the General Quotes in Da bing xiao jiang (2010)

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the General Quotes:

  • The Soldier: I forgot to tell you, the reward for capturing a live enemy general is land, cash, and exemption from military service. Exemption from military service for life! Only tilling land. No need to go to war.

    the General: There's always a victor in a war. Only when the victor has unified the world will there be true peace so little men like you can lead a regular life.

    The Soldier: You know what? If you hadn't gone to war with us, I could have been living this life right now!

  • the General: So tell me, what's your type? Slutty or learned?

    The Soldier: I prefer someone honest. A learned one is fine. She can teach me to read.

  • the General: The tastiest meat is a gorilla's lips. The tastiest fish is the caviar from Eastern Sea.

    The Soldier: No wonder you went to wars. You ate too much.

  • Max: Watch he'll say something like "So gentlemen, we meet again".

    The General: So gentlemen, we meet again.

    Max: I told ya.

  • Cornelius: [talking about his abdomen] Oh, I feel a gripping pain here, probably something I ate.

    The General: Probably a precious stone perhaps. Like all thingsgreat and small, it will pass, and when it does, give it back.

  • The General: Have you ever considered what makes pain unbearable? One thing. The brain.

    [He gets out a knife and sticks it into a stone iron]

    The General: Put the brain to sleep, and the flesh can be burned, torn, twisted, chopped, without pain.

    [He works a bellows to heat up the iron]

    The General: Awaken the brain, anticipate pain, and every touch, sight, sound, becomes exaggerated. The body betrays the mind. Finally, the pain becomes unbearable.

  • Cornelius: Do their spears not frighten you?

    The General: Fools frighten me.

  • Cornelius: What do you think of before a battle? Death? Killing? God? A woman!

    The General: I think only of what the enemy is thinking.

  • The General: I like men of business. We have a common language: Money. You bring the ammunitions...

    [He shrugs amiably]

    The General: I buy.

    Lord Jim: They're gone. Blown up. Exploded.

    The General: [Knocks the wooden bowl from Jim's hand] One explosion.

    [He strokes the shaven sides of his head in frustration and puts his hands on his hips impatiently]

    The General: You bring nine separate barrels of powder. So there should be many separate explosions. Correct?

    Lord Jim: [Weakly] Correct.

  • The General: [Sarcastically, to Cornelius] Ah, the sign of the true believer. You wear the Jesus medal, yet you beseech Buddha. Last week it was Mohammed. Before that, Confucius.

  • Marva Munson: Now I want to know what's goin' on.

    Professor G.H. Dorr: Oh, indeed, indeed. The thirst for knowledge is a very commendable thing. Though I do believe that when you hear the explanation you shall laugh riotously, slappin' your knee and perhaps even wipin' away a giddy tear, relieved of your former concern. Lump here is an avid collector of Indian arrowheads, and having found one simply lying on your cellar floor - a particularly rare artifact of the Natchez tribe?

    Lump Hudson: Nats... what?

    Professor G.H. Dorr: He enlisted the entire ensemble in an all-out effort to sift through the subsoil in search of others. And apparently, in doing so, we hit a mother lode of natural gas. I myself became acutely aware of the smell of "rotten eggs." And it was just at this inopportune moment that the General here violated the cardinal rule of this house and lit himself a cigarette.

    The General: So sorry.

    Marva Munson: Well, what about all that money?

    Professor G.H. Dorr: Ah. The money. Well, the money is Mr. Pancake's.

    Garth Pancake: That's right.

    Professor G.H. Dorr: Who only just remortgaged his home in order to raise the money for a surgical procedure that will correct the wandering eye of his common-law wife, Mountain Water, who suffers from astigmia, strabismus and a general curdling of the vitreous jelly. Mr. Pancake is an ardent foe of the Federal Reserve, and is, in fact, one of those eccentrics one often reads about hoardin' his entire life savings, in Mr. Pancake's case, in a Hefty bag that is his constant companion. The Steel Sak.

    Garth Pancake: Don't trust the banks. Never have.

  • Gawain MacSam: Motherfuck!

    Professor G.H. Dorr: Yes. Unfortunately, Mrs. Munson has rather complicated the situation.

    Gawain MacSam: Yeah, well, I know how to decomplicate it. You bust a cap in that old bitch's head, everything be simple.

    Professor G.H. Dorr: Not easy to do. Many reasons. Practical ones. Quiet neighborhood, sleepy town. Reasons of moral repugnance. A harmless woman, a deed conceived and executed in cold blood. Oh, no, Gawain, would that it were simple.

    Gawain MacSam: Well, fuck, man! What we gonna do? Give the money back and go to church?

    Professor G.H. Dorr: I shudder. I quake. You, sir, are a Buddhist. Is there not a "middle" way?

    The General: Mm. Must float like a leaf on the river of life... and kill old lady.

  • Professor G.H. Dorr: To penetrate the vault here this afternoon, while Mrs. Munson is at church, havin' blasted that little old rock to pieces durin' Mrs. Munson's choir practice. Garth, can you run us through the game plan for what remains of our tunnel?

    Garth Pancake: Of course. Why, it's child's play now. Easiest thing in the world. Only a couple of feet separate us from the vault. Just the usual spadework until we get to the masonry of the vault, and then we just drill through.

    Professor G.H. Dorr: And will you be able to wield the drill with your maimed extremity?

    Garth Pancake: Oh, well, yeah, I should think so. Yeah, it's, uh, it's only one finger. Inhibits me in doing finer work of course. I'll always have to live with that. Maybe - I'm just thinkin' out loud here - maybe, since as you say there will be problems later, maybe - and I actually mentioned this to Mountain Girl, she agrees with me, so it's not just one person's opinion - maybe, uh... I should get a little extra compensation for the accident. Somewhat larger share. Why, if this was any other line of work, I'd be getting workman's comp. Wouldn't I? Might even have a pretty good lawsuit.

