Tabloid Reading Customer Quotes in Clerks (1994)

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Tabloid Reading Customer Quotes:

  • Randal Graves: So, your argument is that title dictates behavior?

    Dante Hicks: What?

    Randal Graves: The reason you won't let me use your car is because I have a title and a job description, and I'm supposed to follow it, right?

    Dante Hicks: Exactly.

    Tabloid Reading Customer: I saw one, one time, that said, "The next week, the world is ending." And in the next week's paper, they said, "We were miraculously saved at the zero hour by a koala-fish mutant bird." Crazy shit.

    Randal Graves: So, I'm no more responsible for my decisions here than, say, a Death Squad soldier in Bosnia?

    Dante Hicks: Oh, now, that's stretching it. You're not being asked to slay children or anything.

    Randal Graves: Yeah, not yet.

    [takes a drink of water]

    Tabloid Reading Customer: And I remember this one time-

    [Randal spits water at him]

    Tabloid Reading Customer: I'm going to break your fucking head! You fucking jerk-off!

    Dante Hicks: Sir! Sir, I'm sorry! He meant to hit me.

    Tabloid Reading Customer: Yeah, well, he missed!

    Dante Hicks: Yeah, I know. Here, let me refund your money, and we'll call it even, alright?

    Tabloid Reading Customer: I'll never come in here again.

    [to Randal]

    Tabloid Reading Customer: And if I see you again, I'm gonnna break your fucking head open!

    [Randal salutes him as he leaves]

    Dante Hicks: What the fuck'd you do that for?

    Randal Graves: Two reasons. One, I hate it when people can't shut up about the stupid tabloid headlines.

    Dante Hicks: Oh, Jesus!

    Randal Graves: And two, to prove a point. Title does not dictate behavior.

    Dante Hicks: What?

    Randal Graves: If title dictated my behavior, as a clerk serving the public, I wouldn't be allowed to spit water at that guy. But I did. So, my point is that people dictate their own behavior. Even though I work in a video store, I choose to go rent movies at Big Choice. Agreed?

    Dante Hicks: [gives Randal his car keys] You are a danger to both the dead and the living.

    Randal Graves: I like to think I'm a master of my own destiny.

    Dante Hicks: Please, get the hell outta here.

    Randal Graves: You know I'm your hero.

Browse more character quotes from Clerks (1994)

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