The Fool Quotes in Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex * But Were Afraid to Ask (1972)

The Fool: My father! You who died in childbirth!

The Fool: Before you know it, the Renaissance will be here and we'll all be painting.

The Fool: With most grievous dispatch I shall open the latch to get at her snatch!

The Queen: Kiss me quick!

The Fool: Yes!... where is your quick?

[the King has caught the Fool hiding in the Queen's dress]

The Fool: Hi Milord! You remember when you said if I was ever in town, I should look up your wife?

The Queen: Ah, 'tis the chastity belt that the jealous King hath fastened upon me that no one but he shalst have the goods of the body.

The Fool: Yeah, it's a pretty bad break for all of us at the Palace.

[the Fool standing next to the Queen in her bedroom]

The King: [to the Queen] Come, give me a kiss.

The Fool: 'Course, Milord - stick out your tongue.

The Queen: Hark unto me! If my husband the King and my son the Doctor walketh near upon these paved paths and heareth what thou saist about copping a feel, thy life would not be worth a plugged nickel!

The Fool: But Madam, so beautiful do they lay there, one on either side!

The Queen: 'One on either side'?

The Fool: A matched set!

The Queen: That's the way they were made, Fool! Away with thee!

[She storms away knocking the Fool over]

The Fool: I fell on my bells!

The Fool: I am ignorant, but I read books. You won't believe it, everything is useful... this pebble for instance.

Gelsomina: Which one?

The Fool: Anyone. It is useful.

Gelsomina: What for?

The Fool: For... I don't know. If I knew I'd be the Almighty, who knows all. When you are born and when you die... Who knows? I don't know for what this pebble is useful but it must be useful. For if its useless, everything is useless. So are the stars!

The Fool: Maybe he loves you?

Gelsomina: Me?

The Fool: Why not? He is like dogs. A dog looks at you, wants to talk, and only barks.

The Fool: What a funny face! Are you a woman, really? Or an artichoke?

The Fool: Though those grapes look green hanging down from Heaven's vine!