The Mayor Quotes in Batman (1989)

Joker: At midnight, I will dump twenty million in cash on the crowd. Don't worry about me, I've got enough.

The Mayor: We are not prepared to discuss any deals.

Joker: [pushes the Mayor off the TV] You heard it folks. Twenty million.

[the Circus Gang approaches the podium]

Organ Grinder: We want the big guy! The guy who runs the show!

The Mayor: [stepping forward] What do you want?

Organ Grinder: Not you!

[the Clown backhands the Mayor]

Organ Grinder: Shreck!

Charles 'Chip' Shreck: [stepping forward] You'll have to go through me!

[a dozen guns, knives, and swords are pointed into his face]

Circus Gang: Ooooh!

The Mayor: Jack, as mayor of this great metropolis, you and I have had our little tiffs, but this is the Lieutenant Governor.

Lt. Governor: Slater, here's what I...

Jack Slater: [breaks the Lieutenant Governor's nose] When the Governor gets here, call me.

Peter Venkman: [as the Mayor walks in]

[Raising his voice over the rest of the 'Busters]

Peter Venkman: Lenny. Big man.

The Mayor: The Ghostbusters.

Winston: Mr. Mayor?

[Holds out his hand, wanting to shake his hand]

The Mayor: What is this? A slumber party?

Ray: Well, that's why we wanted to see you.

The Mayor: Listen, *I* don't want to hear anything about it. You got 2 minutes. Make it good.

Ray: [Getting started] Well, first of all Mr. Mayor, it's a great pleasure to see you again, and you'll be happy to know that 50% of us voted for you in the last election.

The Mayor: I appreciate that.

Peter Venkman: I'm sorry we have to meet under these circumstances.

Ray: Mr. Mayor, we're here tonight because a psychomagnatheric slimeflow of immense proprtions is building up beneath the city.

The Mayor: Psycho-what?

Egon: Psychomagnatheric.

Peter Venkman: Big word, big word.

Egon: Negative human emotions that are forming into a vicious ectoplasm with *explosive* supernormal potential.

The Mayor: Can somebody speak english here?

Winston: Uh yeah. Your honor, what we're trying to say is all of the bad feelings. You know hate, anger and the vibes of the city are turning into this *sludge*. I didn't believe in it either. But, we just went for a swim in it and end up almost killing each other.

Hardemeyer: [to the Mayor]

[Aggrivated]

Hardemeyer: This is insane! Do we *really* have to listen to this?

Peter Venkman: [to Hardemeyer] Can't you stop your lips from flapping for 2 little minutes?

[to the Mayor]

Peter Venkman: Lenny, have you been out on the street lately, do you know weird it is out there? We've taken our own headcount, there seems to be 3 *million* completely miserable assholes living in the Tri-State area.

Hardemeyer: [In disbelief] Please?

Peter Venkman: I beg your prdon, 3 million and *one*.

Hardemeyer: Hey.

Ray: And what *fuggy brain* here doesn't realize, that if we don't do something fast this whole place is gonna blow like a frog on a hot plate.

Hardemeyer: [In disbelief] Yeah right.

The Mayor: What do you want me to do, go on television and tell 3 million people they have to be *nice* to each other?

[Begins to walk off]

The Mayor: Being miserable and treating other people like dirt is every New Yorker's god-given right. Your 2 minutes are up, good night gentlemen.

The Mayor: What the hell is going on? It's pandemonium out there!

Hardemeyer: Yes, I know. We're working on it!

The Mayor: Great. While you're working on it, I'm going down as the mayor who let New York get sucked down into the tenth level of hell! All right, we got no choice. Call the Ghostbusters.

Hardemeyer: Wait! Now I'm sure there's another way.

The Mayor: Jack, I spent an hour last night in my bedroom talking to Fiorello LaGuardia and he's been dead for 40 years. Now where are the Ghostbusters?

Hardemeyer: Uh, they're not available.

The Mayor: What do you mean they're not available?

