Theo Quotes in Die Hard (1988)


Theo Quotes:

  • Theo: [as the SWAT Team closes in]

    [over the CB]

    Theo: All right, listen up guys. 'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, except... the four assholes coming in the rear in standard two-by-two cover formation.

  • Theo: [laughing as a LAPD SWAT armored vehicle is hit with a missile] Oh my God, the quarterback is TOAST!

  • Hans Gruber: Now, you *can* break the code?

    Theo: You didn't bring me along for my charming personality.

  • Hans Gruber: Theo, are we on schedule?

    Theo: One more to go then it's up to you. And you better be right, because it looks like this last one is going to take a miracle.

    Hans Gruber: It's Christmas, Theo. It's the time of miracles. So be of good cheer... and call me when you hit the last lock.

  • [Karl and Theo pull up in their car and come through the revolving door]

    Theo: So Kareem rebounds, right? Feeds Worthy on the break, over to A.C., to Magic, then back to Worthy! Right?

    [Karl shoots and kills the desk guard with a perfectly timed aim]

    Theo: BOOM! Two points!

    [Theo jumps over the desk and pushes the guard's body down, then grabs his walkie-talkie]

    Theo: We're in.

  • Theo: [Hans, Theo, and Kristoff stare in awe as the vault opens] Merry Christmas.

  • Theo: [sees LAPD SWAT armored vehicle approaching] Wait a minute, wait a minute. What have we here, gentlemen? The police have themselves an RV. Southeast corner.

  • Theo: All right stop... Collaborate... And listen to each other.

  • Theo: What would your old man say if he knew what you were doing in here last night?

    Ricky: I wasn't doing anything thanks to you. What do you want?

  • Theo: We're looking for two Negros in a white car.

    Rubin 'Hurricane' Carter: Any two will do?

  • Theo: You're out. This is Spider; he's replacing you.

    Spider: What's up, dog.

  • Dwight Hartman: Let's split up.

    Brenda Meeks: Uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh UH! Now wait a minute, hold up! How come when anytime this scary shit happens, and we should stick together, you white people always say "let's split up"?

    Theo: She's right, we should stick together.

    Dwight Hartman: She's right. Okay.

    [pointing to the white people in the group]

    Dwight Hartman: You three, follow me!

    [the three black people are left alone]

    Shorty Meeks: Ain't that a bitch.

    [the three of them begin to cry]

    Brenda Meeks: We gonna die, y'all.

  • Buddy: Hey, Cind.

    Cindy Campbell: Hey, Buddy.

    Buddy: [punches her in the boob] Open chest! Oh, come on. You gotta be quicker than that A cup.

    [Cindy crawls up]

    Theo: Hey, guys.

    [all the guys say hello and look at her sexually]

    Theo: Well, are you boys gonna sit there with your mouths open or is someone gonna offer me a seat?

    [everyone pushes their chairs towards her]

    Dwight Hartman: [Dwight pushes wheelchair towards her and sits on Ray's leg] I warmed it up for you. It's the best seat in the house.

    Ray Wilkins: Second best.

    [Ray touches Dwight's hair]

  • Dewey Cox: [irritated] I don't need people around me, stifling me. So if you don't like it, there's the door.

    Theo: Dewey, are you sayin' you don't need us no more?

    Dewey Cox: Not unless you can open your minds... and learn to play the fucking theremin.

    [brief pause]

    Theo: FUCK YOU, DEWEY!

    Dave: Yeah, fuck you Dewey! In twenty years, not once have you thrown a woman my way. You don't think we like cheating on our wives too?

    Sam: And you never once paid for drugs. Not once!

    Dave: You pay that chimp more than you pay us! I had to borrow from the chimp to get a mortgage on my house!

    Theo: And those stupid siamese glass cats you get us every year for Christmas! I don't want anymore siamese glass cats!

    Dewey Cox: The siamese cat is a symbol of nobility in Ancient Egypt.

    Sam: Fuck nobility!

    Dave: Fuck Ancient Egypt!

    Theo: ...Fuck cats!

    Sam: And you never paid for drugs. Not once.

    Dave: [angrily] You slept with my wife!

    Theo: You slept with me, too! And I've had confused feelings about that for ten years now!

    Sam: And you never *once* paid for drugs!... Not once.

  • Dewey Cox: But I have to say, I like your stuff. It's pretty good, and most of your records, I really enjoy.

    Paul McCartney: Well, we're big fans of your records, too. We like to think that "Hard Day's Night" is our "Guilty As Charged".

    John Lennon: [in a hard, Liverpool accent] Great record!

