Tej Parker Quotes in The Fate of the Furious (2017)

Mr. Nobody: Thanks to your botched Berlin job, you all made Interpol's top 10 most wanted list.

Roman Pearce: Top 10? That's alright!

Mr. Nobody: Well, not you Roman.

Roman Pearce: What do you mean?

Mr. Nobody: You just missed the cut, you're number 11. So...

Roman Pearce: I missed? That's impossible!

[Everyone snickers]

Roman Pearce: What number did they come in at?

Eric Reisner: [Points to Hobbs] 6.

Eric Reisner: [Points to Letty] 8.

Eric Reisner: [Points to Tej] 9.

Eric Reisner: [Points to Ramsey] 10.

Roman Pearce: She's 10? That's impossible, there's no way she's a 10.

Tej Parker: Oh, she's definitely a 10.

[from trailer]

Roman Pearce: Why are they shooting at me?

Tej Parker: I don't know. Maybe because you're in a orange Lamborghini.

Roman Pearce: Shut up, Tej!

[Roman's lamborghini slides on ice]

Tej Parker: What's the matter Roman? Forgot the snow tires?

Roman: This is crazy. We are not in Brazil. So we got cars flyin' in the air, on some 007 type shit? This is not what we do!

Tej Parker: Man you really gotta check that emotion. Your voice just went from Shaggy to Scooby Doo. This is not what we doooo roo roo!

Roman: [a tank appears on the road] Who's got a plan B?

Tej Parker: Plan B? We need a plan C, D, E. We need more alphabet!

Brian O'Conner: Hey! We do what we do best. We improvise, all right?

Tej Parker: It's all between you and the car you build it's a bond, it's a commitment.

Hobbs: Sounds like a marriage.

Tej Parker: Yeah, but with cars when you trade up they don't take half your shit.

Roman: [When chasing Owen Shaw on a runway at the military base] Where the hell does this dude think he's going? We're on an army base, he's trapped.

Tej Parker: [Suddenly, emerging large cargo aircraft] Wow, you just had to open your mouth. Now we got a big-ass plane to deal with.

Roman: That ain't a plane. That's a planet.

Tej Parker: Uh, guys, they got a tank!

[Roman asks Tej for change to use the vending machine]

Tej Parker: You're a millionaire and still asking for money?

Roman: That's how you stay a millionaire.

[Letty approaches Elena]

Tej Parker: This is gonna be awkward...

Tej Parker, Roman: ...but sexy as hell!

[Hobbs has just asked Dom to reassemble his team in order to take down Owen Shaw. We cut to an airplane soaring through the sky]

Roman: [Roman is in a plane full of hot girls en route to Macau, and is handing out Champagne to them] All right, ladies. Bring it in. I want to make a toast. Come on.

[Sits down in between two hot girls at the rear of the plane]

Roman: Listen, I know a few of y'all have already been to Macau, but you have never seen the town till you've seen it through my eyes. We've got a penthouse suite with an ocean view that's gonna change your life. 150 foot yacht with a helicopter pad. Hm-hmm. Safe to say, you're about to have to time of your lives.

Hot Girl: No, you are!

Hot Girl: Cheers!

[Scene cuts to Costa Rica where we see a Ferrari parked in the middle of a street. We pan to see Tej at an ATM withdrawing money. A person speaks to him in Spanish]

Santiago: [In Spanish] Hey, Tej. Look at you, rolling in a Ferrari, pockets full of cash!

Benito: [In Spanish] Yeah, man. You used to be all Robin Hood, sharing all the money you got.

Santiago: [In Spanish] You know what I'm telling you. Money changed you.

Tej Parker: [In Spanish] You're right. It has changed me. I realized that money doesn't grow on trees. It rains from the sky!

[Tej presses a button, and the ATM shoots out money]

Tej Parker: [Scene cuts to Hong Kong, where Han and Giselle are at the food stand in the middle of a plaza. Giselle is at a window ordering food in Cantonese]

Gisele: [Speaking to the server in Cantonese] Thank you... it looks delicious.

Han: [Shocked that Giselle knows Cantonese] Nice.

Gisele: [Sitting down at the table] I'm a citizen of the world.

Han: Ever thought about settling down, starting a life together?

Gisele: Aren't we doing that?

Han: Are we?

[Suddenly, the plaza is stormed by Chinese Police officers. Giselle and Han draw their guns, and are told not to shoot]

Lead Chinese Agent: [In Cantonese] Put your guns down... NOW!

[the female police officer presses a button on her cell phone, and throws it to Han. We then cut to Tej in Costa Rica and Roman on the plane as their phones are going off before returning to Han and Giselle in Hong Kong]

Han: Hello? Dom?

Tej Parker: [Scene cuts back to Costa Rica where Tej is on the phone] I'll be there.

Roman: [Scene cuts back to the plane where Roman is hanging up his phone]

[to pilot]

Roman: Hey, my man, I need you to turn this plane around.

[to girls on plane]

Roman: Okay, listen. So, ladies, there's been a little change of plans. Something came up. You know that casino I was telling you all about. I've got some vouchers to the buffet.

[We get a look at the profile of Roman's plane. The tail says "It's Roman, Bitches!"]

Tej Parker: It's all between you and the car. It's a bond. It's a commitment.

Hobbs: Sounds like a marriage to me.

Tej Parker: Yeah! But the car when you trade the car they don't take away half of your shit.

Tej Parker: [after seeing the tank come out of the large military vehicle]

[through walkie-talkie]

Tej Parker: Uh, guys, we might wanna come up with another plan! They got a tank!

Roman: [through walkie-talkie] I'm sorry, did someone just say "a *TANK*"?

Tej Parker: [Tej's cell phone rings and caller id reads 'Samoan Thor'] Yo, it's Hobbs.

Hobbs: [to Tej after both got humiliated by the snobby auctioneer] So this is how you "got this" by buying all of his cars?

Tej Parker: What good is having millions of dollars in the bank if you don't spend any of it? But don't worry about that. Watch this.

Snobby Auctioneer Organizer: Mr. Parker, again can I just express our gratitude and say how much we appreciate your business. If there's ever anything else you need, you just have to ask.

Tej Parker: Anything? mmm, now that you mention it, my swaggerless friend here, he really likes that shirt you have on.

Snobby Auctioneer Organizer: This shirt?

Tej Parker: That shirt.

Hobbs: I'm not entirely sure that this shirt will fit your friend.

Hobbs: It'll fit.

Tej Parker: He needs a shirt that's a little less

Hobbs: Functional,

Tej Parker: That's it, functional.

Snobby Auctioneer Organizer: Ok.

Hobbs: [referring to the auctoneer's hairy chest] Damn, you need some hedge clippers for that shit.

Snobby Auctioneer Organizer: If that will be all?

Hobbs: And the pants, too.

Snobby Auctioneer Organizer: Right.

Tej Parker: While you're at it, let me get that watch. I like that watch.

Snobby Auctioneer Organizer: This is for you, and this is for you. Good day, gentleman. Thank you.