Hardemeyer: Well, I had them committed to the psychiatric ward at Parkview Hospital.

The Mayor: You what?

Hardemeyer: They were threatening to go to the press! I was protecting your interests!

The Mayor: Oh yeah?

Hardemeyer: Uh-huh!

The Mayor: Well, you can stop protecting my interests. You have exactly three minutes to clear out. You're fired!

Hardemeyer: But the election! You're making a big mistake, Mr. Mayor!

The Mayor: Harry! Remove this man from the building and get me the Ghostbusters!

The Mayor: Being miserable and treating other people like dirt is every New Yorker's God-given right.

The Mayor: Callahan... I don't want any more trouble like you had last year in the Fillmore district. You understand? That's my policy.

Harry Callahan: Yeah, well, when an adult male is chasing a female with intent to commit rape, I shoot the bastard - that's my policy.

The Mayor: Intent? How'd you establish that?

Harry Callahan: When a naked man is chasing a woman through a dark alley with a butcher knife and a hard on, I figure he isn't out collecting for the Red Cross.

[leaves]

The Mayor: I think he's got a point.

Chief: [introducing Harry to the mayor] Mr. Mayor, Inspector Callahan

The Mayor: All right. Let's have it.

Harry Callahan: Have what?

The Mayor: You report. What have you been doing?

Harry Callahan: Well, for the past three-quarters of an hour, I've been sitting on my ass waiting on you.

Chief: Callahan? You willing to take the money to him?

Harry Callahan: When will you people stop messing around with this guy? He's gotta be stopped now!

The Mayor: He's got a busload of kids and I can't take that chance. I gave my word of honor on it and he will not be molested! That's a direct order, Callahan!

Harry Callahan: Well, you can just get yourself another delivery boy.

The Mayor: Well where are you going?

The Killer: I'll tell the pilot when I get on the plane. No alerts, nothing.

The Mayor: I guarantee you you will not be molested in any way.

Police Chief Aloysius: [reaming the Mayor out over the phone] I have enough stuff in my private files, stuff relating to civic building, road contracts, harbor and cannery projects, enough stuff to put you, the D.A., myself, and a two-thirds majority behind bars for the next 20 years! And I give you my word, that's *exactly* where everybody's going, unless things start happening now!

The Mayor: Like what, for instance?

Police Chief Aloysius: I want the pension for Culpeper's grade trebled. Not doubled, trebled! I want Culpeper to retire with honor. I want it on paper that that's exactly what's going to happen. And I want it in my hands in fifteen minutes, or I'll have all the reporters in town in here in twenty!

[suddenly all sweetness and light]

Police Chief Aloysius: You know the word for this, Your Honor. It's called blackmail.

Harry Callahan: [speaking to the mayor & Capt. McKay] If you're talking about the Mustapha bust, nobody smashed anything. In fact, I made a deal with Mustapha - he was gonna help me find out who the people were!

The Mayor: [stunned] What's he talking about?

Harry Callahan: Doesn't it bother anyone that no weapons were found?

Capt McKay: We'll find them!

Harry Callahan: [to McKay] Meanwhile, the people are still out there and they're going to blow the HELL out of half this city. And meanwhile, you're telling everybody how great we are!

Capt McKay: All right, Callahan, button your lip, that's an order!

Harry Callahan: Captain, if you want to jerk all these people off, you can, but don't do it with me.

Capt McKay: That's it, Callahan! You just got yourself a 60-day suspension!

Harry Callahan: [angrily] Make it 90!

Capt McKay: 180! Give me your star.

[Harry pulls out his badge and angrily hands it to Capt. McKay]

Harry Callahan: [angrily] Here's a 7-point suppository, Captain!

Capt McKay: [stunned] WHAT did you say?

Harry Callahan: [angrily] I said STICK IT IN YOUR ASS!

[Harry walks down the steps toward the mob of reporters, but does not stop. Kate Moore soon follows him out]

The Mayor: Who the hell are you? What do you want?

