The King Quotes in The Princess Bride (1987)

The King: What was that for?

Buttercup: Because you've always been so kind to me, and I'll never see you again, because I'm killing myself as soon as we reach the honeymoon suite.

The King: Won't that be nice?

The King: She kissed me! Ha!

The King: Strange wedding.

The Queen: Yes. Very strange wedding. Come along.

[having been accused of cheating by the Queen]

The King: Kings never cheat! They adapt to circumstances. But they never cheat!

The King: Oh Lord, who let him in?

The King: Half the size of your mother's!

Prince Edward: Father, you have done what you've done. The spoils are yours, but it is a small victory.

The King: If I could explain...

Prince Edward: Spare me that. Spare me the final hypocrisy of your sympathy. Take your map. Rearrange it to your heart's content. Make your precious marriage of alliance. You've destroyed whatever vestige of love and happiness I might have found, and you've done it in the name of patriotism. So... let it be thus. Choose me a bride from amongst the ragbag of royal virgins I have twice rejected. Choose who you will. I care not. I'll play my public part to the altar but no further. Your royal house will live with you but die with me.

The King: [as a ghost comforting his son] Only through failure can we learn to grow.

The King: [reverts back from fungus to his human self] I'm back! I love those plumbers!

The King: We've even invented something to remove tartar off your teeth... unfortunately, the enamel goes right along with it.

[repeated line]

The King: Mio... My Mio...

The King: Mio... My Mio...

Bosse: Mio? But my name is Bosse!

The King: Mio. I have been searching for you for nine long years. Missing my son. I've been lying awake at night, crying "Mio... My Mio..." So you see, I do know what your true name is.

The King: I have discovered a new musical instrument which I thought might amuse you.

Ludwig: As ruler of half your kingdom, I think it my duty to tell you that I simply loathe music.

The King: [Pointedly] As ruler of the other half, I suspect that you may change your mind. Shepherd, would you play us a tune?

Voice of Flute: [the Shepherd plays and this song is heard] O King, pray listen to my tale./ I sleep beneath the tree./ My master Ludwig raised his sword/ And drove it into me./ I'll never walk the earth again/ Or hear a bird or plant a seed/ Till the man who slew me says he's sorry for the deed.

The King: [angrily] Well, Sir Ludwig?

The King: Unfortunately however; women and children will not be admitted to either performance under any circumstances.

The King: If any real lynchin's gonna be done around here, come back with your masks on.

The King: Hey, buddy. You're one gutsy racer.

Lightning McQueen: Oh, hey, Mr. The King.

The King: You got more talent in one lugnut than a lot of cars has got on their whole body.

Lightning McQueen: Really? Oh, that -...

The King: But you're stupid.

Lightning McQueen: Excuse me?

The King: What are you doin', kid?

Lightning McQueen: I think the King should finish his last race.

The King: You just gave up the Piston Cup, you know that?

Lightning McQueen: Ah. This grumpy old race car I know once told me somethin': it's just an empty cup.

The King: You just gave up the Piston Cup, you know that?

Lightning McQueen: This grumpy old race car now once told me something.

[over Doc's comm]

Lightning McQueen: It's just an empty cup.

[as the Duke tries to tell the King Cinderella has run away]

Grand Duke: Your Majesty...

The King: So he's proposed already! Tell me all about it.

Grand Duke: Well, Sire...

The King: Who is she? Where does she live?

Grand Duke: Well, I didn't get a chance...

The King: Oh, no matter, we've more important things to discuss. Arrangements for the wedding, invitations, a national holiday, all that sort of thing.

Grand Duke: But, but, Sire...

The King: Here, here, have a cigar. Take a few more.

Grand Duke: But, but, but...

The King: Better practice passing these out, eh?

Grand Duke: But, but, but, if you'd only listen...

The King: [takes out sword] And, for you, my friend...

Grand Duke: Your Majesty, please...

The King: A knighthood. I hereby dub you, sir... er, er, by the way, what title would you like?

Grand Duke: Sire, she got away.

The King: Sir "She Got Away... " A peculiar title, but if that's what you... She WHAT? Why, you, you, you traitor!

Grand Duke: Now sire, remember, your blood pressure!

The King: TREASON!

Grand Duke: No, sire, no!

The King: SABATOGE! You were in league with the prince all along!

