Tank Quotes in The Matrix (1999)

Tank: So what do you need? Besides a miracle.

Neo: Guns. Lots of guns.

Tank: Here you go, buddy; "Breakfast of Champions."

Mouse: If you close your eyes, it almost feels like you're eating runny eggs.

Apoc: Yeah, or a bowl of snot.

Mouse: Do you know what it really reminds me of? Tasty Wheat. Did you ever eat Tasty Wheat?

Switch: No, but technically, neither did you.

Mouse: That's exactly my point. Exactly. Because you have to wonder: how do the machines know what Tasty Wheat tasted like? Maybe they got it wrong. Maybe what I think Tasty Wheat tasted like actually tasted like oatmeal, or tuna fish. That makes you wonder about a lot of things. You take chicken, for example: maybe they couldn't figure out what to make chicken taste like, which is why chicken tastes like everything.

Apoc: Shut up, Mouse.

Tank: We're supposed to start with these operation programs first. That's major boring shit. Let's do something a little more fun. How about... combat training.

Neo: Ju jitsu? I'm gonna learn Ju jitsu.

[Tank winks and loads the program]

Neo: Holy shit!

Tank: Hey Mikey, I think he likes it. How about some more?

Neo: Hell, yes. Hell yeah.

Tank: Neo, this has to be done.

Neo: Does it? I don't know. This can't be just coincidence. It can't be.

Tank: What are you talking about?

Neo: The Oracle. She told me this would happen. She told me that I would have to make a choice.

Trinity: What choice?

[Neo walks away]

Trinity: What are you doing?

Neo: I'm going in.

Trinity: No, you're not.

Neo: I have to.

Trinity: Neo, Morpheus sacrificed himself so we could get you out. There is no way you're going back in.

Neo: Morpheus did what he did because he believes something I'm not.

Trinity: What?

Neo: I'm not the one, Trinity. The Oracle hit me with that too.

Trinity: No, you have to be.

Neo: I'm sorry, I'm not. I'm just another guy.

Trinity: No, Neo, that's not true. It can't be true.

Neo: Why?

[no response, Neo walks away again]

Tank: Neo, this is loco. They've got Morpheus in a military-controlled building. Even if you somehow got inside, those are agents holding him. Three of them. I want Morpheus back too but what you're talking about is suicide.

Neo: I know that's what it looks like, but it's not. I can't explain to you why it's not. Morpheus believes in something and he was ready to give his life, I understand that now. That's why I have to go.

Tank: Why?

Neo: Because I believe in something.

Trinity: What?

Neo: I believe I can bring him back.

Tank: Door on your left.

[Neo goes right]

Tank: Your other left.

Cypher: Look into his eyes. Those big pretty eyes and tell me... Yes or no?

[looks at Neo, tears slightly visible in her eyes]

Trinity: Yes.

Cypher: No! I don't believe it!

Tank: Believe it or not, you piece of shit, you're still gonna burn!

Cypher: No. I don't believe it.

Tank: Believe it or not, you piece of shit, you're still gonna burn.

[Neo runs down the alleyway and gets trapped]

Neo: Help!, need a little help!

Tank: The door.

[after landing the Nebuchaunezzer to hide from the Sentinels]

Morpheus: How we doing Tank?

[Tank types on the keyboard and the main power goes off]

Tank: Main power offline. EMP armed...

[Tank opens the cover to the EMP switch]

Tank: and ready.

Neo: EMP?

Trinity: Electro-Magnetic Pulse, disables any electrical system within the blast radius, only weapon we have against the machines.

Morpheus: Quiet.

Tank: You are not in the position to say who goes and who stays.

Tank: [sitting watching "Ghost" and crying] God, I'm a fag.

Tank: How was I suppose to know it was your sister? How was I suppose to know? It was dark, I was drunk and I thought it was you. Oh she's pregnant,too? You tell your sister, I will make a donation to planned parenthood in her honor.

Tank: You are what we call a two bagger. That means I wear a bag on my head, just in case the one in you breaks.

Tank: [after Dustin's eyebrow has been buzzed off] We can fix this right?

Burt: Oh sure, why don't we just pop back into my DeLorean.

Tank: I would part you like the red sea and let you call me Moses. I would open you up like a public pool on memorial day.

Tank: I bet back in the day you were one hot slice of fuckberry pie.

Merrilee: You bet your sweet ass I was.

Dustin: You need to get her back.

Tank: But I don't deserve her.

