.

George: Maybe, but she's still a fucking lady.

Thomas: You fancy a fiberglass fruit flan? Or a polystyrene tutti frutti? Fancy a cup of tea?

George: What's it made of?

Thomas: Leaves!

Thomas: Anyway, listen: what about this tall, thin, black story?

George: Ah... well, we got it wrong, the fella did... actually, she's a nun in disguise.

Thomas: What kind of a nun?

George: A Sister of Mercy. Y'know, those that wear the big white bonnets.

Thomas: Aye, with the big thingummys on it?

George: Yeah.

Thomas: You didn't wear this the whole time, though?

George: Well, she can't, can she, she's on the game, it'd look a bit funny, wouldn't it, and spoil the point of the exercise.

Thomas: How?

George: She wouldn't be in disguise then, would she?

Thomas: [on reflection] Well, that's nuns for ye.

Ricky: I can't believe he's still standing.

Thomas: One tough motherfucker.

Thomas: It wasn't good?

Adèle: Yes. It was great.

[first lines]

Interviewer: Dr. Harber, before we're live, I just wanted to say thank you for choosing me.

Thomas: [warming up his voice] Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers.

Interviewer: The rich history you have with other journalists...

Thomas: I chose you precisely because we don't have a history. Now, don't fuck it up.

Producer: Fifteen seconds...

Lacey: Please don't lose faith in me.

Thomas: "Faith" Oh, God. I have such contempt for that word. Show me someone who relies on faith and I'll show you someone who's given up control over whatever it is they believe.

McKnight: [over the radio] How are things going? Things okay there, Struecker?

Struecker: I don't wanna talk about it now, Colonel. I'm busy!

[Pilla is shot and falls into the humvee]

Thomas: Sergeant Pilla's hit! Christ, he's fucked up!

McKnight: Is anybody hit? Struecker, talk to me!

Struecker: It's Sergeant Pilla!

McKnight: What's his status? What's his status?

"Hoot": He's dead!

Struecker: He's dead. Pilla's dead, sir.

McKnight: C2, this is McKnight, we have a KIA: Dominick Pilla, over.

Harell: Roger that.

Struecker: Get on that fifty! Someone get on that fifty!

"Hoot": It's mine!

Thomas: I fetched those beef fillets for you ma'am.

Mrs. Dashwood: It was far less expensive in Exeter. Anyway, it's for Marianne.

[a large box has arrived at Barton cottage]

Margaret: It's for us!

Mrs. Dashwood: What is it, Thomas?

Thomas: I'm not sure, ma'am, but it's right heavy.

Thomas: Nothing like a little disaster for sorting things out.

Thomas: I wish I had tons of money... Then I'd be free.

Thomas: Don't let's spoil everything, we've only just met.

Jane: No, we haven't met. You've never seen me.

The Blonde: Couldn't you give us just a couple of minutes?

Thomas: Couple of minutes? I haven't even got a couple of minutes to have my appendix out.

Thomas: She isn't my wife, really. We just have some kids. No, no kids, not even kids. Sometimes, though, it feels as if we had kids. She isn't beautiful, she's... easy to live with. No, she isn't. That's why I don't live with her.

Thomas: [seeing Verushka, the model, at a party the evening of the day she had just told the photographer that he'd better hurry because she had to catch a plane to Paris] I thought you were supposed to be in Paris.

Verushka: [taking a toke of her marijuana cigarette] I *am* in Paris!

Jane: What are you doing? Stop it! Stop it! Give me those pictures. You can't photograph people like that.

Thomas: Who says I can't? I'm only doing my job. Some people are bullfighters, some people are politicians. I'm a photographer.

Thomas: What do you they call you in bed?

Thomas: Someone's been killed. I want you to see the corpse.

[last lines]

Ron: What did you see in that park?

Thomas: Nothing... Ron.

Johanna: Question. Why doesn't anybody know about this?

Hans, trolljegeren: Because someone doesn't want people to know.

Thomas: The government? Is the government behind this? Do you work for them?

Johanna: Why show it to us now?

Hans, trolljegeren: Because I'm tired of this shitty job. I have no rights whatsoever. I get no night bonus. No overtime. No nuisance compensation. Maybe it's time for a change in troll management. So if you could get this on TV...

Thomas: That shouldn't be a problem.

Thomas: In fairy tales, trolls wear clothes and talk like people - they're just like people.

Hans, trolljegeren: Fairy tales are for kids. Trolls are animals. Predators. They eat, shit and mate. Eat anything they can.