Grand Duke: I tried to stop her! But she vanished into thin air!

The King: A likely story!

[as the King chases the Grand Duke for letting Cinderella get away]

Grand Duke: But its true, sire! All we could find was this glass slipper!

The King: The whole thing was a plot!

Grand Duke: But sire, he loves her. He won't rest till he finds her. He's determined to marry her.

Grand Duke: [dodges sword]

The King: What? What did you say?

Grand Duke: The prince sire! Swears he'll marry nobody but the girl who fits this slipper.

The King: He said that, did he?

[kisses the glass slipper]

The King: Ha ha. We've got him!

Grand Duke: [cuts the chandelier both of them are hanging onto; there's a scream and a crash]

Grand Duke: But, Sire, this slipper may fit any number of girls.

The King: That's his problem. He's given his word, we'll hold him to it.

Grand Duke: No, no, your Highness. I'll have nothing to do with it.

The King: You'll try this on every maid in my kingdom. And, if the shoe fits...

[runs his sword under the Duke's nose]

The King: Bring her in.

Grand Duke: Yes, your majesty.

The King: I give up. Even I couldn't expect the boy to...

Grand Duke: Well, if I may say so, Your Majesty, I did try to warn you; but you, Sire, are incurably romantic.

[chuckles]

Grand Duke: No doubt you saw the whole pretty picture in detail. The young prince bowing to the assembly. Suddenly, he stops. He looks up. For lo... there she stands. The girl of his dreams. Who she is or whence she came, he knows not, nor does he care, for his heart tells him that here, here is the maid predestined to be his bride.

[Unbeknown to him, the very events he has described have occured as he spoke]

Grand Duke: [chuckles] A pretty plot for fairy tales, Sire. But in real life, oh, no. No, it was foredoomed to failure.

The King: Failure, eh? Ha-ha! Take a look at *that*, you pompous windbag!

[as the Prince bows uninterestedly to the various female ball guests]

The King: Ah! The boy isn't cooperating.

Page: Mademoiselle Leonora Mercedes de la Tour. Daughter of Colonel and Madame de la Tour.

The King: I can't understand it! There must be at least one who'd make a suitable mother...!

Grand Duke: Shh! Sire!

The King: Er, a suitable wife.

The King: My son has been avoiding his responsibilities long enough. It's high time he married and settled down.

Grand Duke: Of course, your Majesty, but we must be patient...

The King: I AM PATIENT!

[throws an inkwell]

The King: When the boy proposes, notify me immediately!

Grand Duke: [Mocking the King, not realizing he hasn't left the room yet] "Notify me immediately!"

The King: ...and REMEMBER!

[the Duke jumps and breaks his monocle in shock]

The King: If anything goes wrong...

[slices finger across his throat menacingly]

[the Fool standing next to the Queen in her bedroom]

The King: [to the Queen] Come, give me a kiss.

The Fool: 'Course, Milord - stick out your tongue.

The King: One day you are your father's property. One day you are your husband's property. It must be difficult.

Daniel Ciello: I'll see you around.

The King: Do look likely.

Tug Barnes: Looks like we better add that one to the list

[of possible threats; referring to The King]

Tug Barnes: .

Daniel Ciello: He's not a doer, he's a talker, which is probably worse.

Tug Barnes: He talks, you deny

[referring to Ciello's upcoming testmonies in court]

Tug Barnes: .

[the King, completely drunk and furious, catches Mike and Bobby watching TV late at night]

The King: [furious] Hey! What are ya doin' up? Go to bed! Go to bed!

The King: [to Bobby] Not you!

Mike: Yeah, but...

The King: [cuts Mike off] Bobby, come here! Mikey, you go to bed. Bobby, you come here!

Mike: But I wanna stay...

The King: [cuts him off again] GO TO BED! Come here, Bobby. Come HERE! Come here.

[the King grabs and pulls Bobby towards him potentially to abuse him; Shane, the family dog, growls whilst Mikey cries]

The King: [yells] What did I tell ya? What did I tell ya? Why don't you listen to me? Why don't ever listen to what I TELL YOU TO DO? GET TO BED, YOU LITTLE SON-OF-A-BITCH!

[a few minutes later, Bobby, in tears, walks into the room]

Bobby: [to Mike] We can't stay up so late anymore.