Dustin: No, you do. Tank, if you were willing to give her up, trust me, you deserve her.

Tank: That's fucked up. You're right. She's my angel and it's time she knew.

Dustin: Yes. So what's stopping you?

Tank: I propositioned her mother for a blow job.

Tank: The only funny thing that will ever come out of you, is me!

Tank: Look at you all white and thin. I bet if I laid you on this bar she could snort you.

Heavily Pierced Kid: Welcome to Cheesus Crust where pizza's a religious experience. How may I ordain your order?

Tank: How is the Pizza of Nazareth?

Heavily Pierced Kid: People worship it.

Hilary: I am deeply offended.

Tank: I know these prices are outrageous which is why I carry my Flavor Savior Card; fifteen percent off to those who eat here religiously.

Tank: Weddings, they get me hot and hard know what I'm sayin'? What you got goin' on down there? BOOM!, I want that in my fuckin' mouth.

Tank: [to Alexis' mother] So, are we gonna do this or what?

[Stands up, steps in front of Alexis' mom and drops his pants]

Tank: Come on, it's not gonna suck itself!

Tank: I would kick you in the ass, but my foot might get sucked in.

Alexis: Well I would kick you in the dick, but my foot might get Herpes.

Tank: Is that your phone? Want to Answer your phone? Or are you most interested in me right now? Answer your phone! Oh no wait that is my phone.

Alexis: She's my roommate.

Tank: I bet she gives great head.

Tank: What do you call that stuff AJ?

AJ: "Afganhi cusho kryptonite".

Tank: Killed Superman - I'm just a man

Ami: You really like a super special kind of asshole?

Tank: And I ride the special kind of asshole bus to school.

Tank: You can stop trying to be clever Alexis because the funniest thing that will ever come out of you is me.

Tank: If I do this I'm gonna make it the finest tanking of my career, my bloody fucking masterpiece. Dusty she's going to lose her shit like a shit collector with amnesia. I'm talking about a Turkish twist epic mind FUCK of a tanking. Ok? Her brain is going to be rocking back and forth in the shower for like 3 weeks

[makes whimpering noise]

Tank: . Ok? I'm talking about demonic fucking Tank. I'm going to be flying up into the sky. She's going to cry tears that form call Dusty on the ground. Yes? Am I doin' it? Tell me I'm doin' it!

Tank: Look at me. You look like Chewbacca and Sasquatch had a baby, and that baby took a shit, and that shit was blinded in a knife fight moments before styling your hair.

Ami: Hey, Alexis sent me to go look for ya so let's go.

Tank: Just havin' a little chit chat with my friend. Takin' a breather, breathing. Fuckin' goddamn what do ya call that shit AJ?

AJ: Afghani kush krytonite.

Tank: Kryptonite killed Superman, I'm just a man.

Ami: You really are like a super special kind of asshole, aren't you?

Tank: Easy, Urlacher. Ever notice it's the linebackers concerned with people not eating? If the pussy police here would stop ordering her french fries tempura...

Claire: I just had a child!

Tank: Well, congratulations. I'm sure he was probably delicious. Looks like you downed the whole thing.

Tank: She's gonna cry tears that form "call Dusty".

Tank: I tried like a motherfucker to follow you in. But this door does like a lock thing when you are inside. Anyway here is what I'm thinking, we start with a blow job. I turn what most girls think is a chore into a training session.

Tank: She could use a little more famine and a little less fried.

Rachel: Tank, okay since you have yet to ask me anything at all. I should tell you a little bit about myself, I'm a social worker, yea I know what you are thinking, It is challenging work but so important.

Tank: Woah, woah there big time. I'm a customer satisfaction rep at Airmeister air filtration systems. That is important work because without air, we cannot live.

Tank: Whats the plan for tonight? Bring this girl back here. Pop open a bottle of chloroform. Insert tab A in slot b, repeat as necessary.

Tank: [Holding up number from Alexis, who he just met] Daddy bee's got the honey.

Tank: How do I bump into her?

Craig: She's a high school English teacher.

Tank: I can't really hang around high school these days unfortunately.

Tank: [Addressing Alexis] Well at least I can hide my shame in my pants. What really sucks is having the ass the size of a miniature Mediterranean donkey.

Dustin: What about frosting my tips?

Tank: What are you, a mini wheat?

Tank: Yet, I am concerned that you've had a few too many drinks and now your fingers are in this bowl like it's one of your sorority sisters.

Tank: I mean, baby, get your head in the game. Nothing tastes as good as looking good.