Thomas: How old can trolls get?

Hans, trolljegeren: 1000, 1200 years.

Thomas: And their intelligence level?

Hans, trolljegeren: In the pits. They are not bright. They manage to eat. But how hard is it to survive on rocks? I once saw a troll try to eat its own tail. His head down between his legs, he tried to suck down his own tail. He started gagging on it, tipped over, and rolled down a hill like a wheel.

Thomas: We are in troll territory now. You don't seem to like entering these territories. Is there some particular reason?

Hans, trolljegeren: There was a mountain troll territory up in Strynefjell. Back in the 70's they decided to build tunnels through that troll-rich area. Both the TSS and I tried to object, but to no avail. I was given the task of going in and exterminating all the trolls. Every last one. Pregnant females. Kids. Newborns that hadn't even learned to walk... It was a massacre.

Thomas: In a sense, you're a true Norwegian hero.

Hans, trolljegeren: No, you're wrong about that. There's nothing heroic about what I do. It's dirty work.

Hans, trolljegeren: No one here believes in God or Jesus?

Thomas: Nope. None of us.

Kalle: Don't look at me. Serious? Because they can smell the blood of a Christian man?

Thomas: I don't have rabies... Dogs have rabies.

Thomas: Do you think Michael Moore gave up after the first try?

Thomas: [noticing a container in Hans' trailer] Is that what we rubbed on ourselves?

Hans, trolljegeren: Yes.

Thomas: What is it?

Hans, trolljegeren: Concentrated troll stench. A mixture of all the crap you can squeeze out of a troll.

Thomas: What are you doing this weekend?

Rebecca: Same as you.

Thomas: I can't, I have to go away.

Rebecca: I'll come with you.

Thomas: I have to go alone. I'll only be 2 days.

Rebecca: Where ever you go, I go.

Thomas: This is somewhere you can't go.

Rebecca: Then you shouldn't go either.

[last lines]

Thomas: Thank you, Rebecca.

Thomas: She taught me the most valuable thing in the world.

Vanda: And what did she teach you?

Thomas: That nothing is more sensual than pain. That nothing is more exciting than degradation.

Vanda: Any other director I know would have already jumped on me.

Thomas: I'm not "any other director".

Vanda: Bullshit. If he thought he could, he would have already done.

Thomas: Not true.

Vanda: Not even if I allowed him?

Thomas: Hail, Aphrodite!

Vanda: So, you haven't forgotten.

Thomas: Forget? My most dear and old enemy?

Vanda: You're too kind.

Thomas: Yes.

Vanda: I don't have the right to a little kiss? That's better, Thomas... Oh! I said Thomas? Oops! It's so cold in here. Every time I come to visit you, I am cold.

[sneezes]

Vanda: See? I already have an inflamed bronchi.

Thomas: If you do not passed time to walk around naked...

Vanda: However, I am Venus, I have to be naked. It's part of the job. Don't you want to take off those rough clothes, come and hold you close to me? There is so much room here under my fur.

Thomas: No, thank you.

Vanda: I brought this vision to you, directly from Olympus. It's divine. See the label? Made in Olympus.

Thomas: Why? Why should I care about your vision?

Vanda: I know your small flaw. You're not interested in women. You feel concerned for their fur, and you should marry an otter.

Thomas: I understand better with an otter than with a woman.

Vanda: But if I spread my legs under the mink, you'll refuse a little love?

Thomas: It's "a little love" you suggest? No, it's the power that interests you.

Vanda: Dare you resist me?

Thomas: Yes, I dare.

Vanda: Séferin, I want you on the ground, at my feet. Beg me.

Thomas: Never.

Vanda: You already belong to me and I will belong to you until the end of time.

Thomas: Never.

Vanda: Auf wiedersehen, my friend. The back.

[breaks from character]

Vanda: And then poof, it disappears.

Vanda: Thank me.

Thomas: Thank you.

Vanda: Thanks to whom?

Thomas: Thank you, mistress.

Thomas: It's not about 'whodunnit'... there are so many angles, how to organize it in a meaningful way, it's important that its a story based on truth, but i want to do something that transcends that, that its not just a simple reconstruction...

Thomas: It's good you're feeling so angry - harness the rage!

Thomas: Don't worry, Topaz. Rose is dabbling in the occult.

Topaz Mortmain: Oh. Well, full marks for enterprise.

Thomas: Proust is Proust.

Melanie: [Young Thomas enters the house in his oversized uniform] What are you wearing ? That's not Youth Movement!