    Paul McCartney: Excellent album! We learned a lot from ya.

    John Lennon: Great record.

    Theo: Well, we're real big fans of y'alls!

    Dave: Huge fans! You guys are almost as good as The Monkees. You guys are great.

  • [on Charlie Manson]

    Sam: His music his horrible... but he's a really nice guy.

    Theo: Oh, couldn't be nicer.

  • Theo: Which one of y'all writes which song?

    John Lennon: All the good ones are mine... He does the ones that are shit.

    Paul McCartney: [laughing] Hilarious! "Number nine", really great.

    John Lennon: "Yesterday"...

    [Mumbling/singing/imitating Paul]

    Paul McCartney: He writes the ones that are "Oh, there's no God, I'm a fucking asshole", and I write the ones that are beautiful and great, and he'll jump in with the "yeah, yeah, yeah"-

    [Blows raspberry]

    John Lennon: I write songs about peace and love, you write Sussudio.

    Paul McCartney: [singing, imitating John] "Communism is the best, I'm a Commie"... that's his song.

    George Harrison: Keep in mind, I wrote "Taxman".

  • Theo: I ain't no jogger.

  • Sancho: What are you going to do?

    Theo: I feel I should go home.

    Sancho: Really? Go home? No, no, no, no, that's not an option. You're the one that go their hearts into this. I'm not saying that's a bad thing. I mean... alright... Look around you. This is what we got it's not going to get any better than this. You, you come into our lives and it's different. Everything changes. For a minute, they get to feel like a somebody. They're not thinking about what they can't do they're thinking about what they can. You inspire them you need to fix this. You started it you finish it. You understand me?

  • Chloe: Oh man, I'm going to ache tomorrow.

    Theo: Those weren't the right elders.

    Chloe: How did you get here?

    Theo: I walked.

    Chloe: Look, you wanted to see old folks and I showed you old folks.

    Theo: Is that what happens to people here when they get old?

  • Theo: [reading a number plate] DA-D 9779.

    Karl: That's a palindromic number.

    Theo: A what?

    Karl: Like Anna or Otto. You can read it forwards and backwards. Like "Reliefpfeiler".

  • Jimmy Markum: They put her in a bag.

    Theo: What's that?

    Jimmy Markum: That's what Katie looked like when I saw her in the morgue. Like they put her in a bag and then they beat the bag with pipes. Janie died in her sleep, all due respect, but there you go. She went to sleep, she never woke up. Peaceful.

    Theo: You don't need to talk about Janie.

    Jimmy Markum: My daughter was murdered. They put a gun to her. As we stand here, she's on an autopsy slab getting cut open by scalpels and chest spreaders, and you're talking to me about domestic fucking responsibility? Good to see you, Theo.

  • Theo: Papa's full of shit.

    Matthew: I think you're lucky. Um, I wish my parents were that nice.

    Isabelle: Other people's parents are *always* nicer than our own, and yet for some reason, our own grandparents are always nicer than other people's.

  • Matthew: This is not Chaplin and Keaton. This is Clapton and Hendrix.

    Theo: Matthew, Clapton reinvented the electric guitar.

    Matthew: Clapton plugs in a guitar, he plugs in an electric guitar and he plays it like an acoustic guitar. Hendrix plugs in an electric guitar, he plays it with his teeth. There are soldiers in the Vietnam War right now. Who are they listening to? Clapton? No, they're listening to Hendrix. The guy who tells the truth.

  • IsabelleTheo: We accept you, one of us! One of us!

  • Theo: [reading from a book] A revolution isn't a gala dinner. It cannot be created like a book, a drawing or a tapestry. It cannot unfold with such elegance, tranquility and delicacy. Or such sweetness, affability. Courtesy, restraint and generosity. A revolution is an uprising, a violent act by which one class overthrows another.

  • Isabelle: Theo, Theo. Wake up.

    Theo: [sleepily, eyes still closed] What is it?

    Isabelle: I want you to listen.

    Theo: Why?

    Isabelle: Because. Theo?

    Theo: Mm?

    Isabelle: I love you. You know that?

    Theo: I love you too.

    Isabelle: You love me too? That's funny. Are you listening? It's forever, right?

    Theo: What's forever?

    Isabelle: The two of us. Right?

    Theo: Yes. Why did Matthew say that?

    Isabelle: What did Matthew say?

    Theo: That we're monsters, freaks.

    Isabelle: I just want you to tell me that it's forever. It's forever.

  • [Matthew has had unprotected sex with Isabelle]

    Matthew: [in the tub, he sees blood]

    Isabelle: Don't be alarmed. It's good news.

    Theo: It only happens once a month.

