Theresa Quotes in Bad Boys II (2003)

Marcus Burnett: [referring to the loose swimming pool ladder] Get my screwdriver! Damn bolts.

Theresa: Don't mind him. He's just upset because he was injured.

Syd: Is he okay?

Theresa: His wound is fine. It's, um... *other things* that were affected.

Syd: Oh... oh!

Marcus Burnett: [looks up at her] Theresa!

Theresa: What?

Marcus Burnett: [to Syd] It's just nerve damage.

[to Theresa]

Marcus Burnett: You not gonna spoil this... I'll talk to you about it.

Theresa: I was just showing Simon around the house.

Simon Green: You have a very nice house, Mrs. Jones.

Marilyn: Thank you, Simon. You can call me Marilyn.

Simon Green: You too, Mr. Jones.

Percy: Thank you, Simon. You can call me Mr. Jones.

[Marilyn gives him a dirty look]

Percy: Just kidding.

Theresa: Are you getting cold feet, Simon?

Simon Green: No. No, I'm not getting cold feet. I can't wait to marry you... and make babies with you. Give me a daughter who looks just like you.

Theresa: [sighing the words] oh, wow.

Snaps: [Theresa is looking for Anthony and is asking Snaps where she might find him] I may have an idea where he is.

Theresa: Where?

Snaps: Closer than I thought. Now, I want you to stay here and don't come out. You owe me this, sister.

Connie: I thought she was your daughter.

Snaps: Shut up!

Snaps: What a day this turned out to be! Both my girls are getting married!

Sophia: [looks at Snaps suspiciously] What do you mean, "both"?

Snaps: [embraces her, indicates Theresa] Sophia, my wife, meet Theresa, my daughter.

Sophia: Your... daughter?

Snaps: I just found out myself.

Theresa: Me, too!

Sophia: If she's your daughter, then who is her mother?

Roxanne: I am.

Sophia: [shouts] You had a child with the new maid?

Overton: [the bankers have just walked into the foyer] Excuse me, have we come at a bad time?

Danny: I'll pick you up at seven. Where do you live?

Theresa: Here.

Danny: With the stiffs?

Theresa: Um, my father and I have an apartment upstairs.

Danny: Oh! Yeah, sure! That's uh... convenient!

Rose: Oh, that's a lovely dress you wearing.

Danny: Isn't it?

Theresa: Oh, thank you!

Rose: Even though it is a little big on top.

Danny: Ma!

Rose: Well, it is, you said so yourself.

Danny: Ma!

Theresa: No, no that's a problem I have, I'm not really that endowed on top.

Danny: No, no, no, no, no.

Rose: You're built like a thirteen year old boy.

Danny: [takes both his mother and Theresa out to dinner for them to meet for the first time] Ma, this is Theresa. Theresa, this is my mother.

Theresa: [smiles, shaking her hand] Pleased to meet you, Mrs. Muldoon.

Rose: Rose. I'm Rose.

Theresa: Rose.

Rose: Mm-hmm. Oh, that's a lovely dress you're wearing.

Theresa: Oh, thank you.

Rose: Even though it is a little big on top.

Danny: Ma.

Rose: Well, it is. You said so yourself.

Theresa: No, that's a-a problem I have. I'm really not that endowed on top.

Rose: You're built like a thirteen-year-old boy.

Danny: Ma, would you please don't start?

Rose: It's a joke. I'm trying to make jokes here. I'm trying to lighten things up a little.

[the waiter arrives to take their drink orders and Theresa requests a vodka double on the rocks]

Rose: A vodka drinker.

Danny: Well, ma, Theresa's probably a little nervous, you know, being here with us and all. You know, you can understand that.

Rose: It's the first signs of alcoholism.

Danny: What?

Rose: I read it in Reader's Digest.

Theresa: Rose, I can assure you I'm not an alcoholic.

Rose: Oh, denial - that's another symptom. The article said that one shot of vodka was equal to all of the calories in a ham sandwich.

Theresa: [laughs] Good. Maybe then I'll gain some weight and grow breasts for you.

[Rose looks at her distastefully and says nothing]

Theresa: [at the wedding altar] ... and so I know, Andrew, that you will always, always protect me.

Andrew: Word.

Theresa: Andy?

Corelli: [sleepily] Hmm?

Theresa: I'm glad we did it.

Corelli: Glad we did what?