Thomas: No - it's the People's Army. All able bodied men between sixteen and sixty have been conscripted.

Melanie: But you're only fourteen!

[Thomas shrugs passively, Melanie is alarmed]

Grandpa: [interupting] A couple of years makes no difference. You know yourself that all the sixteen year olds have gone already!

Dennis: [Thomas and Dennis meet in Trafalgar Square] ... I did everything for the Common Cause. I had a blind loyalty to the struggle.

Thomas: To understand loyalty you need to experience betrayal.

Dennis: When were you betrayed ?

Thomas: I don't remember - it was too long ago!

Dennis: '62', it's important to remember who you are - not what you are!

Thomas: [Thomas and Dennis have their final meeting] Before I left for England I was briefed about a man called Steiner?

Dennis: Albert Steiner. Steiner wasn't a conspirator or a revolutionary - just a lonely defector; the lowest form of currency in this war. I don't know whether he's alive or dead, but as long as his fate remains unknown -the concept of 'Steinerism' is a threat! The enemy within which both sides crave!

[shrugs]

Dennis: Maybe that makes me an 'agent of Steiner'.

Thomas: [Young Thomas sees Melanie walking through the park. He runs from the football game to catch her up. She is reading an American comic book] What's that - can I see it ?

[she passes the comic to him, he flicks through the pages in awe]

Melanie: Hans Schaffer sent it to me. He swapped a pack of cigarettes for it with an American prisoner he caught.

Thomas: [flicking through the pages] This is fantastic! Can I borrow it ?

Melanie: [she takes the comic back] No, but you may have it - so long as you have something to swap for it!

[she walks off with a smile leaving Thomas standing]

Thomas: I'd thought it'd might have something to do with those squatting crane or the sideways horsie.

Monique: It's a what?

Thomas: Yeah, Kamasutra stuff.

Monique: Yeah, personally I'd advise against anything that refers to farm animals in the title.

Thomas: You know what one day you'll be walking through a shopping centre and there I'll be staring at you and your husband will wonder if you ever did that guy.

Monique: Do you wanna do something for me?

Thomas: Yes, I really wanna help.

Monique: Well, then go be that man for your girlfriend. Go back. Patch things up. Start over again. Get married. I know you wanna. When you've done that call me. Call me and tell me I was wrong and it can actually work.

Thomas: Miss Sara. Is she alright?

Jamie Allen: They're alive, but I can't wake them up, Tom. They've been drugged!

Nat: It's kinda hard for Alex to be the youngest.

Nat: Cuz,sometimes we'll say the A word, or the B word, or the C word, or the D word...

David: or the E word.

Thomas: What's the E word?

David: I don't know, what's the C word?

Nat: Crapola.

David: Crapola's a bad word? My mom says that all the time!

Nat: Well, tell her not to, it's bad.

M. Jourdain: Your father said you studied law?

Thomas: Trade law, to be exact.

M. Jourdain: What a fine idea! I wanted a son to bequeath my business to.

Thomas: How is business?

M. Jourdain: I can't complain.

Thomas: You're wrong. Our laws are reprehensible. Business in France is impossible. But I have concrete ideas on ways to increase profits.

Dorante: Thomas, I fear this conversation could lead to boredom.

M. Jourdain: Not at all. Not at all. Please continue.

Thomas: For example, did you know you could save on labor costs by setting up shop in Spain, where people earn four times less?

Dorante: [rolling his eyes] In Spain! And why not China?

Thomas: Give me the kiss of the vampire.

Thomas: I rise from the dead without coming back to life. You have to help me... Help me... Help me choose... Help me. My time as a man has become a distant memory - a time when I had no need of blood to quench this unbearable thirst.

Professor John Mayer: Have you noticed that our bodies are becoming radioactive?

Thomas: Well... yes.

Professor John Mayer: It doesn't bother you?

Thomas: No.

Professor John Mayer: Well, it bothers me.

Thomas: Deaf and dumb, eh?

Deaf-mute victim: [nods]

Thomas: Meredith, survival is about decisions, making the right choices at the right times.

Thomas: That's the nice thing about abandoned houses; nobody in them, nobody checks them out.

Thomas: I just want to hurt your real bad, and then murder you!

Ruben: Fuck! It is quiet here!

Thomas: Yes! It's wierd... It's strange that in a couple of seconds everything dissaperd... Everithing died... It's fucking cool!

Thomas: Are you trying to scare the shit out of me?