  • [last lines]

    Matthew: Listen to me for a second, okay? This is what they do. This is not what we do.

    Matthew: [pointing to his head] We use this.

    Matthew: We do this. We use this.

    [kisses Isabelle]

    Matthew: We use this.

    [kisses Theo]

    Theo: [speaking in French] Stop it!

    Matthew: Isabelle. Come on. Isabe...

  • Theo: [to Matthew] Don't forget your toothbrush!

  • Theo: [talking about his dad] God doesn't exist, doesn't mean *he* can take his place.

  • Theo: Weren't you just a tiny bit excited?

  • Theo: The world is full of evil but if we hold on to each other, it goes away.

  • [subtitled version]

    Lucas: What are you saying? Have you got something to tell me?

    Agnes: Stop it, Lucas.

    Lucas: You want to tell me something?

    Theo: Relax, Lucas.

    Lucas: The whole town is listening. Tell me! What do you want to say?

    Agnes: Stop it, you fucking psychopath!

    Lucas: I want a word with Theo. Look into my eyes. Look me in the eyes. What do you see? Do you see anything? Nothing. There's nothing. There's nothing. You leave me alone now. You leave me alone now, Theo. Then I'll go. Thank you.

  • Frau Von Kalteneck: Theo knows only two English expressions: "very much" and "not very much." Right, Theo?

    Theo: Very much.

  • Colonel Betteridge: Can't imagine anything more awful than to be a prisoner of war in England.

    Mr. Wynne: Was the cooking good?

    Theo: [pause] It was English cooking.

  • Kit Winter: Theo, for Christ's sake, life is not a movie.

    Theo: Yeah it is. Come on, whatever you say, whatever you do, movies always got there first. Even that line you just said comes from a movie, um - Kevin Spacey in the end of, uh, Swimming With Sharks.

  • Eleanor "Nell" Vance: You have trouble with commitment?

    Theo: Well, my boyfriend thinks so, my girlfriend doesn't. We could all live together, but they hate each other.

  • Eleanor "Nell" Vance: This house, who built it? Who lived here?

    Dr. David Marrow: Well actually that makes a very good bedtime story. Once upon a time, there was a king who built a castle. His name was Hugh Crain. 130 years ago, towns like Concord and Manchester were the centre of American industry, that's where Crain made a fortune on the backs of workers in his textile mills. Now this man could have anything he wanted, but what he wanted was another thing. It was a house filled with the laughter of children.

    Eleanor "Nell" Vance: That's why there are all the carvings.

    Dr. David Marrow: He married the most beautiful girl in town, called Renee, and he built her this house, at least some of it.

    Theo: God, it sounds like a fairytale or something.

    Dr. David Marrow: Well that's where the fairytale ends. Hugh and Renee never had children. They all died at birth. And a few years later, Renee passed away and Crain became a total recluse. But, he kept on building. Building room upon room as if he was building for the familiy he would never have. No one had seen Crain for years. But the townspeople said they could hear sounds coming from the old house. Sounds of children.

  • Luke: Hey, you guys wanna hear something really scary? I just found this out. It turns out there's a more darker chapter in the Hugh Crain fairytale. Remember his lovely wife Renee? Well Renee, the town beauty, she didn't just die, she killed herself.

    Theo: Really? He just told you that?

    Luke: Yes, but you can't say anything because he actually swore me to secrecy.

    Eleanor "Nell" Vance: Why did she kill herself?

    Luke: The stillborn children story is more sinister, and maybe Hugh Crain was a horrible monster that drove her to it.

    Eleanor "Nell" Vance: Monster? But he built this house with the woman he loved like the Taj Mahal.

    Theo: The Taj Mahal wasn't a palace, it was a tomb. And equally overdone.

  • Theo: You feel cut off from the world, but the world has missed you. Happy tossing and turning.

  • [looking at the "Door of Hell"]

    Theo: You don't get this from the Martha Stewart catalog.

  • Theo: Isn't it based on the Gates of Hell, by Rodin?

    Eleanor "Nell" Vance: Well, It's not just hell. You see the children, they're are reaching up for heaven, but their souls are trapped in purgatory. And these are the demons... who can hold on to your soul for as long as they want.

    Theo: Did you study art?

    Eleanor "Nell" Vance: No, I studied purgatory. I was there once for eleven years. It's when your soul is caught between the living and the dead.

  • Eleanor "Nell" Vance: Have you ever kept something for yourself because you were afraid?

    Theo: All the time.

  • Dr. David Marrow: Let me explain what's happening here. You're participating in a study on group fear and hysteria.