Bobby Maxwell: You.

The Mayor: Get away from me, you son of a bitch. I'm not going anywhere with you.

Bobby Maxwell: The hell you aren't!

[shoots mayor in chest with taser gun]

[Wanda walks into the Third Street Drawbridge operator's office]

Wanda: Hi there.

Bridge Operator: Hello, young lady. What can I do for you?

Wanda: [smiles] Raise the bridge.

Bridge Operator: [incredulously] Raise the bridge?

[pause]

Bridge Operator: Are you kidding?

[Wanda draws her gun]

Wanda: When I tell you to.

[cuts to Maxwell's van following the Mayor's car along Third Street towards the bridge]

The Mayor: Wish we could've stayed. Think the Giants are finally gonna win one.

Mayor's Aide: I don't know, Mr. Mayor. Looks like it's gonna end up as a no-hitter.

[checks his watch]

Mayor's Aide: Besides, you do have the testimonial this evening.

The Mayor: Oh, god, testimonials. They never end, do they?

[cuts to Maxwell's van]

Bobby Maxwell: Lalo, hand me the taser gun.

Lalo: Karl?

[Karl pulls a taser gun out of its box]

Karl: Man, this looks like something from a James Bond movie. You sure it will work?

Lalo: Karl, there's 25,000 volts in this thing. Even the fat boys are gonna do what we want once we hook it up to them.

[hands his taser gun to Maxwell; meanwhile, Wanda - still holding the bridge operator at gunpoint, sees the Mayor's car and Maxwell's van approaching]

Bobby Maxwell: Okay, Tex.

[Tex moves the van into the left lane, speeds up, and passes the Mayor's car; Wanda observes them]

Wanda: Raise it.

[the operator presses a button; the warning bells go off and the gates begin to lower. Maxwell's van stops at the street corner adjacent to the operator's office. As soon as the gates have lowered, the operator moves a lever, and the bridge begins to rise; the Mayor's car stops at the intersection. Maxwell and his men get out]

The Mayor: [spots them] Wait a minute. What the hell? Okay, get me out of this!

[the driver immediately floors it and turns right onto the side street; and Maxwell's men open fire, blowing out the tires]

Lalo: [shoves Tex's gun aside] Save the mayor, goddamnit!

[the mayor's car stops within a few feet of a semi-truck blocking the road. Maxwell fires off a LAWS rocket that hits the truck's engine, causing it to explode. The mayor's driver gets out, only to get gunned down by a hail of bullets. The PRSF members then open the passenger's doors and shoot the mayor's aide in the head]

The Mayor: Who the hell are you? What do you want?

Bobby Maxwell: You.

The Mayor: Get away from me, you son of a bitch. I'm not going anywhere with you.

Bobby Maxwell: The hell you aren't!

[shoots him in the chest with the taser gun; Maxwell, Lalo, Tex, and Karl take the mayor by his arms, and lead him across an industrial lot to a waiting motorboat. As the boat speeds off into the bay, Wanda sticks a star on the bridge operator's dead body]

The Mayor: When did I start losing control of my town?

The Mayor: Jesus eatin' fajitas, Jacobs. Have you been watching too much Bravo?

The Mayor: Pete, get the Governor on the phone.

Plunkett: Oh, you can't.

'Honest Pete' Hartman Sheriff of Clark County: What do you mean, we can't?

Plunkett: He's gone fishing. Just him, and an Indian guide, and a canoe. No phone, no nothin'.

The Mayor: He sure picked a hell of a time to go fishing.

'Honest Pete' Hartman Sheriff of Clark County: [phone rings] Excuse me.

[exits]

Plunkett: Uh, just between us, it's not really fishing, because that Indian guide is really a girl. She' isn't even Indian. She's from New Jersey.

'Honest Pete' Hartman Sheriff of Clark County: [holding up his phone] He's waiting for instructions. What are we gonna do?