Theresa: Wise guy...

[pauses, then]

Theresa: Andy?

Corelli: [sleepily] Hmm?

Theresa: Did you enjoy it?

Corelli: [smiles] Yeah, it was all right...

Theresa: It was just all right?

Corelli: Well, there's wasn't enough pepperoni on it, and the anchovies tasted like shoe leather.

Theresa: I didn't mean the pizza, I meant me.

Corelli: [turns over to face her] Oh, you? Yeah. Yeah.

[they snuggle closer]

Corelli: But there wasn't enough pepperoni on it, and the anchovies tasted like shoe leather...

Theresa: [laughing] Shut up, just shut up...

Theresa: You love love.

Theresa: It's people you don't have time for.

Theresa: Lord, you might be scrawny, but that's a fine boyo you have there.

Theresa: Most guys first time out they try to score, they expect it. And some of them get pretty nasty if they don't get it. So by the 2nd time it's either fuck or forget it.

Martin: Teaching's a waste of time, I'm writing a novel.

Theresa: Isn't everybody.

Martin: Getting divorced too.

Theresa: Isn't everybody.

Man in bar: Me, queer! Jesus, I'm a married man, I've got 2 kids and a very expensive mistress. I'm an animal.

Theresa: That's why you go to gay bars ?

Theresa: When your nightlife interferes with your daylife...

Theresa: Honeymoon? I thought you went to get an abortion!

Theresa: First thing, on with the tv. Next - nothing. Just sit there on the bed watching the porno movie, I honest to God expect he's going to bring out a bag of popcorn. Finally, the big moment. He doesn't even take off his pants. And all the time he's doing it to me, he's watching them do it on tv.

Bartender: Confidentially, with me... one's too many and a million's not enough.

Theresa: I got the same problem with men.

Theresa: I'm alone, I'm not lonely. I'm depressed - you're depressing me.

Tony Lo Porto: Kiss my ass.

Theresa: I did.

James: Is that why you don't wash the dishes, because the roaches are hungry?

Theresa: Why else?

Theresa: Everybody's taking something or they'd never make it till morning.

James: What are you hooked on?

Theresa: Anything I can get.

Theresa: Go set the world on fire.

Tony Lo Porto: On a couple of bucks!

Theresa: Find a smaller world.

Theresa: Talk about amateur, played for a hooker by a square and ripped off as a sucker by a dick.

Theresa: I don't believe in the future.

Theresa: By parted lovers it is writ/Oh darling, thou art still a shit.

Theresa: Mary, tell us what you saw in your last vision.

Mary Woodhouse: The city of the dead. The living dead. A cursed city where the gates of hell have been opened.

Peter Bell: Where exactly is this city?

Mary Woodhouse: I don't know where it is. All that I know is that it's called Dunwich.

Peter Bell: Well, I've never heard of it. How do you know? How can you be so sure?

Mary Woodhouse: I read the name... on a tombstone.

Theresa: Mr. Bell, if those gates are left open, it could mean the end of humanity. We've got to get them shut again. At midnight on Monday, we go into All Saint's Day. The night of the dead begins. If the portholes of hell aren't shut before, no dead body will ever rest in peace. The dead will rise up all over the world and take over the Earth! You must get to Dunwich, Mr. Bell. You must reclose those gates!

Theresa: You don't deserve help! You're a comic book version of a detective, Sergeant!

Sgt. Clay: Well, you look better in your mug shot, you know. The great Theresa. The master medium. Yeah, for you it's all in the book of... of... what's it called?

Theresa: Enoch.

Sgt. Clay: Yeah, Enoch. According to you, this poor girl is dead because of a book that was written 4,000 years ago. Correct?

Theresa: That's right. I would find a such an unusual paradox of tremendous appeal terribly stimulating, if I were a sleuth. Enoch provides the explanation in every detail of a crime, before it has been committed.

Sgt. Clay: Lady, you're either on grass, or you're pulling my leg.

Theresa: No. The problem is in your mind. It cannot accept the truth.

[Theresa is talking to her boyfriend Mark about his best friend David]

Theresa: He's a good friend of yours, Mark. The best. There's a moment before the accident that we were on the beach, talking and feeling close. We went skinny-dipping. I wanted to make love and I think he did too. But he wouldn't, because of you.

Theresa: Vinnie, what are you gonna do with me?

Vincent Renard: Kill you.