    Luke: What? That's it, that's what this was all about?

    Theo: You brought us here to scare us, is that it?

    Dr. David Marrow: Yes.

    Luke: And you were just waiting for her to have a total nervous breakdown before you said it? I mean, what is your problem?

  • Theo: Hi. Don't worry, I'm not an obsessive packer, it's just a cheap and exploitative way of making new friends, I'm Theo.

    Eleanor "Nell" Vance: Eleanor, but everybody calls me Nell.

    Theo: Well, "Everybody Calls Me Nell", don't you love it here? It's like Charles Foster Kane meets the Munsters.

  • Theo: Is this one of your sick jokes, Luke?

    Luke: What? You really think I wrote that?

    Theo: You found it; you could have.

    Luke: How, with the twenty-foot ladder I keep in my back pocket?

  • Dr. David Marrow: Okay, so what do we all need in life? What are the basics? Food, water, shelter...

    Theo: ...Sex.

  • Dr. David Marrow: Because it was a controlled experiment.

    Theo: A controlled experiment? She's in total shock, you can't do that.

    Dr. David Marrow: I told you, it wasn't meant to be like this.

    Theo: Oh c'mon, you don't care about insomnia, you just wanted to scare the hell out of us to be fit in your little test or model, an end to understand this. You can't do it...

    Dr. David Marrow: LISTEN. You listen to me. I am trying to help people. My field of study is the science of fear, I try to understand why people act the way they act, why they feel the way they feel...

    [Theo slaps Marrow]

    Theo: You don't feel.

  • Luke: And you I'm gonna guess, are a les...

    Theo: Don't even start.

    Luke: Wow, You're so bossy and domineering...

    Theo: Thanks. Theo.

  • Dr. David Marrow: Eleanor, none of this is real.

    Eleanor "Nell" Vance: Yes, it is real.

    Dr. David Marrow: It's not real.

    Eleanor "Nell" Vance: You have to go look for the bones in the fireplace.

    Dr. David Marrow: It's not real.

    Eleanor "Nell" Vance: I saw... I saw his wife hanging in the greenhouse, I know, I saw it.

    Dr. David Marrow: No, we'll be all gone, and the Dudleys will arrive in the morning and we can go. All of you.

    Eleanor "Nell" Vance: I can't believe you're not gonna look.

    Theo: Okay, that's enough of you. I'm taking her upstairs. I think you've done enough.

  • Eleanor "Nell" Vance: You'll never gonna believe how I found them.

    Theo: How did you find them?

    Eleanor "Nell" Vance: The blood led me to the bookcase.

    Theo: The blood?

    Eleanor "Nell" Vance: Little footprints in blood.

    Theo: Nell, I'm worried about you.

  • Theo: [about Purgatory] I've been there. It's when you're on an 18-hour flight from L.A. to Paris and you're stuck in coach.

  • Eleanor "Nell" Vance: I love your boots.

    Theo: Oh, you do? Thanks! Prada; Milan, not New York. But they're killing me... Small price to pay for such savage kicks!

  • Theo: You know what, the rest of you may hate your insomnia but I'm not sure I want a cure for mine. That's when I get all my best ideas... I'm alone, occasionally... with no distractions. My mind is racing with creative ideas and come 3am I feel like a genius.

  • Theo: We can't get out. Why won't he let us leave?

    Dr. David Marrow: What do we do Eleanor?

    Eleanor "Nell" Vance: He played hide-and-seek with them, that's why he built the house. You have to hide.

    Dr. David Marrow: Hide? What does he think this is, a game?

  • Dr. David Marrow: The gate is still locked, we have to wait until the Dudleys arrive.

    Luke: What? That's really compassion. Yeah, "let's wait until the morning, so tomorrow I have time to write a few more Welcome Home Eleanors".

    Dr. David Marrow: Luke, I didn't write that stuff, okay?

    Luke: Of course you didn't, that wouldn't be ethical, would it doc...

    Theo: Would you guys just shut up?

  • Theo: You ever killed someone before?

  • Theo: [Standing outside the tent] You okay Freddie?

    Freddie Smith: [Cursing as he stares at the woman] Oh Jesus!

  • [first lines]

    Correctional Officer: Cooper, Theo. Time to go.

    Cell Mate: Hey bro, You got any more of those smokes?

    Theo: [tosses him the whole pack] Quitting anyway.

  • Emily: What is your current mood?"

    Theo: Tired... and a little hung over.

    Emily: Tired and hung over aren't moods, I need something like happy, sad, depressed... angry.

    Theo: Depressed. Angry... and confused.

Browse more character quotes from Die Hard (1988)