Texas Ranger Quotes in Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby (2006)
Texas Ranger Quotes:
Chip: I can't hold my tongue. These kids are my grandchildren and you are raising them wrong. They are *terrible* boys!
Walker: Shut up, Chip, or I'll go ape-shit on your ass!
Texas Ranger: I'm gonna scissor-kick you in the back of the head!
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Yeah!
Ricky Bobby: Yeah! Now turn up the heat!
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Go on and get some, boys!
Ricky Bobby: Come on!
Walker: I'm ten years old, but I'll beat your ass!
Texas Ranger: Chip, I'm gonna come at you like a spider monkey!
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Like a spider monkey! Go on!
Ricky Bobby: Chip, you brought this on, man.
Walker: Greatest Generation my ass. Tom Brokaw's a punk!
Chip: What is wrong with you?
Texas Ranger: Chip, I'm all jacked up on Mountain Dew!
Texas Ranger: [complaining about doing community service] When do we get to stop doing this, Grandma?
Lucy Bobby: Well, I don't know, honey. When are you boys going to stop tossing me the radio in the bathtub?
Ricky Bobby: How was school today, boys?
Walker: I threw a bunch of Grandpa Chip's war medals off the bridge.
[Chip is startled]
Ricky Bobby: Sounds like a good day. How 'bout you, TR?
Texas Ranger: The teacher asked me what was the capital of North Carolina. I said Washington, D.C.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Bingo.
Ricky Bobby: Nice.
Texas Ranger: She said, "No, you're wrong." I said, "You got a lumpy butt." She got mad at me and yelled at me and I pissed in my pants and I never did change my pee-pants all day. I'm still sittin' in my dirty pee-pants.
Cal Naughton, Jr.: I wet my bed until I was nineteen. There's no shame in that.
Walker: Shut up in here! I'm trying to sleep!
Texas Ranger: One of you turds is about to get smacked in the mouth!
Texas Ranger: Someone didn't love you enough when you were little, did they?
Reese Bobby: That's a good call.
Texas Ranger: Old man, I'm gonna come at you like a spider monkey!
Walker: [the boys are running around when they should be in Sunday school] ANARCHY! ANARCHY!
Texas Ranger: I don't know what that means, but I LOVE it!
Ricky Bobby: Dear Lord Baby Jesus, I want to thank you for this wonderful meal, my two beautiful sons, Walker and Texas Ranger, and my red-hot smokin' wife, Carley.
Carley Bobby: [raises hands] Woo!
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Mhmm!
Walker, Texas Ranger: Ow.
Texas Ranger: [after Reese getting in an argument with an Applebee's waitress] Please let us not resolve our problems with fighting.
Texas Ranger: You look old, Granny are you gonna die today?
[after the credits]
Texas Ranger: Great analysis, Walker.
Texas Ranger: Why, if it isn't our mangy, transient grandfather.
Texas Ranger: Aw, Grandma, not my prison shank!
Texas Ranger: Hey there, Popeye!
Texas Ranger: Shut those mutts up before I cook 'em and eat 'em!
Texas Ranger: Father, I have to know, is police brutality really a sin?
Coel: Only on Friday.
Texas Ranger: I'm guilty, father.
Coel: For your penance you will demonstrate bicycle safety at the Black Panther convention in Mobile, Alabama.
Browse more character quotes from Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby (2006)
Characters on Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby (2006)
- Opening text
- Cal Naughton, Jr.
- Ricky Bobby
- Lucy Bobby
- Lucius Washington
- Jean Girard
- Reese Bobby
- 10-year-old Ricky
- Passenger on Bus
- Larry Dennit, Jr.
- 10-Year-Old Cal
- Waffle House Manager
- PA Announcer
- Mike Joy
- Carley Bobby
- Jamie McMurray
- Bill Weber
- John Hannafin
- Kenny Rogers
- Benny Parsons