The Mayor: Tell him to shoot to kill.

'Honest Pete' Hartman Sheriff of Clark County: What?

The Mayor: Shoot to kill, I said.

'Honest Pete' Hartman Sheriff of Clark County: I - I don't know, Herbie. What about that reprieve? I-if it ever comes out ...

The Mayor: Nobody reprieved that policeman he shot. There was no clemency, either. Do what I tell you!

'Honest Pete' Hartman Sheriff of Clark County: [on phone] Jacobi, you there? Listen. Shoot to kill! You heard me!

The Mayor: The results of our anti-ugliness drive were less than satisfactory.

The Mayor: Your Excellency - he took bribes, he drank all my wine, he-he-he yelled out the windows, he even made love to my wife! How could... How could I doubt that he was an Inspector General?

Gregor: The Inspector General. Yes, he has full power from the Emperor himself. And wherever he finds bribery and corruption, there the gallows and the firing squad go to work. More.

[the newly deposed Mayor of Klimenti is immediately given more wine to calm him]

The Mayor: What does he look like, this Inspector General?

Gregor: Who knows? A man of mystery. Five days he was in our midst and no one even suspected it. He went everywhere, saw everything, and uncovered such corruption that even I was shocked.

The Mayor: The hospital - have you cleaned it up?

Lazlo: Well, you could eat off the floors. We put sheets on the bed, and we got the goats out of surgery. I put charts on the foot of each patient's bed indicating the nature of their illness.

The Mayor: Good. Now at least they'll know what they died from.

The Mayor: [hearing that a stranger's been arrested who might be the Inspector General in disguise] You idiot. Did you search him? Question him?

Kovatch: Well... it was so near lunchtime.

Yakov: You'll regret this, you fat-faced village idiot!

The Mayor: What! You... you... How dare you!

Yakov: Keep your dirty hands off me, you misbegotten peasants!

The Mayor: Tie him up!

Yakov: The Emperor will tear this stinking village down over your ears, you thieving lard-bucket! Heads will roll here like marbles - yours first, and then this flea-ridden sack of nothing you call the Inspector General!

Inspector General: Oh! Why, he's insane! Take him away! Take him away!

Yakov: This isn't the Inspector General! Don't make me laugh! The great Emperor wouldn't appoint a thing like this to a post of such importance! THIS is your Inspector General! Here! His carriage, his manner, his bearing. Gentlemen, take your choice.

Arkhierey: All power comes from God. As long as it suits Him, fear not.

The Mayor: And so, it suits Him?

The Mayor: Kolya, you should know what your authority looks like.

Kolya: And what do you want, "authority"?

The Mayor: Just all of this.

The Mayor: Hey, are you baptised?

Dmitriy Seleznyov: What? Why do you ask?

The Mayor: I'm just curious.

Dmitriy Seleznyov: I'm a lawyer, I believe in facts.

[last lines]

The Mayor: This is our Lord, son. He sees everything.

The Mayor: I rule for my people, not for my party.

Police Chief Regan: I tell you, Mayor, we're doing everything possible. We may pick up that murderer in the next five minutes or we may never find him. All we can do is follow every lead.

The Mayor: You're not dealing with a punk or a tin horn, usual procedure won't work! Catching this man is going to take brains, imagination.

Police Chief Regan: Maybe you have some ideas we can use.

The Mayor: IDEAS! I've got a million of them! It's not my job to run this department, it's yours! I've got a city to run, this just one department. People in this city depend on me for transportation, for hospitals, for sanitation! Not to go out and catch this murderer!

Inspector Carney: I'm sorry, Mr. Mayor, I haven't got him yet.

The Mayor: Of course you haven't, you know why? You're not thinking this through! Now listen, take a tip, use this!

[points to head]

The Mayor: Put yourself in the killer's place, what would you do if you were a killer? Now you figure that out and you've got your man.

Morane: So, you think that ghosts killed them?

The Mayor: Yes, that is what I think.