    Gawain MacSam: Wait, so you gonna sue yourself for blowing your own goddamn finger off?

    Garth Pancake: Well, now that is simply asinine.

    Professor G.H. Dorr: Yes, but you see, Garth, this is not what you just called "some other line of work."

    Garth Pancake: Yeah, no, no, no, but if it were...

    Professor G.H. Dorr: This is a criminal enterprise, not to put too fine a point on it, entailing any manner of risk not involved in honest labor. Governmental regulations and civic safeguards cannot be assumed to apply to antisocial pursuits.

    Lump Hudson: Yeah, but he lost his finger.

    Gawain MacSam: We don't give a fuck! That fool could blow his goddamn dick off, it don't make no nevermind to us! We not payin' this jackass for goin' around blowin' off goddamn body parts! Get yo' fuckin' head out yo' ass, man!

    Garth Pancake: Look you, there is no call for...

    The General: No extra share!

    Garth Pancake: OK. Majority rules. Like I say, it was just a trial balloon. Hand's not so bad really. I even get some phantom feeling.

    Gawain MacSam: Yeah, you pull on your prick, you get some phantom feelin'.

    Garth Pancake: Fuck you.

    Gawain MacSam: Fuck you.

    Garth Pancake: Fuck you!

    Gawain MacSam: Fuck you, nubbie!

    Professor G.H. Dorr: Well, now that that matter is settled, why don't we synchronize our watches before Gawain reports to work. In 20 seconds, it will be exactly 12:16. Fifteen...

    Garth Pancake: What, it'll be 12:15?

    Professor G.H. Dorr: No, 15 seconds. Well, 11 seconds now. It'll be 12:16. Eight, seven...

    Lump Hudson: Professor? Prof...?

    Professor G.H. Dorr: ...six... five... Yes, Lump!

    Lump Hudson: I don't have a watch.

  • [from trailer]

    Protestor: General, what are these tiny little bumps all over my chicken?

    The General: [thinking fast] Uh... those are our new... Flavor Pods!

  • The General: Oh, it's just as my old grandpapa used to say: "Hey junior, get over here with them matches! This cross ain't gonna burn itself!"

  • Le photojournaliste: Are you a victim like Dreyfus?

    The General: Dreyfus was guilty!

  • The General: Tonight, the enemy will meet in our city.

  • The General: As the deputy minister of agriculture explained, three sprayings are required to prevent mildew. As with mildew, this ideological disease must be fought preventively. It is caused by harmful germs and various parasites. So the spraying of humans, with appropriate mixtures, is indispensable. Schools, in this case, constitute the first stage. That is where, if you'll excuse the metaphor, young shoots have not yet reached four or five inches. The second spraying is just before or after the blossoming. I refer to universities and young workers. Military service is the best time to protect the sacred tree of national liberty against infection from ideological mildew.

  • The General: With the outbreak of such "-isms" as socialism, anarchism, imperialism, communism, etc., sunspots began to swarm across the face of the diurnal orb. God casts no light on the Reds. Scientists have announced a major increase in sunspots since the advent of beatniks, Provos, and, most of all, pacifist tendencies from Italy, France and Scandinavia.

  • The General: We must preserve the healthy parts of our society and heal the infected parts.

  • The General: Our system is not an "-ism." This is a democracy.

  • The General: That one's a mad dog. He'll make the most of it. No shame. A Jew, naturally.

    Le colonel de gendarmerie: A half-Jew.

    The General: Worst kind. They feel superior even to other Jews.

  • Le procureur: He just died.

    The General: That doesn't change the terms of your statement. Simply replace "assault and battery" with "manslaughter."

  • The General: Yago this, Yago that! Nonsense!

  • Examining Magistrate: What did you do the day of the murder?

    The General: I'd decided to attend the Bolshoi. Not out of love for dance. I'm no pervert, thank God. But it was a chance to spot sympathizers.

  • The General: Is he a Communist? Why is he after me?

  • The General: My men couldn't stop the three-wheeler, but a man leaped onto the flatbed, like a tiger, lithe and ferocious like a tiger.

  • The General: No man is really dead unless he breaks faith with the future, and no man is really alive unless he accepts his responsibility to it.

  • The General: There are no real men around anymore, goddamit.

  • The General: Men are just a bunch of titless females, if you ask me.

  • The General: Who kicked over *her* rock?

  • The General: What the hell is it? Looks like a lizard sandwich. Ah it's been dead a long time. Ugh. God. Where'd you find that, for chrissake?

  • The General: History will find me a patriot.

    Mayor Greenwell: History will remember you a madman.

  • The General: Well, now, here's the situation, gentlemen. At 9:40 tomorrow night, your batteries will move up and occupy these positions.

    Maj. Bradford: Yes sir.

    The General: Then, when Jerry attacks in force, your battery, Bradford, will fall back.

    Maj. Bradford: Retreat, sir?

    The General: Don't be so infernally British, Bradford. As an assault to your patriotism, you may be interested to hear that we intend to drive a wedge into the right flank of the German advance.

    Maj. Bradford: Oh, I see sir. Then, my retreat is only a blind.

    The General: Exactly.

  • [repeated line]

    The General: [every time he introduces himself] General Pompellio Montezuma De La Vilia De Conde De La Rue.

  • The General: This floor makes my beautiful leg very angry.

  • The General: [introducing himself] General Pompellio Montezuma De La Vilia De Conde De La Rue

    Robert Marvin: Ah, do you mind if I call you Charlie?

    The General: Yes, I mind!

  • The General: General Pompellio Montezuma De- oh, we've already met.

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Characters on Da bing xiao jiang (2010)